


Kingdom in Your Name

by yogurtgun



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Enemies to Lovers, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Marathon Sex, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:32:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 114,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yogurtgun/pseuds/yogurtgun
Summary: Kylo is one of Supreme Leader Snoke's newly acquired apprentices and Hux is a lieutenant on the ship that comes to pick them up from the ruined and still burning Jedi temple. A series of meetings that span years and thousands of galactic miles present an opportunity for Hux and Kylo to get re-acquainted with each other, and for Hux to start caring enough to try and convince Kylo of Supreme Leader Snoke's insidious intentions.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to [persephassax](persephassax.tumblr.com) for being a wonderful, supportive friend and beta, who is also a wonderful teacher.  
> This fic has been in the works since I saw the movie, the idea that they met before the movies gave their relationship much more depth, of course inspired by episode VII's interaction. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> The fic is set before episode VII and during episode VII.

There’s an unnatural wind that picks up dirt and throws it into Ben’s face, sticking to his clothes and skin where they’re damp with sweat. Pebbles on the ground are slowly pushed towards him with the force of the metal engine exhaust. The shuttle lands smoothly in a clearing barely big enough for it, and the wind drops. 

In the sudden, deafening silence, Ben realizes he’s trembling. Out of fear or out of excitement, out of shock, leftover with the heat in his muscles from exertion, or some strange mixture of all three -- he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to find out right now; doubts himself, if he did try and understand, he’d crumble. 

Pressure valves hiss and burst open to vent steam exhaust and then a narrow ramp is lowered, opening a path to the belly of the shuttle, like a beast opening its maw. The practiced metronome of feet as soldiers exit sounds too similar to a growl; however, he doesn’t waver. Instead he fists his empty hands -- he’d left his lightsaber somewhere behind in the sand and dirt and the remnants of his actions -- and stands up from where he’d been kneeling on the ground. 

There are others with him. Those who, when they saw him running, ran with him, fighting an almost one sided battle for their escape. Though startled from sleep, the other disciples saw their Master on the ground and bleeding, and they saw Kylo standing over him. Those who raised their sabers against him now lay buried underneath a crumbling, burning temple. 

They sit in a tight circle around him, eight bodies tired and bleeding and confused. At the inception of his school, Luke had not had the privilege to choose his disciples. He’d merely assesed their ability. It means Kylo is by far the oldest disciple, having spent every waking hour training ever since his abilities manifested, and second oldest by age. The oldest is Mora, whom Luke had found in the back alleys of some Inner Rim planet he’d been visiting at the time, stealing to survive. She is the only one who seems to have composed herself, gazing at the sight before them with skepticism that even Skywalker’s lessons had not managed to cure.

The soldiers, white and black and indistinguishable, are lined up evenly along the ramp. They wait, hands grasping their blasters confidently and Ben knows he and the others must leave. 

He doesn’t remember moving, a strange dizziness overtakes him in that moment, as if he’d been staring into the sun too long, his head pounding and radiating with heat. However, it’s night and the wind is cold, both of the suns long extinguished. 

The sound of the ramp shutting behind him is louder and now he can hear the whir of gears and the lights, constant treble of electricity. Harmonizing with the hiss of pressure and the groan of metal, it screams a strange song that Ben finds uncomfortable. The shuttle is, predictably, not any warmer on the inside.

The soldiers form a loose circle, putting as much distance between them as the shuttle allows. They do not speak, though it is easy enough for Ben to feel their discomfort. 

There’s no pull of the Force here though, in this plastic vacuum. These men, these soldiers, aren’t Force sensitive, probably aren’t sensitive to much of anything after their training. Underneath them, under the metal and cable and electricity, in the earth and air of the planet he can still feel the resonance from manipulating Force, and its efforts to even out and smooth over. Then distance takes it, along with the smell of scorched bodies and ash.

Master Snoke had told him what was going to happen so Ben knows what to expect of the ship the shuttle is headed to. Still, he feels anticipation when the shuttle starts slowing down, swooping inside the hangar with the same kind of smoothness as before. When the ramp lowers, he doesn’t wait to exit the shuttle. 

Behind him the soldiers stir, following their tightly packed group and flanking them same as before. 

The intense, white glow of the bay’s light blinds Ben for a moment. Still, he can sense the size of the bay, can feel the cold from the side open to the universe. There’s a rush of thoughts that aren’t his own, quickly changing one after another, forming an unknown voice.

Ben blinks and sees a man in the distance. There are at least a dozen soldiers around him, all in their armour and armed with their blasters. He stands with some authority, though Ben can sense his nervousness. Ben doesn’t feel the Force in him. And yet.

There’s a sudden clarity to the man’s voice while snippets of his thoughts course through his mind, quickly rationalized and compartmentalized. It resonates inside Ben’s head while he stares, surprised, at the tight line of the man’s lips as he approaches.

The man had started walking towards him the moment he’d seen Ben, and now he’s standing right in front of him, tall and broad shouldered, neatly put together and straight backed like all the soldiers behind him. He doesn’t seem aware of their connection, of the impossibility of it.

“Welcome,” he says, and his voice has the same color and lilt as the one in his head. The man’s red hair shines with product under the white light, and his green eyes quickly take Ben in. 

Ben feels the tightness of his skin where blood has dried and is now flaking. He realizes that he’s covered in it completely, savagely, and that despite this the man is not afraid. He also realizes that what he senses in the soldiers behind him is tension, perhaps because of it, perhaps because Ben doesn’t reply. Or perhaps they have seen what Ben and the others have done, and still see children who are silent as the bodies they have left behind.

The man is curious about Ben and his purpose, about the padawans behind him, is disbelieving of Ben’s importance. It’s a strange novelty that he can access the man’s inner sanctum so easily and completely.

“I’m Lieutenant Hux. I shall guide you to your room where we will prepare you for your audience with the Supreme Leader. Your companions will be guided to their own private chambers. Afterwards, you are to meet with the ship admiral. If you understand please nod, and follow me.”

Ben feels something roar inside of him and his mouth goes dry as he nods, feels the relief more than sees it in the man in front of him. 

The soldiers, it seems, were mostly just for show because the squadron that was with him during the flight in the shuttle is ordered to report to their captain, and the one with the Lieutenant is halved. 

Mora and the others are not afraid as they’re left behind. For that, at least, Ben is thankful.

Six men follow Ben, who in turn follows Lieutenant Hux. This, too, Master Snoke had told him, though not in great detail as it was not important. The only purpose of these men is to bring him to his Master, nothing else. 

He was never told about this man; a stranger and a soldier who doesn’t even believe in the Force. Never told that this strange connection would happen. He’s dumbstruck; to find a connection like this in his first moments joining the Dark side, not even in Master Snoke’s presence yet, feels like a trap. Ben quickly decides that it must be. Another test to see if he will get attached to a mere stranger through a bond that must be facilitated by Master Snoke. No other has such a capacity. 

When they start wading their way through the corridors, Ben understands why the number of stormtroopers halved. Though they are wide, it would have been difficult to fit so many soldiers because of their bulk. If all of them had followed, it would have been highly ineffective. Even though, Ben thinks, their presence was unnecessary from the beginning. 

Nonetheless, Lieutenant Hux is not afraid of him. His emotions are swiftly ironed out by discipline and now they simmer somewhere low in his gut. Despite this, Ben can hear his thoughts crystal clear. 

Lieutenant Hux is focused on where he’s taking Ben, imagines a room with view and a change of clothes on the bed already prepared, and the scent of filtered air that permeates all ships. And, underneath that, questions coalesce and dissipate; all of them a comfortable buzz that makes him insecure in the comfort they provide. 

They reach Ben’s room in no time. The Lieutenant pushes the door button manually, the nervousness he’d felt upon his meeting with Ben now reawakened and then replaced with tenseness and curtness.  _ The man is anxious _ , Ben thinks,  _ though he doesn’t show it on the outside. _

The room is bigger than Ben expects and smaller than what he’d seen in Hux’s thoughts. 

“Your room, sir,” the Lieutenant states unnecessarily. “On the bed are the garments we have been instructed to leave for you. There is a refresher-”

“I know,” Ben cuts him off and then, for some strange reason, regrets it. 

Hux has no other reason to be there then, but he doesn’t move. What he does is not stare, exactly, because Ben is looking back at him, but it’s close. Observing, maybe. Hux wants to know him, wants to unravel his very existence until he knows everything and which way best to use him, not for himself, but for the Order he belongs to. But then, his emotions betray the curiosity and amusement from before, and Ben thinks that if they continue to stare any longer it would do the strange connection no good. 

Finally Hux says, “What should I call you?” 

Hux’s voice is softer somehow, thought still guarded, but the question is far more intimate than it should be. It’s the inflection, Ben knows. If he’s learned anything during his upbringing, it’s the  _ way  _ you say something rather than  _ what _ you say.

Ben thinks about his mother and father, thinks about his padawan brothers and sisters he left dead as a sacrifice to power, and thinks  _ Ben _ . And yet, the word that leave his mouth at the same time is, “Kylo.”

Yes, perhaps it is time then. Master Snoke had instructed him like this as well -- Ben died in sand and rock with the rest of Luke Skywalker’s disciples. Now only Kylo remains, and the shadows that follow him.

He looks at the Lieutenant whose mind suddenly draws short, an expression on his face that Kylo cannot read, for he doesn’t truly know the man in front of him. The emotions that bubble up are still too alien for Kylo to be able to read them perfectly.

Kylo turns and grabs the clothes left on the bed. They are nondescript, pants in a military grey that matches the hue of the chamber walls and a black long-sleeved shirt. Kylo doubts that they will fit him. Nonetheless, he takes them into the refresher. 

The first thing that greets him is the sink and a mirror right above it. It’s the first time Kylo sees himself since he’d gone to train with Skywalker, and the first time he truly believes in his ugliness. His clothes are as ruined as he expected them to be, and the braid, thin and resting on his shoulder, is dirty red that seeps into his shirt.

Kylo breathes while disgust churns inside him and he quickly searches the cupboard for the shaving knife that ought to be there. He finds first-aid scissors first. He cuts off the braid and dumps it into the sink. The bead that held the lock together glistens in the artificial light, as if to mock him, black hair stark against the light gray metal of the sink that it lays on. Under his fingers it’s rough and grimy, dirty. Somehow, Kylo can’t bear to throw it in the trash.

His clothes go before he can think about it, and yet he still remembers to fold them neatly, like it was required before. He puts them into the sink as well, topping them with the braid, before going to shower away the blood. 

The water runs brown and red for a long time, and the refresher steams up from the temperature of it. Though it cleans his body, the soft spray against his flesh can’t help with Kylo’s rage. At least the unscented soap makes the reawakened scent of blood disappear. What’s more surprising is the fact that there’s running water for cleaning inside the ship. 

The pants left for him are too large and he has to adjust them to fit. There is no helping the shirt but it matters little. He takes the old ones out of the sink and goes back to his room where, unexpectedly, Lieutenant Hux still stands at attention. Kylo had forgotten to dismiss him.

“Please burn these,” Kylo says, giving them to him. “You can leave.”

“Yes,” Hux says, lip pulling low in mild discomfort. Kylo can feel every moment of it, much bigger on the inside, before stomping away.

Kylo wants to reach out to his mind, to the man himself, to ask and learn a hundred things, but he knows that he mustn't. It’s unnecessary. There’s a reason that he is alone, here, in the darkness. 

Kylo takes a deep breath and sits on the bed. Screaming into his hands is the easiest thing he’s done in years. 

-

Kylo doesn’t intend to fall asleep but exhaustion overwhelms him easily after Lieutenant Hux’s thoughts become a faint buzz in the back of his head. He dreams of stars and far, far away places, dreams of a woman with flowers in her hair and of fire and coldness of snow. 

There’s little he remembers when he wakes, though he’s covered in sweat, silent words on his tongue. For a split second he’s so disoriented he thinks he’s back home, on the Millennium Falcon, but then he blinks and the image is torn away. 

He’s going to Master Snoke, and he is not Ben, he is  _ Kylo _ , and he’s aboard a ship whose Lieutenant is a man named Hux who is his last test. The Millennium Falcon is not home anymore; he has no home, now. Soon he will reach Master Snoke and he will begin his training in the dark side of the Force.

In the distance, he can sense the others, some anxious, some asleep. Mora’s mind is as silent as it has always been. But its presence is always felt within them, a consistent comfort to the young ones. Ben divorces himself from her delusion of comfort. Where they are going is far worse, and far better than where they have been.

The notion calms him some and he gathers enough awareness to sense someone approaching his room. It’s not the Lieutenant whose thoughts still course like a faint white noise at the edges of his mind. 

Kylo is still surprised at that -- nothing he’s learned before made any mention of something like the strange bond he has to the man ever existing without a great deal of effort put behind it.

No, it’s someone else, guards by the hue of their emotions, and they do not try to enter his room. 

Kylo sighs, relaxing, and closes his eyes. He has time before they arrive to prepare his mind for the meeting. It’s easy enough to feel the Force coursing through him, and to focus on the faint, distorted sound inside his mind. Meditation has always brought clarity, and now it brings clarity to the voice that seemed so faint and distant just moments before. 

It hurts and, for a moment, there’s a searing white pain that almost makes him pull away. Instead it angers him and makes him push on. He realizes a moment too late that his bond with the Lieutenant had overwhelmed his senses and is now centered in his mind, strong and loud. 

Kylo is paralyzed. He knows he should pull away. On the other hand, there must be a reason this connection exists. One simple reason, good or bad, Kylo wouldn’t choose between them, he just wants one. Tentatively, he reaches back into his own mind while still connected to the Hux’s.

Focusing on one thing is difficult, especially when the man is thinking and sensing so much so quickly. Translating those sensations and feelings rather than thoughts is a bit easier so that is what Kylo does.

First, Kylo senses the frustration, the constant burn of it overwhelmed by pictures, observations of Hux’s reality. He’s somewhere on the ship, a large white room, Kylo sees computers, sees the galaxy up ahead. Sees a man with stripes that mark him as the one in command of the ship. There are technical thoughts, more to do with what Hux is talking about with the man than anything important. 

The man that the Lieutenant sees is a slightly taller, bigger man with dark skin and lazy eyes. Kylo can feel extreme wariness from Hux but also disgust. Kylo doesn’t know why, there’s nothing in Hux’s immediate thoughts, just the animosity that somewhere underneath Kylo accepts as his own, though he doesn’t know how to describe the man himself. 

_ ‘Incompetent,’ _ rings clearly in Kylo’s ears, a warning, a snarl.

Kylo startles and he’s already on his feet, eyes focused on the galaxy outside before he realizes that he probably should not have reacted. However, he is still connected with the Lieutenant whose thoughts are strong and loud inside his head, not white noise like before. 

_ ‘I want to stab him in the jugular,’  _ Hux thinks, and Kylo hums while he tries to reach deeper. 

Beyond the immediate conscious response, beyond the senses, Kylo reaches into his past. It’s difficult simply because he’s never done it before. Master Snoke has visited Kylo in his thoughts many times since he was a child, as a whisper or a firm voice, a shadow in his mind until it coalesced and formed a face. 

Kylo chooses to focus on that memory and the sensations he’d felt during his Master’s visits, because if the bond is facilitated by him then it would have some his unmistakable print on it. He finds a strand where Hux remembers something from the past, a document by the looks of it. He follows it down into the darkness of Hux’s mind, to his very core. 

Being in someone’s mind is difficult to explain. At the base level, it’s sensing someone completely, but for that to happen extreme control and unity with the Force in necessary. It’s easier perhaps to imagine the memories like long strings that twist in the darkness. 

However, Hux’s mind isn’t dark. It changes constantly. One moment it’s red, black spots pulsing like boiling water, the next it’s navy blue shaded through with dark green. Kylo floats through it, undifferentiated from the backdrop, he himself a mixture of blue colors. He’s never felt comfortable in someone else’s mind before. Not even his own.

Above him, Kylo can see shooting stars. He knows they are just thoughts, it doesn’t stop them from being beautiful. 

Kylo turns away, regaining his focus. Sensing the effects of the Force on another’s mind is one of the most difficult things he’s ever done. He’s disappointed when he finds that outside of his own interference Kylo cannot sense any other tampering. Perhaps because Kylo simply does not know, perhaps because Master Snoke is just that good. 

What he finds instead are memories, repeated over and over, sensations like faint reminders of certain scenes. Kylo cannot see everything, doesn’t even think it possible.

Returning from the void of the man’s mind is a process, especially with sudden turbulence in the man’s topside emotions. When Kylo surfaces he cannot make sense of any of it, not the quickness with which the man is thinking nor the sudden anxiety; he knows only that something is wrong. Kylo thinks that perhaps there were consequences to his prodding.

_ ‘Calm down, Lieutenant Hux,’  _ Kylo thinks, reaching out to the man. 

His anxiety transfers to Kylo and he feels its disturbing effects. The resonance of his own voice is startling, as is the sudden quiet inside the Lieutenant's mind.

_ ‘Lieutenant?’  _ Kylo asks. He can very easily sense Hux connecting his voice with his face and a name. Kylo hadn’t realized he’d looked so pathetic to the man.

_ ‘Have I gone insane?’ _ resonates within Hux’s mind. 

_ ‘No, Lieutenant, I assure you,’  _ Kylo explains. ‘ _ This is the work of the Force.’ _

Kylo feels the Lieutenant’s annoyance, the disbelief. 

_ ‘Or do you believe there is some other way I am speaking into your mind while still in my room?’  _ asks Kylo. Hux bites his tongue; nonetheless, the man’s realization washes over Kylo.

He knows Hux is moving because the pictures of Hux’s perception change. 

_ ‘When will we be arriving?’  _ Kylo asks in hopes of distracting him.

Kylo can sense Hux’s continued annoyance; it is preferable over the the panic that slowly subsided.

_ ‘In six hours,’  _ Hux replies. Then,  _ ‘How is this possible?’ _

_ ‘I do not know. However it seems that our minds are connected. No matter, I am sure the bond will soon break,’  _ Kylo says. He doesn’t articulate his suspicion, must not reveal what he suspects. An overwhelming sense of regret hits him. Not for his words, but for the truth of them. 

_ ‘Oh,’  _ Hux says and then stays quiet,  _ intently  _ quiet, for a long time. 

Kylo sits on his bed and brings himself to his own reality. Hux doesn’t fade, not really, but somehow becomes a smaller, peripheral part of him. 

Kylo knows that they’ve jumped to lightspeed because he cannot make out the stars and planets anymore. They all blend before his eyes to form a light blue hue. 

He must not reminisce. It’s already over. 

-

Kylo knows they’re close because Hux thinks it, somewhere in the back of his head. It’s nothing compared to the feeling when they exit light speed. It’s like he’s standing on the precipice of a cliff, back where he’d once thought home was, but he cannot see the bottom. Instead, endless space opens underneath him, waiting for him to fall like a hungry beast waiting for its prey. The Force courses and lingers, even though the ship hasn’t even touched the surface of the planet where his Master is.

The moment the ship breaks the atmosphere there are numberless voices, hands reaching towards him, and then he hears his Master’s voice inside his head, clear and pleased. 

Kylo feels overwhelmed and he lurches forward, barely keeping from going to his knees. 

The pull is only greater once they land. He wants to run towards it quickly before it tears him apart. 

_ “Come find me, my children,”  _ Master Snoke commands and it is absolute. 

Kylo exits his room and moves mechanically towards one of the ship’s exits. In standard ship designs there’s little space for argument where exits and entrances are. Kylo knows, he studied ship blueprints when he was younger.

The guards run after him. Kylo pays them no attention. He feels like a wound rubbed raw, anticipation and dread entwine inside his gut with equal strength. The others feel it as well. He brushes their minds, softly - then Mora’s last - and knows they have heard their Master as well. 

Led by a joint thought, they reconnect just before the exit. Mora gives him a look but it’s overshadowed by the feeling of collective relief they feel once they see him. The youngest one, Kede, who had celebrated their tenth life-cycle just a month before isn’t shy to reach for his sleeve and hold on. 

Though there are nine of them, the two guards at the exit try to stop them from going further. It takes only a taste of his power to have the large deck doors opening, inviting fresh air into the ship. 

Kylo can hear a quick, thunderous staccato of feet. He feels Lieutenant Hux getting closer accompanied by more soldiers. They appear, led by the ship’s captain, a handful of moments later. 

“You must not go out on your own,” the ship’s captain says sternly once he arrives. He sees now why Hux dislikes him. “We shall provide a group of bodyguards for you to help you reach your destination.”

Kylo feels something false in the man’s words. It’s only a feeling, but Hux’s thoughts confirm his suspicion. As far as the Lieutenant knows, Master Snoke never requested that from them.

“You cannot follow,” Kylo says simply. 

He turns to look out into the open and sees a jungle, dark and insidious. It’s just started to rain. Kylo wonders how others perceive it. Only with guidance could anyone conquer the wilderness that rules it. Those who are unconnected to the Force would lose their minds first.

The captain stands to argue but Kylo doesn’t have time for that. At his signal, Mora pushes the children into a run. Kylo motions with his hand and the guards standing in his way levitate for a brief moment before crashing into the captain and the group of soldiers behind him, thrown with such intensity Kylo can hear bones crack. Another wave of the Force hits them and they’re all crushed to the floor groaning in pain. With a twist of his hand, he extinguishing their consciousnesses easily. 

Lieutenant Hux stands and observes quietly, the only one unharmed.

Mora and the rest have disappeared into the foliage though they are still present, like panthers in shadows, waiting. Only Kede stands beside him, still holding onto his sleeve. She’s beckoned over by Mora’s force presence, guiding her softly into the foliage like a hand on her shoulder. She joins the others, becoming another lurking shadow with its eyes trained on Kylo.

“Lieutenant,” Kylo says and inclines his head. He doesn’t know why he does it, isn’t sure of the repercussions Hux would have to bear if anyone saw. Here, so close, Kylo feels their bond pulsing strong, despite his efforts to disconnect from it. Surely, if it were his Master’s deed he would have released the lieutenant of it by now.

Kylo mourns, just for a moment, a whole other possibility - a whole ‘ _ could have been _ ’ - even though he doesn’t know what exactly it implies. Just that there was a chance in this man and that Ben would have acted upon it, while Kylo cannot. 

Hux nods curtly and salutes. That, too, is meaningful in some way. But symbolism has been lost to Kylo for a long time now. Kylo feels as if his bonds with Hux have been severed now that he’s been acknowledged, and he leaps down the stairs and into the thick forest unaware of his speed or his surroundings. The Force leads him, as it has always done, and he thinks he hears a ship engine before Master Snoke overrides his consciousness completely, and leads him to his temple. 

-

Dreams inside his Master’s temple have a different quality to them. They’re more like apparitions that haunt him into wakefulness and across the border into the living world, daggers pressed to his throat that push him to survive the impossible conditions of his training. He rarely dreams of the woman anymore. Now his dreams are filled with his grandfather who speaks to him, though he rarely understands his words. 

Master Snoke interprets them, oftentimes lets him try until he’s fluent in the dream language his grandfather uses. Along with his mind, his body grows and sharpens. Where at one time youthful roundness softened cheeks, jaw, clumsy fat hands and belly, it quickly defines itself into muscles and taut pale skin. 

He rarely sees the sun anymore. The Citadel is sheltered from it, carved deep within a mountainside veiled in shadows. It’s ancient and Kylo can feel that age in every breath of putrid air and dust he inhales. Statues eroded over time seem to have eyes and the tall chambers echo his every thought. 

Not all of them had survived the forest that lies at the foot of the Citadel, separated from it by a long flight of stairs created for, or perhaps by, beings much bigger than them. Like a sphynx, the forest had deemed one unworthy, and had enfolded him within her wings of trees, strangling the life-force out of him. Though, maybe it had just wanted a sacrifice. Only once they’d regained authority of their bodies, bare legs touching cool obsidian stone, did they notice Lelek’s absence.

Control is never brought up in Master Snoke’s teachings, and it’s the starkest difference from Luke Skywalker’s teachings. The Jedi had been all about control, about balance. He’d not understood the struggle Kylo had always come to feel within himself. 

_ No he hadn’t _ , a voice within him says and it sounds like his Master. 

He wonders if  _ anyone  _ understands what a starving mind feels like. His body is bent to its limits and broken where it doesn’t achieve accommodation. He’s strong, and he grows tall, and soon enough his bones stop aching from growing pains. 

His mind develops under the tutelage and guidance of his Master, but the edges of the hunger are sharpened instead of soothed. The more he learns, the less he knows, and the worse he can control the nuances of the Force. It’s either all or nothing, like a simple impulse, and his anger more often than not leaves him blind in long swaths of no control. Afterwards he feels like a burn out light bulb, broken from a surge of too much electricity. 

And he  _ is _ angry. That feeling never really goes away. But when he’s free from it he almost feel peaceful. Like a shock from a collar, Master Snoke invades his mind whenever he thinks such thoughts and Kylo’s shown how much stronger his anger makes him. Wrath makes people cruel and he, too, is just human. But it’s not cruelty, he learns, it’s indifference in the face of suffering.

The worst is Master Snoke’s disappointment. Thought he’d taken in eight apprentices, only Kylo seemed to struggle. It leads to punishment that he fears like nothing else. After years of being slowly chiseled into the perfect student, Kylo can’t think of anything worse than letting his Master down. His word is absolute. For his Master’s wisdom, he’s paid a bloody price. This is where he belongs. 

  
  
  


For a long time Kylo doesn’t think about Lieutenant Hux. It was a brief encounter that he has left behind. For a very long time he’s alone, as well. Kylo isn’t certain how it had happened. He sees the others, cloaked in the dark robes they’d received upon their arrival at the Citadel and grown into over the years, but he can’t feel their minds like before. 

Once, they were vibrant, loud, strong, Merak’s synesthesia allowing easier sharing, or Snaga’s rich, inescapable presence always evidence of her strength. It has all been dulled down, filled, sorted. Once they are connected again, Kylo fears he does not know them anymore. And yet, he’d been the one who they trained with. Or has he changed as well? He hopes he has. 

In sign of maturity and combat readiness, Snoke crowns them the Knights of Ren. The ancient order had existed long before them, in the same decade as the blueprints he uses to build his new lightsaber. But the Knights of Ren are Jedi rules twisted on their head. He finds that out on his skin. 

In the Jedi temple, it had been forbidden to hurt anyone, let alone try to kill them. Here Snoke calls it ritualistic combat. They all have new weapons now, to best use their newly acquired skills and abilities.

Kylo avoids death twice, and when he sees the chance his lightsaber arks in a flash of red through Mora’s belly. Then, Master Snoke crowns him with a helmet and a mission. After  _ years _ on planet, he’s finally able to leave.

-

Kylo knows his lightsaber is unstable. If he were more like his uncle he would have found something poetic about it. As it is, it’s an annoyance that he can’t fix; the crystal inside broken from draining it, and is not important enough to lose time over. He has his routine that he can’t break. He has a  _ mission _ , and that mission leads him to hopping First Order ships. His assignment: to hunt down the last Jedi. His Master has felt a resurgence in the Force and they’d prolonged this for too long. He should have killed Luke when he’d had the chance. He should have done a lot of things differently. 

Blind in his eagerness to finish the missions he’s sent on, he forgets that the people his Master controls love propriety and order. They’re even named after it. Somehow, in the depths of a jungle where you can die any moment, one forgets to be graceful. It’s a battle for survival, not a dance. 

The Force is considered a fable here among them; the Knights of Ren, fanatics. For these too-logical people it’s all mysticism. They don’t understand. They don’t want to understand. They hate everything and everyone, even themselves, and blame others for their failures. 

Kylo doesn’t care for their struggle. His mission is far removed from their goal. He usually doesn’t get involved. He’s not ordered to after all, and other than that he has no motive to do so. Kylo knows he ruffles some feathers. Nobody ever complains out loud. Nobody butts heads with him. 

Eventually, it stops bothering him that people dislike him. It’s a constant throughout his existence, before and after he killed Ben. He feeds off their hatred instead, their contempt. Not in any literal sense, other than the gratification of immediately having an upper hand. It’s unnecessary to speak loudly when the officers are so intent on refusing to obey, but must  _ listen  _ and  _ obey  _ regardless. 

The first time he loses his temper, he’s in a room full of people. It’s a red haze, his hatred. It’s blinding and cruel, and he has no more control over it than he has on any aspect of his reality. Everything is as it was meant to be. 

His hand is guided by a higher power, and his Master can unmake him much easier than he’s made him. His suffering is just another part of the plan. Another source of power. And he  _ is _ powerful. But it feels like brute strength rather than the delicate weaving of energy they’d learned in the Jedi temple. 

Unknowingly, his body still moves in those steps. Master Snoke has never corrected him on it. Kylo wonders why, but privately. In the pockets of time, when he finds that the steel-like caress of his master’s powers wanes, when he’s tired beyond measure after excruciating exercises, when even his eyes are not to be believed, turning shadows into illusions of people he’d left behind. It’s easier than having another thing to unlearn.

Even as he searches for Luke Skywalker, he also goes on separate, shorter missions and commands the Knights. They are all searching for Luke Skywalker. Kylo wonders why he hadn’t gone the footsteps of his father and joined the Dark Side like Kylo is trying to do now.

It’s rare that the thoughts of the man are not entwined with some measure of hatred. But they can be found in moments where it has less to do with himself and more with events that had transpired long ago. He’s on a new ship, and though he can’t sleep, he has all the time for contemplation.

His grandfather had been stopped by his uncle. He’d been the most powerful dark Force user, thwarted by the trickery of his son. But, if he’d been the most powerful, surely he could have read his son’s mind, just like Master Snoke reads Kylo’s. The man he’d known as a child, as an adolescent, and the man Master Snoke revealed Skywalker to be match. But what doesn’t match is his strength against his grandfather and the old Emperor. 

A wave of nausea hits him, drawing him away from those thoughts and centering him on where he’s sitting on his bed. 

Since coming to the ship he’s been feeling strange. Vague dreams litter his waking hours and don’t let him rest even in the sparse minutes he  _ can  _ sleep. 

He feels something pushing at the back of his head, pulsing with such unapologetic intensity that he’s been having headaches even on-planet. Kylo sits on the bed and clutches his helmet between his hands, soft skull inches underneath. But the feeling only gets worse with every passing moment. 

The peculiar feeling only expands when he hears the beeping inside his room that signals someone announcing their presence at his door and asking to enter. He’s barely slept in the past week and has had a single good meal. He feels sick, heavy, bloated though he knows it’s not anything physical. His body is fine. It’s his mind that has always been the problem. 

Knowing that he’s presentable and that the room is in the same exact shape as when he’d entered it, he motions with his hand and the doors hiss open. He expects a droid or an officer ready to report something or other. Instead, he hears a calculated step inside, a breath, and then, “ _ Ren _ .”

He knows that voice. Somewhere, a long time ago, in an undefined space and time, he’d heard it for the first time. It’s a harsher tone than he’d known before but the color is undeniably familiar.

Turning to see the owner of the voice, Kylo forgets himself and immediately reaches for the person’s mind. Because of it, he senses the man before he sees him, though both his mind and his visage are clear giveaways of his identity. 

Kylo’s never seen quite the same shade of red in his travels as Lieutenant Hux’s hair. Never the same type of mind, one that he felt comfortable in. He recognizes it now, along with the paleness of the man’s eyes and the way he holds himself. He’s older. Kylo has gotten older as well. 

He’s not a Lieutenant anymore, either. Kylo knows what the bands on the sleeves of his greatcoat and his uniform mean. How he’d not known that  _ he _ was the new General of this ship Kylo doesn’t understand, but he feels somehow cheated, even though it’s his own oversight. Another misstep, another mistake, but they’re so multitudinous Kylo can’t even count them anymore.

He feels instant kinship with the man but he reads, only a moment later, that he is not the reason why the man has come to his room. It’s because of the damage he’s caused in hangar B71. 

Kylo plucks it so easily from his mind, they could have very well been his own thoughts. Everything has been such a struggle, always a struggle, but this is so easy he wonders if he’s put too much Force into it and broken the man. But no, he looks well. He still looks angry. Feels it, too. 

“Yes, General?” Kylo replies, voice choppy from the respiratory system and voice modulator in his helmet. 

He’s not even Kylo anymore. No, he remembers that his title is always used when jumping from ship to ship. Master of the Knights of Ren. Ren for short. Like a last name he’ll never use again; like a tool that anyone can embody. Just  _ a _ Ren. It’s unimportant for the other people to know anything more. Kylo doubts Hux would even recognize him, even if he heard his name and saw his face. 

Strangely, despite the animosity he feels from the man, his shoulders drop and another kind of tension rises, not in his body but between them. He doesn’t understand. Nothing is clear. His emotions don’t make sense. 

“In accordance with the Supreme Leader’s commands, your presence is tolerated on this ship,” Hux says, voice getting harsher and harsher with every word. “However, I would advise you to limit your explosions of anger to somewhere where the damage you do can be  _ fixed _ . Or where it doesn’t matter. Fixing hangars and control rooms isn’t as  _ affordable  _ as you may imagine, and it isn’t possible to write the expense off as by-product of your unrestrained temper.”

But Kylo  _ can _ control it. At least, better than before.  _ The first time he’d lost it was in a room full of people _ . Those lives are another burden to bear, though their blood is washed away only with more blood. This time, he managed to find an empty chamber, void of lives he could have taken. 

Hux is angry as well, but he’s not a stupid man. Once Kylo stands, he can feel the spike of fear that colors Hux’s consciousness. No, not fear. Wariness. Hux has never been afraid of him, and even now he continues to be stubborn. It’s madness; being a fearless man. Maybe it’s because the man refuses to be intimidated by anyone, for anyone to  _ dominate _ him in such a way. 

It’s pride, Kylo thinks. Too much pride. An overabundance of self-respect in regards to his accomplishments. Hux doesn’t love himself. Love isn’t necessary for success. 

Kylo doesn’t advance, but he does reach into Hux’s mind with the same speed and agility he would have used for attack. There’s the immediate annoyance, with him, with the paperwork, exhaustion, worry about going over-budgeting, worry over the project he’s entangled in; they’re searching for some kind of a planet or a star. 

Slowly, Kylo starts walking forward and stops only when there’s barely inches between them. He feels heavy and weighed down. It’s been taking too much energy as of late to remain standing up. 

_ Would Hux recognize him? Would he even care? Why would he? _ Kylo had been a brief blip in his regular schedule. Years have passed. Hux’s shoulders carry heavy burdens that Kylo will have to slowly learn later. 

It’s an unnecessary risk to take off his helmet. Not because Hux would do anything to him, but it’s more difficult to control what other people see in his face when it’s not hidden. It’s difficult to appear intimidating with a too large nose and a soft mouth and all the other features he’d received from his father. It’s difficult when he’s not mangled on the outside. On the inside of his mind there are rooms full of torn canvases and thrown furniture, all remnants of the lies he’d been spoon-fed as a child. Nothing had remained unbroken, unburnt or unbent after he’d learned he’d been deceived. However, It’s not something Hux will ever see. At least, his grandmother made his hair black. 

But it’s a risk that, after a moment, Kylo takes. His helmet isn’t heavy, but with the way Kylo grips it, it feels as if it could weigh as much as a banta. The thought amuses him, making his mouth appear curled once the helmet is off. 

Hux takes him in, caught off guard. He’d not expected this to happen, Kylo can feel it, and he’d not expected the face he sees. Hux’s mind is like a database as it flicks quickly through pictures, and Kylo feels the relief of the connection when Hux’s mind draws up the picture of Ben. But in his mind Ben is titled Kylo, though now Kylo knows that, in that moment, he’d been both. 

He’d been an ugly child, and he’s an ugly adult. Through Hux’s eyes he sees himself and holds still as Hux matches up the similarities between Ben -- bloody and lost and then clean and still lost -- and Kylo as he stands before him. Hux’s forehead creases. His shoulders don’t drop, don’t relax. He knows Master Snoke, he thinks this could be a play or an illusion. 

“Kylo?” he says, softer than he intends, and Kylo can’t help but linger in his mind because the sensation is so strange. There is no softness in their world. And yet. 

Kylo smiles, a crooked thing, and nods. It’s more of a dip of his chin, and Hux knows what it means. 

Hux’s shoulders unwind then and the man releases a long-held, shaky breath. To Kylo it appears as if the tension within the man’s body leaves with the air from his lungs. He feels more comfortable with him now that he knows who he is. He feels sad, for whatever reason. 

Kylo draws out of his mind and lifts his head. His migraine, he notices, is gone. 

-

It’s not a perfect moment. It shouldn’t be, but Kylo had thought it would be more. And yet, Hux isn’t angry anymore. He says, “Please stop wrecking my ship, I  _ just _ got it.”

Kylo wants to say a hundred things. Hux can’t stop looking at him. 

Those minutes draw out and turns into hours of emotions and experiences that weren’t hours in reality. Kylo says, “I can’t promise you that, but I will try.” It’s the truth and Hux, through their bond, understands it. Kylo pushes so he will understand it. 

How do you reconnect with an old friend that wasn’t a friend in the first place? Someone you know nothing about but a name, a name that may not even be right anymore, but who nevertheless feels like comfort neither of them received? 

They’re awkward. Kylo doesn’t know what to do and Hux has too many ideas to pick one. The solution, in the end, is startled to the forefront of Hux’s mind by the hissing of the doors behind him as a worker droid enters the room. 

Hux gestures out. “The cycle has just finished. The skeleton crew is the only one on shift.” 

Kylo is tired. His feet drag and stomp, heavy, but he follows Hux out of his room and into the hallway anyway. He debates whether to put his helmet back on or not, but who is there to see him? The stormtroopers don’t care, they’re programmed not to, and Hux assured him they’re not going anywhere near the officers who settling down for the night cycle. 

So Kylo follows him. 

Within Hux’s mind, thoughts churn and so Kylo settles into an abandoned corner, where he can read everything if he wants to, but won’t hurt Hux if he does. He doesn’t reach down for memories. He doesn’t reach for emotions that aren’t already there. Instead, he watches Hux watch him from the corner of his eye. They don’t know the steps to this dance. 

What do you do when a stranger feels more like home than anything has in nearly ten years? What to do when you feel like you’ve skipped years of your life and feel like you’ve started in the middle of a story, when it feels like someone is hitting the play button after ten years of absence? 

They walk to the lower levels, past the accelerators and canons, where the walls are thickest and don’t allow big windows like the ones at the command bridge. They near the hangars and only then turn around, retracing their steps. 

Hux doesn’t speak and Kylo doesn’t offer anything. Submerged as he is in Hux’s mind, he feels as if he could drift off to sleep easily and, for once, not dream at all. He doesn’t  _ need _ to know what Hux would have asked him had he been brave because he already knows. When you can read someone’s mind, things are simpler and infinitely more complicated. 

Elementary questions underlie Hux’s curiosity. Those that you would read on a report:  _ age, sex, gender, rank, species, planet of origin _ . Kylo answers those he can, murmuring softly inside Hux’s mind. Some answers Hux already has and he encourages them. 

_ “You’re older _ ,” Hux thinks.

_ “The world is older, _ ” Kylo replies and knows that it doesn’t connect the way it should. But Hux snorts, finding something funny in the statement. 

It’s easier to speak like this, when there’s no fear of being overheard or saying the wrong thing. Hux doesn’t seem uncomfortable with his presence and for that Kylo is infinitely grateful. 

They walk on. 

Hux’s mind doesn’t clutter, it’s one of the clearest minds he’s ever been inside of, but questions pile onto each other, all of the same nature:  _ What are you doing? Where are you going? What’s your mission? How dangerous is it? Are you coming back? _ Underneath, questions rise up of a more personal nature.  _ Is he the same kid? Why do I care? Why does he?  _

For the last two Kylo doesn’t have an answer. He lets them be, knowing they will linger. The others he can soothe only in part. Kylo has never been the soothing type. 

_ “I will come back to the ship if Master Snoke allows it after I report, following the completion of the mission,” _ Kylo resonates. He will be splitting off from the Finalizer in his own shuttle by the end of the new cycle, his mission irrelevant to the First Order. 

Hux thinks about how Kylo said ‘after the mission’ and how he’d sounded confident. He thinks that there’s never that kind of certainty even with his engineered soldiers. And then he looks at Kylo and doesn’t see a soldier. 

_ “I’m not one,”  _ Kylo says silently. Their bond sings like a proper lightsaber when switched on. _ “Not one of yours, at least _ .” 

_ Not one of you, _ he thinks, though he isn’t sure he’s erected enough walls to keep it from Hux. But the message is clear. 

Then Hux remembers the first time he’d seen Kylo, and remembers the way he’d been dirty. Strangely, he remembers him better when he’d cleaned up, when his braid was cut, and an old feeling of regret echoes inside Hux, the same as when he noticed it gone. When he saw it lying on the clothes to be burned. When he’d put it in the incinerator himself.

Kylo’s voice as an adolescent was higher pitched than it is now. He had looked weak, and lanky, every part of his body disproportionate. 

Hux could not see the reason why Kylo had been brought on board, but that he had felt that he was very unfortunate in that aspect. A temple full of Jedi lay deserted and smelling of blood not enough skips away. The new name lay clunky on his tongue, or at least Lieutenant Hux had thought so. Later, he would find out that it had been Ben Organa Solo who he’d actually been in contact with, but the name Kylo will remain inside his head because that’s what the boy had said. 

_ “Your voice is much deeper _ ,” Hux notes. 

_ “Charms of growing up _ ,” Kylo retorts immediately. 

He’s grown up but hasn’t left that day behind. It feels like it’s been hours and months and minutes and second and years since it happened. He’s still in that moment. He doesn’t regret it. He can’t afford to regret it. 

Hux, in a sense, understands. 

_ “Interesting that you’re accepting this so well, _ ” Kylo says. 

There’s exactly a two inch distance between their shoulders. Kylo is taller, but only by an inch. He sees Hux think about that inch, and wonder about how much time has passed, and look at a face that belonged to a boy named Ben, that a stranger named Kylo now possesses. 

Kylo thinks he could get accustomed to seeing his face through Hux’s eyes. Through them, he doesn’t look half as ugly as he is. 

_ “After you left I freaked out,”  _ Hux admits.  _ “Afterwards, I thought I’d just dreamt it up. A daydream incorporated into reality. I just imagined a conversation. Easy as that.”  _

The man pauses speaking, as their legs carry them to the command bridge. They’re in hyper space, but won’t be there for long. 

_ “You said that the connection would break,”  _ Hux thinks and Kylo asks,  _ “What are you looking for, General?”  _

Hux answers, surprised, aloud. “A planet that’s suitable enough to sustain my weapons project.”

To Kylo, it looks like the Death Star once it appears in Hux’s mind. He would know, he’d looked at them a lot when he was younger. 

_ “If I return to the ship, provided I have time allowed, I’ll help you look for one,”  _ Kylo returns to their mental conversation. Then, adds, “ _ It was supposed to break because of distance. Usually, a rope grows thinner before snapping.” _

“It didn’t though, did it?”

“No,” Kylo agrees. 

They pass the command bridge and return down the hallways. Kylo knows he’s being delivered back to his room. He also now knows that Hux’s is on the other end of the hallway but that he’d really want to stay in Kylo’s if offered the chance.

Attraction is not something he expects from Hux towards him but it dies down so quickly that Kylo can ignore it, if he so chooses. He wants to, so he does. Tension builds between them even without it,pulled taut by the reality of having to separate even though they’d  _ just _ found each other. They must have been walking for an hour but Kylo feels as if only minutes have passed. 

But it should end, so it does. He steps up to the entry to his room in front of his room and the doors open under his command, allowing him the view of metal walls, and sparse decoration. There’s a meal on the table. 

He’d not realised he was hungry, but he does now. Hunger calls to the exhaustion and his tiredness returns, legs aching from the short walk and the marathon missions they’d endured only two days ago. His emotions are always somehow dampened, but just under the surface, and now Hux’s presence draws them out. 

Hux feels much more than Kylo. Not emotionally, but perceptively. The world around him is sharp and precise, and when he feels hunger he knows it and when he feels pain he knows it. When he’s irked and annoyed and amused. They’re all clear. They don’t all filter down to the one emotion that rules Kylo -- anger -- though Kylo is certain it’s one of his motivators. 

Unlike him, Kylo can rarely get such a crisp image. It feels like he’s been asleep for ten years. Maybe he has. 

There’s dissatisfaction and regret in Hux’s mind, at the night coming to a close. Kylo echoes that sentiment, though Hux is not a sentimental type of guy, and they part cordially. 

Hux resorts to his politeness, always ready to fall back on it when he’s unprepared to face something, and Kylo returns to his silence. Or at least he thinks he’s going to be silent when Hux says, “It has been a pleasant walk, but I must bid you goodnight.”

Why it makes him smile Kylo doesn’t know, but he feels his lip drawing up, feels the smirk when he says, “Goodnight, General.”

There’s something in Hux’s eyes that Kylo, even with his powers, doesn’t understand. But Hux nods, and his mouth softens the smallest bit, before he nods and walks away. 

Kylo enters his bedroom and, for the first time in weeks, disrobes and cleans himself. There’s no water but the sonics work and that’s enough to feel much fresher than before. 

Now that he has the connection again Kylo doesn’t let go of it. Rather, he doesn’t feel like he’s holding on at all. With distance, it becomes a hum but Kylo still feels the relief of Hux lying down in bed, feels the worry about what happened. It doesn’t make sense to him, to feel so at ease with someone, and, unlike Kylo, he doesn’t readily accept it without explanation. 

Kylo should be a weapon for him. He should be using this lack of distance that has emerged from the briefest of acquaintanceships and displaced respect to control Kylo and manipulate him however he needs. But even to Hux the thought is perverse and feels wrong. He wouldn’t be able to do it if he tried, and he thinks Kylo wouldn’t let him. 

Kylo thinks he  _ would, _ but up to a point. 

Hux’s consciousness extinguishes under the force of sleep and Kylo slips into his own bed. Blessedly, he sleeps. Blessedly, he doesn’t dream.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter betaed by the wonderful, lovely [persephassax](persephassax.tumblr.com)

No matter how incompetent a teacher his uncle was, it seems hiding is a skill the man has become expert in. The Knights find clues and bits of information but it rarely make sense out of context. They are left to decipher the possible meanings and follow any probable trail.

Because of it, Snoke has called them bloodhounds. They’re all hungry for the Jedi’s blood, true. They’re allowed the time for a proper hunt; reaching Skywalker is an inevitability.

Kylo finds himself spending more time on the Finalizer than necessary. He has his own shuttle that he commandeers for use on missions and travel from and back to his Master’s ship, the  _ Supremacy _ . Despite this, his Master gives him missions for long galactic flights that require sturdier ships. This means Kylo is forced to intrude upon Hux to  _ both _ of their discomfort.

Claiming to understand people’s motivations has never been his fallacy of choice; not even Force abilities allowed such clairvoyance. Human behavior is known to be illogical, at times irrational and absolutely self-destructive. With this in mind, Kylo tries not to be disappointed in Hux. 

Somewhere between Kylo leaving the  _ Finalizer _ and coming back more than a month late, Hux had made the decision to ignore their bond. Kylo only learns of this once he’s settled comfortably within Hux’s mind but, instead of a welcome, he is told to leave. 

Hux makes a quick but rational case, in a hurried yet quiet voice, for the connection between them to be kept secret; ignored, pushed away, forgotten. The mere thought of it has Kylo’s stomach churning and yet, begrudgingly, he’s agreeing to Hux’s pleading gaze and soft voice before he can voice his protests.

Perhaps he’d given in that easily because he’d felt anxiety rolling off of the man in waves, uncertainty and fear quick on its heels. Perhaps it’s because it was Hux who asked for something. Either way, disappointment echoes within his own desolate mind.

It’s easy to keep his word when Kylo has a mission and his thoughts prioritized. It’s easier still when he doesn’t have to meet Hux. Any other time it’s as if he were trying to build a levee across a raging mountain river. 

He wonders if Master Snoke knows. If not him, then it’s the horrible humor fate has sometimes: bringing two people together who would both rather be on the opposite ends of the galaxy. With their connection through the Force, it’s easy to forget who they are and languish in the luxury of the inexplicable familiarity they haven’t earned. They don’t even know each other, really. Not in the way the gentleness issued from their bond testifies despite how it is ignored. 

Hux is a military general, far removed from the Force and its teachings. But that’s as much as Kylo knows about him. Hux is a tool to be used by Master Snoke, a sharp blade to be pointed at the right soft spots. History, personality, desires, they aren’t necessary for Kylo to know. Similarly, he doubts Hux knows much about him even with the questions he’d answered during their long walk across the Finalizer. It’s best that way. 

He’d hastened too much in his expectations of the General and that’s why he’s disappointed, he tells himself. So, if they’re denying their connection, better they remain unknown to each other. 

Kylo would much rather see Hux as a familiar stranger. A recognizable face in passing, a casual but ultimately unimportant acquaintance whom Kylo can forget the moment he’s out of his sight. He wishes Hux felt the same. It’s easier to confront the cold unmoving face Hux shows his crew, unmoved by any complications, than the startled wide-eyed stare Kylo gets every time they’re in a room together. And as of late, it seems, they continually find themselves in such situations. 

What’s truly disconcerting is the fact that Kylo forgets himself sometimes. He dives into Hux’s mind like it’s his second nature, and only after entire minutes have passed, he realises that Hux is not, in fact, speaking out loud but thinking. It’s entirely curious and incredibly improbable and, had he the time, he would explore the reason behind it. 

Instead, as if on instinct, he shuts his mouth and purges his thoughts of it when he leaves, but always contemplates it when he gets back to the star destroyer. His emotions have never really made sense, always an infuriating tangle. All he knows is what he wants, anger that cuts through the haze of everything else, and his Master’s voice in the back of his head. 

He’s headed for a distant planet, his mission: to collect a fallen Knight of Ren. It’s a rarity in and off itself for a Knight to fail their mission, even more so to be wounded. Kylo has never had to clean up after them, but this time it seems it is the leader’s obligation to finish what his follower started. 

It’s why he’s surprised when he notices that the  _ Finalizer _ has stopped, just overlooking a large, icy white planet. To visit the General at the command bridge is a quick affair. 

“Why have we stopped?” he asks Hux the moment the large round doors open for him.

The immediate spark of annoyance, the shock, and the  _ offence _ Hux feels leaves an unfamiliar metallic taste in Kylo’s mouth.

“The First Order’s priority is finishing its primary mission,” Hux replies, turning to him. Kylo reads the displeasure in Hux’s eyes when they meet his helmet, and not his face. “It shouldn’t take more than three hours.”

Kylo feels his own emotions start mirroring Hux’s; they inflate and start turning to anger but, at the same time, Hux’s mind seems to calm him, and he deflates. What is left is raw concern. Milost is stranded, injured, on a planet with hostile wildlife, inimical inhabitants, and magnetic fields which disrupt any regular communications. It’s only through the Force that their Master knew what had happened.

Kylo walks over to Hux who’s looking down at the planet. 

Sample sketches, blueprints, and models spin around in circles in his head, flickering like a bad holo projection. Kylo can’t make sense of them. He remembers Hux’s words from their promenade across the Finalizer, and he connects the dots. The star chart in Hux’s mind finally makes sense when he puts the image of the planet and its name on the map together. 

The Finalizer is staying out of its orbit, but there are transport shuttles flying down to the surface, no doubt trying to determine if the mineral composition of the ground and the atmosphere are capable of sustaining the weapon. If what’s in Hux’s mind is right, then the General will need a plethora of workers  _ and  _ credits to make his vision come true. 

But it’s inconsequential to Kylo. Whether the man next to him wishes to build another Death Star – and it  _ is _ another Death Star, no doubt about it – he knows it will mean little on his mission. 

“I have a Knight stranded on a planet, General,” he says quietly. “He may not survive those three hours you so luxuriously give yourself.”

Hux replies after a long moment, “Then you left too late. It will take us at least half a cycle to reach the system you pointed to, and then another two hours for you to reach the specific planet.”

To admit such a mistake is, for Kylo, impossible. Acknowledging it means washing Hux’s hands of the inevitable that Kylo can no longer stop and was too naive to foresee. 

Though he wishes to prod Hux’s mind, talk with him where only the two of them can hear, he doesn’t. Instead, he returns to his chamber, putting the planet out of his mind and focusing on the ferocity of Milost’s consciousness, and losing the hours until their arrival. He forgets to remember the fact that Hux was able to calm him or that it didn’t even cross his mind to threaten the general, as he would any other.

-

Milost is dead. 

Grief, buried deep within him, explodes like a flash from a strike of a hand across his face. Kylo can barely recognize it. It hooks the walls of his heart and pulls them apart in dizzying nauseating misery. He feels threads of his control slipping through his fingers, and he wonders if every life he has ever touched will end up extinguished before him.

Anger is such a natural reaction he barely manages to come back to himself after everything is finished and he has the heads of the people who’d done this. It resolves nothing, and he feels all the worse for it, even as he heads back to the Finalizer. 

Snoke, faced with Kylo’s turbulent fury and grief, is unmoved. 

_ “He was too weak _ ,” he says over the holo-screen that magnifies his image. “ _ You’ve failed to train him properly. What you should be feeling is disappointment.” _

Kylo, for the first time, doubts. 

The moment he does, Snoke seizes him and he feels suddenly, terrifyingly paralyzed, his fear spears thorns in his lungs that keep him from drawing breath.

_ “You impertinent child! Without me, you would hold no power of your own, and you doubt  _ my _ teaching? Had you done better your knight would still be alive. Your mission would have been successful!”  _

Kylo realizes he’s been floating in air only once Snoke releases him and he falls to the ground, landing hard on his stomach and cheek. If he had any breath left, it’s been knocked out of him. His ribs hurt where they have suffered the most impact as Kylo was unable to brace for the fall. He feel as if his diaphragm is in his throat, obstructing his airway and making him feel mildly ill, even as it tries desperately to feed some air into his parched organism. Pain spreads from his cheekbone pressed into the ground as his eye begins to water; he will be lucky if the bone isn’t cracked.

The floor is cold and polished, he notices, as his heavy breath clouds it. He doesn’t dare try to stand, doesn’t dare move a muscle. Next to him, reflected on the obelisk floor, Hux stands, untroubled, unshifting and unaffected. 

_ “You, General, on the other hand -- continue with your good work, your success so far is pleasing to see.” _

“Thank you, Supreme Leader. I won’t fail you,” Hux replies curtly. 

Bitterness doesn’t begin to describe the sick feeling that swells and bursts inside Kylo, jealousy running hot on its heels and at its most ugly, a bilious, discolored, misbegotten infection. He’s groveling, fear-stricken,  _ rejected,  _ made to suffer all the more by being forced to watch Hux get praised by his master. 

_ “Pick yourself up, Ren. There’s room for improvement yet,”  _ Master Snoke instructs.  _ “You will be assisting General Hux on a mission to secure resources necessary for his weapon. Failure is not an option.” _

Master Snoke makes a point of looking at Kylo, as if waiting for him to protest, daring him to open his mouth. When he doesn’t, the hologram disappears.

Kylo waits a long moment before he moves. Embarrassment colors his cheeks but he says nothing and Hux, who is still there, remains silent. But there’s no sympathy in his eyes, though what Kylo would have done if it had been is another thing altogether. A calculating look is all he gets, along with a sense of pride, before Hux leaves. 

Yes, Kylo often forgets that he’s the only one who can sense the bond and sense everything from  _ across _ the bond. It’s a one way street and Kylo cannot be more bitter about it. Hux doesn’t have to wrestle with himself to contain the urge to enter Kylo’s mind, doesn’t have to restrain himself every time they’re near enough that Kylo is forced to recognize his presence. Hux is not changed  _ any _ for it. Kylo’s the only one living in his own head, the only one channeling the bond. Kylo supposes he hasn’t changed, either. And yet, Hux brushing him away so easily hurts much more than anything before. 

Kylo drags himself back to his room, infuriated with himself and his stupidity. Nothing ever changes does it? His parents certainly didn’t, and he, despite all of his efforts, is still weak to the pull of the Light.

“He was too weak,” he repeats in the silence of his own mind, and doesn’t think about the fallen Knight or what it means.

-

Hux allows him what  _ he _ deems enough time for Kylo to collect himself and restore his pride before asking for his presence at the bridge. He thinks it’s a kindness he would not have extended, but does so nonetheless because he sees Kylo as an equal and because of some sentiment Kylo can’t decode while also trying to focus on what he’s being told. 

He can see the vein in Hux’s forehead starting to pulse, which means he must have noticed Kylo’s divided attention. His voice takes on a shrill pitch that Kylo has heard him use when addressing a group of soldiers, drawing all eyes to him. He glances at Kylo from time to time when he’s not reading off of his datapad, mouth forming a downcurl that gets more severe the more he does it. 

His body is telling a story of discomfort and insecurity that his emotions confirm. There’s doubt within him, but it isn’t about the job. It’s the same shade as Hux, as he’d known him before, just at the start. 

“Ren? Do you concur?” Hux asks him finally, setting the datapad down on the console in front of him with such intensity that Kylo thinks it might have cracked.

Kylo, already embedded in Hux’s mind, needs only moments to see what his question concerns and to nod in agreement. 

“It would be foolish to think they left the kyber crystals in the mines. For something so valuable, they would feel compelled to hide it somewhere they think is more safe,” Kylo says looking at the map projection that fills the space between them.

Kylo had been only vaguely surprised when he learned Hux was hunting down kyber crystals. It was a tactic left over from the previous war; the Empire under Palpatine had learned to excavate the crystals and utilise their large power potential. The First Order, made from the remnants of those imperials who survived followed this tried and true method for superior artillery. Now, Hux is looking to build his monstrosity with them. Having emerged from the obscurity of the Outer Rim, the First Order certainly liked expensive and rare gadgets and materials for their ships. Kylo could sense, even before he stepped on the  _ Finalizer _ , that Hux had used kyber crystals for construction of its weapons. 

However, unlike fifty years ago, kyber crystal has become so rare that it’s more efficient to have outposts everywhere and pay well for scavenged goods from old Empire ships, than trying to find and mine them. Whatever method Hux had used to get intel on such a large shipment of kyber crystal must have come at an even greater price than their procurement; otherwise he wouldn’t be so anxious about it. Kylo wonders briefly if they’re working off good information at all, but decides that it doesn't really matter. 

“If there really is kyber on the planet, I will be able to feel it,” Kylo suggests. “If there isn’t - or it has been moved, sold, or destroyed - securing the mine is still a substantial opportunity.”

Kylo continues, “The planet used to be one of the biggest outposts for smugglers until the Republic claimed it, a few years back. There will be more security because of it, but it also means that they won’t risk moving the product around too much before it’s shipped out.”

Hux switches the images on the projector. Instead of the planet, it now shows the terrain around the mine. The weather isn’t ideal but, considering it’s a desert planet that only accumulates moisture deep within the earth, he supposes it can’t be helped. The topography itself allows for a proper camouflage; the mountains that stretch in segments above the mine are good for cover. 

“We’ll wait for the night. Dealing with the soldiers will be easier then, less of a mess,” Kylo adds, echoing what Hux had been thinking.

Kylo distinctly remembers offering the general a carte blanche. However, he’d never thought them working together would end up being like this. Filled with a strange friction which serves only to collide them together and have them take chunks out of each other. Rather, he’d offered it as the only thing he’d been able to give to the general; his time and his abilities. He’d misstepped, misjudged.

“Do you have information about the number we will be facing?” Kylo asks. 

Hux shakes his head. “It is why the Knights are necessary. We know there is at least one military station there, standard Republic size. We have information about the security measures and guard shift rotations.”

_ But, _ Kylo can sense, all this information Hux is taking with great deal of precaution. If they fail it will be a disaster. No risks, then. They take the mine, and every soldier within it, or the whole planet goes.

-

Kede arrives to the Finalizer in much her usual fashion; almost without notice. She appears by his side, a silent shadow, her presence a familiar pressure in the Force that coils around him, like a cat around its master’s legs. He had called for her because she was the closest of all the Knights, and he needs someone to watch his back once they deploy.

In truth, it should feel selfish to yoke a Knight to his own punishment. However, after acknowledging the importance of the mission, he needs to be certain of victory. Kede doesn’t mind, he senses. She’d been bored anyways. 

This is her first time working with the First Order, and she watches the soldiers with intense interest, perhaps noticeable only to Kylo thanks to the helm that she wears over her face. Thin as her race is, she’s swift and silent, her weapons of choice are vibroblades and soundless blasters that allow complete furtiveness. She will do fine in this mission.

“General,” Kylo says over the comm that have been all but forced into his hands. “Have you prepared the stealth team?”

“They’re ready to dispatch,” Hux replies succinctly. 

“Then we should leave,” Kylo says, more to Kede than Hux.

Kede nods, already turning softly on her heel toward the designated shuttle. They will be arriving in one, and six more will follow after them. If the mission is successful, the other shuttles will help distribute the load of the loot. If they fail, they will make sure they shoot down every last ship before it can reach hyperspace. It’s up to the stealth team, once they get on planet, to contact Hux so he can turn on their jammers so no distress signal can get out. 

The descent to the planet is almost peaceful, if not for the fact that Kylo can almost smell the thick nerves in the air. Not nervousness, per se, but expectation. The soldiers are already prepared to kill.

G-0414, better known as Gohar by smugglers, is a large planet that once was covered by an iodine ocean. The sedimentary mineral layers in the rocks and sand had eroded after the ancient ocean had disappeared, forming mountains colored in stripes of beige, orange and deep maroon. Deep within them, fused with the thick mountain walls, the remains of ancient creatures sit forever frozen in their last breath. The rest of the planet, like the mountains, bears signs of its past, from the last evaporating salt-lakes to shells and bones littering the ground like tree leaves in autumn. 

Once they’re on Gohar, they wait for the night. Then, as quietly as they can, they leave the ship and make their way to the iron colored mountains, where they start to climb. 

Half of the stealth team separates to go search for the army base. They should not be noticed, but Kylo takes no chances. The Force is with him, readily in his grasp in case of an emergency. Whatever he may say, he knows Hux would rather avoid losing resources in a head-on battle. If there are no kyber crystals in the mine, as Kylo suspects, it’s better for them to pull out unnoticed.

Kylo had gleaned this from Hux’s mind before he’d left and is still undecided about whether he should act on it. Instead of pondering too much he takes a breath and allows the Force to guide his senses across the mountain and down the steep incline to the mine’s large mouth. He brushes against minds there, four– five– six–, and continues his search within the mine. He’s momentarily distracted when the captain of the stealth team announces the presence of an approaching starship. 

It’s a simple carrier, armed with even more soldiers who take up positions next to the other guards once the carrier grounds. There must be something in the mine that they wish to protect. 

“Group B has found the base,” Hux informs them over the comms.

Kylo counts how many minds he senses. Beneath their feet he can also sense something large, conducting his Force efforts and amplifying them. With the captain as sniper, covering their backs, and Kede by his side, they have a good chance of success.

He hits his comms. 

“Hux,” he whispers, “jam them.”

“Momentarily,” is Hux’s reply. 

“Captain, cover us,” Kylo instructs before looking at his Knight. She nods at him. 

They have surprise on their side and the advantage of night vision, thanks to their helmets. Twenty-five New Republic soldiers in total is a large number by any means; they should play this as smart as they can. 

Kede focuses on the soldier’s blasters, slowly crushing them with the Force so if they’re discharged, they should combust. Kylo, on the other hand, focuses on the boulders that surround them as they make their way down the side of the mountain. The larger rocks he simply levitates inches from the ground, but the smaller rocks he picks up and draws back, building tension against their release.

Kylo feels the apprehension within the minds of the soldiers unknowingly mirror this tension; even they sense something isn’t quite as it should be. They clutch their blasters closer, forming tighter circles. They try to scan their surroundings but with Kede’s force abilities, detection by their limited senses is impossible. 

The moment Kede’s feet touch the uneven rocky ground, Kylo waves his hand and the largest of the boulders moves to crush the soldiers nearest to them. Overhead, he can hear the distinctive blaster fire of a First Order sniper gun, and he watches as the red beams connect with the Republic soldiers, taking them down, and leaving them lying dead. 

The whole clearing suddenly comes alive. The soldiers immediately start firing in the direction of the stealth team Captain. In their hands, their blasters either fail to shoot or explode. It doesn’t take them down, however. Most have secondary weapons, ranging from sticks and batons to smaller blasters, and those who can, use them.

Kylo releases the tension he’s been building in the smaller rocks and they, with that force, become lethal projectiles that embed within flesh and break bone. 

Kede disappears somewhere in the shade of the boulders, the only sign that she’s even there, the sound of her daggers as they bite into enemy bodies and color the Force with shrieks of delight. 

At a distance, Kylo is at a disadvantage. Blaster fire is most dangerous that way. He ignites his lightsaber and moves to cross the distance between him and his attackers as quickly as he can. He manages to deflect some shots with it, but he can’t cover his blind side as well. Instead, he expels the Force from his body in a harsh blast that freezes anything within the area, and only once he cuts down the soldiers in front of him does he notice the shot that should have connected with the back of his head, and the soldier who pulled the trigger. 

Kylo bypasses the hovering blaster shot and cuts down the soldier with a brutal swing of his lightsaber. There are other soldiers already at his back, threatening to surround him, and he lets the blaster shot continue its destined path right into the chest of one of them.

Seeing the result of this type of Force move he utilises it again, only on a larger area. He feels the strain of it inside his mind, feels something warm and viscous bloom in his mouth and run down his throat leaving behind a salty metallic taste, but he grits his teeth and proceeds. 

Despite their precaution, the battle lasts longer than ideal. Still, there’s little that can stop a saber short of another saber. 

The last few soldiers remaining form a tight circle, back to back with each other. Two soldiers shoot at Kylo, trying to hold him off from reaching them. Concentrating on deflecting the shots, Kylo notices the explosives on the other soldiers too late. They’re holding what looks like a cluster bomb intended for razing the whole clearing. Kylo doesn’t even have the time to rise his hand for the detonator, before he sees Kede materializing next to the soldiers. She puts a quick stop to them. 

Kede snatches the detonator and cuts down the soldiers with her vibroblade. In one last desperate attempt to do his job, just before Kede can put an end to him, one of the soldiers with a blaster shoots at the bomb, hoping to activate it. Kylo slashes him with his saber but not before the damage is done. Kylo can only watch as Kede flings the bomb in the air just moments before it goes off in a link of connected explosions that send down a cloud dust and debris. 

Kylo realises he’s panting once quiet overtakes the clearing. The sound of his lightsaber is so loud he extinguishes it as quickly as he can, hooking it to his belt. 

“Captain?” Kylo says over the comms. 

“Affirmative,” the man responds.

Kylo walks to the entrance of the mine. It’s lit inside, but the lamps are turned low and cast feeble illumination across the tall ceiling and along the uneven walls. He can’t sense anyone within, but if there is kyber here, it may be interfering with his abilities.

“Kede, guard the entrance,” he orders.

“Am I not to go with you?” she ask him, striding over.

“Should something go awry within the mine, or outside of it, you’re the first and only line of defence,” he tells her. There’s a long moment in which her shoulders tense, but then she breathes a sigh, and turns.

Kylo hopes Team B managed to destroy the military base. Should they fail and the brunt of their strength be turned on the mine, Kylo will have to call in reinforcements. Best then, he thinks, to finish this quickly. 

Though he overexerted himself in his use of the Force before, he sends out feelers again. He learns nothing he didn’t know before, so he follows the large hallways deep into the heart of the mountain. Despite its outer appearance, the cave narrows marginally once he goes underground. There are metal tracks embedded in the cave floor, disturbing the fossils that have laid there for a century. The cars mounted on the tracks are there to bring whatever has been found to the surface and send down workers, but the cars themselves now sit at the very end of the tracks, covered in dark tarps and filled with mining equipment. 

Kylo has to be careful of the mine shaft’s steep sides and slippery floor. The excavations have gone deep, but Kylo cannot see even one crystal. The longer he walks, the more he expects to find a wall ahead of him where they’d stopped digging. Instead, just ahead of the cars, he notices a natural passage littered with stalactites and stalagmites, unlike the rest of the cave.

He notices the stone beneath his feet turning to sand as he walks, and once he's on the other side he isn’t sure he’s within the mountain anymore.

A large cavern gapes before him, ancient rock hanging suspended from the ceiling. Water glistens from the points of the large stalactites and falls into a mirror-still lake. Behind it, around it, below it, shining with a pulsing blue light and still lodged into the mountainside, like lanterns, giant kyber crystals bathes the whole cave in their light and Kylo with it. At first he thinks the patterns on the walls are just shadows, but soon he realizes it’s another fossil, the largest yet, a giant fish creature spreading across the entirety of the visible wall. Tail bones, normally as thin as a nail, here thicker than Kylo’s shoulders, spread deeper into the cave where Kylo cannot see. The sight arrests Kylo’s breath, and he has to remove his helmet to see it with his own two eyes. 

There are more transports and cars filled with fragments, but there is no possible way that they can take everything here and steal away into the night. They will have to take the planet if they want this.

Kylo steps closer to the lake but, as if sensing him, the kyber crystals start pulsing with Force energy. It isn’t harmful in any way, much to his surprise. Instead, it washes over him in calming waves, placating his emotions and making him forget about his exhaustion. The closer he gets, it feels as if he’s being made younger. Muscles recover from strain, his teeth and hands unclench, his mind stops pulsing. For a single, wonderful moment, everything is quiet. 

Kylo walks around the bank of the lake. He wishes he could strip out of his boots to feel the soft sand against his soles but he’s already lost too much time.

Besides the large crystals, there are smaller ones growing from the sand in the lake and all around him on the rocks. They resemble stars in the deepest darkness of a summer night when all the fireflies emerge to reflect their light. 

Kylo kneels and removes one of his gloves. The air is cold, as is the water once he dips his hand in it. The sand is fine and gentle in his hand.

He feels that, should he stay here, he could see something in this reflective mirror beside his own reflection. Something essential, simple but important. Some sort of truth which is beyond his sight. With this belief strong in his mind he cups the water into his hand and drinks. 

His lips drain the water and touch something firm in his hand; he’d not realised he’d disloged a piece of kyber with his actions. It’s a small, oval crystal with the characteristic green-blue hue of the mineral lake. Its time in the water has smoothed its jagged edges but it’s still uneven, fitting pleasantly under Kylo’s thumb.

Kylo remembers the green of the forest that lead to his Master’s citadel; recalls a memory almost forgotten -- Mora’s green eyes shining in fear and in expectation as she handed him his lost lightsaber. The last time he saw Lelek; the shine of his jade padawan beads around his neck. They’d all known what was waiting for them but fear had overcome them. After all, there had always been a possibility of their being deceived, of being lead to their deaths.

She’d nodded at him and he’d ignited it, felt its strength coursing through him, the stable beam in his hands a reassurance. Behind him, he heard the familiar sound of her saber igniting, shining a rich indigo blue.

Kylo remembers how it’d felt to drain that strength, remembers the pain when the crystal had cracked, energy exploding out of it. The connection to his lightsaber was gone and he’d been left aching. From it, a warped thing was born and it rests now on his hip, beast sated. For now.

He holds the green-blue crystal in his hand for a long moment, before moving it to his belt pouch. 

Then he stands and puts on his glove. Via the comms, he connects with the Finalizer where her crew anxiously waits for their news, just like her general, whose voice echoes within the cave. 

“Ren, report?” Hux says, voice even. 

“Hux,” Kylo says, looking around himself once more. “Take the planet.”

-

It doesn’t go the way they want it to. It never does. Taking a planet is a much bigger task than simply killing soldiers. The New Republic is furious, but with its tenuous foothold in the Outer Rim, it’s difficult for them to justify claiming resources to the new, First Order-backed, leadership of the population. It doesn’t come to a full fledged battle, but it’s a near thing. 

Kylo is long gone before he can see Hux maneuver his way into the New Republic’s, still oblivious, graces. He’s called back to the  _ Supremacy _ with Kede the moment he finishes his report to his Master.

Hux sees him off as is, apparently, protocol. In a moment of ill-advised, incautious impulsivity, he slips the kyber crystal into the pocket of the man’s greatcoat. Then, the only thing he can think about is how many days he will spend training, and how many more he will need to heal. 

\- 

There’s really something particular about the way Hux’s shoulders bear the greatcoat. It’s not the first time he thinks it, and certainly won’t be the last. Compared to his own disheveled, burnt, sooty clothes in a desperate need of mending, and his equally exhausted and scorched body, Hux appears unnaturally put together. He also, Kylo notes with a streak of hysterical amusement, appears to be alarmed at Kylo’s appearance.

“Ren,” he says out loud, but barely stops himself from speaking anything further. His mind races with questions,  _ What happened? Are you alright?  _ and those thoughts that draw him back  _ Why do I care? I shouldn’t _ .

“General,” Kylo replies, the words eliciting such pain he thinks two, or maybe five, of his ribs must be broken. 

If nothing else, he’s going to suffer battered flesh. At least he finished his mission. Barja had been on a planet with natural magnetism that defeated any and all communication devices, and some kind of wildlife that made the Force thin; a true deathtrap for any Force sensitive. Barja was tall and sturdy, and it was only due to that, and their resistance to natural elements trained into them that they, with Kylo’s assistance, managed to escape.

The medical droid finishes scanning his injuries and instructs him to sit on the med table so it can administer treatment. 

Kylo does, and takes off his helmet, leaving it hanging in his hand. He feels terrible, and though he hates for anyone to see him at such a low point, he somehow knows Hux won’t use it against him. That, or he’s too trusting of the Force and their bond. 

“A mission gone wrong?” Hux asks.

If Kylo were someone else, and Hux was not himself, he’d think he hears a note of concern. However, as they can only be themselves, he’s almost confident it’s tiredness he’s picking up in Hux’s tone. 

“I finished my mission successfully. This is from training. And Master Snoke.”

Breathing is a terrible chore in this state. He wishes he could lay down and sleep. Barja had suffered worse still, so he doesn’t feel justified in complaining.

“And you’re being sent on a new mission, I assume?” 

“I’m to await further instructions here on the  _ Finalizer _ ,” Kylo replies. He had ran away from  _ Supremacy _ to lick his wounds in peace. He just hopes Hux doesn’t see it. 

With his mind carefully blank, Hux’s face tells him little of what the man is thinking. His emotions are in a turmoil, but that could be for any number of reasons. His Starkiller Base getting approval, funding, and actually coming along according to schedule certainly could be one of the reasons. 

“You’re projecting,” Hux says, wincing in pain. 

“Are you still hunting rebels?” Kylo asks instead. 

That has been one of the ongoing missions Hux has had as a general of the First Order. With the Resistance extinguished, he could easily move through space without interference from the New Republic. 

Hux unfreezes from his spot at the doors and steps closer, relaxing somewhat in the privacy of the empty medbay. 

“They’re a nuisance and they hide themselves like a snake hides its legs,” Hux says, bitter. “But fire has always done the trick.”

“They’re not just going to let you do whatever you want,” Kylo says, amused. 

“I will destroy them,” Hux says, easy as anything. He’s confident in it, too. Kylo wonders if he’s seen his mother be confident like that in anything . 

Hux winces again and Kylo feels the urge of the impossible, wanting to take back the thought. He doesn’t need Hux knowing anything of his past. It would only make things complicated for their so-called truce. 

But Hux says nothing about her. Instead, he seems to lose himself in thought somewhere, and Kylo is too weak to focus enough to read where he’s gone. Only that a small sigh escapes from his lips, before he leans onto an empty med bed, hands supporting him. 

Kylo wants to ask about it, and about the foreign pain he feels somewhere in his gut. He wants to talk about their bond. Wants to see what Hux did with his gift. But one of the rules of ignoring what they share is not to bring it up, so he stays silent until the medical droid is done with his injuries. When he exits the medical bay Hux is still there, left suspended somewhere between reality and dream.

-

The rift that they’d silently agreed to maintain by ignoring their Force bond seems to develop naturally once Master Snoke decides that having joint conferences with both of them is a much wiser use of his time. No amount of comfort from it can subdue Kylo’s hunger for his Master’s words of praise, and he does try to do his best. To be the best. It can’t keep his rage at bay either, not the jealousy that starts twisting inside him like terrible vines that strangle any other feeling but vitriol. In such a state to despise someone is easy and Hux, it seems, reflects that progression. 

Who is he, Kylo seethes, to monopolize his Master’s time when he has nothing of interest, no Force, no ability, no sense for anything but warfare. Kylo could, very easily, choke the life out of him and he would be replaced with another, just like him. Raw ambition cannot hold a candle to the abilities he wields. 

Kylo thinks about doing it, and yet, every time, he feels as if he’s betraying a part of himself. Perhaps the dark half, the one that tells him he  _ can _ , but that he doesn’t want to. Not really. Because, he realises, he won’t share this strange connection with another after Hux, for better or for worse. No one has a mind quite like him, though these days, Kylo abstains from even brushing it. 

In Master Snoke’s presence, it seems his emotions are the most clear, and he revels in the clarity of his contempt. His master has always shared his powers with Kylo, and he isn’t surprised that his presence has such an effect. It’s like lifting a heavy blanket off raw nerves, and his emotions overwhelm him no matter how much he wishes he could be an objective spectator unaffected by them. 

They are dampened again when he’s not on  _ Supremacy _ or in the Citadel, when he’s not communicating with his Master. It makes everything blurry, leaves Kylo confused, blind. The voice inside his head, then, is a helping hand. 

There’s no love lost between Hux and him, therefore he doesn’t feel terrible when one of the general’s ships is destroyed by the Resistance. The man suffers his Master’s wrath, and Kylo finally feels pleased. Vindicated. 

The discomfort Hux feels is so obvious Kylo wonders why he thought the man an unexpressive enigma when his face clearly betrays so much. Under the heady intoxication of praise, Kylo goes on to finish his missions until he uses it all up, like perishables, and he starts craving more. 

The Starkiller Base is coming along well through Hux’s effort. The  _ Finalizer _ often finds itself in the planet’s path and Kylo, by extension. He’s surprised, however, to note that he can’t sense Hux anywhere on the ship once his command shuttle lands in bay C-04. 

Kylo might not know much about Hux but certain things are clear: he’s a child of stars and open space, a respectable officer of the First Order, and an incredibly linear-minded person. Organisation, protocol, rules, and laws are what keeps him in check. And a captain, or a general, doesn’t leave their ship unattended. 

It’s so jarring, Kylo finds himself reaching, trying to grasp the strings of Hux’s mind, but it seems the distance is too great. He goes to the command bridge seeking answers. One of the officers Kylo has always seen through Hux’s eyes - when he dared to look - stutters out an explanation.

“He’s on planet, sir,” a black haired young officer says. “Overseeing a repair.”

What madness overcomes Kylo then, to go after Hux, he isn’t sure. But he finds himself in his command shuttle, flying down and circling into orbit, before he heads for a gaping open wound which is slowly starting to become Hux’s weapon. 

It’s a grisly piece of machinery. Something, logically, only Hux’s mind can invent. 

Kylo has never been on Starkiller before and navigating to find a docking space and entrance to the monstrosity of the Base is a barrier easily defeated by using the Force. The stormtroopers settled outside one of the landing pads aren’t expecting his shuttle but, testament to their training, they say nothing and simply open the doors for Kylo to step into the base. He follows Hux’s disjoined thoughts until they start making sense and then Kylo knows he’s close.

Every step he takes leads him to another hangar, empty of ships but full of construction machines. Hux is there with a handful of other – unimportant – people and suddenly Kylo’s mind draws a blank. 

What did he think he’d accomplish by coming here? He feels Hux, now. Intensely and overwhelmingly clear. It’s a shock of cold water hitting his face. He feels as if, for the first time in a while, his eyes are completely open and he’s aware of himself, of others, and of his actions. 

Hux is speaking with the engineers as he watches the progress of the repairs and Kylo thinks he must not notice him when he turns and slips away. Lead only by thoughtfeel it takes him time to navigate back to his shuttle. 

He must take a wrong turn, or his memory fails him, because instead of finding himself in front of his shuttle, he wanders farther into the base before he reaches one of the exit doors. There are fewer personnel here, less of everything, really. Once he steps out into the light, fields of glistening untouched snow greet him in a blinding cacophony of fractured light, making everything around him appear glowing and mirror-like. He hadn’t realised exactly how dark it had been inside. 

He plans on turning around and retracing his steps, but before he can, he feels a strange pull towards the forest that edges the snow, in the distance. A curiosity of sorts, perhaps, though it feels like a knot of feeling inside his chest, tightening with each step he takes towards the treeline. 

The wind is merciless out in the open, carrying with it snow and the smell of welding. The tall, blue trees refuse to bow to it, and instead, stoic and austere, they cluster together and hold steady against it. Its cold breath passes through Kylo like an unassuming thread through the eye of a needle. Once in his lungs it yanks its chain and pain bursts from within, a thousand pinpricks that spread with each new breath of its cruel grasp. Kylo feels as if he were hollow, like a goosepen or a cave, suffering with each new burst of the gale.

Slowly, Kylo starts walking. The more he’s there the more he sees the trees aren’t blue or black, just that the light of the planet gives such a shade to them, sunlight usually unable to reach all the way down to the roots. Strangely for a forest, it’s desolate. Kylo feels as if he’s the only thing in it for miles. And yet he sees fallen trees, sees branches snapped, sees tracks in the snow whose origin is unknown to him. A vision, like a flash, consisting of lights - red and blue - plays before his eyes and disappears with the same haste it had come. Meaning is lost in its speed. Has he been here before?

His feet leave deep prints in the snow. He can hear the crunch of it under his heel with every step. The cold is not intolerable, much to Kylo’s surprise. His experience with snow planets is a nightmarish cocktail of sub-zero temperatures and sweltering heat of warming body suits that let him keep all of his appendages intact but make him tire quickly and sweat through layers of protective insulated fabric. He is relieved they won’t be necessary for the base.

When he looks up, way beyond the tree tops, the sky is grey and darkening. He's lost time again, and his mind, it seems.

“Ren!” he hears suddenly, cutting through the silence he's become accustomed to. 

There's the sounds of feet then, determined, hurried. Kylo stands his ground until Hux catches sight of him where he stands in one of the small clearings in the forest. 

He's agitated, that much is clear to Kylo even without reading his mind.

Distracted, Kylo turns back to the forest. There's something in it; he can taste it in the air, in the very breath leaving Hux’s mouth.

“Ren,” Hux repeats himself, calmer. As if he can't help himself, he asks, “What are you doing?”

Kylo could reply with any number of scathing remarks. Instead he simply says, “Looking.”

“Right,” Hux says, exasperated. “I’m going to leave for the  _ Finalizer _ now and  _ it _ ’s leaving with me. I suggest you come with me now, if you want to get off planet.“

Kylo turns towards the man then, feeling agitation propel him through snow and into his space. 

“Have you been searching for me, General?” he asks.

Hux's face twists. “I heard you were on planet, inside a very literal weapon. I had to.”

Of course, Kylo thinks. He's wrecked the  _ Finalizer _ , there’s no evidence he won't wreck Starkiller.

“Go on, then,” Kylo says. He watches Hux’s face dance, stuck in a puzzling expression whose meaning Kylo cannot discern. He looks almost spooked. 

Despite this, Hux turns and leads Kylo back.

-

Privacy is an odd thing for Kylo. Ben had always coveted it, but rarely had the luxury. Now, though he is often by himself, he is never alone. His master is a constant presence in his mind. 

Fighting against the invasion is a useless effort fiercely punished, and often Kylo feels like a cracked egg, leaking thoughts everywhere after his master’s visits. Hiding anything is useless. Absolute obedience is the only way. 

Upon contemplation, he finds that he and Hux are in a similar position, or could have been, were they acknowledging the bond. He’d seen the crystal waters of Hux’s mind, had swam in them, had been a part of them. He understands the structure of the man’s psyche. Because of this, Kylo knows that to break, Hux he needs to break his mind first. That ability lays in the warm pulsing presence of their bond that refuses to leave either of them. Should Kylo wish for it, it would be easy to accomplish. But the thought - of doing to Hux what his Master does to him - leaves him disconsolate, no matter the anger Hux had managed to rouse within him. Pain has been a long-time acquaintance, a guest he never invites into his house but who ends up intruding anyway. Pain is the lesson Snoke teaches, but Kylo very much doubts that it’s the curriculum Hux had taken in his Academy days. 

Corporal punishment is something Kylo is used to in the physical presence of his Master, verbal when before his hologram, and mental in the absence of either. But during all their missions, in all their successes and failings, Hux had  _ never  _ been subjected to it. Why Kylo thought he was exempt is beyond him. Perhaps, because  _ he _ had thought Hux beyond it. Because there was a better punishment for someone like him.

He’s surprised when he sees Hux seizing up next to him. The rigid lines of his body twist, his face distorts in pain, a sharp gasp leaves his lungs as if his whole body is constricted in the tight grasp of a giant hand. Hux has failed, at what Kylo isn’t sure, dazed as he becomes in the presence of his Master and especially lately during conferences like these, but he knows Hux has. 

He also knows, rationally, that he should be smug, or at least, indifferent to what Master Snoke is doing. But instead, faced with Hux’s pain, he gets such a strong rush of adrenaline and the urge to stop it, he shocks himself into freezing completely. 

It’s betrayal to its very core. 

The very next moment Hux drops and hits the floor, body trembling as if he’d been struck by electricity. He hasn’t; there would be a stench of singed hair and burnt flesh. Kylo knows, he’s been on the receiving end of his Master’s anger outbursts many times before .

“No more mistakes,” Master Snoke’s holo projection says, before it cuts off. 

They’re left in the silence of an empty room, Hux’s breath the only thing filling the void. Kylo, who has rarely found himself controlling his urges, bends and grabs his arm just above the elbow. Hux is not terribly heavy, and lifting him requires little exertion by Kylo. Hux, he sees, hates him for it. For all of it. 

In his shame, he brushes Kylo’s hand off, anger filling the places where his ego is wounded. 

“Are you amused? Are you  _ satisfied _ ?” he spits, trying to look as if he weren’t shaken. 

“Were you?” Kylo asks, and the neutral tone of his distorted voice seems to anger the General even more. 

Though his usually pasty complexion changes to a deep warning red, and his whole body begins to quake while attempting to contain the accumulating wave of fury, the futility of which is heralded by the sound of crunching leather when he fists his hands, what’s the most telling are his eyes. They blaze, alive, and oppose the meaning of their color. There’s nothing controlled or complacent, nothing silent and serene, in Hux’s blue eyes. Kylo had always thought the color of rage to be red, and he finds he was wrong. 

“Do you hate me, General?” Kylo finds himself asking, before he can think it through. 

And there’s a part of him that goes silent when Hux opens his mouth, quick to reply. He waits on the precipice and feels the tidal wave of Hux’s emotions outgrow him, until Kylo can barely make out the crest. Then, the wave breaks in a devastating and violent torrent.

“Are you mocking me? Are you insane?” Hux’s voice goes shrill and it’s like getting slapped. “Can’t you  _ feel _ it or something, you  _ freak? _ ”

Hux gathers himself as best he can and storms out of the room. Behind him, the lights flicker. Kylo stands still and feels something, in the distance, sputtering out and dying. 

-

Communication has never been a necessity for them, and after the incident, it’s something both of them avoid. Still, despite the animosity, Kylo finds himself on Starkiller Base again. There’s nothing attractive about the death machine within it, but Kylo is drawn to the forest. Wandering through the woods, as if they were a maze leading to a prize, he wades through snow to no avail. Whatever he’s searching for is hidden from his gaze.

As of late, Kylo has found his emotions to be turbulent and, in turn, they return him to the forests of the Citadel, when he was still just a child, staring Hux in the face, uncertain in anything other than that Hux was on his side. Echoes in his mind form questions that Kylo is afraid of posing and, through it all, he knows the shameful reality,that he values Hux’s opinion of him. 

There seems to be a revelation slowly weaving itself in front of him but it’s hazy and incoherent, and Kylo is left only with questions of  _ why _ and  _ how _ , and the rebuttal of his mind that tells him that the only important people are himself and Master Snoke. But he’s never been too good at listening to reason.

He makes up his mind then but, just to be contrary it seems, once he boards the  _ Finalizer _ , Hux requests his presence in his quarters. 

For a moment, Kylo thinks to decline. He could do that. Though he isn’t military, doesn’t know protocol, he is aware of the fact that Hux and he, for whatever reason, seem to be of the same rank in the system.

Curiosity wins out, however, and he goes. He prepares himself on the way; he’s allowed himself to be too vulnerable in Hux’s presence. It’s simple bias, he understands it. He’s imprinted on the General because of the strange connection they share, because he is, after all, one of the first people he saw after he’d turned. But strip that all away, there is no reason for himself to allow Hux’s outbursts like before. 

With that thought, he arrives in front of Hux’s doors and requests entrance. It’s granted immediately, and he steps inside Hux’s room. 

To his surprise, the layout is much the same as his own. Everything’s utilised to its full potential, from the wardrobe to the tall shelves. Kylo uses his room to sleep. Hux, Kylo realizes, has been living on ships since he was a child and it shows. 

The desk that Hux is sitting behind removes any notion that this is a social call. Though privacy is valuable to Hux, he is still in his General’s attire. Once he sees Kylo, he levels him with an even look, none of the rage of previous days present within it. No contempt, nothing that Kylo has felt itself build within both of them over months of working together. 

So when Hux instructs him to take a seat, Kylo sits.

“I need to speak with you,” Hux says, after a silent moment stretches thin. 

“Here I am, General,” Kylo replies, knowing his dry tone will annoy the general. 

Hux ignores his jab and says, “To you, Kylo. Not to Ren.”

For a moment, Kylo is struck dumb, too many hasty replies filling his head, and all falling short of the seriousness of the request. Then he reaches for his helmet and takes it off. 

Hux’s relief is palpable across the room, not across the bond, but from the general read Kylo has on him. His connection with the Force is such that he can never really shut himself off from it completely. 

He waits, quiet, for Hux to start speaking. However, it seems it only becomes more difficult for him. There’s conflict within him, that much Kylo understands. He sees him bite the inside of his cheek, sees his shoulders stiffen.

He looks at Kylo with an intensity that pins him in place. “You asked me if I hated you.”

Kylo scoffs, Hux’s illusion broken. 

“After I calmed myself down, I asked myself, why? Isn’t it strange? Did you never ask yourself  _ why _ we’ve ended up hating each other despite our... _ circumstance _ ?” Hux asks. 

Kylo knows the tone, knows there’s a reason for all of this. He should cut it off immediately, feels danger grow the more time he spends sitting in Hux’s chair. He doesn’t admit to anything, but he also doesn’t leave. Hux takes that as a sign and continues. 

“I have overseen the stormtrooper training program. I understand how people behave. In the Academy, as children, we hated each other but we were taught to put aside out feelings for the success of our missions. We were also taught that, if we can finish the mission and achieve our personal goal, we’ve managed to understand the concept of galactic politics. Now as officers, we can apply that knowledge in our pursuit of the galaxy.”

Hux turns slightly in his chair. 

“Think, when did we start to hate each other?” Hux asks him. His eyes are, Kylo notes, an impossibly clear grey.

Kylo doesn’t have to think too much about it. He knows, and though it is a betrayal, he’s thought about this at length. 

“After my prolonged presence on the  _ Finalizer _ ,” Kylo replies softly. 

“More specifically,” Hux pushes. 

“After Master Snoke started speaking with us...together,” Kylo says. 

“Exactly,” Hux says, as if that proves anything. He doesn’t crow, at least. He just nods. 

“After the Supreme Leader’s involvement, we started drifting. When he slaps you, he rewards me. And vice versa. I’m aware,” he continues, “that rivalry sometimes can be beneficial. But all of this has been feeling wrong for... a long time now.”

“What are you saying?” Kylo says, voice dropping low, barely above a growl. 

Despite it, despite the warning contained within it, Hux looks him in the eyes and asks, “How much do you trust our Supreme Leader, Kylo?”

“Such a thought is treason,  _ General _ ,” Kylo reminds him. He feels something sneer within him, something set on protecting his Master.

“I know,” Hux replies. “I’m aware of that. And the fact that I am just a pawn. Through the First Order, through me, the Supreme Leader gets his wishes fulfilled. And, in exchange, I am able to climb and grab what I want.”

_ Power, _ Kylo thinks. Same as him.

“I am aware he is using me. That is not the problem,” Hux says. But, just as he’s about to explain it, he seems to fall short for words. He ends up saying, “We never talked about our connection. Not after...well.”

“I was under the impression you weren’t interested,” Kylo says carefully, feeling himself grow even more on edge. 

  
“I tried ignoring it, but we both know that does nothing. It’s withstood years,” Hux says eyes distant. “Why wouldn’t it withstand our silence?”

“What do you  _ want _ ?” 

“To  _ understand _ what is happening. Our bond is, currently, an essential part of ourselves. If ignoring it doesn’t help, then I will acknowledge it. And, though I am not as versed in this as you, I know when something feels  _ wrong _ .”

Kylo clenches his jaw, gnashing his teeth. His head feels heavy, pain suddenly overwhelming. 

“You can read it right here,” Hux says tapping his forehead. “Can’t you?”

The challenge raises anger within him, and though he’s been known to wound minds when entering them, he slips right into Hux’s like he has always done. Like it’s his own and like he’s never tried to abstain from it since the beginning. 

The sensation of thoughts, of emotions against his agitated being is overwhelming, and yet, soothing tendrils of lulling consciousness even his edges. Then, Kylo feels like he’s sinking to the bottom of the ocean. 

Hux’s mind is so focused on the topic they were speaking about, he can easily see what the man thought was wrong. In Hux’s memory, he sees himself getting hurt and he feels the flashes of pleasure, sees the shame form from them and above all, he sees concern spike within the man. It replays, along with denial and rationalization.

There are memories there, beyond Master Snoke’s reach, and he feels their tenderness. And he’s right there, in that moment full of tension, of ‘must not’s and ‘could have been’s, and he feels the fire within him reignite, and feels the comfort of the bond once more pulsing strongly between their minds. 

When he pulls back, he’s shaking in his chair. 

“Master Snoke is showing us the way to power. He is teaching me to use the Force. He is the one true answer.” He sounds desperate, even to himself.

“It is what you believe, yes,” Hux says calmly. In his eyes, perhaps for the first time, he sees pity. 

“There’s no denying him. There is no betrayal,” Kylo states, getting to his feet. “He can sense it. He is--” Kylo grabs his head “--right. Here. Always.”

“I find your struggle against the notion telling. Though I'm unsure to what conclusion you’ve come. Regardless,” Hux shrugs. “The facts are these: The Supreme Leader has seen fit to pit us against each other for reasons beyond our understanding, but which aren’t beneficial to either of us or to our missions.”

Hux seems to relax then and he even looks cocky when he asks, “If he’s always in your mind, how come he hasn’t asked about the connection?”

_ How come, indeed _ , a voice inside his mind asks and it sounds like his mother did when he was a child. 

Kylo pulls the thought back immediately, feeling the need to purge his mind. If Master Snoke sees it, if he gets even an inkling of these treasonous thoughts swirling inside his head, there will be blood. 

Hux watches him, for a time. Then, he says, “You’re scared.”

“I’m  _ loyal _ ,” Kylo replies. 

Why he hasn’t left he doesn’t know. Knowing himself, his own temper, he should have destroyed something by now. But there’s no red haze covering his eyes. He feels, perhaps for the first time in years, impossibly sober. 

“I’m not telling you we should overthrow him, don’t be ridiculous,” Hux says tone stiff. “I’m just telling you we’re being played like puppets on strings.”   
  


And that is marginally worse. But no, he isn’t being used, Kylo tells himself. Hux is simply trying to rationalize again. Trying to understand a bad situation. His Master has promised to teach him the ways of the Force, to make him powerful, to, finally, end his pain and the struggle that comes with feeling the Light, to form him into something akin to his grandfather, but far stronger and more durable. He is Kylo’s only salvation.

_ Think on it, _ Hux says inside his own mind. Kylo realizes he’s been speaking in it the whole time. 

Kylo gathers any and all control he has left over his fraying nerves. “For my benefit, and yours, I will pretend this conversation never happened.”

He storms out of Hux’s room, leaving the man staring after him. 

  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the wonderful [groffiction](http://groffiction.tumblr.com)

Kylo dreams. He sees his past in incoherent fragments that pass through his incorporeal being, all spiraling from two clasped hands of the woman that seems always to be there in his mind, like a herald and a warning. Kylo takes a breath and finds himself on Starkiller Base. The forest surrounds him in every direction, towering trees with trunks as wide as he is, telling him he’s near its heart. An ache within him begins anew once the hooks within his mind tug and he feels the pull to the Starkiller forests once again. 

Kylo sets off in the direction of the woods and, though in reality he could never find what he was searching for, now he feels the moment he comes upon the right spot. Flashes blind him, things of what were or will be, but, just like his memories, these visions are also fractured in his splintered mind allowing him only glimpses of the cryptic messages he’s being sent. Then, he feels a presence behind him, and he reaches for his lightsaber and ignites it. 

However, once he turns his head, he realises there is no great danger. No monster, no shadow, no green light ready to strike. Instead, he stares at himself: dirty, young, and foolish. An image from just before he cut off his braid and just after he’d killed his brothers and sisters. 

The feelings all make sense then and he understands the ridiculous sentiment that he feels swell within him in Hux’s presence; it’s  _ nostalgia _ . 

His lightsaber lets out a low growl once he turns completely. This illusion of his younger self is worse than any danger he ever previously imagined. Not even Master Snoke could rival that which faces him now. 

Young Ben looks him in the eyes, unafraid, stuck between forms, yet unshifting. He’s never left that space between killing Ben and becoming Kylo, has he? He’s just gotten older. But he renounces Ben now, as he couldn’t then. 

He raises his saber to point at his former self. Though forever changed, Kylo gets a feeling of recognition from the weapon, and a deep pain and yearning before it falls silent. Kylo tries to remember that, in dreams, even this is possible. In reality, his crystal has been silent since Kylo drained it. Only its strength remains, even altered as it is.

“Are you going to kill me, Ben Solo?” he asks the mirage. 

But the figure stays unmoving, unwavering. Kylo hates it and all that it represents. However, even though he wishes to cut it, he feels weak. It feels like this imposter is wrapped in a tight golden thread. He blinks and Hux is standing there, in front of him, next to the mirage. He looks like he did just after he’d given voice to his treasonous thoughts: firm and sure in himself.

A burst of feeling for the man strikes him, and it’s such a strong protective urge against  _ himself _ that even his hand wavers. It hasn’t wavered since  _ then _ . He knows, in that moment, that he couldn’t cut Hux, no matter what forced his hand.

Hux doesn’t understand, he reasons. He doesn’t know why Master Snoke is integral to Kylo. But Kylo could make him understand. He could explain. 

Ben Solo looks at him, through him, distant. He’s there, within him, always. He’s starving, straining to turn to the Light. This Ben Solo doesn’t see what Kylo sees now. Doesn’t see his uncle standing above him, doesn’t recognize the green of his saber. Everything is so fresh, he still has to process everything. But Kylo has had years. Had he stayed with the Light, he would have ended up dead. 

Betrayal is bitter in his mouth and he loathes that he can still taste it. To trust someone, completely, and for them to betray you is the greatest possible loss. His father had betrayed him and his uncle. Now, Hux insinuates that Master Snoke, as well, is only using him for his powers. Kylo refuses to believe that. His faith in Master Snoke must be unwavering. 

Ben Solo stands, frozen, and from next to him Hux disappears. Kylo feels like he can finally breathe. 

-

Kylo remembers a poem his mother used to read to him. The words are out of order now, jumbled in his recollection, but it speaks of hope, of icy lairs and freezing caves. The way it feels remains the same, despite how Kylo has changed since then.

When he sees Hux next, Kylo feels just as he does about the poem. It would have been perfect, had everything been in order. But the feeling, the one deep within him which compels him to the man before him, is undeniable. Hux is magnetic, his mind a one of a kind treasure. He wishes he could know more of it than what he gets to see. 

There are always parts of him, Kylo thinks, that he needs to deny or purge from himself. His uncle, during his Jedi training, had tried to divorce him from the Dark Side, as if it was as simple as finding the correct philosophy by which to live. Luke never married; he had the Force and it was enough for him. But to Kylo, the thought of spending his whole life alone, save for the Force, had scared him. He would have other disciples, friends, mentors, students, but never someone truly close. Never someone like his mother, for better and for worse, had his father.

Kylo had hated being alone as he was often left to his own devices, to entertain himself or study. Snoke, even then, had been a presence. 

Joining his Master has seen little change to that routine. He has his Knights, but they, above all else, are loyal to Master Snoke. None of them are the children Kylo had brought with him anymore. Even reading their minds, Kylo doesn’t think he knows them. It’s sentiment that keeps him attached to them. Yet, within his mind, he can only ever exist alone. His Master is his only visitor there, present but distant and rarely one to talk, if it isn’t a command. No, Kylo had been alone until Hux. 

Everything has a reason for being as it is, his mother had told him. From the matter and antimatter particle pairs that annihilate each other is a flash of violent energy, a barely noticeable asymmetry of billion-and-one to a billion that allowed lone hadrons to survive in a young, cooling universe in a sea of photons. Those were the building blocks that created the universe, the Force, and everything since, even the confusion mazes of innumerable minds across galaxy, and their motivations behind people’s behaviour. Ulterior motive, Leia had said, but motive all the same. 

Reason was a tool she’d used easily and often, a quality he never shared with her, but sees in Hux. But to accept Hux’s treasonous words is to accept defeat. It would be to fall, untethered, into despair and Kylo is tired of pain. 

Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from occupying Hux’s mind. He’s welcome there now and he stays as long as he can, though their paths start to diverge when Kylo finds new clues to where Skywalker is hiding. 

They don’t discuss their meeting, don’t mention the subject though Kylo can feel now that Hux thinks of it every time he sees Kylo. 

Leaving the Finalizer makes him go cold and callous towards anything and anyone he encounters, and the chill spreads within his body and isolates him in his own mind so he is nothing more than a thinking machine. The next time he speaks with Hux is on his yet unfinished planet-turned-weapon, he feels himself begin to thaw. Ironic, he thinks, considering the planet’s climate. 

“You’re wrong,” Kylo says. It’s the first thing out of his mouth when he sees Hux. 

Hux looks up from his datapad, brows drawing up in concern. They’re in Hux’s office, Kylo having just stormed in.

“About the Supreme Leader,” Kylo explains once he has his helmet off. It’s gotten easier to speak with Hux without it. Since he has access to Hux’s mind, he can at least offer this in return. 

  
Hux’s mind registers his face and warms, and Kylo sees that Hux is pleased. It’s strange to think that he will do little things like this - that mean so very little to him - just to see Hux’s attention shift.

“I thought the last mission had gone awry,” Hux says, relaxing. 

His eyes shift back to the datapad but he extends a hand in a manner that Kylo has learned means he is free to sit. He doesn’t need permission, but it’s such a familiar move that Kylo feels prompted to do so anyways. 

Starkiller Base is, in its functional capacity, one of the largest bases Kylo has ever been on. As such, it offers a privacy the  _ Finalizer _ simply cannot. 

Hux’s office on Starkiller is much bigger than the one on the  _ Finalizer _ . It has, beside the large angular desk and chairs, a couch just underneath a large viewport that overlooks the main entrance to the base. The view now is so still, the wind having finally died down, that it appears like a picture -- black and white creating snow covered stone and cliffs, the red of First Order flags piercing his eyes and snatching the attention while metal glints in the distance, a secret waiting to be revealed. 

Kylo takes to the couch, unexpectedly tired. He’s getting older. He’s started to feel as if he’s been run over by time in an unfortunate case of a hit and run. The years of his youth he’d hoped he would sacrifice for wisdom hang over his head and he’s reminded of their passing with every aching joint - ankle and wrist - making him more and more desperate to reach his goal. 

Hux’s intel had been a welcome advantage on his latest mission, and thanks to it he returned much sooner than expected. Kylo usually goes by instinct but Hux is a methodical creature that relies on a predetermined routine that has been meticulously planned out. Which is why Kylo is so terrified of the prospect of his being right. 

Hux is working; Kylo seems to have interrupted him, because he goes right back to what he was doing. Usually, someone ignoring him would have angered him, but he welcomes the reprieve from his lessons, missions, and subsequent punishments Hux’s office provides. Kylo puts his helmet down beside himself and leans back into the soft cushions. 

The next thing he knows his consciousness is rushing back to him and Hux is standing above him, face shadowed but eyes shining. Kylo feels he’d only blinked but knows he must have fallen asleep and lost time. His neck aches, but his head doesn’t hurt much anymore. 

_ Kylo _ , Hux says in his mind like a reassurance. He isn’t entirely sure he’s supposed to hear it. Not when it wraps strings around him and pulls him into Hux’s mind. He’s suddenly drowning in so much feeling that he has to pull back lest he become overwhelmed. 

Hux’s knee is making an indent in the cushion between Kylo’s legs. He must have leaned down to try and wake Kylo. There’s conflict within him, that much Kylo has always been able to sense in anyone, and it shows in the rigidity of the hand that rises from the armrest. 

In a rare show of sentiment, Hux presses his hand to Kylo’s cheek. His thumb brushes above the arch of his eyebrow, before it trails down, following the curve of his face. Kylo watches Hux, the particular way his mouth ticks open mimicking Kylo’s when he inhales for air. 

Then, clearly, madness overcomes him and he bends down and kisses Kylo. The world, for a moment, stands still. 

Behind him, the wind howls its rage. But there’s no place for it here, not when Hux pulls away and looks as if he regrets it. 

“You should forget this moment of weakness ever happened,” he says quickly. His hand is still on Kylo’s face, as if he’s forgotten it there. The leather of the glove is pliant and soft, warm from his body heat. 

“I think you should kiss me again,” Kylo replies instead, rising his hand to hold Hux’s wrist gently in place.

“This is a mistake,” Hux replies.

“Is that a no?”

Hux kisses him. There’s really no way to explain how it feels to connect, in that moment, to another person. He could try, but he’s never been too good with his words. He stops thinking, opens his mind, and feels _ everything _ . 

Behind his ribcage, his heart’s rhythm is a staccato, and within it hope grows wings though wherefore he doesn’t know.

He presses his own hand to Hux’s face, feeling his cheekbones, and wraps his hand around his waist sitting up so he can feel Hux more firmly against him.

There’s no need to offer or to guide, Hux simply puts his other leg on the couch and sits down and suddenly, they fit together like pieces of a puzzle. His other hand in Kylo’s hair, pushing it out of his face, fisting it, and Kylo doesn’t ever want to be let go. 

They pull apart for breath, but even as their chests heave they come together again in a hurried fumble of hands and thoughts that sing  _ finally, finally, finally _ . Lips, spit wet, seal unsaid agreements; Kylo’s hands fist and crease Hux’s uniform and he hears his heartbeat in his ears. 

They’re a closed circuit, energy circling from one to another. Kylo feels it satisfying some unknown hunger within him that has never before been mollified. 

Hux is in no more control of himself than Kylo is and that is all the evidence he needs to know this is no ruse, no trick, no test. 

Hux, who looks at him and  _ sees _ him, frowns. “I am offended you’d think that,” he says. 

Kylo feels himself fall further under the thrall of the man or, at least, he falls. 

Once Kylo has something in his clutch, it is impossible to let go. Hux finds that infuriatingly funny and he laughs at him, though he doesn’t push Kylo away. 

For a moment, he appears younger to Kylo, like the officer he met all those years ago, and he, himself, feels like a child, elated at simplest things. 

“You’re terrible for me,” Hux says, allowing himself to be clutched to Kylo’s chest. They both have more important things to do beside kiss, their daily tasks and duties await to be completed, but it appears to be paramount to them right now. “Sometimes I forget I know you.”

Kylo traces lines down the convex line of Hux’s shoulder and concave curl of his back, around his ribcage and up to the collar where he can see only part of the tender flesh that hides underneath. He has no idea what he’s doing, but Hux seems keen on the idea of guiding his lips to the right spots on his jaw.

Hux’s hands press against his chest and he’s impossibly warm, sitting astride Kylo’s legs. They should probably stop. Control is, however, something Kylo has yet to master. 

The heat in Hux’s gaze is indubitable, the only prompt he needs to continue to trace his lips over any skin offered. In turn, Hux’s hands stray, exploring and leaving scorching trails that heat Kylo all over and set him alight.

Hux’s mind is comfortably warm, flashing images which show Kylo exactly how stricken he looks, how devastated. He  _ feels _ when Hux decides to move further: to take off his gloves and start plucking at the fastings that hold Kylo’s jacket together. 

His soft hands connect with Kylo’s skin and it feels like a pleasant current of electricity. It moves him out of stupor and he finishes what Hux started, pulling off his jacket and sleeveless shirt and throwing them on the couch beside him. He kisses Hux, pressing him helplessly close, hands rucking up the hem of his jacket, meeting the warm skin of his back. 

Thoughts coil in Hux’s mind and though they don’t speak, they converse all the same. Kylo can see that Hux hadn’t expected to get this far, that he’s surprised. That he’s aroused. That much Kylo can feel press against his belly. Are they really going to do this?

_ Do you want to?  _ Hux’s thoughts echo. 

_ Desperately _ , Kylo thinks and it makes Hux laugh against his mouth. It breaks the kiss and, though he may have found it an offence, Hux’s whole face changes so much that he feels his heart leap wildly in his chest. 

Short of breath, he can only stare as Hux grows younger again and his eyes glow in mirth. It’s so entirely strange, so completely opposite of what he knows, and so bewitching, Kylo isn’t sure he won’t do something stupid to see it again. 

Hux’s hand is pressed to his neck when he looks at Kylo, open affection showing on his face. Gratifying emotions swirl within Hux’s chest, but Kylo doesn’t need the Force to see this. The still lake of Hux’s face has become a rippling sea, obvious, if not for that, then for the quick breath and even quicker pulse he can feel under his fingers that circle Hux’s wrist.

“You’re ridiculous,” Hux states. A small smile curls his lip, a ghost of his laugh.

“I’m being honest,” Kylo replies, finding words. “There is no point in lying to you.”

Hux hums. “Not about this, at least.”

He undoes his belt and starts unbuttoning his uniform. Kylo watches, hands resting on Hux’s thighs. He’s never really noticed how slight Hux is until now. 

There’s no hesitation in Hux’s moves. Mind set, the only thing that seems to make his hand quiver is the excitement that he mercilessly pushes under his foot to control. His uniform jacket and pants meet Kylo’s helmet, and Kylo cannot stop himself from touching him.

His black gloves are a startling contrast against pale flesh and he quickly takes them off. The only thing that covers Hux’s frame now is a white undershirt and he rucks it up, fingers light against Hux’s skin as they feel the supple flesh and muscle beneath. He presses his lips to Hux’s chest, mouth passing the warm metal of Hux’s ID tags. 

Hux pushes their hips together tightly, and with a hand in Kylo’s hair, moves him so they kiss. There are plans in Hux’s mind, things he wants to do to Kylo that have his cock twitching inside his trousers. They move, shift, Hux thinking about supplies, lubricants. 

Kylo has no more plans than to feel Hux all over him. 

Hux finally strips his undershirt off, nails now biting into Kylo’s skin, their hips moving in a slow rhythm, nothing more than a tease. Kylo is the one who reaches down to unbuckle Hux’s pants and take him in hand. 

Hux bites his lips, laves with his tongue in apology, plans sputtering out as Kylo begins to move his hand. Kylo’s never been intimate like this with anyone. It has never held an appeal for him, until now. It’s strange to feel the pleasure that Hux feels and he tries to feed it as much as he can. 

The angle of his hand is all wrong and there’s nothing to slick the motion, and he doesn’t want to hurt Hux so it’s slow going. Hux, on the other hand, takes a moment to shake out of his stupor before he leans back to pluck the strings keeping Kylo’s pants together. He’s much better at it than Kylo was, quick to take him out. 

There’s a moment of stillness, Hux looking at Kylo’s cock, before he catches Kylo’s eyes.

“Next time,” he says, “I’m going to take you in my mouth, until you’re completely down my throat.”

Kylo feels his cheeks flush, cock twitch with the thought. Hux’s smirk is evidence of his thought being visible on his face. 

“How are you with bodily liquids?” Hux asks him.

“Indifferent,” Kylo replies. 

Hux humms, pumping him a couple of times. It’s embarrassing how quick his pleasure is evident, pre-come abudant and soaking the skin of his abdomen. Hux’s thumb circles the head, spreads the slick as much as he can, twists his wrist.

Kylo’s thighs tremble, threatening to shake. There’s more slick and Hux looks fascinated. 

“You’re so wet,” he says softly. 

Kylo has a need to cover his face, but he doesn’t. He instead tunes into Hux’s mind, feels his fascination, feels his desire. Sees a thought concerning his chest, and feels the bubbling of an embarrassed laugh deep inside his chest. 

Hux senses  _ something _ because he looks at Kylo and quirks an eyebrow. 

“You’re filthy,” Kylo says, pushing his hair out of his face and Hux’s thoughts to the forefront of his mind. His other hand fell out of Hux’s trousers when he’d moved and now lays uselessly by his side. 

“Embarrassment suits you,” Hux tells him, enticed by the images Kylo had shown him. His hand pumps Kylo’s cock twice, and settles at the base again. “ _ Pleasure _ suits you.”

Kylo can’t say anything to that. 

Suddenly, just like that, Hux slips off his lap. His gait is a little awkward, testament of the position, but he’s absolutely confident. In his mind, his objective is clear. 

In the refresher, there’s a medical kit and lubricant which are Hux’s objective. Kylo has a moment to breathe, to gather his thoughts. Hux is such an overwhelming presence sometimes it’s difficult not to focus on it. 

Barely a handful of moments pass before Hux returns, but he stops at the doors of the refresher. There’s a look in his eyes, a certain feverish,  _ hungry, _ gleam to them, telling Kylo Hux sees something he covets. 

Before Kylo can say anything, Hux walks back to him and returns to his seat astride Kylo’s lap. Hux kisses him, hard, aggressive. Kylo feels himself whimper when Hux’s hand wraps around him again, this time slick with lubricant. One of his hands finds Hux’s hip, thumb digging into the hard bone of his pelvis covered in thin, almost translucent pale skin Kylo has an urge to bite, and scratch and turn red. Kylo is surprised how large his hand appears wrapped around Hux’s waist, surprised how smooth his skin feels under his rough fingertips. His other hand smooths around Hux’s hip and lays over the small of his back and the swell of his ass, nails scratching the sensitive skin there and then smoothing it over in a chain of continuous, subconscious movements.

Pleasure transforms from a distant promise to an immediate presence, and Kylo feels his already warm cheeks grow hotter. There’s no playing around with Hux like this, no, his mind is clear in what he wants to do. 

Hux works his entire length, circles the head like before but now pulls the skin back completely. He builds up a wonderful mouth-watering tempo, before he slows down and squeezes. Kylo’s moans break through the seal of their lips, but Hux doesn’t seem to mind. Instead he traces his lips over Kylo’s jaw, bites at the spot just under his ear, traces lower to the juncture of his neck and shoulder. His necklace bumps against Kylo’s chest and presses into the skin there, creating a mark.

Kylo’s hands cling to Hux. He’s unsure if his touch is too hard, but Hux doesn’t complain. 

Then, Hux stops. Kylo leans his head back against the couch, rolls it to face Hux, feeling as if he were drunk. His hands tighten around him further when he sees Hux has reached for his own cock, slicking himself up. 

An image passes across Hux’s consciousness and Kylo understands. He takes the lubricant and pours some onto his hand. His other lays on Hux’s thigh now, thumb pressing a bruise into the soft skin there.

Hux seems to understand because he stops, and lets Kylo take both of them in hand together. The pressure is surprising, even more so when Hux ticks his hips up to fuck into his hand. 

Kylo is suddenly very close to completion. His hand moves quickly over them, and tension builds in Kylo’s body as he, instinctively, tries to hold off. 

Hux’s clean hand has returned to his hair and the other presses against Kylo’s stomach for balance. Kylo tilts his head up, and Hux immediately obliges him, kissing him. He swallows Kylo’s whimpers until his whole body is quaking and he’s gasping into the kiss.

“That’s it,” Hux says softly, encouraging.

He loses himself in it, and quickly loses control of his pleasure as well. It washes over him like warm air and soft electricity, coursing through his whole body as his release paints his and Hux’s hands white. His climax holds his body arrested until it’s finished and then releases it so he can slump, sensitive and enlightened. The movement of Hux’s cock against his own is suddenly too much, shocking him every time Hux fucks his hips up. Kylo is still hard, despite everything, and he wonders exactly what that means. 

Hux has yet to find release and in the sudden clarity, now that he’s had his wants appeased, Kylo sees exactly how affected Hux is. Sweat beads on his forehead and his stomach tightens every time he thrusts up, and there’s a wonderful flush warming his cheeks, making him human. 

Kylo speeds up his hand regardless of his own sensitivity, and Hux is suddenly coming, with a trembling breath, between them. His eyes are closed and Kylo can see his lashes press into the soft skin below his eyes, forehead creasing slightly as if in concern. His grip on Kylo’s hair is harsh, body a taut string before it suddenly isn’t. Hux tips forward and catches himself with a hand pressed into the backrest of the couch before he can fall on Kylo.

He pants, licks his red lips, looks at Kylo and then between them. 

“I thought you came,” Hux says, breath labored. 

“I did,” Kylo replies simply. Hux harrumph, as if he has thoughts about it, but doesn’t voice them. 

The reality suddenly filters in as their bodies cool in the tepid office air. Behind them, Kylo can still hear the wind, but the lights of the room are stark and show everything as it is. Kylo has just had sex with Hux, in his office, and he isn’t sure how it will be received by the other man.

Hux, for his part, simply leans back after he catches his breath and disengages. He pulls his pants up and heads for the refresher. Kylo can hear the crackle of sanitary wipes. When Hux emerges from the room, he throws a pack at Kylo and he cleans himself up before doing up his pants.

If their minds weren’t connected, Kylo supposes the sudden silence would be disheartening. But before Kylo can even start having doubts and regrets, the impossibly tender feelings come through and comfort him. Hux does not regret this, and Kylo won’t either. 

Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t get the immediate urge to cover up, and instead simply sits, shirtless, on Hux’s couch, watching the other man go about buttoning up his jacket and fastening his belt. 

Though his eyes close after a bit, the harsh light too hard on them, he knows the moment Hux gives him a onceover, because he notices the spike of interest in the man, despite what they’ve just done. And, thanks to their bond, Hux must notice how smug he is about it because he feels his own jacket hit his chest. 

“Cover up, you’re obscene,” Hux says.

Kylo’s smirk grows and he cracks his eyes to look at Hux. “Why would I do  _ that _ ?”

Hux stands between Kylo’s spread knees and he leans to press a hand to Kylo’s face. There’s a quiet fire in his gaze, one that has Kylo’s blood heating his face. 

“Because,” he says, as his thumb passes over Kylo’s mouth, “I am very tempted to drag you to my bed and have you there until I can’t anymore. But I have work to do.”   
  


There’s an influx of thoughts in Hux’s mind shaped by their experience, and Kylo sees Hux, and sees himself, and the incredibly alarming yet appealing prospect of Hux’s promise. Still, he pushes his chin out in disobedience, opening his mouth for Hux’s finger.

He sees a vein in Hux’s neck pulse, feels the fire in Hux’s gaze on his skin. He knows he annoys Hux like this, and he revels in it. 

“How do you know I would want that?” Kylo says and he sounds almost amused. 

Hux lifts an eyebrow. “You project your wants like it’s a hologram. I can hear you when you’re in my head.”

Kylo doesn’t know whether to punch him or kiss him. He feels, at least, that the feeling is mutual. Just as is the affection, he tells himself, and he’s proven right when Hux’s face softens and he places a firm kiss onto Kylo’s mouth. 

To kiss back feels simple and uncomplicated. Kylo stays, plunged in that moment, until Hux moves away again. 

“What is the purpose of your visit, anyways?” Hux asks once he’s near his table.

Kylo tries not to feel disappointed. Instead, he allows a small sigh that relaxes him into the cushions, before he moves to dress. Trying to think about his reasoning is like trying to suddenly shift coordinates while in hyperspace. Maybe this was a mistake after all. He can’t feel the anger that had guided his step to Hux, can’t really feel much but concern for the man in front of him who does not warrant it in any way. 

Once his jacket is on, he realises he can’t find his belt. It must be somewhere underneath Hux’s couch or, worse, behind it. 

“What we last talked about Master Snoke,” Kylo replies, fastening up his breaches. He’s supposed to be serious but after this unexpected turn of events it just ends up sounding banal. Like he’s trying purposefully to instigate conflict and ruin the mood. 

Hux levels him with a look that speaks volumes. Kylo can almost feel him slowly starting to spiral in thought  _ this wasn’t supposed to happen _ and  _ control yourself _ and  _ he didn’t want this _ . 

“Have you come to realise that I was correct?” Hux asks, but the trembling in his voice gives him away. He is thinking of everything but their last conversation, ironically enough. 

Under such a terrible coil of thoughts, Kylo can barely keep a concise thought in his mind. He should have talked about this with Hux before...everything. And he knows that whatever he says now will not mean much at all to the general. They rushed into this without thinking. They weren’t ready.

He knows then that it’s his time to go. He dresses and takes his helmet and his cowl, returning them to their proper place. 

“I’m leaving,” Kylo announces, once he has collected his belongings.

Hux startles but doesn’t show it. A feeling of surprise washes over Kylo instead, dulling the anxious whirlwind of thought from before.

“Kylo,” Hux calls and it feels like, at least to Kylo, as if he wants to say too many things at once. He settles on, “Tomorrow night. My chambers.”

Kylo nods and leaves without speaking, but Hux knows what he wanted to say anyways. 

-

Kylo startles out of his dreams. Ben Solo haunts him with his death-like stillness once again. Present, firm, solid, he’s the call to the Light Kylo feels constantly. In the face of his wavering self, unbalanced and fluctuating, he’s infuriatingly consistent. Worst of all, he’s been getting stronger, and the calling, like a blaring siren alarm on the  _ Finalizer _ , beckons him over, spreading him thin. 

He’s not had such a bad night is a long time, and his mood, he knows, won’t be able to improve for the whole day. He’s irritable like this, feeling too vulnerable. He’s done nothing to make Ben Solo grow strong like this and yet, he has grown stronger anyways.

Pain flares inside his chest and he grunts, taken off-guard by it. His mind is a mess, a steaming pot overboiling. He thinks of his grandfather, but it helps less than he expects. He’s afraid of this, and afraid of his Master noticing the turbulence in this state. 

He sits down on the floor, still in his sleepwear, and crosses his legs. Meditation has always been difficult for him like this, but he knows he first must calm his body. 

How much time he spends doing that he isn’t sure, but when he opens his eyes after his heart has stopped beating in a panicked rhythm, he feels awake. However to calm his mind he must do it through his body. 

It’s been a long time since he’s trained barehanded using just the Force. The steps are familiar, taught like a dance, and he follows ordained steps until he has a lid on the unnerving reality that, despite all of his efforts, he can’t kill the part of himself he hates the most. 

He’s drenched in sweat when he’s done, tired beyond the strain of his exercise, but motivated. His mood is no better, despite it all. He will be in a poor mood tonight, and he wishes he’d talked with Hux yesterday rather than ran. In more ways than one this outcome is worse. He fears losing his temper if Hux chooses to be stubborn and unbending to his efforts.

The thought arrests him and he dwells on it as he leaves the base for the woods. There’s a particular silence to them, especially with snow falling softly and covering up any echoes from the construction of the base. He can’t see the monstrosity of the weapon from there and can instead pretend that he’s completely alone. It makes him breathe easier. 

He meditates on the spot where he’d faced against Ben Solo, but no truths reveal themselves to him. Just silence, and the single note strumming of his bond-string with Hux. 

Kylo returns just after nightfall, and doesn’t bother to head to his own room. Instead, he weaves his way through the maze of hallways until he comes upon Hux’s chambers. Kylo can feel him more potently now, just beyond the thin wall of metal. Suddenly, he wishes nothing more than to be in his presence. 

He requests entrance and it’s granted with a beep from the door lock, before the heavy metal wall in front of him splits open in a geodous reveal. 

Hux’s chambers on Starkiller Base are much different than those on the  _ Finalizer _ . The star destroyer has finite space all planned out and segregated. Here, however, though the components are the same, they’re spaced out, and there’s a feeling of openness he’d not had before. 

The floor’s made out of the same material as the whole base and rooms, a polished granite look that reflects light. The walls are steel grey, regular. There’s an inbuilt closet to the wall on the left along with other additions and shelves that Kylo pays little attention to. The centerpiece is the bed at the end of the long rectangle, huge and tall, lying just under a fake viewport. As the resting quarters are built deep underground, he knows it’s live feed captured by cameras on the exterior.

Hux sits in an armchair in the other corner, papers and holopads stacked on his desk. He is drinking something but he puts his mug down when he catches sight of Kylo. 

He’s not in his uniform, Kylo notes. He’s in a simple undershirt that’s held together by an outer tie on his waist, and soft grey regulation pants, feet bare. It surprises him as much as it pleases him.

Kylo first takes off his cape, then his helmet, and finally he unbuckles his boots. He leaves them all by the door, like shedding a whole other person and leaving him behind. 

“I thought you’d come earlier,” Hux says to him. His look is curious, as if he can sense Kylo's foul mood. Perhaps he can. 

“I’ve been meditating in the woods. Lost time,” Kylo explains tersely. 

He wants to wrap his consciousness around Hux’s and leave the physical fatigue behind, but though his hands twitch sensing the Force, he doesn’t do anything more than sit when Hux inclines his head to the seat across from him. Slowly, he pinches the fingertips of his gloves until he has them both off. 

He senses Hux finds his explanation ridiculous. But once he dips into Hux’s mind, the man must sense a change from yesterday because it dies down. 

“You said yesterday that you wanted to pick up the discussion from last time,” Hux says, marginally more confident than he’d been yesterday. “Despite your proclamation.”

He’s had time to prepare, Kylo thinks and regrets once more that he’d not done this the day before. Kylo can sense Hux is not really trying to anger him despite his words, he’s just showing his composure, trying to unsettle him from the beginning.

“I have come to realise that such actions would be fruitless. You’d continue to have your treasonous beliefs regardless,” Kylo explains. 

He sees Hux’s face grow serious. His mind is open to Kylo and it shows him exactly the calculations that Hux immediately takes, from the possible vulnerability of his clothes of choice to regret that this is not, after all, just a social call. Kylo is startled by such a thought. He’d been under the impression that his intentions were understood despite yesterday’s deviation. 

“And which conclusion did you come to?” Hux asks, voice flat, almost mocking. He’s disappointed by him, or at least, by something related to him. Kylo can almost sense boredom but he isn’t sure. It’s all muddled. 

“You believe Supreme Leader is using me for his own goals. I will show you the error of that belief,” Kylo proclaims, feeling all the nervousness he’d held the whole day today leave him the moment he says it. 

Hux’s face doesn’t change entirely for the better. Instead his forehead creases and he asks, “Are you going to try and talk me into changing my mind? I’m sure that even you know that convincing someone of something isn’t such a simple task.”

Somewhere in the room the kyber crystal he’d given to Hux echoes in a numb song formed when it had been created in the lake Kylo pulled it out of. Kylo feels the Force around him, comfortably looping between it, Hux and he. Their bond is strong, fed by their physical closeness. It’s unsated however, missing something. But for now Kylo can ignore that. 

“No. I will share my truth with you through the Force,” Kylo says and stands. 

He feels Hux’s worry spike like it’s his own. It grows when Kylo circles the table, when he pushes Hux’s chair around so the man is facing him. 

“I don’t understand why this is so difficult for you to grasp,” Hux insists as his anxiety takes him, too prideful to run but unsure about a direct attack. He’s buying time. “You’re just another child soldier. I’ve seen more than a few, trained entire battalions.”

When Kylo raises his hand to his face Hux flinches. He’s seen him, Kylo realises with unease, torturing too many times not to be afraid. 

“I’m not going to hurt you Hux,” Kylo says quietly. Instead of holding his hand in front of Hux’s face he curves it around his cheek.

Hux looks up at him for a long moment, green eyes questioning, doubtful. But, finding truth in his words, Hux rests his cheek against Kylo’s hand. Too trusting, Kylo thinks, and yet he is glad for it. 

A familiar warmth starts deep within his chest and slowly unfolds over him, warming him from head to toe. He passes his thumb over Hux’s cheekbone, unable to stop himself. He wishes, not for the first time, that they’d met under different circumstances. 

“Close your eyes,” Kylo instructs. Then he closes his own. 

He sees himself, for a brief moment, through Hux’s eyes before reality swims out of focus and they’re left in the dark. Then, like stars slowly appearing in the night sky the deeper the night gets, the darkness is lit up by microscopic points of brightness that slowly form a tentative yellow bridge pulsing a similar sentiment of their bond. 

Kylo had thought about which kinds of memories to show to Hux at length, how to convince him of his Master’s loyalty. But the pull of the green kyber in the room pulls his memories in turn, overwhelming his senses and their untested connection. 

The memories of the jungle forest are back, and the Citadel and Mora, the cave where he’d found it and thought of Hux. He thinks of the cruel green of Skywalker’s lightsaber rousing him from sleep, the rich color of Merak’s skin, the deep hue of it that covers his Master’s throne. 

Memories flash before his eyes of his Master, prompted by association. Kylo thinks of every time he’d provided training and guidance for him, every time Kylo had felt the cold touch of his nails against his face. Each time he’d promised Kylo the power and strength he wants. When he’d handed him Darth Vader’s helmet to make him feel closer to the Dark side and to his goal.

A teacher like him, someone so much stronger than Skywalker, better beyond measure, could not possibly commit the same mistake. 

He feels himself shaking and realises it’s not the bond, it’s not Hux, but instead it’s his body being stirred awake. The connection breaks with same intensity like being awoken by a dream of falling. 

Hux is staring at him, concerned. Kylo realises the man had grasped his biceps and had been shaking him awake. Kylo feels as if he’s going to be ill. He feels horrible twisting sensation in his gut and he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly feeling miserable. 

“See?” he says to Hux, feeling near the edge of mania. 

Hux’s expression breaks into something different. He’s not like before, not looking at an opponent. It’s like Kylo had traveled back in time and Hux had been staring at his cut padawan braid. 

“I need to make sense of all of this,” Hux says, frustrated. “It felt like ten of you had been shouting inside my mind, trying to show me ten different things.”

Kylo stares at Hux until his words register properly. Disappointment slowly colors him from within. Of course, he thinks. He should not have expected anything different. Hux can’t use the Force, had never had much experience with it. There’s no way Kylo could convey what he wanted like this. 

Kylo drops his hand from Hux’s face but when he takes a step back he stumbles, overcome with feelings of defeat and exhaustion. He catches the edge of the table so he doesn’t fall.

Hux looks at him, mouth open, but he doesn’t seem able to find proper words. Instead they stay like that, just breathing, until Kylo gains enough composure to stand up straight.

He’s thinking about dressing and leaving, putting as much distance between Hux and he as he can. He’d spent too much time on this fruitless endeavor. Bond or no, Hux’s presence is just a comfort and Kylo could always do without such things. 

Hux takes a deep breath and says, “Your belief in Supreme Leader is very strong Kylo. But such strength is fragile if it can be wobbled just by words. Think upon which foundations it’s built on.”

He leans forward in his chair, so he can rest an elbow on the table and his forehead in his hand. “I am convinced in my  _ own _ belief because I find it to be the most probable truth. Rationality has never failed me before. I see now that I can’t change your mind as much as you can’t change mine.”

“This was useless,” Kylo hisses through his teeth. He feel angry with himself. 

Hux shakes his head. “Not entirely. I’ve come to learn that any continuous effort on my part will be useless. Your mind can only be changed by him. You will see that he’s using you only when he allows you to see it.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Kylo insists, pushing himself to stand as tall as he can. 

Hux’s hand falls aways from his forehead. “Time always shows the truth. Either you or I are correct. I suppose it’s a kind of vager.”   
  


True, time brings everything to the one who can hear it. However, Kylo already knows the outcome of this bet. There’s no possible predicament in which his Master would be false to either him or the Knights.

With that belief in him he nods. “Then Master Snoke himself will show you his dedication to his disciples.”

Hux lifts his hand and Kylo clasps it within his own. 

The moment passes then and Kylo’s senses awaken to the fact that he’s standing still in Hux’s room, without any further need for it. But just as he thinks of leaving again, the chair Hux is sitting on creaks as he leans back into it. 

“Now,” the man says with such nonchalance that Kylo could have been tricked into believing none of this happened. “Are you staying or going?”

Kylo frowns, not entirely understanding the question. It dawns on him when Hux lifts an eyebrow and the words,  _ social call _ light up Hux’s mind.

Despite himself he feels warmth across his cheeks. He’d not exactly expected such an invitation after this. 

Before Kylo can reply properly he sees Hux sigh. The man swivels around in his chair and reaches for the bottom drawer of his desk and pulls out Kylo’s belt and a neatly folded piece of black clothing. 

“I found your belt,” Hux explains, pushing the bundle towards him. “And I thought that if you’re wondering around in sub-zero temperatures you might want more layers.”

Kylo touches the soft, tough fabric of the robe and the cold metal of his belt. He can’t remember the last time anyone gave him a gift, though he’s certain Hux will rationalize the sentiment out of it. 

“I am... in your gratitude,” Kylo replies. 

He looks at Hux, afraid in his insecurity. He doesn’t know what to do anymore when in social situations like these. Feels much like stumbling around in a swamp with no visible way out. That’s perhaps why he says, “I don’t think this is a wise course of action.”

“Think of it simply as a return gift,” Hux dismisses him easily. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Kylo says, hands fisting by his sides. 

The difficult thing about this is that Kylo had actually quite enjoyed himself the day before, and that he does want it to repeat. Even now, with only memories, his body is slowly coming alive with the idea of a repeat performance from yesterday. However he doesn’t know what Master Snoke would say about this, or if he’s allowed at all, and he isn’t sure he will be good entertainment with the previous topic heavy on his mind.

Hux crosses his legs, mustering up as much dignity as he can in what, Kylo has decided, must be his sleepwear.

“I won’t dog you about this, either you want to or you don’t,” Hux shrugs. “However, if you decide you’re in favor of continuing your presence within my company I would suggest you enjoy the full use of my showers first.”

It’s as fair as he’s going to get, Kylo thinks, with the absolute possibility that he won’t be offered another chance. He clenches his teeth before he pushes the gifts away. He turns towards an uneven wall where he knows the refresher doors are hidden within the decor pattern. He pushes the open button before he can think too much about what he’s doing. 

The interior is much bigger than he expects, both the sonics and the shower working in perfect condition. Kylo, who has rarely had the opportunity of washing with water, decides that he will indulge.

He divests himself of his jacket, undershirt, and pants and enters the long tube-like shower where he proceeds to experiment with faucets until he has water running and set on a perfect temperature. It’s such a wonderful sensation Kylo feels himself unwinding.

There’s washing product that’s, half used, left out. He uses it to lather up, the aroma a pleasant softness to his senses. He feels his edges slowly being smoothed into something else, though what will come from that metamorphosis is still unknown to him. The bond he feels within him is pulsing a steady rhythm, the Force moving strangely around the space.

Perhaps he’s too tired. The Dark and the Light aren’t at war as much as they’re a numb pain left somewhere in the distance, the noise of their clashing turned mute. He wishes it could always be like this. 

He doesn’t linger. Hux is waiting for him and he feels his presence much stronger now than when he’d been agitated. So he turns off the water, takes a towel and pats himself dry. When wet, his hair is much longer and though he tries to dry it as much as he can, it still falls in loose curls over the back of his neck and shoulders, leaving spots of water on his skin. 

When he emerges into Hux’s room he expects to be cold, but the room temperature is pleasantly warm. He’s naked, bared, as he’s never been before another person. He refuses to feel embarrassed because he’s, at the very least, confident in his body that has been shaped to the demands of his training.

When their eyes meet, there’s a particular look to Hux’s face, an intense sort of singular focus that sees all of his failings, then drinks them in regardless. His gaze caresses Kylo’s whole body, leaving it warm and needy. It beckons Kylo over with that look, with his simple presence, and he feels his hairs rise as he walks to Hux who stands near the bed. 

Hux doesn’t allow for much distance between them. He steps into Kylo’s space, eyes observing every patch of skin. He raises his hand, presses soft finger pads to Kylo’s collarbone, passes them over his neck and up into his hair. He grabs a handful and tugs. 

Kylo feels it when Hux presses himself completely against him, before he angles Kylo’s head and locks their lips together. It’s a trial, testing the waters, and he looks at Kylo for any reaction before he really kisses him.

It’s as intense as it had been the first time. Hux is an uncompromising, overwhelming, insistent presence that envelops him within their bond so completely Kylo can only stand and shiver. His lips are soft but his teeth nip his lip. The hand in his hair slides to his jaw to prompt it to open, so Hux can lick into his mouth. 

Kylo groans, remembers himself and that he should kiss back. But Hux is already, regrettably, pulling back. 

“If you’re tired or changed your mind, you should tell me,” Hux says, matter of fact. He doesn’t seem dettered or disappointed at all. 

“I haven’t,” Kylo replies. He looks at Hux and feels that attraction spike and ignite in his belly. “You would have known if I had.”

Hux pulls him back into a kiss by his chin. Kylo feels Hux’s hand on his hip, feels Hux’s firm touch tracing the line of his pelvis to his back. Hux’s hand is warm against the flesh there, and a comfortable weight on the small of his back.

Hux moves backwards, guiding them to the bed. He lets go of Hux only when the man’s calves hit the bed so he can sit down. Hux puts a hand to Kylo’s thigh, looking up at him and Kylo gets the gist of it. He kneels on the bed over Hux’s lap and settles, just like Hux had done, on his legs. 

Hux hums softly, hand travelling up to his hip, trailing to his back, shoulder blades, the nape of his neck wet from water. His hand is gentle in Kylo’s hair when he tugs it back.

Kylo already feels it difficult to breathe. Hux’s touch is firm, his other hand pressed against Kylo's chest, feeling his muscles shift and move. 

His eyes travel from Kylo’s thighs, stomach, half interested cock, up to his chest and head. In a voice that sounds begrudgingly sort of hopeless, he says, “You’re gorgeous.”

Before he can contend that Hux is wrong, the image appears in Hux’s mind and Kylo is left robbed of words. He doesn’t appear like himself, at least not as Kylo knows it to be true. This other Kylo has impossibly dark hair and pink-looking lips, and a healthy flush on his skin. Hard lines of his abdomen trail down until they meet his cock that lays on his thigh. This Kylo’s eyes are soft and full of fire and darker than black.

Hux, who seems not to have expected a reply anyways, cups his face and draws him into another kiss. Kylo presses into it, eager to color everything the same opacity of his want. It’s easy enough for Hux to indulge him; to open his mouth and let Kylo in as he wraps his hands around Hux’s shoulders so he can press himself closer. 

Kylo can feel the bite of Hux’s nails on his skin as his hands trail down to grab his waist. He grunts when Hux pulls him forward, making him rock against his belly. He feels Hux’s interest against his ass, feels himself grow hot all over when Hux’s hand rests against his lower back and the other grips his hip tightly. 

There’s something terribly possessive about that hand that sets Kylo off and has him rush sharp searing kisses into Hux’s mouth and roll his hips over and over until he’s hard between them. 

Hux’s fingers wrap around him then, giving him something to fuck into. He knows he’s overflowing again, can feel wetness on his own skin but has no time to be embarrassed about how affected he is and has no need for it either; Hux seems to be pleased with it. He tightens his grip around his cock and Kylo has to break the kiss so he can gasp into the man’s shoulder. 

“Kylo,” Hux says softly into his ear, in such a tone of voice that it feels as if his name if praise itself. Kylo’s first thought is to fight it, to snarl. He’s not a  _ pet _ . 

The hand around his cock tightens and he lets out a pitiful sound even to his own ears. He’s not a pet, he reaffirms if only to himself. And yet he’s willingly spread across Hux’s lap,  _ enjoying  _ every single touch Hux gifts him. He has to remember he is allowing this, he  _ wants  _ this, he’s  _ chosen _ this. 

Kylo thinks Hux is all too aware of this when he says, “I’m going to get you off first to take the edge off, and then I’m going to teach you how to suck cock. Sounds good?”

Trembling, Kylo can only nod. He feels Hux remove his hand only for it to return slicker. He’d not noticed any lube nearby, but then he’s only had eyes for Hux. 

He feels Hux’s hand circle him, feels when the one on his lower back presses into his skin. Kylo’s hips move the next instant, fucking into the slick heat. 

Hux’s mouth finds his jaw, his neck, and Kylo feels his cock twitch, feels himself drawing close. 

His thighs burn with exertion as he moves his hips, feel his hands strain, feels Hux dip his hand to grab his ass. He rides the cresting wave until he’s quaking, releasing into Hux’s hand. The pleasure is searing and it takes over his body as before. His lungs burn, his hands ache.

Hux has a reassuring hand on him as he calms down. As before, he’s still hard but that doesn’t seem to worry Hux much. 

_ All right?  _ Hux asks and Kylo simply sends an affirmative sensation over the force.

“Can you get on the bed for me?” Hux asks him next, and this time Kylo knows it’s an instruction. 

Forgotten muscles twitch as he moves off of Hux’s lap and onto the bed, crawling until he reaches the headboard. He settles against it, the pillows at his back comfortable. 

Hux stands taking the, Kylo sees now, discreetly matte white bottle of lubricant and places it next to his hip. Then, still in his soft grey underpants and shirt, gets on the bed with him. He fits easily in the space between Kylo’s legs, and his hands run up and down Kylo’s thighs in a warm and grounding slide. 

Kylo takes the bottle, sees it’s not the medical stuff and looks at Hux.

“I like to be prepared,” Hux simply says, unabashed. 

He bends down to peck on the skin of Kylo’s stomach, lips encountering thin scars left there long ago. He’s surprised Kylo is quiet and still, surprised he’s letting Hux take initiative. In his mind, Hux had imagined a battle of sorts, a game to see who would submit to who. Now his mind recalls memories from long ago, reminding Hux that they have history that should be acknowledged.

Hux has done this before, Kylo thinks. Multiple times. Enough to tell Kylo what to do. Enough to know what Kylo wants and how to deliver his pleasure to him. 

Kylo has no reference point. He’s simply taking it from Hux’s expectations, reacting in the way he thinks he should. He bends a leg at the knee and Hux looks up at him from where he’s pressed his lips to his hip. 

There’s a smirk on his lips when Kylo bends the other. “Eager?” he asks, unapologetic. 

“Very,” Kylo has no problem admitting. He’s, Kylo has learned, incredibly weak to pleasure. 

A jolting shiver courses through him when Hux takes him in his hand again. Pleasure and pain combine and for a moment, Kylo thinks it’s too much until he feels Hux’s breath against the sensitive skin, his tongue on him. 

He freezes and watches as Hux’s tongue presses against his underside, realises the necessity of the different lube. There’s a deliberate sort of slowness to Hux’s behavior and he understands where this is going to go the moment he feels the first thrill go down his legs. 

Smugness radiates off of the other man as he laps at his head, knowing he’s weak there, then suck at the tip before laving the skin again. His hand doesn’t stop pumping him, and already, Kylo can feel the pit in his stomach open where pleasure usually lies dormant. 

He spreads his legs further open, allowing Hux space for movement, and Hux finally settles comfortably. He pulls his mouth away to kiss his thigh. His teeth rest just above his knee and then trace up along the inseam, pulling at the fragile white skin until it goes a maddening color of blood. 

Kylo leaks against his belly and wonders if Hux would let him touch his hair. He tries, pushing his fingers through it, but Hux in a practiced manner detangles his fingers, leaving them resting on his shoulder. 

That’s when Hux finally decides to stop teasing and takes him into his mouth. Kylo’s left leg twitches as Hux’s throat expands to welcome him, before he moves up for breath. Hux needs only a moment and he’s back there again, sucking him and twisting his hand as he gets off, and Kylo grits his teeth, hand clutching Hux’s sleeping shirt. 

Kylo doesn’t know how to describe how it feels, isn’t really sure he’s really all there. If he thought Hux’s hand was good on his cock, this is something else altogether; Hux’s mouth warm and tight around him. He whimpers, noises impossible to stiffen. It’s so difficult to breathe like this, loud even to his own ears. 

He tries to take calming breaths and work through his pleasure but Hux doesn’t allow for a respite, tongue pressing against his cock, his other hand going down to cup his balls. 

Kylo’s hips stutter and he bucks, chasing the pleasure. Hux’s forearm lowers down on his hip immediately, pinning him in place before his hand can clamp around his hip. 

Desperately, Kylo shifts as if it could help anything, but Hux only takes him in, trying over and over until he has Kylo completely down his throat. Then he swallows around him and Kylo shouts, hips trying to buck as he clenches the sheets in his free fist.

Hux gives him a moment, a single moment and he looks at Kylo through his lashes. And in that moment their minds connect and he hears Hux completely. He sees himself through Hux’s eyes and he hears Hux’s voice, and  _ You have no idea what I’m going to do to you _ .

But then Hux moves down and swallows again and Kylo can’t focus on it anymore, mind going to a high-pitched white noise frequency and cutting off anything else. He can only  _ feel _ , and he knows already that he’s so close he’s going to come any moment.

Hux, it seems, knows it as well. 

Kylo feels it hit him like a blaster shot, every muscle in his body going taut with tension. His head snaps back into the pillows, the fabric in his hands threatening to rip. All the sounds that have been gathering on his tongue unleash all together, loud and needy. 

Hux’s mouth remains on him completely, swallowing his release and lingers after, despite the pitiful sounds Kylo releases in protest.

He realises he’s looking up at the ceiling after a moment, jolts of pleasure still shocking through him. Hux is merciless, but eventually he does pull off. 

The front of his grey pants is tented and soaked through, but he pays it no mind. Instead Hux simply takes off his shirt and returns to his previous position between Kylo’s legs, letting him breathe.

He doesn’t look quite so put together anymore. Though there’s stoicism and control in his actions, his face reveals the very real hunger lurking behind his eyes. Kylo can feel him now, can feel his desire. Next to it, he feels Hux’s want to break him on his tongue and mouth and fingers, and he shivers at the thoughts he knows will, eventually, come to pass.

The light, he realises, has been blinking only when it finally returns to normal. 

“Is it always this intense for you?” Hux asks quietly. 

“So far,” Kylo replies, throat dry. He shifts on Hux’s bed so he’s more comfortable. He could, he realises, fall asleep like this but knows he won’t. There’s a flush coloring Hux’s skin and he won’t go before he resolves the reason behind it. 

Already he feels himself getting aroused, and Hux looks at him exasperated. 

“Your stamina is ridiculous,” he says.

Kylo wonders how to say that his endurance for pain has colored everything else in his life, but in the end he doesn’t have to. He’s connected to Hux’s mind again, and judging by Hux’s facial expression he’s been shouting through it again. 

“Control,” Hux says crisply. “You need to learn it.”

“Kiss me,” Kylo replies instead. 

Hux pulls a face. “I just had your dick in my mouth.”

“I don’t care,” Kylo insists.

Hux rolls his eyes and leans down.

Wrapping his hands around him is a simple urge he indulges in. Just like it’s to press a hand to his back, press his leg against his hip and lift his chin so he can be kissed.

Hux is physically smaller than him, and it’s so obvious now when he’s above Kylo, but in his mind he’s such a overwhelming presence that has Kylo trembling. 

Hux, in real life, feels it and pulls back.

“What is it?” he asks. 

“Don’t stop,” Kylo says. Then, “I’m in your mind, you’re-”

Hux kisses him again, pushing his hips against Kylo’s, stopping his words and his train of thought. Kylo groans, hand sliding down Hux’s back to his hip. He clings, ungraceful and untaught, as Hux presses his cock against Kylo’s in a chafing rut. 

Kylo grips the hem of his pants and pushes them down, and marvels at the feel of smooth skin finally against his own. 

He feels a different kind of breathlessness, where his heart threatens to beat out of chest and he's never really felt it like this. Because this thing with Hux was never supposed to happen but it feels so,  _ so  _ right that it did and that he's having him now like this. 

Hux huffs out something that he doesn't catch but his mind is colored with it. 

_ Who'd have thought you'd be sentimental in bed,  _ Hux says mockingly. 

Kylo wonders where the borders of sentiment and nostalgia cross, and where the two of them fit in. It certainly doesn't feel like sentiment. But he soon leaves that train of thought because Hux grabs his head and turns him by the chin and pressed a hard kiss to his lips.

“No distractions,” Hux says voice pitched low. As if saying ‘ _ or else’.  _ Kylo likes him like this, likes this side of him that insists to be seen and acknowledged. He feels the order deep in his belly. 

“Apologies,” Kylo says, but the humor in it gets lost between a sigh and a whimper when Hux starts moving again. 

He's never really thought that rutting would do anything for him but Hux is hard against him, and though he kisses Kylo to shut him up, he can see the flush from his face slowly creeping down to his ears and neck. 

_ Oh _ , Kylo thinks.  _ You're really feeling it. _

_ Of course I bloody am,  _ Hux replies, giving Kylo a dirty look.

He feels a thrill go through him, and he wraps a hand around Hux who grunts but doesn’t stop. Kylo searches for the lube and finds the bottle, filling his hand with perhaps too much lubricant before he returns it to Hux’s cock. 

He encourages Hux’s hips, feeling them start to snap rhythmically like clockwork, rocking him sightly. Absently, Kylo wonders what it would feel like to have Hux inside him, regulated and controlled like this, and he indulges in the idea until Hux curses at him out loud.

Amused and a little breathless, Kylo says, “I thought you were going to teach me how to suck cock?”

Hux’s green eyes open with fire in them. “I like to lead by example. Or are you volunteering?”

“I am,” Kylo replies, deadpan. What else could he mean? 

He sees Hux’s irises expand further, feels the stuttering in his hips. 

“Fuck, alright,” Hux says as if to himself. He stops rocking his hips and lifts himself off of Kylo. But Kylo is quick to follow even as Hux scoots back against the headboard so he’s sitting up, Kylo’s head basically in his lap. There’s a slight tremble to him when Kylo takes Hux in hand, when he tilts his head to the side and looks up. 

Imitating Hux really isn’t something he can properly do but he can try his best. He knows Hux isn’t very far from achieving his pleasure, after all he’s at a bigger disadvantage than Kylo was. 

“Alright, rules,” Hux says breathing heavily. “No teeth, and go as far as you’re comfortable with. There’s nothing worse than the image of you suddenly vomiting because you tried to challenge your gag reflex.”

“I don’t think it will be a problem,” Kylo replies before he wraps his lips around Hux. 

Unlike Hux’s whole teasing fanfare, Kylo skips right to the middle. The lube tastes vaguely almost like nothing on his tongue making Hux’s natural scent permeate his nose. He’s heavy against Kylo’s tongue, warm. He can feel pulsing veins against his lips. Hux’s eager red cockhead is silky to touch and Kylo takes great pleasure at wrapping his mouth around it and sucking. His hand continues to jerk Hux off like before. 

The first sounds are muffled sighs and groans, but despite the pleasure Kylo knows Hux is feeling his hips don’t twitch, not even once. His hand presses against Kylo’s head but it’s a faint weight, fingers there more to touch than to hold him in place. The only sign that Hux is feeling any of this is the light tremble of his fingertips and, when Kylo looks up at him, the redness of his face and quick breathing. 

Kylo takes Hux in as much as he can before sloppily lifting his head off. He knows it’s not the best; it can’t be. This is the first time he’s doing this. Still he feels it in his chest when Hux says, “That’s good, Kylo.”

His thin fingers push away Kylo’s hair and rest on his head, and Kylo in turn pushes himself as much as he can for Hux. 

The sound of Hux’s breathing is loud in the silent room, but Kylo can barely hear it from the pounding of his own heart in his ears and Hux’s thoughts that suddenly invade and tremble. 

“I’m going to come,” Hux warns. 

Suddenly, Kylo feels the first pressure on his head but it’s not pulling him forward but away and off. Kylo doesn’t move, and instead takes Hux in deeper. Hux’s hand wraps in his hair, his voice quivering over his name.

“Kylo,  _ Kylo _ .”

Hux’s tone is a warning. His fingers pull his hair but to Kylo it only registers as pleasure.

_ Come in my mouth _ , Kylo says,  _ I want to taste you _ .

The pressure releases and instead he feels a hand on his nape pulling him forward. He manages to take a breath before he buries his nose in the skin and soft hair of Hux’s crotch. It’s impossible not to try and swallow around Hux’s cock, the rigid hand on the back of his throat not allowing him to move.

Kylo feels Hux tremble under him and, after a moment, feels Hux come.

He swallows lest he choke because Hux’s hand turns to stone, and his throat tightens as Kylo feels wetness in his eyes. Kylo pushes against the hand that, after Hux is done, allows him to move back. 

Kylo let’s Hux’s cock slip out of his mouth but he still feels the angry bite of tears so he wipes his mouth and blinks away the wetness in his eyes. 

Hux is on him, sudden and unexpected, before he can really do anything other than breathe, and he’s pushed down on his back and straddled again. He’s lost in Hux’s kisses, lost in time and in his thoughts. 

His pleasure is there, hard as he is, but it’s not an immediate concern to him, thought it seems it is to Hux who starts stroking him. There’s a gleam to his eyes, something obsessive and fierce, something that has Kylo reaching out, hands ghosting over Hux’s hips and up to his chest where the ID tags rest. His hands follow the lines down again, warm skin feeling like velvet. It’s something that has him reverently tell Hux,  _ You’re beautiful _ .

Hux snorts, pushes Kylo down when he tries to lift himself up, hand momentarily curling in his hair and pulling back. It’s rougher somehow but Kylo needs it rough, they both do. 

“I’m going to make you come again,” Hux states. 

“Is that,” Kylo asks. “Normal?”

Hux watches him for a moment, a frozen look on his face before answering, “Of course.”  _ For some. _

It’s something akin to imagining Hux riding him. There’s a tightness around his cock that’s slick, perfect, but it’s also rough because it’s Hux, and his nails are digging into Kylo’s skin. It’s the way he can touch Hux, feel him completely, press bruises into his thighs when he squeezes just right. In truth it doesn’t take him much, not really, he’s been grinding his hips against the sheets since he’d started sucking Hux’s cock. 

He shoots into Hux’s hand again, head pressing deep into the sheets but this time his open mouth is covered by Hux who kisses him until he’s dizzy. After a while, when Kylo’s heartbeat has calmed, Hux pulls away. Then the weight is gone along with the warmth of Hux’s body.

Kylo’s head swivels to where the man’s standing by the bed. He watches him go into the refresher and Kylo takes a moment to breathe, drowsiness overtaking his consciousness with such speed he thinks it might not be natural. 

Kylo stretches, joints popping and he settles onto the bed in a comfortable position. That’s how Hux finds him, dozing in the bed.

“You’ve blown out the lights,” Hux says.

Kylo had not realised he’d done that. Testament to the truly excellent sex he’s just had. He even wants to say something along those lines, but he refrains. The words feel too awkward on his tongue.

Hux hears it anyways, Kylo’s filter broken. He sees it register in Hux’s mind but the man doesn’t respond. Despite himself however, Hux feels accomplished, vanity sated.

Kylo finds that incredibly like him. Then he remembers he’s in his room, in his bed, and suddenly isn’t very sure about how these things go. Is he supposed to leave now? Was he supposed to be gone while Hux had been absent?

“You should sleep,” Hux says quickly, drowning out his thoughts. “You should sleep here.”   
  


He gets on the bed and near Kylo. “You may leave when you’re not orgasm stupid.”

Kylo turns, hand under his head for a pillow. There’s something in that request that’s entirely genuine, and bolster as facade for something else. However it’s easy to read between the lines and illusions made by words when you have a direct line to someone’s feelings. 

He sees Hux wishes him to stay, so he stays. 

-


	4. Chapter Four

Morning brings a sharp pain within his mind that wrenches him into reality. His Master’s words and presence are brutal as they deliver him news, building pressure within his ears and behind his eyes, as if he’s being dragged down to the bottom of a terrifying, saltwater void. After his Master is done, the pain is slow to dissipate and for a long time Kylo feels such a deep wretchedness he can’t make himself move.

He’s in Hux’s bed, covered with blankets; Kylo remembers the sensation of heavy fabric being pulled over him and his body heating up. He’s turned away from Hux and he’s thankful for that, or Master Snoke would have seen everything. Why the protective urge he isn’t sure; perhaps because it’s the one intimate thing he has to himself. For however short such a discrepancy lasts.

The room is colored a blue hue that drowns out any other color, and even Hux’s fiery hair is muted into silence. His chest rises slowly in a rhythm, his consciousness silent. Kylo is glad that the man is asleep when he gets out of the bed.

A missing piece of a map they found within an old Empire library has been discovered. Master Snoke had said that it leads to Skywalker and that he must acquire it before the Resistance does.

Kylo gathers his clothes and goes into the refresher. He washes, then puts them on. He’s dragging his feet, and he knows it when he sees it.

Hux is still asleep once he emerges. An urge to run his hand over the man’s face, to return to the bed and bury his head between Hux’s shoulder blades overtakes him; to fall asleep and forget about missions and wars and Jedi, at least for a while is almost a need. Silently, Kylo wishes he had spent more time on the base.

But it’s for naught now. He puts on his boots, gloves, his robe, and finally his helmet. Behind him, Hux dreams.

-

Master Snoke still forces them to clash against each other, still hits and rewards them in tandem. But Kylo now simply goes with what feeling is pressed upon him. He feels his Master channel hate so he bares his teeth; makes himself feel as irate as it would be expected of him.

Hux is no different. When they're in front of their Master there's no time for tenderness. Only spite and loathing.

The feelings don't stick for long however, as if sliding off of polished glass.

There are moments he doesn’t even feel like himself, as if he’s an outsider peering into his own body, when his Master starts invading his mind. In those times he tucks everything away, mind blank. The person who is speaking isn’t him anymore, he’s just observing through his eyes.

Only when he feels the presence leave does he reawaken, connecting to the real world once more. Each time he feels worse for wear. Since Hux’s confrontation, he feels as if a lens has been set over his vision, and now he sees everything through his words.

With each encounter he feels his doubt growing. However, his teachings, his pride, and belief return to combat this feeling within him, and the clashing leaves him unsure and wrong footed.

His grandfather, when Kylo turns to him for guidance, is quiet. He’s been quiet for a long time now.

In turn, as if to spite him, their search for Skywalker comes to fruition. They find out there’s a clue the Jedi left only for his sister but it has been spread between people he’d trusted, passed hand through hand until lost.

Kylo can scarcely remember his uncle ever associating closely with anyone, but he does remember Leia’s _friends_. At least, the ones who’d stayed after the revelation of her bloodline. It’s a clue enough, it’s something he can’t hide, and it’s something Master Snoke promotes they explore.

He chases after bread crumbs all over the galaxy, days layering one over another until he forgets how much time has passed. His singular focus when it comes to his missions doesn’t come from concentration. It comes from sudden hunger and pain that overtakes him, and his persistence to please his Master that otherwise drives him wild. Failure or success, it’s release and he feels exhausted, weeks later when he returns to the Finalizer.

Hux has changed little but his observation in the ways Kylo _has_ are on the forefront of his mind. And, rather than a mirror, it’s Hux’s mind that reflects precisely what has changed in him. So he sees the way his shoulders have sunken, sees the tenseness in his spine that comes from an injury, gait awkward from an old femur fracture injury that has been re-broken and healed.

He’s been pushing himself too hard so it’s more obvious now rather than before. Perhaps it’s the fact that he doesn’t put back his helmet that gives him away, hair oily and turning thin, red eyes and bags under them from the lack of sleep, stubble unkempt on his chin.

Kylo feels heavy, in the simple sense as if his Master’s invisible hand is pushing down on his whole being and he barely drags his feet out of the conference room where he’d just been told in no uncertain terms that his Master has been growing impatient. That, above everything, is the worst.

The moment they’re out of holochamber Hux’s defences lower and his mind is a gentle tide that drags him in, and he is the stupid man that believes that there are no monsters in the sea. But if there are monsters in anyone, it’s in the beast beside him.

Perhaps in a moment of pity, though Hux has always lacked any proper strong emotion other than anger, he stops him from going to his own room.

“Mine is closer,” he says quietly, unsure Kylo is in his mind though he always is.

Kylo follows him without a word. He knows there should be some resistance to Hux in him left, but he’s a golden light easy to follow, especially in the murky waters of his mind. So he stomps his feet until there’s a familiar sound of heavy metal doors opening, and he’s inside Hux’s room.

“Take those off, you’ll trek mud everywhere,” Hux instructs and Kylo unbuckles his boots before setting them near the doors. In a deja vu moment, he strips down to his tanktop and goes into the refresher that is open and waiting for him.

It’s not the sonic Hux pushes him to however, but the actual shower. It’s a very small addition to the bathroom and, if Kylo can still gauge correctly, rarely used unlike the one on the base.

All Hux says before leaving the refresher is, “I’ll have food waiting once you’re finished.”

Kylo strips down completely and steps inside the shower that, in reality, is a simple tubular chamber with a tall shower head, temperature controls and water tank meter. On a small durasteel shelf there’s cleaning products.

When he opens the faucet a spray of cold water hits him; a shock to his sleeping mind. Then it turns quickly to the regulated temperature, beating a consistent rhythm against his skin Kylo tunes into.

He can’t remember the last time he’s had a shower on a ship. He’s felt lukewarm rain pouring down his back before, felt the cold lick of the ocean waves, dipped his feet in rivers as he waded through them. But there’s no memory when he’s, in all of his failings, felt warm water hit his face and a pleasant smell wash over him from the soap he’s used. And if he had, he’s forgotten.

Hux seems to think something of Kylo or of their connection that he’s allowing himself such liberal behavior. Kylo knows that water is a precious commodity on ships, heavily regulated and passed throughout the crew. He wonders what it means for Hux to let him have this.

Perhaps he still thinks of Kylo as a child. Perhaps it’s because of their time on the base. Kylo wonders if Hux is expecting the same kind of performance from Kylo. If he is, he will be disappointed.

He washes up and pats himself dry. His clothes are dirty and stained and ripped, so he puts them in the washer and launder. There are soft grey pants on a shelf nearby, and he recognizes them as the ones Hux had worn before. It must be standard issue sleepwear because he’s fairly certain he’s bigger than Hux and these fit.

He exits the refresher feeling much better but also feeling impossibly tired. Hux isn’t there, but a simple desk has been assembled and an ottoman put under it for seating. First Order standard meal occupies its surface, and Kylo eats it begrudgingly. He’s forgotten how starved he felt until now.

After he’s done he snaps the desk back into the wall it had been assembled from, the ottoman going in the same compartment. He knows Hux would appreciate it in some way; the room is exactly the same as it had been the first time he was there and it says a lot about the man he’s intruding upon.

The same man who comes back only moments later, looking as if he’d heard something incredibly offencive. His expression clears once he sees Kylo and the remnants of his meal in his hands.

He’d been unsure where to put the plate and cutlery, but Hux simply takes it from his hands and opens a cabinet in the wall and puts it inside. It beeps, orange light turning to green. Kylo wonders if this was perhaps the only room convenient enough for Hux to satisfy the man’s practicality.

Hux looks him up and down, examining him critically before he says, “You should sleep.”

“I have duties,” Kylo’s reply is unthinking and instinctual.

Hux lifts an eyebrow. “And you’ll get to them. But right now you look as if you would topple over with a slightly sturdier push.”

Kylo frowns and Hux puts a hand on his chest. It’s gloved and firm and the only thing keeping Kylo from fighting it is the look on Hux’s face, twisted into something Kylo can barely recognize, and the feelings that swell over their bond in a wave that crashes against the walls of his mind.

“Please,” Hux says, and it’s barely a sound.

In that moment, Kylo realises that, however little, Hux cares. And that has him backing away. He sits on the bed and grunts out, “Fine.”

Hux releases a very obvious breath, and turns.

 _I’ll see you later_ , Hux says but the echo gets no reply.

Only when the man is out of the room does Kylo lie down and cover himself. Hux’s room is warm but the blanket is a welcomed weight. He cocoons himself in it, envelops himself in Hux’s scent, using it as a wall between himself and everything else. Like a child, Kylo thinks.

Respite is not something particularly allowed, and Kylo knows this will earn him no points with his Master. And yet, the moment he closes his eyes his consciousness is propelled out, into the galaxy, where all the rest of them dream.

-

Usually, dreams for Kylo are as violent as the reality he lives in. Not completely, not always, but stories always have tenderness underlined with bloodshed. For him, it’s much the same.

Though he’d not dreamt of her for a long time, in his mind’s eye she is now a strong, gripping, image of pale cheeks and spread out hair, death gripped eyes and sternness of mouth. The flowers in her hair are stars in the distance, as if she’s the universe herself. Usually, she cries. Usually she screams.

This time she’s quiet, growing warmer and softer as if life is returning to her. It’s an illusion. The flowers, Kylo knows, are others like him. His mother and uncle, his Knights, and other unnamed and unawoken ones, who share the Force but are distant and uninterested, bright and cold. Kylo feels just like them as he remains unmoving in the vacuum of the galaxy.

The pull of someone’s gravity is an unwelcome surprise which he cannot fight. He starts moving, falling down into the void of space, burning up, his speed increasing until he cannot see anything but an afterimage of his own body.

However, waking up is not violent. As if a cushion has been pushed between his dreams and reality, the same tide that had made him drowsy now pulls back, the ocean leaving a carcass behind.

His eyes are wet, but he doesn’t feel like crying. When he turns, Hux is there, poking at his datapad.

Gone are the gloves and the uniform, hair gel washed away and sternness swapped for comfort. Hux, Kylo has realised, is obsessed with his work. Which is why it’s all the more troubling that, when he stirs, Hux turns to him immediately.

“You look better,” he states.

Kylo can focus enough to see himself through Hux’s eyes again, and he softly snorts.

“That’s stretching it,” Kylo replies, voice gruff. He shuffles closer to Hux, feeling lazy and warm.

Hux gives him a look, and Kylo gets the message. Certainly, he’s no longer in as much pain as he’d been in before, and he feels, strangely, as if he’d slept for days.

“ _A_ day, almost,” Hux says, returning to his datapad. “We’re near Starkiller’s orbit.”

The viewport behind Hux’s head shows only darkness, artificial light turned thirty percent on. Hux’s face is lit with blue light from the datapad, washing him out.

Kylo knows that he should pick himself up and leave, be on his shuttle and back on his mission. But something keeps him bound to Hux’s bed, to the ship, and to the man himself. There’s no rush here, no grandiose expectations. He can breathe and sleep, and not feel as if he’s falling through the universe unhinged.

He presses himself against Hux’s leg, face against his hip. It’s difficult to see Hux’s face like this, but he can see his fingers waver over the pad for a moment before they return to their course. This too is uncharacteristic of him. To so blatantly ask for contact from another person has never even entered his mind before. He feels ashamed that he needs it so terribly, and that he’s grateful to Hux for not pushing him away.

His Master would say connections and bonds are unnecessary. He has the Knights, in a sense, like he’s had fellow padawans. But the more he learns, the more he sees parallels between the teachings that he doesn’t want to acknowledge but is forced to regardless.

Unlike his training, there’s no manual on handling his need for intimacy, no book that will tell him if he’s wrong, no lessons to attend. He’s been alone for a very long time, as he should have according to his Master. In spite of his Master’s words, it still feels right to be here in this bubble with Hux.

Their bond sings as if it’s a plucked string on an instrument, a long note drawing out in the Force that, Kylo thinks, anyone sensitive enough can hear. Perhaps that’s why Hux doesn’t resist this.

Hux looks at him, a two way vision, and Kylo sees and feels his hand press against his cheek at the same time. Kylo closes his eyes, warmth blooming across his face. He feels Hux’s hand move, fingers softly tangling in his dried hair, feels it trail to his ear, jaw, feels it trace to his chin over his stubble.

 _You’re completely alone,_ Hux says as if it’s a revelation.

Kylo doesn’t move, but his feelings are clearly felt across the bond.

 _I am too,_ Hux admits.

And there’s something in that confession that devastates Kylo. It shouldn’t, he knows what Hux is on the surface. Everyone knows who everyone is on the surface, what they show to the world. But here, protected by miles of durasteel, cocooned like an egg yolk, it’s easy to see what they are once everything has been stripped away.

 _What are you looking for?_ Kylo asks. _What do you want._

Across the bond, the thought - _what can I give you -_ lingers.

 _It’s not something given, it’s something deserved,_ Hux says with a small level of affection.

Kylo understands that. And yet, Hux’s memories flash, for a moment, to a green pasture field, to a sunset, to a summer, to a smell of oaks, taste of walnuts, to the feeling of digging his hands into the dirt, to warm hands around him, a lock of hair falling across his arm as red as his own but curly and a smile in a voice. _Come home, Armitage_. The skies are blue and the winds carry the smell of harvest, and the rain won’t come for a long, long time.

Suddenly, Kylo’s back in his own mind, returning to the darkness of Hux’s room with Hux’s hand trembling on his face. He takes it, before the man can pull it back. He shifts so he’s sitting up like Hux, shoulder to shoulder. There’s a terrible storm inside him, bitterness and hatred, and mourning for a time to which he can’t return.

On the outside Hux doesn’t cry. His eyes don’t even glass over, they just stare, unseeing, into the distance of the room. On the inside Hux is deathly quiet in his shame for showing weakness, and Kylo sees the fields burning, and he sees the red hair covered in blood, and he feels a cold hand on his shoulder and the coldness of crisp white uniform.

Then, it all whites out, packaged away and stored neatly in the back, away from sight. Hux’s eyes turn to him then, and he squeezes Kylo’s hand.

“You want that?” Kylo asks him.

“No,” Hux says, turning away. “There’s no going back. My father made sure there’s nothing keeping me anchored... unfocused.”

“But you want it,” Kylo tries again.

He squeezes Hux’s hand back and wonders, briefly, what it would feel like to give Hux whatever he wants.

He knows Hux sees it because he smiles. Not like before; this is a crooked broken thing that's barely drawn out by a string of amusement and nothing else.

Kylo does not fault him for it. Amusement is the right reaction. Even if Kylo wanted to offer Hux whatever he wished, he could no sooner give it to him than die trying to fracture a planet using the Force. He has nothing. Even his powers are bound and tied down by his Master and blunted by his own incompetence. His body is a holding bag for it that has strings attached to be moved accordingly. Not even his mind is his own.

In that moment, Kylo for the first time wishes he's free of everything. But exist in the vacuum of space between himself and Hux and the warmth of a bed, and be himself and free of everything else is an unachievable goal. A daydream.

Hux sees it and his eyes are wide and his mind races. He moves before Kylo does, pushing him into the bed and kissing him, stealing his breath away.

His hands are pressing hard against his skin, fingers promising bruises later on. Kylo feels the shock of it, the thrill of this quick roughness whose main goal is contact. He clutches Hux to himself, feels their chests against each other, feels his leg against his own, their hips together.

Hux kisses him and Kylo forgets about how tired he is, what he's supposed to be doing rather than lie under him, and melts into the sheets each time Hux pulls away and comes back for more to continue kissing him.

Kylo can feel his heartbeat against his sternum. It travels though his bones and vibrates through him. He brushes Hux’s hair back and kisses him, throws his leg over Hux’s hip so he can twist them and push the man underneath him. The hurry that they've started with slowly fades like this, morphing into something softer, something more.

Hux’s heart doesn't slow and Kylo feels his own pick up the rhythm, making it more difficult to have everything in perspective. All he knows is that Hux is there, his hands are around him, and his eyes are blown wide and impossibly green.

This is the first time he has Hux like this. It’s a marvel to cup Hux’s face, to trace his fingers across the soft skin there. The more time he spends with the man the more he registers the smell of the after-shave that’s otherwise dull and nondescript. Like this he can also see the tiredness in the lines of Hux’s face and the redness around his eyes. For a brief moment he wonders what Hux would look like well-rested, well-fed and kissed by sun but the thought leaves him the moment Hux’s hand touches Kylo’s face to bring him into another kiss.

Then Kylo rolls off of Hux, lying pressed as close to him as possible. He’s propped his head onto his hand so he can watch Hux, and the surprise that passes over his face.

Hux looks up at Kylo with a question ready on his lips. However, he seems to find a satisfactory answer somewhere either within Kylo’s mind or on his face. His mouth closes and he rolls onto his side and throws a leg over Kylo, face pressed into Kylo’s chest.

Kylo lays his hand onto Hux’s shoulder and starts tracing patterns into his skin for a long, long time.

-

The Force is a single unit, passing through everything and leaving with traces, impressions, colors, animals, fragments of fragments of things it had once belonged to. For a long time Kylo had imagined it to be white or grey, translucent. But in reality it’s colors and sounds, screams, noise, a synesthetic experience that needs to be translated to be understood.

His mother had talked a lot about feelings. For her, the Force was an inkling, an impression, an extension of her natural instincts. For Skywalker it’s clearer knowledge that came from reading someone’s emotions, minds and the color of the Force that passed through them. In truth, though the words are the same, the Force is different and experienced differently by everyone who can feel it.

For Kylo, it’s different than anything his mother or Skywalker could have taught him. The Force for him now is immeasurable pain, jagged edges that pierce him as he tries to use it, volatile and angry, colored red and familiar, a ritual like bloodletting. There’s a lot of noise created not only by minds but by objects, colored in sounds of their purpose. A blaster is a grey tool but if fired in hatred it’s sound is a visceral maroon.

It hadn’t always been like that. The knowledge itself, and perhaps his own mind’s natural instinct to avoid pain always lead him back to the Light that taunts him, promising what he cannot have: peace. It’s how he knows his training is still incomplete. Once he finds comfort in the Dark Side, once he completely accepts it, will he be as powerful as his grandfather.

The only respite he’s had from the pain is the bond with Hux. Now he feels it pulsing with urgency, like a warning, as he makes his way to the _Supremacy’s_ training rooms. For the first time in a long while there’s more than one Knight on the star destroyer. He can sense them, strong and alive as he skulks down the corridors towards them.

Kylo recognizes their energies, Snaga’s overwhelming boldness coming across colored a rich, honey yellow, while Merak’s softer presence hides behinds it, a brilliant viridian. The closer he gets the more he can sense another, a shape of a form, a simple impression he soon realises is Trajan.

Training facilities are segmented in sectors and restricted in access. The closest ones to the Throne Room are also near their resting facilities, deep within the bowels of the _Supremacy_. Kylo is most familiar with that part of the ship, and it doesn’t take him very long to follow his senses to his Knights.

An anxious youngling, Trajan had found his calling in sleeper missions and scouting. His characteristic sight allowed far more advantages than any of the others felt comfortable with. To sense him now, after years of distant glow, is a gift he’d not known he’d needed.

Big grey doors open to reveal a small terrace and a staircase that leads to a large open floored room where, clustered together, the Knights stand, startled by his presence. Their masked faces all look up at him, until he descends.

Kylo never truly knows if they’re the same people he’d last seen. To be formed and reformed is in all of them, and their true potential explored with Master Snoke could always show them a different truth they should be persuing.

That doubt seems to be shared by them, and for a long moment Kylo feels tension spark between them, the Force their only communication. It seems they too aren’t sure if Kylo is still himself.

Kylo reaches for his helmet and pulls it off. The tension dissipates into the cold air. One after another, the Knights bare their face and Kylo lets out a breath that had been building deep in his lungs.

He places a hand of Trajan’s shoulder and says, “It’s good to see you again.”

Trajan touches his elbow. “It has been a long time.”

Though Kylo doesn’t know how the man is perceiving him, for Kylo the signs time has left on Trajan are obvious: the healed scars on his chin, covered by an unkempt beard and the length of the coils in his hair, the exhaustion evident in the shineless texture of his dark skin. Trajan needs a proper rest; he’s earned it.

Kylo looks at Merak and Snaga who don’t seem to be faring much better. It’s good that they’re on _Supremacy_ to rest.

“Perhaps too long,” Snaga says, her strong metal hand landing on the back of Trajan’s neck.

Merak seems simply mildly amused, as she reaches her green hands to Kylo’s face to examine it closer.

“Perhaps,” she says, fondness evident in the pitch of her voice, “a match is in order.”

She releases Kylo and goes to a rack of assorted weapons for their use. Trajan sighs next to him, but goes to her regardless of his fatigue.

Milost’s absence is felt between them. The Force, how that they are all together, just doesn’t feel right. But, if the others have noticed, they remain silent.

Snaga’s yellow eyes land on Kylo. Whatever they read from his face it makes the Knight’s look turn poignant.

“You have changed,” Snaga says, before crossing the large surface to the others.

Kylo removes his cape and puts it over one of the benches. The Knights have had time to get comfortable, but Kylo’s just come back from a mission.

He unhooks his belt so he can take off his new robe, before he fastens it once more over his jacket. He’s not trained with the Knight since before their trials. And after he’d not felt it necessary.

Steps heavy, Kylo crosses the room. He settles down next to Snaga, while Merak and Trajan pick their weapons of choice. A sensible long staff in Trajan’s hand is no surprise, but Merak’s pick of batons makes Kylo curious of the outcome.

Snaga’s heavy hand connects with the mats underneath them and they, without much farse, fly at each other.

Ever since he was a child Trajan had been extremely sensitive to the Force, testament to his miraluka heritage. However, Merak’s abilities make the Force itself change. She sees an entirely different picture than any of them, and it shows in her moves.

She lunges between one breath and another, waiting not for an opening but the end of a process, just after one strike ends and before the other begins. The distance that Trajan’s staff creates is disregarded once she gets close enough for her blows to connect.

Kylo doesn’t want to know what this would have looked like had they used their own weapons.

Trajan changes his grip on the staff and connects it with Merak’s shoulder, something that should have shattered the bone had she not blocked with the Force. Not a moment later she connects her baton with Trajan’s kidney, and swipes his legs underneath him. The metallic sound of his leg prosthetic is dampened only by the wet gasp that leaves him in a startled whoosh.

“Have you lost your bite?” she asks him. Victory is hers.

“Only a bit of pride, I assure you,” Trajan replies, but accepts her hand to get up.

Snaga looks at Kylo for moment as if waiting for him to say something. When he doesn’t she says, “Shall we?”

Kylo is on his feet before he can think too much about it. If it’s like this, just like this, it should be fine. But he knows it won’t be.

More than their Force abilities, Merak and Trajan had measured their strength and fighting forms. Snaga's strength comes from entirely different place.

Kylo pics up the discarded baton, while Snaga takes the staff. Immediately, Kylo can sense her in the force, and she too recognizes him. She’s grown strong.

Rather than launching an immediate attack Kylo remains static, sensing the Force around Snaga. Nobody is well-shaped, a weakness must exist if not in body then in mind. The Force speaks of it as if it is trying to heal it, clustered tightly on such a spot that it has difficulty passing. Merak had seen, heard, and smelled Trajan’s weaknesses.

Kylo feels the golden thread that connects him with Hux start to resonate within him, releasing a sound unlike any Kylo had heard outside his dreams.

And there, somewhere in that resonance, is a missed note. Kylo twists the Force with such intensity even he feels the reaction from it as he runs at Snaga. He coils his hand around the staff, locking it into a grip, and before he can be shaken away he strikes quickly with the top of his baton.

He sees Snaga falter but not before she lands a strike to his shin and femur. Kylo lets go of the staff before he can be lifted and thrown, though it lands him in a bad position.

Snaga pushes him back, and Kylo knows if he doesn’t do something now, he will soon be on his back. Yet, instead of lunging like he often does, impatient with the game and wishing a quick end to it, his feet stand firmly on the ground. The Force is still in his grip, quick to sing and quick to speak.

Snaga seems to notice his intentions and she encloses herself in the Force forming it into a thick armour around her. This is her strength: patience. Kylo had seen too often her taunt her enemies to get closer; an intoxicating flower that mocks you with its colors. Then, once she has you in range, the illusion passes and you learn it has been a snake all along. Quick as a viper and no less dangerous, she disengages you of your hands, feet, head, and pierces right through your mind.

Such duplicity is not foreign to him, but it is dangerous. Kylo should have taken the staff. Now he has no choice but to get close.

The Force spins around him and he presses into it creating a maelstrom. He senses Snaga first but also Merak and Trajan and beyond them the ship’s crew and soldiers. He grips the baton in his hands and thinks of it as his lightsaber.

Snaga’s armor in his mind grows huge, poisonous, singing a disheartening echo. The Force around her is strong, the ultimate shield.

In his mind a bell chimes softly, an almost familiar golden sound and he sees a flash of a narcissus.

The Force propels his step with such power he can barely make himself stop, and the momentum carries over in his strike. The muscles of his hand scream and the echo carries through his baton and into the staff, making it vibrate in Snaga’s hand.

He hears the reinforced metal sing as he moves into another position, another strike that feels like moving mountains. It lands across Snaga’s fingers, the Force creating sparks as it clashes with a different version of itself.

The armor is not going to give as long as Snaga’s mind stays strong. And yet the Force is such that it’s amenable to itself.

Kylo has only a moment to build up the pressure before releasing it around them, and allowing Snaga’s own Force to wrap around him. It hurts him but it also allows his baton to land across her stomach.

The staff clatters to the floor. She grabs a handful of his hair as she tries to trip him. In the vicinity of her horns he has no choice but to grip her tunic. The blowout of the Force overwhelms them both. He manages to kick one of her legs and they go down: Kylo on his knees holding Snaga up and Snaga suspended uncomfortably in the air, with no purchase.

Kylo brings the baton as he would his saber, pointed in her face, intent on delivering the winning blow. Through the Force, somewhere far away, he hears another golden chime ring. It’s not it that stops his hand exactly, as much as the surprise of it. Somewhere deep in space and years away, Hux is thinking about him.

The moment passes and he feels the Force release from their unattentive grip. It fluctuates and tries to settle. The pressure is gone.

Kylo sets Snaga down, the pull of her dead weight a torture on his arm. He shakes it out once he stands. He picks up the staff and returns the weapons back to their place.

He feels far more tired after this little exercise but the lingering sharpness of Snaga’s surprise is evident to him even now.

Kylo remembers that the last time they’ve trained was before he’d been made their Master. And the last time he’d dueled with anybody he’d almost killed Mora.

 _“You have changed,”_ lingers in his mind. A change for the worse he knows. It had taken him years to teach his hands not to waver when fighting the Knights. To not care.

Snaga stands to her feet, composed. She too had expected something else. Kylo isn’t sure if she’s disappointed or not.

-

If their Master has felt their Forces combatting, he’d said nothing during Kylo’s debrief. He’d given Kylo instructions for his next mission and Kylo had to part from his Knights though he’d just found them.

He’s sent to a middle rim planet whose population has clustered around its many big rivers that cut only viable paths through otherwise precarious mountain ranges closely knit together, squeezing the river valleys to thin strips of agricultural land. As such, most of the planet’s surface is unpopulated. Those who do live in the mountains are nomadic groups, shepherds, who travel with their flock.

Kylo avoids the river valleys and chooses instead to land on one of the accessible mountain tops, overlooking a large range of magmatic mountains. Above and all around him mountains tower, white heads peeking above the clouds. The air is thin when he exits his shuttle, but his mask provides support.

Though the day is clear, the high altitude guarantees cold air temperature, which is only worsened by the winds that blow into Kylo’s back. As if, Kylo thinks, it’s insisting that he start moving. It’s loud in his ears and it makes a whistling sound as if it passes on ahead, through the mountain ranges. All other sound is soft and unobstructive, and his breathing is the loudest thing in miles.

The whole planet, Kylo thinks, is a death trap that someone like Skywalker would enjoy.

He watches his footing as he descends from the mountaintop and follows a goat path that slowly turns into a narrow cliff. The Force is with him and he uses it to balance on the ledges he passes. He’s walking up towards mountaintops he couldn’t have his command shuttle land on. The rock beneath his feet is crumbling from the cold temperature and the hot gaze of the sun; the walls he has his side or back to are sweating pure water that collects into barely there streams. Kylo knows that lower, they form rivers. All of this planet’s rivers are mountainous.

The Jedi used to have hidden temples in these mountains and that’s the reason he has been sent here. But the caves he searches for are yet far above him.

Kylo goes through clouds and strange bursts of mist. When he looks behind him there is nothing but a freefall. His locator beeps a steady rhythm, encouraging him to continue. The Force itself whispers and wraps around him, and he can sense something far above him. He thinks he can hear kettle bells in the distance, or glass pieces clinking against each other. It’s vaguely familiar, like windchimes.

He climbs for hours. Once he gets to the first clearing wide enough for him to sit he realises he’s arrived at his destination. A huge set of cave doors that are carved into a natural cavern entrance are before him, and it’s only then that Kylo realises he’s not alone.

A black figure amongst the stones as if its shadow, she stands unmoving as her loose clothes billow in the heavy winds. The mask that adorns her face is blank and smooth. Kylo wishes he were more surprised.

Mora looks at him for a long moment before she turns and walks into the cavern. He follows.

The etchings continue along the walls and on the ceiling as a natural spiral leads them deeper into the cave and higher up the mountain.

Kylo senses when the texture of the stone changes underneath his feet. Though it looks as natural as before, he knows the steps he climbs can be nothing but man made and carved painstakingly slow and thorough.

He isn’t sure why she’s there. There’s ever a need for one Knight on such a low-stakes mission. He knows they won’t find Skywalker here nor any map leading them to him. This planet and this temple weren’t even used much by the Jedi of the old. Instead it was used by believers in the force in religious ceremonies and as makeshift schools for the followers. It’s why he’s there. The chance Skywalker ever visited is irrelevantly small.

The long years of abandonment have put the temple in the state of disrepair. Only the fact that it was secluded from the elements allowed for it to remain in the same state. The hallways and steps had been narrow and so is the chamber they come to, filled with must and the smell of something dead.

Kylo watches the figure turn to look at him. Even clad in the tactical armor, black against her usual beige colors, Mora’s frame remains recognizable. The force around her responds as if alive, pulsing in a quick beat of a distant rhythm. Kylo would recognize it anywhere.

It clusters around her belly, glides along her leg, her foot, back around to her hand. All wounds she has suffered.

There’s no subtlety to her like with Kede, no sensibility that Merak exhumes. Ever since meeting her, he’s always admired her straightforward and uncomplicated approach. There was never any need for deception between them.

And yet, Kylo feels his feet tied to the ground he stands on, the same hand of doubt grasping him and holding tight as it had with the Knights.

Mora had suffered a horrible wound for Kylo’s ascension, and had been left in the Citadel with their Master to heal. He’d known she’d recovered, and that she was available for missions but he’d not seen her since.

She points towards a narrow passage and signals with her fingers up. She goes first and Kylo follows, feeling air pressure against his mask.

When he surfaces, he’s blinded for a long moment as his vision goes white. Then it clears and he realises that the mountain’s peak is open like a flower preparing to bloom. Light filters from the narrow opening, snow and water spilling in alongside it. It looks like an observatory of some sorts.

His attention is sideswept when she turns and removes her mask, setting it down on a table carved out of stone. It makes a sharp, hollow sound.

Her face, when she turns, is not as he’d remembered it. The reddish hue to her skin is there, made pale from the lack of exposure, two black dots adorning her forehead. Her eyes are green but tired and wilted, her lips thin and dry. She’s aged, what seems like far too much for a far shorter amount of time.

It’s bitterly cold once Kylo has his own helmet off. The air is thin, the Force colored in the Light and he can’t get in a good breath. His helmet had filtered the sunlight well but it’s still much brighter than he expected. The mountain rock has a rich brown color to it and the space right underneath the opening is covered in a dusting of snow.

Kylo wishes he were anywhere but there. A nauseating feeling passes over him in warning.

“You’ve changed,” Mora says, as if that’s where she should start.

“Why are you here?” Kylo asks. There is no use in prolonging this.

Mora looks at him with a strange expression on her face. He can’t place it. He grips his helmet tightly under his arm.

“You are looking for Skywalker,” she says as if it explains anything.

“Yes. But I know I won’t find him here.”

There is nothing there, just the Light. Kylo can feel it across the Force. The walls vibrate with it, the etchings in the walls, the energy, like a heat pattern. He rejects it and yet, he can see it passing through him all the same.

Kylo is tired and yet he’s just started his mission. There won’t be any Jedi here, but it’s a planet one of his mother’s acquaintances had inhabited. Perhaps they might still be here.

Afterwards, he thinks, he can crash on the _Finalizer_. There, he always has time to recuperate and cleanse himself of everything and everyone. The Light pulls him and inside it, he thinks he hears the bell chime again and knows it’s the bond. And yet, just the same, once he tugs himself away from the Light and turns to the Dark, the comfort he meets there is also the bond.

“You _have_ changed,” Mora says and there’s something in her voice, like excitement and fear, an almost hysterical necessity for such a revelation.

She walks to him and gets so close she grips his hand that he has curved around his helmet. Kylo can see her better now, can feel the manic pulse of the Force around her. Something is amiss, but he isn’t sure what.

He can sense her trying to invade his mind.

“You’re looking for Skywalker,” she repeats, as if it should carry some deeper meaning. It confuses him.

He puts his hand over hers. “Yes. To fulfill my destiny I must remove myself from those that are holding me down. To become like my grandfather, and to become stronger than him as to not succumb to the Light...I must find Skywalker and I must kill him.”

Mora’s hold on his hand is steel. Color seems to return to her eyes as they crease. But whatever she wishes to say, whatever wants to come out made from the tumultuous emotions she’s feeling, stays behind her clenched teeth.

She has indeed changed herself. He has never known her to hold back her thoughts, to not say what she thinks.

“You hate him. We all do. How does he have anything to do with your connection to the Light?” she finally asks. “He is not the one connecting you to it. Hate cannot connect, only divide.”

Kylo looks her in the eyes and sees there’s no deception at hand. Her mind races, yes, but he has no problem in defining what she’s thinking. Skywalker is not the one. And inside her mind he sees a picture of a man Kylo hasn’t seen since a child, and next to him a silhouette of his mother. Han Solo.

He pulls away, stepping back.  


“Nonsense,” he says in denial. But now that he has seen it, he knows it to be true.

Mora knows it as well.

She grips both of his biceps as if he’s a child that she needs to shake to his senses. “Will you kill him? Will you? Can you?”

Kylo stumbles back until his back hits a cave wall.

“Well?” she demands, voice gone shrill.

And Kylo thinks that now, he will have to whether he truly wants it or not. If Master Snoke requests it, he will have to learn to want it. But it doesn’t mean his Master will. It doesn’t mean it will be necessary at all. In the end, it’s Skywalker he’s been ordered to eliminate not Han Solo. There must be a reason why his Master would give him such an order.

All of a sudden, as if she’s awoken from a terrible dream, Mora releases him and steps back. A cloud has overcome the mountaintop and it has gone dark, rays of sun unable to filter in.

Mora’s returns her helmet to face.

“Master Snoke has sent me to assists you in finding the ambassador,” Mora explains. “There are leads to her whereabouts that head to the upper river city, not too far from here.”

“Then let us leave, post haste,” Kylo says.

Mora goes first, and Kylo follows her out of the temple, leaving behind only disturbed air. He has a strange sort of feeling that he’s missed something and that he will never return to the temple again.

-

Their mission is, against all odds, successful. They pick up a trace on an old Rebellion leader that Kylo remembers from his youth. Goli Otok, in his memory, was a tall Zeltron with an almost neon pink hue to his skin, who had always been there to support his mother in her first steps as a Senator. He was also one of her good friends even after he retired, and they find a coordinates to a planet there’s a possibility he’s on.

Despite it however, Kylo’s mind is plagued by his conversation with Mora even as they boards the _Finalizer_ , and the feeling of the bond envelopes him like a sturdy blanket.

If she can sense his unease she says nothing as she falls behind him. She follows him until they reach the hallways with rooms designated for the Knights and she disappears in the first one, leaving Kylo to himself.

Though his mood is positively ruinous, terrible, and undeserving of an audience, his legs unquestionably lead him to Hux’s chamber.

It must be the night cycle because it beeps open, allowing Kylo to walk inside and see Hux dressed down in his sleep regulation pants and shirt.

Even Hux needs to only glance at him to determine something is wrong. His forehead creases the moment his eyes land on him. And yet, perhaps in an ironical sort of exchange, Kylo feels the nauseating press of his own thoughts leave him and he releases a breath he feels he’d been holding since the mountaintop.

“I did not expect you,” Hux states, eyes flying all over Kylo’s body until they land on his still clad feet. In a fairly cool tone, Hux asks, “What do you need, Ren?”

Kylo had forgotten to be courteous, so he sheds his boots and helmet now, leaving them near the entrance with his gloves and cowl. The sudden cold tone of Hux’s voice shocks him; he hadn’t realised Hux was so soft with him until now.

“Many things, General. None of which are obtainable,” Kylo says as he sits on Hux’s couch, feeling his spine thank him for the small comfort.

He sees Hux recognize his mistake, feel almost ashamed for his defensiveness. Kylo smooths it out as much as he can. He understands. Neither of them are in a good position like this.

“What’s wrong?” Hux asks and gets up. He offers Kylo a drink, something Kylo knows to be vaguely alcoholic, but he refuses.

“I find it difficult to explain to a person who doesn’t believe in the Force,” Kylo replies. Hux puts a cup of water in front of him. Kylo takes a sip and feels refreshed.

“I’m sure I can understand it if you put it in simple words,” Hux replies, humor coloring his words. He sits next to Kylo, folding himself neatly on the soft cushions.

Kylo takes another drink of water, and breathes in slowly. He isn’t sure if this is such a good idea. Still, he licks his lips and starts speaking.

“There a Dark side and a Light side of the Force. Master Snoke is teaching me in the ways of the Dark. Skywalker is a Jedi and walks in the Light side. They don’t combine; it’s either or, depending on what you believe in and what fits your aspirations.”

Hux is silent and close, an undeniable comfort to his fraying edges.

“It’s always been a struggle for me to differentiate and follow one teaching. When I was younger I was taught the ways of the Light, but it didn’t eradicate the Dark. But the Dark side is stronger than the Light.”

“You hope it will overtake the Light side,” Hux concludes.

“Yes. But, though Master Snoke has taught me many things, and I’ve grown, I still feel it. The pull to the Light,” Kylo looks at Hux then. “It’s like your mind being split in two. Two voices inside your head telling you different things. A yearning, of sorts, to do something against your teachings. A temptation.”

He looks at Hux. His hair is still slicked back, controlled.

“And this,” Hux starts, “ _pull_...it’s always been there? Since you were born?”

“Since I started sensing the Force yes,” Kylo replies. “I was a kid. Still had to be accompanied when going out.”  


Hux’s mouth quirks into a gentle smile though his tone is dry. “You must have been a nightmare.”

“I was a rather quiet child actually,” Kylo replies, insulted. “Or are you talking from personal experience?”

It makes Hux even more amused and he huffs a short bout of laughter. It shuts Kylo right up.

“I was a very angry child, something I feel you can relate to. Arkanis Academy used that to turn me into a proper officer,” Hux says, pressing his lips together. “The physical training was alright and expected, use of a blaster too. But you have only so many ambitious kids, and you need a selection.”

“Let me guess: best and brightest?”

Hux snorts. “Good academic grades are a necessity, but if you don’t know how to get back at someone if they insult you, or con your way out of a fight, then you’re just another victim. You need a good brain and a functional body.”

“After the war... where I was born, the notion of another conflict was far removed. Nobody was thinking of another war so soon,” Kylo admits as he shifts on the couch. Maybe he’s giving too much away.

“Kylo, I know who you are. Of course the Rebels would think the fight over. But everyone else? Everyone left over from the Empire and the used and abused planets in the Outer Rim had only hidden away to plan their next move.” Hux sighs. He leans his elbow onto the back of the couch, rubbing his forehead. “My father was one of those people, and he’d used his time to concoct a plan. Make his soldier program and train the next generation of officers.”

“Then...how do you know this is what _you_ want?” Kylo asks.

Hux frowns. “I know what I want.”

“Think about it though: you follow your father’s plan, build your toy. You remove the New Republic. You rule the galaxy. And then what? Does it end just there? Both of us have seen the short fallings of a centralized system, but do you still become Emperor? Yet, if you allow too much democracy then nothing gets done.”

Hux’s expression now is positively stormy. “I believe we started speaking because you were having issues with your Force, not First Order’s goals. And since you know little about it, I would recommend you leave any other questioning when I’m not in the room.”

Kylo’s eyebrow rises at Hux’s defensiveness. “What, do you think that your father didn’t use his soldier program on you as well?”

“As its heir, I think I would have noticed similarities,” Hux shoots back.

Kylo opens his mouth but a tug from the bond warns him about Hux’s slowly diminishing mood. Kylo, like Kede, had never been one to careen off of a bloody trail. He doesn’t give up, but at least for Hux’s comfort, he can postpone this conversation for a better time.

“All right,” Kylo nods, feeling Hux’s shock wash over him a moment later. “Before then. Before the Academy. Who were you then?”

Caught off track by Kylo accepting defeat, and further pushed off rhythm by his next question, Hux can’t hide the pained expression. “I’d rather not talk about it, either.”

Disappointed, Kylo sighs. “Not talking about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Regrettably, not all of us can be droids made in a facility.”

“Would be much easier though,” Hux replies, “For both of us.”

“I’m not so certain we’d be us, if we were machines.” Kylo shrugs.

“Ah, then to be is to suffer? I should have known it’s a philosophy you ascribe to,” Hux shoots back with a smile on his lips.

Kylo laughs, a soft exhale from his nose and a click in his throat. “I would be a disciple only if I voluntarily chose it. Rather, this struggle has chosen me instead.”

Hux almost rolls his eyes at that, but decides he’s too dignified for it at the last moment. Instead he just looks at the ceiling for effect, mock praying to his inexistent deities. “Unfortunately for all of us,” he says with humor.

An image strikes his mind that Kylo gleans from his thoughts. Kylo, small, scared, and bloody, and of the other children; Mora, strong, defiant and silent, clutching Kede who was only six at the time. Snaga’s cumbersome size making her out to be much older than she is, shielding Trajan and, Kylo thinks with sorrow, Milost. Merak had been pressed side to side with Lelek, trying to calm him. Lelek, whose face he had not seen in such a long time, he’d almost forgotten it. Will he forget Milost like this as well? Will he in turn be forgotten? Stardust returns to stardust after all, regardless of what it had managed to become in the process.

The Force swells around them like riptide, egged on by his grief. Kylo feels it with shocking intensity, startled by its existence. Even Hux feels something. Whether it’s instinct or not, Hux shuffles closer to him until the pressure subsides under Kylo’s careful instructions.

Whatever expression is on his face makes Hux’s tight grip on his shoulder remain as a comforting presence.

“Does everybody born with... _that_ feel it like this?” Hux asks, voice just above a whisper.

“I’m not sure, I don’t think so,” Kylo says. “Skywalker didn’t know about his abilities until his adolescence - until he was trained by a Jedi. Same with his sister. But Jedi can fall to the Dark side.”

Hux frowns. “I won’t pretend to know anything about this Force of yours or how it works. But it seems that you’re an anomaly against a regular binary system. Light and Dark, zeros and ones. And you’re somewhere in between. Doesn’t that mean you could potentially reap the benefits of both?”

Kylo stares at him, for a moment shocked that Hux would ever even take the Force into his mouth and speak of it. Then he says, “You really don’t know what you’re talking about.”  


Moment broken, Hux rolls his eyes and huffs. “Forgive me for trying. Now, will you kiss me or am I to play your doctor some more?”

Amused, Kylo puts his hand on the backrest and leans over to press a tender kiss into Hux’s pliant mouth. It’s soft, like a hello, and he pulls away with a sigh.

“I apologise,” he says, and it rings more true than the simple joke it was supposed to be. Kylo feels incredibly out of sorts.

“It’s _something_.” Hux shrugs. Then, he takes a handful of Kylo’s jacket and pulls him back into something more intense and deliciously hot, making Kylo remember why he’s there to begin with.

Thoughts of the Force, his family, and struggle evaporate against the intensity of their bond. In Hux’s mind there’s little room for that, and he pushes it away.

Passion has him responding to the kiss but it’s sentiment that has him pressing his forehead against Hux’s, kissing his cheek and the corner of his mouth. Hux hums and though he doesn’t show it on his face, Kylo can feel the flare of his emotions.

Kylo’s own rise, heartbeat pounding at what he can read, at what he’s done and what it means, and Hux releases his jacket. He stands, hand trailing down Kylo’s chest until it stops at his abdomen.

“If you’ve change your mind you should tell me. Loudly,” Hux says, thumbing at a fastening of his jacket.

“Stop saying that. I’m not going to change my mind Hux,” Kylo says sounding, even to his own ears, exasperated. “I’ve already said yes.”

Hux levels him with a look. “It’s not a now and forever sort of deal, you know.”

Kylo presses his hand over Hux’s and leans in slowly and kisses him. He doesn’t think he will ever get tired of that, or the way Hux leans into it, resting his body weight against Kylo. He takes the burden easily and draws him in until Hux’s other hand is pushed between them.

Hux leans back then, tugging him by the collar. “Get naked, you ridiculous man.”

For some reason it makes Kylo laugh. When he’s with Hux everything comes a lot easier than what it usually is.

“How about moving to the bed?” Kylo proposes instead.

Hux’s face grows red, as he realises they’re still on the couch. He actually thinks about it for a moment, before deciding the ultimate comfort of the bed beats anything a couch can offer.

Kylo finds that somehow terribly amusing. He stands, and starts undoing the clasps of his jacket. Hux gets up and settles on the bed, and once Kylo is naked he joins him.

Hux’s hands on him are an immediate presence, urgent to re-learn the dips and curves of it. They stoke the fire within Kylo, along with the kisses he gets, and the wonderful image of Hux on his back underneath him. But that fire remains only that, a comfortable feeling of wanting and being wanted.

After a while Hux himself sees that his advances are not registering. He hums, heavy petting turning to simple petting. Kylo lowers himself to the bed, pressing his face into the warm skin of Hux’s belly.

Kylo would feel ashamed were he not tired beyond words. Hux sees it and pushes his hand through Kylo’s hair. Surrounded in softness, that’s how Kylo falls asleep.

-

Slow drumming in his ears rouses him. His eyes need only a moment to follow after his consciousness, though he just as quickly realises he’s not awake. Not truly.

Dream landscape is ever shifting and changing, but this time it seems his mind is content to leave him lying in the wheat grass that wavers around him, like it’s underwater. Golden in color, and of familiar scent, the sound that radiates from it can be nothing but the bond. Above him, the sky has yet to crack into dawn.

Stars are prominent but the sky is otherwise uneventful. Instead, Kylo notices something else, and when he looks better, he sees Hux kneeling over him. He’s next to Kylo in a comfortable slump, shoulders relaxed, face composed and colored in ease. He rises a hand and presses it to Kylo’s cheek.

In this dream he can see how Hux’s eyes widen and how pleased he looks when Kylo doesn’t pull away. The drumming continues, as if coming from the earth itself, the tempo quicker now than before.

Because it’s a dream, Kylo takes Hux’s hand and presses it to his mouth. There are no consequences to be tender here. Everything within his chest that he feels is open and raw and exposed here. Infinitely uncomplicated and allowed to exist.

Hux smiles softly. It will never stop feeling like novelty. Then he bends over Kylo, his red hair falling into his face. His eyes are green and shining. He’s just about to kiss Kylo when--

Kylo wakes with a deep breath inside a dark room. Vision blurry, he tries to blink away the sleep from his eyes. As he does it, he feels soft shifting underneath his cheek, warmth radiating from the fabric.

It takes only a moment for Kylo to realise where he is and to relax his frozen limbs that had been ready to propel him away and out. Hux’s hipbone digs into his chest but he doesn’t move. Instead, mind now settled and clear after sleep, he wonders exactly what he’s doing in Hux’s bed.

Out of his many bad decisions this one is threatening to be the worst one as of yet. Not because of who Hux himself is, or even what his Master would say or do. But because he knows getting attached to the man underneath him is a monumentally stupid idea, because he knows it can only end in bitterness and hurt, and because he knows at this point he has gotten too used to the casual tenderness between them.

They could have acknowledged the bond without any other additions, without getting this so complicated. But then, Kylo had wanted it too much, and he can only blame himself and his own weakness.

Kylo feels when Hux takes a deep breath and rouses. But instead of moving, he stays still for a handful of minutes, as if his mind is a computer and he’s allowing all the systems to boot up. Then, very gingerly, Hux lifts his hand and, probably thinking Kylo is asleep, lays it on his head.

He has seen that this type of intimacy is just as foreign to Hux, but he’d not pried further into his mind. He doesn’t try to connect them now, though their bond is always an open frequency for them. Instead, he enjoys Hux’s fingers in his tangled hair that slowly creep around the shell of his ear down to his neck, and to the skin of his shoulder that he can reach.

Burying his head into Hux’s belly, Kylo shifts and turns them, so Hux is pressed to the bed. He looks up through his disheveled hair and feels Hux’s hand stop and slip to the bed.

Hux must have not had the time to wash the gel out of his hair last night because it’s still trying to remain in one cohesive shape. While his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he can still only make out shapes. He knows Hux is looking at him, and that there’s something in his eye he hasn’t seen before, and he knows that his lips aren’t drawn in a stern set.

To understand, Kylo filters into his mind slowly but sees nothing but himself, and feels a strong sense of possessiveness colored by embarrassment and sentiment. He feels his throat working but in the end, he refrains from saying anything. He doesn’t know how to tell Hux that it’s the exact same overwhelming feeling that’s a pressure inside his chest making him crave Hux’s presence in the most inopportune times. The same feeling that is insatiable when he’s like this, pressing Hux between the sheets and himself as if he can preserve the moment, a four-leaved clover between book pages.

It all feels like treading water, stealing time that is not his to have, and moments that feel forbidden and sweet in spite of it.

Hux presses the heel of his hand against Kylo’s temple, and says quietly, “I can hear you.”

 _You agree,_ Kylo responds inside Hux’s head.

Instead of thoughts, feelings barrel into him, unintentional and consuming. Hux’s eyes are lit from within, a wonderful mix of blue and green that’s bright and sad all at the same time. He doesn’t think he’s seen them like this before. He would be hard pressed to find one moment when he’d felt or seen Hux feeling regret or sadness, or such a need for closeness denied by taught propriety.

 _What is it?,_ Kylo asks but he isn’t certain the man can hear him. “Hux?”

“Come up here,” Hux says, touching his cheek.

Lifting himself up, Kylo is dragged forward by Hux’s hands that cradle his face. Hux’s eyes fall to his lips as his thumb brushes over them, then they tick up to his eyes.

“Kiss me won’t you?” Hux says, impatient.

His hands are warm and tremble when Kylo leans down to plant a soft kiss on his lips. They wind around his neck and bring him in so tightly, Kylo has to stop kissing him and press his face into the crook of Hux’s neck instead. He winds his hands around Hux as best he can and squeezes him tightly.

They hold on for a long time.

Eventually, they start letting go and drifting apart but never too far. Even when Hux decides he needs to use the refresher, Kylo can still feel him in the bond.

There’s a learned wish to get out of the bed and dress and do something that Kylo has to combat. Instead, he bundles pillows against the headboard and half-leans, half-lays in the bed. He should probably leave now.

The refresher door opens and Hux steps out much more emotionally collected than he’d been before. His hair is soft however, and Kylo wishes he can understand this kind of give and take.

Kylo has calmed down as well and wonders if Hux is as embarrassed as he is. If he is, he gives no clues to it as he climbs back onto the bed. His breath is fresh when he kisses Kylo, hands icy cold as they trace his heated flesh.

Kylo is amenable underneath his attention, and lets himself be kissed into breathlessness. He’d thought Hux would have avoided sex after everything but it seems his mind is set on it now. Whatever the reason, Kylo isn’t going to complain. Instead he puts a hand onto Hux’s hip and brings him closer.

Hot and pliant, Hux’s mouth releases his so it can leave kisses across his jaw and neck. Teeth press against his pulse point and Kylo feels himself harder than he’d expected. Kylo cranes his neck and Hux’s teeth follow the line of his throat down to his clavicles and chest where he bites and kisses, and his hand carelessly passes over his nipple, down to his flank and rests just above the cut of his hip.

Kylo’s legs draw up around Hux instinctually, and he feels aroused all the more when Hux hums, a hand going to the inside of his thigh. He rubs the muscle and flesh there, and continues to do so even when he returns to kissing Kylo.

Kylo’s hands trace Hux’s back, press into the soft flesh up to the hard bones of his shoulder blades. One stays there, intent on a return path to Hux’s back, but the other Kylo rises higher around Hux’s neck. He massages the soft skin there, prompting Hux closer and to kiss harder.

It would be all the more pleasant if his cock wasn’t pressing so hard against the sheets trapped between Hux and he.

Hux’s hand that had rested on his thigh moves to his cock and touches it through the fabric, making the muscles on Kylo’s stomach jump. Hux had heard him inside his head.

The man lifts himself up slightly so he can remove the sheets, but his weight returns before it can be missed. The same hand that had rested on his thigh now touches his swollen cock. Not anything serious that would bring any sort of resolution to his pleasure. Instead it’s teasing touches just over the head, thumb softly pressing around and over as if trying to coax as much precome as he can.

Kylo feels his breath grow shallow, face heating as his chest heaves slowly. His heels bite softly into the sheets and slip, spreading his legs wider. When he breaks away for breath Hux simply accosts his jaw, kissing underneath his ear and biting.

Kylo bucks his hips just for the hell of it though he knows that if Hux has other plans, he will be left like this for as long as necessary.

Hux’s eyes go a deep dark color and he watches Kylo for a moment as they try to catch their breaths. Thoughts swirl inside his mind colored in familiar heat, though Kylo is too distracted to read them now. All he can think of is the swell of Hux’s lips, the strength of his hands that are on him and the fit of his body against his own.

Kylo’s already pushing up Hux’s shirt and the man quickly catches on, pulling it over his head and letting it fall on the bed beside them. Kylo’s hands are on the waistband of Hux’s pants next, slipping underneath it and cupping his ass, making Hux grind against him.

Hux leans to kiss him as if he can’t go without and continues to rock into him until Kylo can feel wetness against his thighs and belly from their precome.

Kylo pushes at the waistband, until Hux’s pert ass in exposed to the air and he can easily massage it with his hand. The other goes to his cock that twitches in his hand, making Hux’s breath hitch against his mouth.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Hux asks, sounding less collected than Kylo has ever heard him.

“Or you could continue doing this,” Kylo replies. Their cocks are pressed together, friction made pleasure, and Kylo knows they need only a little bit before they're both very satisfied.

“I would like a clear yes or no answer,” Hux says, one of his hands going to Kylo’s hair and pushing it back and out of his face. It stays there, lingers. It would sound harsh, had Hux’s tone not been colored by affection and want.

Already, Kylo can see Hux’s mind forming contingency plans in case he says no but he also knows what Hux is offering.

He takes Hux’s hand out of his hair and presses it to his lips before putting it down on his chest. “Then, yes.”

There's a moment between hearing and realising the meaning of Kylo’s words in which Hux’s shields slip and he sees the surprise and feels the enthusiasm quickly reigned in by control.

He watches as Hux scoots to the edge of the bed on his knees to the bedside compartments, divesting himself of his pants in the process. He clicks a button and there's a sound of a pressure lock releasing. Then Hux pulls out a very familiar looking vial of muted matte white glass lubricant and throws it on the bed in the vicinity or Kylo’s thigh.

There's something promising in Hux’s gaze as he crawl back to him, promises and things that Kylo can only grab flashes of in Hux’s mind before they're gone.

Hux’s hand goes to his face and is quickly followed up with a soft press of his lips that has Kylo relaxing into the comforter. He needs to do very little to get Kylo like this: pliant and ready.

Unlike before, Hux wraps a hand around him immediately.

“I'm going to blow you and then put my fingers into you. And then we'll see how much time you'll need until you're spent. Agreed?”

“Fuck,” Kylo says with feeling. Then, “Yes.”

Hux doesn't waste much time after that. He pushes Kylo’s hips in line with the bed and holds them down, gets his mouth on him before Kylo can think up a smug line.

He presses his lips against the head first, sucks his tip, passes his tongue over it knowing Kylo is sensitive there. Then he's taking him down his throat and his hand is there just to guide Kylo’s cock into his mouth.

Kylo groans, tension in his thighs building as he remembers that he probably shouldn't buck and choke Hux before he's ready to take him in all the way. Hux doesn't make it any more easy because he keeps swallowing and pressing and licking. It takes him a much shorter time than before to have Kylo completely in his mouth and for a long moment Kylo isn't actually sure where he is.

He digs his heels into the sheets, legs spreading voluntarily as his hips slide down lower. He can't contain the noise he's making; Hux barely lets him breathe before he's doing something to make him whimper.

He watches through hazy vision as Hux takes the lube and opens it, puts some on his fingers and presses first against his balls, perineum and then his hole.

Kylo shivers, feels his body tense up. He takes a breathe and another before settling down on the bed again.

 _It's not going to hurt you, breathe, and tell me if you've change your mind,_ Hux says in his mind.

His mouth sucks around him tighter and he feels as if his legs have suddenly turned to jelly.

Kylo doesn't particularly feel the first knuckle, and like Hux said, the whole finger doesn't really hurt. It's just a strange sensation, especially when Hux starts moving it.

He quickly gets used to it and when Hux notices him relaxing further, he presses another in. Kylo realises the tightness of his body then, and the reason why Hux did it this way.

The pleasure from his cock overshadows the warnings his body is sending to his mind and the lubricant makes it so that it's only the pressure in untested muscles that creates tension within him.

That too passes quickly enough because now that Hux has his fingers in he doesn't do much with them, letting Kylo get used to their strange presence.

 _Good, Kylo. Good,_ Hux’s mind resonates.

He has a moment to be pleased with himself before Hux starts moving the fingers inside him, effectively cutting his breath short.

At first it's the same as before, just pressing inside him and working at his muscles to relax. The discomfort passes, and Hux pulls his hand away long enough to add more lube on his fingers before they return, smoother inside him than before.

His mouth continues to work on Kylo though with his attention divided he's returning to teasing his cockead; Kylo wonders how his jaw isn't hurting.

Kylo’s pleasure starts building again after he's used to the blunt pressure of Hux’s fingers who try and spread him as much as they can, twisting inside him.

Then they press a spot inside him that has him yelping, whole body tensing up. Hux in his mind crows, smug. His fingers hook and press and Kylo moans, feels electricity run down his spine.

Now that he's found the spot Hux refuses to leave it be. He looks at Kylo through his lashes, smirk evident on his face if not on his lips.

He pulls off of his cock long enough to press his lips against Kylo’s belly, sink his teeth into his hip.

He licks away the precome that pools on Kylo’s skin and waits for more before repeating. Pleasure now is a constant and Kylo has to bite his fist to feel any semblance of control.

Hux massages the spot inside him, fingers pressing against it in a circular motion, never really letting up. The longer he does it the more Kylo feels his thighs starting to ache and burn from the tension of keeping them apart. But then Hux’s mouth returns to his cock, swallowing him down completely. Kylo can only cry out and come.

Hux’s throat works around him swallowing his release and then moving off of his cock. He pulls out his fingers and Kylo can finally breathe.

Kylo knows Hux is doing something but he can't focus enough to see what. Instead he tries to come down from his high. However, Hux seems to have other plans. He wraps his hand around Kylo’s cock, the other returning two fingers inside him.

Kylo gasps and squirms, hand quickly falling to Hux shoulder.

“Wait,” he says feeling overwhelmed. He knows he doesn’t go soft immediately but he's still sensitive.

The pit in his stomach opens regardless, fire stoked by Hux who turns his face and presses his lips against Kylo’s wrist.

That's when Kylo notices Hux’s labored breathing. Despite the composure he exhumes at a first glance, the flush on the skin of his chest and neck tell Kylo he isn't as unaffected as me might appear.

Kylo wonders what's the endgame of this.

Hux’s hand squeezes around him and Kylo can't help whimpering. The fingers inside him find the spot again and he jerks, body coming alive.

“The end game is to make you come as much as your body will allow,” Hux says, voice rough and loud. “And when you’re loose and sloppy, to fuck you senseless.”

Nothing, Kylo thinks, he wasn't told before. And yet he shivers regardless, wondering how close this pleasure will come to pain.

On the outside he only lets out a breathy little laugh and says, “you're already doing a fine job.”

Hux’s fingers inside him quirk, a sharp stab of pleasure making Kylo bite his lip so he doesn't yell.

“Aren't I?” Hux says, smug.

Kylo hums, breathing through his nose. This is going to ruin him.

“Unlikely,” Hux says but appears to be pleased regardless.

Kylo closes his eyes when he gets overwhelmed by the strength of the bond between them, and follows a thread that turns into a river Kylo sees himself standing in waist deep.

Hux is there too, in front of him and turned so they're facing each other, naked.

For a moment is seems that the river is made of tiny particles like a gel, in the other Kylo realised it's made of thousands of thin strings flowing in the same direction, bending to an invisible wind, like algae following water’s currents. And when he looks down at himself he sees the threads have coiled around him in a gentle hug.

When Kylo opens his eyes Hux is there to kiss him. Pleasure overwhelms him, a sudden fall like jumping from a cliff and he shakes apart under Hux, voice raw with it.

He can't calm down after, he feels as if he's a livewire and Hux’s touch makes him seize as if his hands are magnets drawing Kylo to him.

“Kylo? Are you alright?” Hux asks but his question is left unanswered.

Kylo can’t speak, can barely roll onto his side, hide his face into his own bicep and try to breathe. His lungs burn and there's wetness on his face that isn't from spit. On his belly his release cools, cock lying against his thigh, waiting to go soft. He knows Hux won't let it, won't let him rest.

The air he breathes in is cold, and yet, he senses Hux’s body close to his own because of it. There’s a wavering in the room, as if a light isn’t sure if it wants to be on or off, before he feels Hux’s lips on the back of his neck.

They don’t demand anything, there just to press kisses against his sweaty skin. Fingers curl around his hip, the touch as soft as Hux’s mouth. Kylo isn’t sure he can give Hux what he wants.

 _We can stop, if you can’t,_ Hux says in his mind as his thumb draws circles into his hip bone.

However comforting Hux thinks that may sound, it’s not something Kylo wants. _No_.

“Alright then,” Hux says quietly. His touch hardens and pushes Kylo to turn completely to the bed.

Kylo slowly makes his body move and lays down on his belly, head pressing against the comforter. He takes a few calming breaths when Hux says, “Your knees under you. Up on your hands.”

It takes him a moment to prompt enough coordination to listen to Hux, but eventually he manages to do what he’s told. His hands shake and he feels incredibly exposed like this. His hair falls around his face, obscuring his peripheral vision. Like this he can only see his own hands and the bed.

Hux’s hand releases his hip and travels to his belly where it presses down on his muscles. His lips kiss the back of Kylo’s neck, his shoulder. It feels as if he’s all around Kylo, though he knows that’s impossible. It doesn’t matter, because he feels Hux’s cock brush against his thigh and he bucks back.

Hux’s hands go lower to his hips and he grinds against Kylo’s ass, making them both gasp. His skin there is so sensitive he’s ready to cry out, but Hux moves away before he can.

“After,” Hux promises. His hands slide to spread Kylo’s cheeks.

Kylo hears Hux’s breath suddenly growing loud before he feels the blunt pressure of his fingers back inside him. He thinks he’s prepared, after all he’s been made to come on them twice now, but he’s wrong. The moment Hux strikes the tender spot inside him he’d shaking, ready to collapse.

This time Hux is none too gentle. He hooks his fingers and in a rhythm, starts pressing into him. It’s quick and hard, and his thumb presses underneath Kylo’s balls. Suddenly, Hux pinches his fingers and Kylo shouts, thighs threatening to give out. Sweat beads down his face and falls on the comforters, his hands going down to elbows.

Hux’s grip on his hip is the only thing that holds his thighs up. Kylo curses. Hux does it again.

Very quickly Kylo loses his ability to think above the very real and very assertive presence of Hux and his hands. He can’t stop the noises that leave him, can’t stop from crying out into the comforter and fisting his hands in it.

“Hux, _Hux_ ,” he says, unsure why, but the only thing on his mind.

Hux, for his trouble, repays him by slowing down. Kylo protests, _loudly_ , disappointment immediate. But Hux simply pours lube right where his fingers press into Kylo and adds another.

Kylo clenches around his fingers then, feels suddenly very full, and wonders briefly, if it’s going to be like this when Hux fucks him.

Then the thoughts leave him, with everything else, vision blurring from sudden tears, when Hux starts pressing into him again, sending thrills to his cock that hangs hard and leaking between his legs.

As if reading his mind, which at this point is very possible, Hux’s free hand goes to it, pumping a couple of times to get him shouting.

And Kylo _does_ shout. Because it’s too much and gone too quickly, because there’s no way he will find release like this, and he knows Hux will fuck it out of him with his fingers regardless. And he feels it, right there, simmering under his skin, getting closer with every strike to the spot inside of him.

Then Kylo’s body seizes and he feels it washing over him, more pleasure than pain now, and it leaves him dizzy and shaking. His hands give up under him and he goes face first into the comforter.

Hux’s fingers leave him and Kylo has to force his throat to work so he can stop him because no, no.

“ _Hux_ , please-” he says, barely making sense even to himself. “I can’t, _please-”_

Hux stops, hand reaching around him, fisting his hard and sensitive cock, and he says, softly and surprised, “You’ve... but I’ve thought you’ve finished.”

“Please,” Kylo says. He can’t really see Hux, only the lights above the bed, but he’s fairly certain he hears the man curse.

The next moment he feels Hux’s thighs against his own, feels the heaviness of his cock rest on the cleft of his ass and he shivers, mind drawing up a sudden blank.

When Hux pushes in, it’s nothing like he’s thought it would feel like. He drools against the sheets, moans into them as Hux guides his hips down until his cock is completely inside Kylo.

“Stars,” he hears. He’s fairly certain it’s Hux. He’s warm and pulsing inside Kylo, who squeezes around him so he can feel him as much as he can.

For that he gets another curse and a hand on the back of his neck, pushing him further into the bed.

When Hux snaps his hips there’s nothing soft about it. They’re hard and deep thrusts that, though not numerous, count in every other way. Kylo feels himself growing tender, but it feels so _good_ that he loosens up and let’s Hux move better than before.

The tempo speeds up, Hux’s sharp thrusts following a consistent beat, hitting so deep within him Kylo has to close his eyes. He can’t bare it, he can’t, the pleasure is too much.

It’s a mistake because without his eyes he can hear the slap of skin against skin, Hux’s and his labored breaths, can _see_ inside Hux’s mind.

Kylo whimpers, feels his balls drawing up, knows the feeling already when he’s about to come.

He tries to breathe but he can’t, nothing’s working properly right now. Kylo tries to hold off as much as he can, muscles in his stomach and ass tightening so much it hurts. But it doesn’t help. Regardless of it, Hux’s cock strikes that place within him and grinds, and Kylo is flying apart.   


There’s a sound of something crashing mixed with the noises he makes like a beast in heat. Suddenly everything is dark but he can’t focus on it, can’t when such pleasure hits him that his entire body locks up. It washes over him like a final wave of a hurricane, and lasts though it gets weaker and weaker until he slumps down onto the bed.

When his faculties come online again, he knows he’s lost time because he’s lying down on the bed and he feels wetness between his thighs but Hux is on his knees above him, pushing his hair out of his face. When he’s turned around, or been turned around, he isn’t certain.

 _Hux_ , he says through the bond before he can stop himself. He hasn’t realised how out of it he was during all this because Hux’s thoughts are perfectly evident along with his emotions, like a catalogue.

“Damn,” he croaks.

Hux hums, “This is why I tell you what I’m going to do in advance.”

Indeed, Kylo thinks. He just wasn’t aware of the meaning of his words.

It takes Kylo a moment to gather his words. He says, “I’m not...used to this.”

“No,” Hux thinks and his eyes fall to Kylo’s lips before returning to his eyes. “But your performance was satisfactory.”

For some reason it makes a laugh burst out of Kylo’s chest as he moves to turn on his side. He can’t remember the last time he’s laughed. Hux’s hand lands on the bed and Kylo picks it up, kisses the inside of Hux’s wrist like he’s had done to him.

He sees Hux’s eyes go dark, knows he’s struck an invisible cord.

Hux threads his fingers into Kylo’s hair once Kylo releases his grip. Kylo sighs and closes his eyes.

He’s back in the darkness and the golden river and he’s so happy it’s devastating. He knows he will be knocked down and made to return to reality. Because _his_ reality doesn’t lie between the lines of Hux’s sheets. Similarly, Hux’s reality certainly doesn’t lie in Kylo on his bed. And yet, Kylo dreads for this illusion to end.

Kylo opens his eyes. Hux is looking at him.

“Can you see it? When you close your eyes?” Kylo asks.

“The river of grain? Yes. I’ve been seeing it for some time now,” Hux say, relaxing next to him.

Kylo takes his hand and in the next moment finds himself in Hux’s mind. True to words, it’s a river of grain but not the same image as Kylo’s mind had constructed of their bond. It couldn’t be, he thinks. Hux is a rational person who needs rational explanations for everything.

Above him is a wide blue sky and bellow him a sea of yellowing grain, ready for harvest. Kylo prefers this, to the one in his mind. It’s like a picture of some far away memory.

“First time I saw _you_ there though,” Hux admits.

“Is _that_ something you want as well?” Kylo asks. He clarifies, “That place, that field. That sky.”

“I want a lot of things,” Hux says.

Kylo frowns, shifting. His body aches and demands to be cleaned, but he ignores it. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

“We talked about this,” Hux says. Then quietly, “The past is just the past.”

“I don’t mean that same place, I mean in general,” Kylo explains. _The safety, and complacency and softness that comes with it._

“Are you asking me if I want to retire?” Hux asks, amused.

Kylo shrugs and turns and sits on the edge of the bed. That’s when he realises the room is a mess, cabinets open, half of its contents on the floor the other half precariously levitating near the ceiling. The lights aren’t working again.

He looks back at Hux who gives him a simple look and raises an eyebrow. He’s quite satisfied with himself, Kylo realises, at making Kylo lose control like this.

Sighing, Kylo lifts himself up and gives a moment to the dizziness that overtakes him. There’s pain in his muscles, and he focuses on it to channel the Force, rising his hand to command everything back in its place. It takes a moment but then the tables and chairs, clothes, datapads, other necessities and belongings slowly return to their designated place. The pants he’d been wearing lie at the bottom of the bed and they return to Kylo’s hand.

Kylo looks up at the ceiling but the light refuses to come on.

“You’ve busted it completely. It needs to be changed,” Hux explains as he watches, amused, from the bed.

Kylo nods, and shifts to the edge of the bed before putting his legs over. He stands, though it’s a tricky stunt after he’s been turned half to mush, and pads gingerly to the refresher. The sonic does a quick job of washing him and he sees his clothes are finished being washed and fixed. He debates with himself, but in the end he puts on the grey pants Hux had given him.

When he returns, he feels ten times better and more tired, though Hux seems to be fit for work, the datapad at his fingertips evidence. Hoth looms behind him, a terrible blue giant, a promise. What kind, Kylo can’t discern.

Kylo crawls onto the bed and then to Hux, and presses himself against the man. Rest, for once, comes easy.

  
  



	5. Chapter Five

Kylo wakes to snowflakes softly landing on his face. His dream lingers only for a moment before it disappears along with the cold trail of melted water on his face. His mind, however, remain spread out to the galaxy, a satellite receiving information from distant pulsing points, converting them into sound waves that make no sense but give direction regardless of his incomprehension.

When he gets up he doesn’t feel like himself. Instead, an animatron has taken over his body, and he watches as it gets ready for the next mission. Though his command shuttle has little comfort, it allows for short periods of rest. 

Nothing actually can prepare him for the atmosphere of the planet he lands on, the nature or the scenery that greets him. Gorostas is what would have happened if someone took a page out of Hux’s mind, saturated the colors and made it come alive. Rolling green hills are all around him, the distant view unobstructed my mountains. A river curves through the scenery, hurrying down to clusters of trees used to separate different fields, disappears in them only to come out of the other end and diverge in two points. It’s used to feed water to the fields. Further in the distance, just at the edge of the vision, is the entrance to the woods.

_ Life _ courses through Kylo, from the point where he stands to the people in the distance, animals in the forest and coops, birds above him. Not even his mask can hold back the smell of fresh earth after rainfall, the very promise of birth and potential and power. 

He forces his feet to move. Charmed as he is by the place, he’s on a timer, and he should loathe for anyone other than him to return here. This place, he thinks, he’ll save for Hux. If he wants it. 

There are rock houses in the distance used by the farmers that take care of the land. It would be a blind mouse chase if he weren’t connected to the Force. This way he can sense another like him, a sensitive, and he heads for them.

Mora and he had tracked Goli Otok painstakingly slowly and with increasing difficulty as they got closer to the planet. It had led him to believe that there’d be a great amount of resistance put forth, but there are no blasters shooting at him, no land mines, no security. It makes him all the more careful as he reaches the doors. There’s a real possibility of the man self-immolating; Goli Otok is his mother’s sort and he wouldn’t put it past him. 

Instead he finds the doors opening, a small creature that barely reaches his knee looking up at him from behind it. Dark blue eyes and green hair, a sad and angry expression; whatever they are, they’re sentient enough to know to hate him. He’s let inside regardless.

It’s a very small hut that, next to the fireplace and tools for working the earth, houses a single bed, a lantern above it, and a man he’s looking for in it. A man, Kylo realises very quickly, is dying. 

Amongst all of that life he’s encountered outside, within this stifling airless seclude only lies death and Kylo feels at once at ease. He walks to the man, towering over him. He’s known him, a long time ago. He remembers his strong arms and wide back and the pride with which he governed. Now, that man a whisper of what he used to be. Long gone are his muscles, withered like an old tree in the sun, hair gone grey and ragged, skin turning a yellowish-grey hue of death. His skin has sagged, his one eye blind, the other barely seeing. There’s nothing left of him but memories.

“Kylo Ren,” the man says, voice startlingly loud despite his illness and age. “I hear that’s what you’re calling yourself now.”

“I’m here for the map,” Kylo says. 

“I feel I will die sooner if I withhold it longer, so I shall endeavor to do that,” the man replies, one good eye glinting. 

“My patience is thin,” Kylo replies. “Give it to me. Skywalker must be found.”   
  


The man turns towards him, and Kylo sees he’s lost function of his legs. His right arm is curled in on itself, able to move but no finer action than that. The other lays uselessly by his side. 

“Your  _ master _ has been burning a path in the galaxy to find him hasn’t he!” the man yells. “For a man who has disappeared he’s frantically searching everywhere. Why is Luke Skywalker such a threat to him if he’s ever so powerful, hmm?”

The man starts coughing and the green creature runs to him, returning him to his original lying position. “He’s  _ afraid _ , and  _ weak _ . Even if Skywalker dies, even if you go to your  _ master _ , there will always be another to stand in his way. You’re just blind to it, in your rage.”   
  


“You should not speak of weakness,” Kylo retorts. “As you lie here waiting for me, your executioner. All the good of the Light could not save your life.”

The man laughs an ugly laugh. “Fuck the Light. Fuck the Dark. This is just what life is. Old things die, new things are born. It’s all just a process of falling apart and being created again.”

Kylo falls silent. Between life and decay, between light and darkness, here on this planet a balance has been struck allowing it to prosper. 

He unhooks his lightsaber. “I’m sure you think you’re tight. Now, the map.”

The man starts coughing, old bones rattling with air. Kylo tries to remain unfeeling but he’s unsettled by these revelations forced upon him.

The man then starts choking, and Kylo watches, unmoving, as the life in front of him disappears into nothingness. 

Kylo has no map but he has a picture and memories that will lead him to it. He hooks his lightsaber on his belt once more and, with a last look at the green creature, leaves. 

He doesn’t fly his shuttle. Instead, he secludes himself in the cargo hold. He sits down and closes his eyes, and the next time he opens them they’re flying into one of the  _ Finalizer’s  _ bays. Before he has the chance to look into the memories that have flooded his sight, suddenly, he can feel a splitting pain, a pressure within his mind, a terrible pulsing feeling, as if someone jammed their fingers between two sides of his brain and is splitting it apart. 

Then, an echo and a terrible voice asking,  _ What have you found? _

Kylo can’t focus enough to reply, doesn’t even have time to think before images filter through his mind that he has not seen yet, memories parsed through and pushed and discarded at whim. It hurts. He’s never gotten used to this, and already, he can feel his stomach churning, can feel bile rising in the back of his throat. It hurts and it doesn’t stop until he’s lying on the floor, panting, sweating as if sick and with fever, clutching his head with both hands though he knows he can’t stop the pain any more than he can stop his Master’s intrusions. 

_ Here _ , Snoke says, showing him a picture from a memory. A greying face, like so many others, this of a woman with fierce red eyes and an incredible grey hue of skin. Kylo recognizes it as one of his mother’s friends. He should have known nothing would come easy. But he has a name, and he has her associates. It shouldn’t take too long for him to find basic information. 

The pressure in his head lets off, leaving only a shadow of fingers in his mind, as if tree leaving it’s roots where it can always return. Relief is a betrayal and yet he feels it with every millimeter of his being. 

Instead of thinking about it, Kylo pushes to his feets and goes to the front of the shuttle. The First Order and it’s vast resources are at his disposal and it takes minutes to have a collection of data on the woman. As it turns out she’s an ex-senator, older than Leia by a handful of years, and fiercely critical of centralized power. 

He brings up the coordinates of her last-known whereabouts and directs the shuttle pilot to change the course. After all, there’s nothing else left to do but obey. 

-

For a senator, Hara Vamok is a surprisingly difficult person to pin down. Not only is she capable of hiding incredibly well, she is also forbidably able-bodied for her age, posing a challenge with her blaster and staff. 

It also appears she expected him. Whether she was warned or she was Force sensitive is a question left up in the air and left unanswered. 

Kylo falls for some of her traps, and earns himself a terrible blaster shot across his back. He ducks just in time not to be riddled with holes, but the initial hit still scorched his tunic and went to his skin, burning him.

That’s when he stops playing. Angry and hurt, it takes very little for him to use the Force. Nothing can save the senator from Kylo’s abilities. He freezes her in place, and when she’s secured interrogates her. In the end, he didn’t have what he needs. Just another name, another place, another lead in the rabbit chase that his mission has become. Wherever Skywalker hid himself is well protected. 

It’s telling of him that he goes back to the  _ Finalizer  _ to heal. As far as injuries go, it’s not the worst damage he’s ever suffered and it’s certainly not the first time he’s been shot with a blaster. But it’s a simple excuse and a functional guise for his true reasons.

Even without infiltrating his mind, anyone could make the connection or put forth an educated guess were they privy to enough information. As it is, Kylo simply heads for the medical bay within which he allows himself to be stripped down by the bots and instructed into a proper position on his belly. 

The sting of the surgical tools is consistent and thus ignorable. It’s a numb pain compared to the one that still pulses within his mind, even hours later. He feels Master Snoke like a livewire, feels his disapproval even now, though he doesn’t condone the fact that he’s found medical attention. Not yet, at least. 

Kylo really can’t afford any more time, can’t linger, can’t stay. Which is the reason why, of course, Hux finds it necessary to visit the infirmary on the very same occasion. His presence is clear, if not my the sound of opening doors, then by the pulsing of their connection which makes Kylo stupidly elated. 

He can’t see him, not yet, but his footsteps are a metronome that crescendos the moment they reach Kylo’s medical bed. Strangely, Hux doesn’t say anything and Kylo doesn’t feel a need to speak up. It’s as if they’re both aware of one another, as if they’re picking up where they left off not ten minutes ago. 

Kylo feels a rush of anticipation once he hears Hux getting closer. In a moment of unexpected tactileness, Kylo feels Hux put his hand around his ankle as if just to say he’s there.

Though always constant, the moment Kylo lays his eyes on Hux’s visage, such a wave of pure and unfiltered  _ feeling _ hits him that it takes his air away. How he could forget about it he isn’t sure. How he will forget about it after, is incredibly difficult to even conceptualize. 

He hears Hux settling in the chair next to the bed so he turns his head to look at him properly. A soft presence is there with Hux. Kylo knows the sensation of the kyber now, hidden between layers of fabric.

Hux, with all of his translucent complexion, manic obsession with work, and an almost irrational need for iron-pressed uniforms, looks incredibly good under the infirmary’s unforgiving white light. Put together as always, hair slicked back, he sits in as much of a casual stance as he’s probably ever learned to do. More importantly, there are no bruises under his eyes, no lines in his forehead. He looks well-rested for once. 

Before he opens his mouth to speak, Kylo reaches out with his mind. The moment he’s allowed inside, he feels another wave of the same sentimental note wash over him. He lets it seep into his mind and leave impressions, a thousand soft kisses that will never be pressed into his skin.

Hux for a moment looks embarrassed before he sees Kylo has no reply to it but acceptance. Kylo sees Hux doesn’t trust himself yet with these feelings. New and fragile as they are, birthed from nothing at all it seems, he isn’t sure what to make of them or what to make of Kylo who he’s learned to hate so easily before. 

Kylo leaves him to his turmoil and returns to his own mind. He isn’t so sure himself, and he has no words of comfort.

“General,” he acknowledges. It sounds tacky, unimportant. Unneeded. It withers under the tension, left ignored.

Hux moves to sit closer, the chair legs gliding over the floor. “Kylo,” he says, before looking at his wound. His gloved fingers are soft points against his bicep. Kylo get a whiff of the aftershave he uses and wonders if the skin of his face is as soft as it appears.

“You should be well in a couple of hours,” Hux states once he takes his seat again. “Should I even ask how you got injured?”

“By blaster,” Kylo replies, succinctly. 

Hux doesn’t even rise an eyebrow. Just stares at him, until the wave of annoyance passes him. It immediately puts Kylo in a better mood. 

He knows he shouldn’t speak about his missions with Hux, and yet he finds himself saying, “I was hunting down a senator.”   
  


Hux stills, and asks, “Did you succeed?”

“Yes,” Kylo replies. 

“Good,” Hux nods.

Kylo closes his eyes. Suddenly, he feels so very tired. He shouldn’t be, and he certainly can’t afford to be. And yet, here, in the relative privacy of the medical bay and Hux’s presence, he feels as if he’s finally relaxing, sinking into the cushions and releasing a breath he’d taken months ago.

When he opens them he sees a strange expression pass over Hux’s face. He isn’t sure what’s happened to him, or why he’s suddenly so insistent on touching, but he certainly doesn’t protest when Hux takes off his glove and pushes a hand through Kylo’s hair. It trails across his cheekbone and down his arm, pressing into Kylo’s. It’s Kylo who takes his hand in the end, who presses a kiss to his knuckles, and watches the same expression flare on Hux’s face. 

Hux had never before left an impression of being a terribly sentimental person. Even on the inside he feels it quietly and privately, which Kylo knows about only because of the bond. Anything to do with physical comfort Kylo had initiated himself, and even then, he’d wondered if he was crossing the line. 

Whatever has happened to allow this madness of affection must have been a terribly big influence on the man. But Kylo, who has learned that he covets any touch he can get, accepts it all the same.

It’s so uncomplicated like this, so easy to forget they’re so very different it’s almost an insurmountable obstacle. He wonders what he’s promising to Hux like this, what he will inevitably end up doing for him. He wonders if he will try to judge anything else against Hux and find them lacking. 

He closes his eyes. 

-

Somewhere, in the rational part of his mind, he knows that going to Hux’s quarters is an incredibly bad idea, a waste of time, and a potentially dangerous disadvantage. He knows this, which makes it all the more terrible when he steps inside and starts disrobing. 

There’s not much finesse to it really, his back still hurts despite the medical attention, and Hux’s hands are insistent on getting him naked as quickly as possible. 

Hux stayed with Kylo in the med-bay until he was better, despite the fact he has pressing issues to deal with. Kylo knows because he’s inside his head, and he’s seen all of those issues pushed to the back. Now, he sees himself and exactly where Hux wants him next. 

He lets Hux lead them to the bed, dizzied by the fervent kisses laid upon him, each and every a gift laced with intoxicating venom that has Kylo craving for more. He indulges, because he can’t resist. Hux’s skin is so soft under his hands, a delightful change to everything in his life.

He pushes Hux down to sit on the bed and climbs, naked, into his lap. Hux’s uniform is ruined by now, crumpled under Kylo’s uncareful eager hands but regardless of it, Hux touches him with fervor, with the same kind of obsessive eagerness that echoes within Kylo. 

He lets himself be touched and spread and guided, Hux’s fingers wonderful as they spread him open. Kylo is too careless, and in too big of a hurry to appreciate them like all other times before. He feels the little patience he has grow thin, hungry as he is for everything. He feels dizzy, feels too hot, feels his skin spark every time Hux touches him. 

“Let me ride you,” he says to Hux. 

He doesn’t really have to ask twice. Hux simply crawls back to the headboard and wraps a lubed up hand around himself before Kylo descends upon him in a frictionless slide. The pressure within Kylo is astounding and potentially devastating, and Kylo wants more of it. 

He isn’t sure what kind of spell comes over him, but he starts moving as if he’s done this dozens of times before, as if he knows exactly the ways to make Hux feels as much pleasure as he’s capable. Then, like when ears adjust to altitude change, suddenly he’s all to aware of everything around him. He realises he’s connected to Hux’s mind again, realises exactly how debauched and desperate he looks, how loud he is, how tight around Hux.

His thighs burn from effort. Hux’s hands on his hips are decoration; Hux simply watches him try and find the proper angle, a good tempo, a sturdy purchase. 

Kylo regrets that this can’t be drawn out and that he can’t spend the whole day secluded in Hux’s chamber, in his bed. That this is all he can give him right now, that he will probably ever be able to give him until they tire out of each other, or until, which is most likely, one of them dies. 

Beneath him, Kylo feels Hux shift. His grip turns to stone on Kylo’s waist pushing him down as Hux fucks up into him. Kylo’s breath rattles inside his lungs, pleasure surging in a way it has never before. It’s too much. He can’t get enough of it. 

Kylo squeezes tightly around Hux, following the rhythm of his hips until he feel Hux shaking under him, a curse on his tongue, before his hips buck and he comes. Kylo stills, eager to watch Hux’s face change in pleasure. Inside, he can feel Hux’s cock twitching, but Kylo simply sits, tight around him, waiting until Hux has had his pleasure. 

When Hux opens his eyes and looks at him, Kylo feels another wave of gut-tight attraction spill over him. He’s wanted, Kylo realises. At least in some way, in this way if it has to be, he’s wanted. 

Hux wraps his hand around Kylo and it doesn’t take long for Kylo to reach his own peak. He shakes apart in Hux’s lap, breath arrested between one hot slide of Hux’s cock and the next. His mouth is pressed into the warm, pink skin of Hux’s shoulder he leans his forehead there, needing a moment to collect himself.

He doesn’t linger. The moment he doesn’t feel like he’s going to topple over when he stands, Kylo immediately gets to his feet and into the refresher, and then into his clothes. 

Hux watches him from his perch on the bed. 

“You’re not staying,” he observes with careful blankness. 

“Can’t,” Kylo replies. “Mission.”

Kylo manages to jam his feet into his boots before Hux speaks again.

“Was it the way I--” His mind flashes with the image from the infirmary, then shifts to others, from previous times Kylo had overstayed his welcome in Hux’s bed, clutching to him tightly. He trails off, unable to put it to words and refusing to make it real. Kylo wonders if they’d both indulged in all of this too much and too quickly for their own good. Perhaps they should have just tried to continue ignoring it. Maybe it would be easy then.

“No,” Kylo replies. He stands and puts his robe around him. For the first time in his life, he admits, “There’s something...wrong with my head. I need to leave.”

He feels Hux’s confusion and disappointment but already Kylo’s thoughts, as if by force, turn to the mission ahead, blinding him to anything else. He leaves Hux’s room with his helmet under his arm.

-

Ever since being born, Kylo has been planet hopping. At first, not because of any real necessity. He’d followed his mother wherever she went, and that encapsulated inner rim planets which, like Chandrila, had a proper infrastructure and centralized government. To Ben, at the time, it didn’t mean much, but to his mother it meant safety. It stopped mattering when he was stopped from following her into her Ambassadorial duties. 

Now, Kylo can’t remember how many planets he’s visited. Outside rare exceptions, he’s stopped learning their names and now remembers them by their numbers and coordinates. It’s easier that way, when he realises he has no recollection of being somewhere, though his records show otherwise, or when he loses faculty of his body and wakes in the shuttle. It’s rare that his Master takes over so completely like that any more, and yet he knows there are no boundaries to his anger. There must be a reason why he’s thinking about that, as he flies into the orbit of F-308.

It’s a desert type of planet, filled with baren canyons, tall mountain ranges with single peaks that look like fingers reaching out to the sky, and two planet rings that light up the sky. Kylo arrives during the night cycle, so when he exits his shuttle it’s biting cold. 

He feels his Master present, as if walking by his side, and Kylo feels dogged by the whispers in his mind. It pushes him on, into the cold night, and into the long canyon. Though it may be difficult, he slowly stretches his senses. There should be signs of life, if the information he’d gotten out of the senator was correct. No, according to his Master, it  _ is  _ correct. 

He walks briskly, trying to sense thought or emotion. All he gets it the feeling of stone, deep set within the core of the planet. Bove him, the night sky is alight.

By morning he’s almost on the other end of the canyon. He’s angry and disappointed, and in turn feeling Snoke’s disappointment. Unsure how to handle it, insecure in the repercussions of his failure and blinded by panic, Kylo almost misses a blip in his mind. It’s not a human life, no, the planet seems deserted. Something else instead.

He turns to seemingly just a rock wall, but behind it Kylo can sense metal and electricity. It only takes a push of the Force for the hidden doors to be pried open. 

Dust and sand are dislodged by the jerky movements of old technology, for what seems to Kylo, the first time in at least a year. The entrance is small and tight. He can barely fit through it and he has to bend his head to pass. His shoulders touch the walls, fabric of his cowl snagging onto the uneven metal. 

His mask filters in a smell of staleness and an acrid stench that comes with death. He isn’t sure what to expect at the end of the tunnel that starts winding to the right. The Force allows him the knowledge that there’s no life ahead of him, nothing to startle or harm him, and yet his teeth are on edge. 

There’s a sudden twist to the right and the corridor open up into a wide cave. In appears to be pre-existent, there are only minimal mechanical alterations for, Kylo concludes, safety and lighting. The floor, the uneven jagged walls and the tall ceiling that now towers over Kylo, is all rock. 

He heads for the computers. There’s a set of them, and though the technology predates him, he’s been taught how to use it a long time ago. After all, he’s been brought up on the Falcon. 

A holoscreen appears, projected from the computer, and he watches as a familiar scroll of words appear on it, before a command window pops up. It’s a relic of a time that had come to pass, left over from the Rebels and disused since. There aren’t many files on the computer. It has been wiped and re-wiped more times than Kylo cares to learn, but the ones that remain are lengthy, so he decides to explore the cave completely, before returning to them. 

As all bunkers, the cave has beds and food rations, somewhat functioning refresher and a natural water flow that seems to pass through the rock and disappear into the earth. There is nothing there, Kylo thinks, nobody but him and his Master. 

He returns to the computers and starts reading the data. There isn’t a signal available with which he can send the files over to his command shuttle, so instead he does it manually, saving to a free holodisk he can review later. 

There are mentions of his grandfather though they refer to him by his primary name. His uncle is also mentioned, though the information is dominantly on his mother. Kylo shuts the computer off once the files are transferred and heads for the exit. Whatever blind hunt the senator sent him on, he will make sure she regrets wasting his time. 

He feels the disappointment heavy on his shoulders and in his mind. His Master displeased.  _ I should not have expected much _ , he says before his presence recedes. It makes Kylo feel all the worse for it.

Kylo only realises how loud and overwhelming his mind is when he’s left alone with himself. It’s a bigger punishment than perhaps even his Master realises. He never truly leaves Kylo’s mind, it’s a perpetual existence that he’s always known, but the disregard hurts because he knows he is no longer the focus of such attention. He tries not to dwell, or thing how the attention he’s always craves is starting to feel claustrophobic.

Left like this to his pondering, to his lack of confidence and with a terrible urge to please, Kylo is also left to his anger and to his doubt. Though a lot of time has passed since Hux’s nonchalant confession, Kylo still thinks about everything the man said to him about their Master. 

As if called in by his doubt, Kylo suddenly senses something else, and it distracts him long enough from the train of thought to completely dislodge it. He turns to the computers again, and the wall behind them. Shadow has concealed it from his sight, but now, Kylo sees there’s another tunnel. 

This one seems to be natural as it narrows down so much that Kylo can barely pass through even turned sideways. Whoever inhabited the cave before Kylo came across it must have been small in stature, or at least slighter than Kylo. 

The chamber that he comes across is much smaller than the pit of the cave behind him, but it’s cluttered, almost like a storage unit. There are weapons there, numerous machines that Kylo barely recognizes now that their appearance has changed with the advancement of electronics, and amongst it all a cache of scrolls, loose papers and books, left half open as if in haste.

Kylo’s fingers twitch and he goes to them immediately, wary to even touch the paper, fearing it might fall apart under his hands. Though the small adjacent cave is dry, he isn’t sure that the material has handled aging well. He knows how fragile it can be. He takes the book first, appearing the sturdiest out of everything. When the binding doesn’t start falling apart and the hard cover doesn’t bend to the pressure, he carefully flips it open. 

At first, he’s faced with a wall of text that he starts understanding are in fact numbers. It’s a ledger, Kylo realises. Supplies, weapons, food, all written in a tightly packed handwriting that stands out bold against the yellowing pages. It takes Kylo a bit until he flips through it, and realises that it isn’t the book’s real purpose. The text suddenly becomes small and neat, fitting the age of the actual book. Someone had just used empty pages. 

The rest of the book are historical accounts, starting generations ago, even before his uncle and mother had been born. Something within Kylo twists, and he closes the book, quickly pocketing it within his robes. 

He shouldn’t be wasting time like this and yet Kylo finds himself sitting down, and opening one scroll after the other and reading through it, or at least trying to do so. He will take back as much stuff as he can, try to make sense of it. 

The text is ancient, words in an archaic version of a language he knows he’s learned at some point in his childhood before Skywalker, but has difficulty remembering. The calligraphy on it is neat and clear of any dotting, and though old, there are no water stains or any signs of it being affected by anything else but time. 

Kylo startles when his communicator beeps. He hears his shuttle captain’s voice say, “Sir, there’s a ship approaching the canyon.”

With great haste, Kylo stands up and replies, “Bring the shuttle to the end of the canyon. Undetected, if you can.”

Kylo picks up the texts from the cache and stuffs his pockets with them. He hadn’t planned to find anything like them but he’s glad he has inner pockets on his robes since he has no hope of carrying out the cache. Foresight on Hux’s part, as they were his gift. Since he’s gotten his robes, he’d usually reserved them for hiding blades or datachips and isolating himself from the devastating cold or insufferably hot weather. They’re durable and impervious to rain. Truly an excellent gift.

Whomever has decided to crash his little party has caught him unprepared and Kylo would rather he be the one with the advantage of surprise. 

It takes him much too long to return to the cave exit, effectively returning to the canyon. The sudden brightness of the day would have blinded him had he taken off his helmet, and he’s glad he hadn’t because in the next moment he has to make a run for it. He sees his shuttle, its sleek black design evident against the rust of the cliffs and sand. However, it’s flying, pursued by a couple of flyers. 

All the way to the left, Kylo sees the large ship they must have come from, and within it he senses people. Perhaps he had not come here for old data and older papers after all. 

Kylo raises his hand and in the same moment he feels the pressure of the Force building within him. There’s no gentleness within it, for him to use the Force he needs to focus and he needs his anger that rises easily. Despite that, he still feels as if he needs to reach a certain threshold, that he needs to push past an invisible barrier just to free a fragment of his powers. 

Still, his efforts have something to show. One of the flyers careens into its neighbour, and together they crash at the bottom of the canyon, almost at Kylo’s feet. Satisfied, Kylo starts chasing after his shuttle which obediently lowers enough for him to get in, before they’re off again. 

“Sir,” the shuttle captain says, awaiting instructions. 

Kylo ignores him, quickly going to the back of the ship. There’s a small room separated by sliding doors where he tends to fall asleep. It holds both medical equipment and food provisions. Kylo deposits his findings, before stepping out and locking the doors shut. 

“What is it? Who are they?” Kylo asks, once he returns to the front of the ship. 

“I don’t know sir,” the man admits warily. “The ship is simply a carrier, though not as large as our own.”

Kylo looks at him for a moment before looking ahead. “Bring me around then. I’ll find out.”

“But sir, that’s reckless,” the man says quickly, unchecked. He seems to catch himself, and he closes his mouth with a click before doing as told. 

The more they approach the ship the bigger it appears, though in reality, it’s twice smaller that the First Order carriers. It has docked by the time they reach it. The moment they’re in direct view, the shuttle’s communicator is lighting up. 

_ “Identify yourself and state your business,”  _ a ruff voice says over the comms. It seems that they didn’t think that their two pursuers were shot down or destroyed by them, otherwise they would not try to communicate.

“Tell them we’re out of supplies and fuel... that we were forced to land on this planet,” Kylo instructs the captain. 

The man nods and replies the message. If they’re in luck the illusion will last and they will not recognize the ship as one of the First Order’s. Kylo needs only a moment to breech their minds, see if there’s anything there he should need. Vamok must have sent him here for a reason. 

_ “How many on board?” _ Kylo hears the same voice. 

“Two,” his pilot replies. 

A handful of moments later he sees the large ship ramp lowering and then the same voice saying,  _ “Landing approved.” _ __  
  


It could be a trap, Kylo thinks. No, it definitely is. Still, he motions with his hand and the captain lands the shuttle expertly inside the carrier. No sooner than the ramp is lowered, do people surround their shuttle. 

From what Kylo can see they’re smugglers, every one of them carrying blasters in their hands. Kylo thinks he’s seen enough of their type to last him a lifetime. He has a distaste for them that only Hux can rival, and if they’re any good at their job they will be quick to catch onto Kylo’s ruse. There’s really no way to conceal the First Order style of uniform of his shuttle captain. If any of them had any experience with the Hux’s military, they’d know immediately that something wasn’t right.

Kylo takes off his helmet. A sudden rush of cold air hits his face, rising goosebumps on his skin. He ignores the discomfort and turns to the captain. He raises his hand and forces the man’s mind into unconsciousness. He goes to the back room of the shuttle to put his helmet there before locking it. If nothing else, he knows First Order inscription is almost impossible to beat. 

Then, he goes to the control board signaling the gangway to lower. He walks to it, just in time to come face to face with the first two smugglers that got on board. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he vaguely recalls his father talking about smugglers in general, and the laws and propriety that involves associating with them but it’s all too blundered up with everything else. Though, he remembers Solo saying with ardent passions, “Don’t try to bullshit a bullshiter, unless you’re better than them.”   
  


Kylo rises his hands in show of surrender. His face falls, crumbling on itself, and he recalls that the best actress he ever saw was his mother. She taught him well.

“Please,” he says, “I don’t want any trouble.”

“Where’s the other one?” a smuggler with a cropped purple hair, and a terrible scar on her cheek, demands.   
  


“I knocked him out,” Kylo replies. 

Two more smugglers come up onto the ship, a man with a heavy two-handed blaster that has a wicked fire scar across his arm and a woman with a long stun baton that appears to have a prosthetic foot.

“Check him for weapons, then take him to the captain,” the purple-haired one says and grabs Kylo’s bicep long enough to push him towards the others. 

The man with the blaster steps forward and does a quick pat of him, surely checking for a blaster or a blade. He doesn’t find it but instead he notices his lightsaber that hangs from his belt, barely concealed by his tunic. He unchooks it and takes it, before each grab a hold of his upper arm and guide him out of the shuttle and into the ship. Kylo counts how many people they pass, notes the weapons, the doors, and the path back to the shuttle. 

He’s led to the command bridge where the Captain, a large heavy-set Iktotchi woman, stands waiting for them. His guards push him into a chair. The woman takes a seat opposite him. As far as interrogation and fear tactics go, he’s not very impressed. 

What he can see is that they’re a patchwork of different scavengers and smugglers, clothes bearing colors of different factions and fashions. For some reason they’re here on this planet, united under this Captain. 

Once she speaks, Kylo understands everything has been reported to her. 

“Why are you really here? That’s a First Order shuttle --” she looks him up and down, “-- and you don’t look like a soldier to me. The guy that you left knocked out in the shuttle does, but not you.”

Kylo could return to playing the frightened persona but he thinks it will not work with this woman. His lightsaber lays on the table between them like evidence of a plot.

“I was sent here by Senator Hara Vamok, in search of information pertaining to Luke Skywalker,” Kylo says. He knows that words bring associations within one’s mind, and connected to the Force as he is, once he focuses on her mind, he can see brief images of the senator being recalled. 

They’re old recollections however, the senator appears to have been young then. Friends, or acquaintances or lovers. He doesn’t care, because in the next moment he notices a lingering thought, and his mother’s semblance in her mind. 

“Skywalker is a legend,” she says, “a tall tale for children to believe in. And Organa you can find well on your own, she’s manning another Rebellion. How do you explain the ship?”

_ The Resistance _ , Kylo thinks. His senses suddenly sharpen, and he can hear the thudding of feet, can sense that, though it appears so, they’re not alone. The command bridge has three routes leading away from it, and all three have guards at it. Beneath the table, the captain has a blaster pointed at his gut. 

“And this?” she arches an eyebrow as her pointer finger taps the table next to the lightsaber. 

“She said there’d be someone here, to tell me about the map. It’s the only thing Skywalker left behind, before he disappeared. You didn’t know him, and you probably didn’t know my mother,” Kylo says. “But she did know the senator. And the senator you.”

“Kid,” she says, “answer the questions or I’m sending you back to the senator worse for the wear.”   
  


Kylo blinks, and finds the threat entirely too humorous. If he were with Hux, perhaps he’d laugh. As it is, he stares at her, unafraid. “It’s mine, I made it. The shuttle is a borrow. The map?”

Associations within her mind light up a path though not to the piece, but an association to a person, and his image lingers long enough for Kylo to recognize him. He has his anwer.

“Who’s your mother?” she asks, vehemently avoiding answering his question. It doesn’t matter anymore.

“Leia Organa,” Kylo replies before he stands and brings his lightsaber to himself. The blaster contorts under the Force’s influence, and it goes off, blasting off the captain’s hand. He cuts her down in the next instant, rage the last thing evident on her face. 

Before many can advance, Kylo sends a Force shock against the guards. He could run back to the shuttle, but that doesn’t mean he won’t be pursued. The command bridge is big enough to sustain them however, and Kylo only needs the Force to finish them.

Fifteen in total, and more crew incoming, Kylo doesn’t allow for it to become a true fight. Instead, he reaches into as many minds as he can, as much as his focus allows, and crushes them in his hand. For that he doesn’t need to be gentle.

Still, the purple haired lieutenant and both of his guards remain along with two more blaster users. 

“You’re not leaving here alive,” the woman with the baton says, electricity sparking at the end of it.

“I’m sure you’re right,” Kylo replies sarcastically.

He switches on his lightsaber, and suffer through the kickback. An unstable blade as it is, it’s difficult to control in training, much less in real combat. He needs strength for it, and the Force as a guide to make it work. It brings his teeth on edge, and forms a need to finish the battle before it can even start. 

The woman and the purple haired lieutenant come at him from two sides, while at the same time the three behind fire at him with their blasters. Kylo arcs his lightsaber and sidesteps the lieutenant, before using the Force to push her against the baton wielder. They collide, and in their moment of gracelessness, Kylo uses his lightsaber to pierce them both. He sweeps the blade up, and they crumple. 

All of the blaster shots lay suspended in air, and Kylo passes them until he has their wielders cut down as well. Then he recedes the command of the Force, and they collide with the walls. 

Though adrenaline rushes his veins, fatigue inches closer with every unused moment. It makes his step hurried as he advances through the hallways until he’s overlooking his command shuttle. At the bottom of it more guards mingle, the shuttle captain at their feet.

Kylo takes the advantage and uses the Force to snap their necks before they notice him. The shuttle captain is alive when he reaches him. Kylo wonders if he’d been interrogated like himself, and if Hux would be too angry if Kylo were to kill him. He debates it for a moment before carrying him inside the shuttle and dumping him onto the cold durasteel. 

He closes the ramp, and goes inside, sitting in the pilot’s seat. Though he prefers to be flown by someone else when he’s on missions, he’s never lost the ability to do it himself. No matter the circumstance, Kylo is always pleased when the engine roars underneath his feet, and the ship obeys to his command. 

He leaves the planet’s atmosphere quietly pleased with himself. In his mind, Snoke’s approval radiates like a warm fire.

-

The plan is to return to the Finalizer and report to Master Snoke. However, before he can reach the star destroyer, another ship interrupts him, though its captain is far more familiar than the smuggler Iktotchi woman.

He lands in the single bay that it has, occupied only by droids. By this time the shuttle captain has collected himself, so Kylo leaves him with his vessel. If he needs re-educating he’s going to leave it to Hux. 

Kylo doesn’t remember a time when Merak wasn’t interested in ships. From Skywalker’s terribly outdated x-wing starfighter, the bi-yearly  _ Millennium Falcon _ visits, and the more urban ships his mother would sometimes come in, Merak’s interest were always in anything that had the potential to leave a planet’s gravity. Because of that, and because of her natural talents, it had been incredibly easy to befriend her when they were children. 

He finds her at the command bridge, tapping away at a holopad. It reminds him of Hux. Surrounded by droids, she has found respite from the constant barrage of feelings from others her Force affinity allows. In the past she had been easily overwhelmed by the presence of the padawans and Skywalker himself.

Now her control is immaculate. He feels the Force, passive and attuned to her, reach him and surround him much like Kylo himself uses the Force to sense out people. It feels almost like tendrils that decorate her head, pushed back for the sake of practicality. Big glossy black eyes seem to see everything within Kylo. 

She liberates the holopad in favor of welcoming him. This time she refrains from touching him until Kylo himself bends down enough so she can cup his face between her fingers. 

_ Tired? _

“Anxious,” Kylo corrects.

She smiles at him, and guides him to the ship’s kitchen. Kylo has always relied on rations, but it seems Merak has found her own way of making them for herself. They’re stacked neatly in a cold box that takes up most of the tiny space. The countertop and shelves are utilised to their fullest potential, packets of ready-made food on hand. 

Kylo sits in a chair too small for him. If he stretches his legs, he can touch the other wall. He feels too big and awkward in his body, but it’s a familiar feeling that passes quickly as he watches Merak flitter around. 

Utility and convenience always first, she needs only moments to prepare food for him. She sets it out in front of him and pours him a glass of something. Kylo hasn’t felt more like a child in a long time. 

“The man downstairs is terrified,” Merak says. 

“It’s was a very temporary hostage situation,” Kylo assures.

Amused, Merak pours herself a glass of what smells like incinerator oil. She drinks it with gusto after he starts eating. They sit in silence until he has finished his meal and filled his, now he realises, aching belly. 

He’s hoping his drink isn’t the petrol Merak is drinking and he’s for once right. It’s just water.

“It  _ feels  _ like we’re getting closer,” she notes. “But everything we have are...dust and sand. Memories that can be changed, and footprints left long ago.”

“I have a lead. It could very well be our last clue to the map,” Kylo says, trying not to feel too optimistic.

Merak observes him for a moment. “Mora said she invited herself to a mission with you.”

“You talk?” Kylo inquires, genuinely surprised.

  
“We thought it necessary after Milost’s death,” Merak says, leaning into her chair. 

Kylo sobers up and finds himself unable to meet Merak’s gaze. He knows nobody is to blame and yet Kylo feels it is his responsibility. After all, it had been his duty to protect them, even now, years later. They’re not children anymore. They’re not even that young anymore, not in the ways that count. Kylo should have known better. 

“I wasn’t aware,” Kylo says instead of anything else that is on his mind. 

To this Merak remains quiet until even Kylo feels his turbulent emotions subside. 

“She said you still hate our old master. Will you kill him?” Merak asks. 

“I thought that a fairly obvious fact. I had to reassure Mora as well,” Kylo huffs, shifting in his chair.

Merak shrugs and stands. “You’ve changed.”   
  


Kylo follows her out of the kitchen and back to the command bridge that hosts a little casual entertainment center that is used for communication, storing acquired artifacts or acquired prisoners that need immediate interrogation.

They sit there and Kylo understands how soft cushions can be threatening for the first time. 

“I contact our Master though this commlink,” Merak explains, showing him. “You can debrief him here if you -- ah no. Apologies. You wish to see the General.”

“I am aware.” Kylo’s voice is clipped. He is not grateful to have such private thoughts talked about so blatantly. “Does everyone know?”

“Know what?” Merak asks and Kylo quickly shuts off anything she might see. 

It’s too late, he knows it when her forehead creases, pushing up the red markings on her skin. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out. She shakes her head, concerned. 

Merak finds words eventually, but they aren’t what Kylo expects. She says, “You’re treading in dangerous waters. Be careful. Now, may I know about the mission?”

It takes Kylo a moment to catch on. Then he says, “I’ve found something that may be of interest to you. It’s in the shuttle--”

“Kylo,” Merak says, as if to scold him. 

“As I said. Things may be nearing the end, finally. But I must report to Supreme Leader first. He will inform you in opportune time,” Kylo replies. 

He senses anger rise from her, and then just as it did, he feels it subside into a feeling of sadness. It’s strange and unnerving, especially for Merak who has always made an effort to remain in a certain neutral state. 

She ends up following him to the shuttle where he shows her the scrolls and the book, which she scans to have an electronic copy on hand. 

Kylo knows he must leave soon but he lingers as long as he can. 

Merak follows him out to the shuttle, a perplexed expression on her face. Kylo senses she had not found whatever she had been searching for with her questions, though he is at a loss about what she’d wanted. 

“I should leave,” Kylo says. “Thank you for-- thank you.”

Merak’s lip tugs up, and after a moment she, very gently, wraps her arms around his torso. He returns the hug just as gently. 

It leaves a strange taste in his mouth that lingers as his shuttle propels itself out into the galaxy, far away from Merak’s questioning gaze.


	6. Chapter Six

Once he returns to the _Finalizer_ , Kylo immediately reports to his Master before commanding a portion of Hux’s army. Focused as he is on finding Lor San Tekka, the man from the smuggler captain’s mind, Kylo almost forgets about the texts. Only when he’s exhausted his options and is waiting for his scouts to report back, does he remembers them along with the fact that he can’t sense Hux inside the ship. 

It startles him so much that he immediately reaches out with his Force. Tendrils of it stretch over the whole ship but fail to find him. The bond is a quiet hum, but it doesn’t stave off the rush of panic. His powers stretch further and further until, he realises with a terrible sense of awe, he finally connects to Hux underneath him, all the way down on Starkiller Base.

Relief floods him, though why he’d been worried in the first place baffles him. It’s so unlike Kylo that he decides not to think on the topic any further.

He disrobes himself and washes up before sitting on his bed. He takes the scrolls and unrolls them across his lap. Unfortunately, though he has the resources of the First Order now at his whim, they are no easier to read. 

The scrolls simply don’t make sense. They constitute of strings of words attached together by their placement but not by grammar or anything similar. After hours spent on them, Kylo gives up in rage and instead takes the book in hopes that it will make more sense. 

Perhaps he’s just tired, perhaps he’d lost his abilities from his youth, but he admits defeat after his eyes start watering from strain and his mind starts ringing from the effort. Whoever wrote the texts, and it’s a single entity since the handwriting is the same, has made certain to complicate the matter into absurdity. It doesn’t feel right, and he wonders why he’s having such difficulties now when in the cave it had been so much easier. 

He picks up his datapad and connects the datachip with the information from the computer he’d found inside the cave. That, at least, is comprehensible. 

He won’t give up on the written texts, but for now, Kylo lays and reads about the old Empire.

-

There’s a certain type of wrongness that stems from their distance. Now, more than ever, Kylo feels that wrongness deep within his being. The data is important, but uncaptivating compared to the pulsing of the bond that thrums in a disheartening rhythm.

The longer he goes ignoring it, the stronger it flares until it feel like heartburn. He’s nauseated, his vision narrows, and it feel as if his lungs want to spill from his mouth. It feels like anxiety and fear, and a bitter taste on the back of the tongue. Like having a mouth full of blood.

Something’s wrong. 

Kylo stands with difficulty but manages to get to the hangars and command his shuttle down to Starkiller. It’s desperation that moves him through the Base, though he feels it completely once he requests access to Hux’s office and is refused.

_ Hux _ , o _ pen the door, _ he says into the man’s mind.

He feels Hux startle and he feels a whole swill of emotions suddenly rise up, worsening his nausea. Kylo can barely breathe. 

And yet, after a long moment, the door beeps and parts for him to enter. 

The office is the same as before, though Hux isn’t sitting at his desk but on the couch, with a drink in his hand. He looks perfectly fine and unharmed.

Kylo feels his confusion threaten to turn to anger but he knows that Hux has no influence over the bond, what he sends over, or what Kylo receives. He works to push it away and steps inside, feeling marginally better now that he has visuals on the man. 

Hux says nothing as he watches him approach with a mix of attraction, affection and dread. He refuses to move an inch, and he doesn’t speak. 

Adrenaline courses through Kylo’s veins. Something is not right. 

“What happened?” he asks, picking the immediate threat out of multitude of questions he has on hand. It startles Hux as much as himself. Kylo had forgotten his helmet back on the  _ Finalizer _ .

“Why are you here, Ren?” Hux replies, ignoring his question. The sudden shift in his demeanor, for whatever reason, hurts him more than he thought possible. 

“I was on the  _ Finalizer  _ when I felt you. It was as if somebody was burning you from the inside,” Kylo explains. “You were hurt. You are hurt. What happened?”

Hux’s expression shifts from the frozen mask to something else but Kylo is too slow to catch it before it’s covered up. 

“I need you to tell me something,” Hux says. He does not hesitate when he asks, “Do you think, perhaps, we should have continued to ignore our bond?”

Kylo frowns, feeling as if something is happening in front of him but the full view is obscured. He wonders what had brought Hux to ask this, but his own emotions are in such turmoil that he can’t focus on Hux’s.

He feels tightness in his throat when he pushes out, “No. You do?”

“Then what did you mean by what you said, the last time you left,” Hux asks, ignoring his question again. It begins to agitate him. “ _ Something’s wrong with my head _ .”

“I meant what I said.” Kylo’s frown deepens. But he knows if he asks anything he won’t get an answer. “When Master Snoke gives me a mission it feel like... it feels like there’s a fog thrown over my mind if I do anything not concerning it. To do anything else but complete the order is impossible.”

Hux’s feelings are tumultuous and yet, for whatever reason, they settle on shame, embarrassment, and concern. 

Suddenly Hux is downing his drink and pouring himself another. 

“Well,” he says, “it seems I’ve just made an arse out of myself.”

The bond, Kylo notes, stabilizes to something somewhat less burdensome than what it had been. And yet, it isn’t completely healed. 

“Will you tell me what’s wrong now?” Kylo asks again, in hopes that this time Hux will acquiesce.

He still feels uneasy and unsure if he’s allowed anything right now but to stand rigid. 

“There was an emergency and then, because one thought led to another, I started thinking about what you said,” Hux abbreviates. “And thought that perhaps I’d been a bit too heavy handed about what I wanted, thought rationally you’re an adult who’s quite competent and actually rather talented at saying no. In so many words.”

“You’re right. You also know better than anyone that if I do not want something, I will not allow it,” Kylo says, as confused as before. “Hux, tell me the truth.”

“I just did,” he replies, taking a large drink from his refilled glass. 

Kylo feels his anger flare then and feels a fool for even trying. If Hux doesn’t wish to share something with him he doesn’t have to, though it’s Kylo who’s still feeling the effects of it. He doesn’t even wish to know what their bond looks like, though he feels it’s jagged edges like razors in his throat. 

There’s a reason Hux is like this, Kylo tries to rationalize. He’s a prideful person. Embarrassment doesn’t suit him, though Kylo senses it underneath all the bluster. He could force it out, or he could read it inside Hux’s mind. And yet, the moment he thinks it, both options become unavailable. 

Hux calling him Ren had put him off. He wonders what has happened again, what has he missed during his long absences.

Perhaps he shouldn’t even try. They will naturally grow apart either way. Kylo senses it’s in their nature to be committed to one cause, and he himself is witness to Hux’s obsessive work regiment. Perhaps this is just a fork in the road that should split them sooner rather than later. Ten years they have known of one another, and their association has existed solely for the purpose of these handful few months, and just as their paths have crossed, they should uncross.

The thought makes Kylo’s calming heartbeat pick up. He should let this distraction die a natural death, he thinks, even as he moves closer to Hux.

He licks his lips, unsure of the answer he will get. “Am I Ren now?”

_ Is this over _ , he asks though he’s certain Hux understands the meaning. 

Hux’s face cracks and he feels regret fill the air between them until it threatens to choke him.

“No, Kylo. You’re not,” Hux says.

Kylo catches his eye and holds. He takes another step, now near enough to see that Hux is not quite as put together as Kylo had thought. The collar of his uniform in crooked on the inside, the fabric of his sleeves slightly creased. It’s nothing. It’s something. 

He reaches his hand out and waits until Hux hands him the half full tumbler. He puts it down on the side table where the bottle stands in frosted glass. 

He isn’t sure what to say to reach out to Hux. He has never found words for the truly important things and it feels like, whatever he says, will be the wrong thing.

Hux’s feelings are slowly settling like sand at the bottom of the sea.

“Do  _ you  _ think we should have left it as is? The bond,” Kylo finally asks. Perhaps it would have saved them this. 

“I’m not sure much would be different,” Hux replies. “You always leave a mess behind.”

Hux’s thoughts suddenly clear to that day, and he sees flashes of himself, first undressed and then he sees himself harried and hurried, gone pale. He couldn’t have gotten out of Hux’s room quicker. And he senses what Hux had sensed then, the pit in his stomach opening. That it was the same as in the Academy, and the same since he got on ships. A hurried fuck, an even quicker exit, and some terrible excuse for it. 

He’d thought, Kylo sees, that because of the bond it would be somehow different. He’s been alone for a long time. Both of them were. Both of them still are, though they’re trying. There’s no pamphlet guide for this and with the bond or no, Kylo feels it could come crashing under their feet. He has no illusions that if Master Snoke found out--

“When we first met, what did you think?” Hux asks suddenly. He’s crossed his legs, and made no offer for Kylo to sit. 

Kylo feels adrenaline leave him, making him all the more fatigued. 

“I thought that you were far smarter than they gave you credit,” Kylo says. “That it was surprising to see someone young on a ship. And then I wondered if it was the work of the Light that created our bond.”

Kylo sometimes forgets that they have met a long time ago, before he’d become this which he is now, before missions and destroyers, before Hux had carved out a place for himself in the First Order. He remembers the strange moment when they’d landed on his Master’s planet near the Citadel, and wonders why, even then, he’d had a bias towards him. He’d killed everybody else on the ship, powers too strong and too unchecked. 

He’d killed everybody that could make a connection with, left Luke in the rubble, cut any strings that attached him to the old life and became alone. The moment he did, he’d found himself bound to Hux.

Kylo wonders if Master Snoke will ask him to kill Hux as well, if he were to find out. 

The inevitability of it hangs suddenly on the forefront of his mind, and he can’t dismiss the idea. It arrests him because he knows his Master  _ will  _ find out, eventually. It’s inevitable. And Kylo, for all of his misgivings, will have to obey.

Kylo’s feet finally move and he sits on the couch, next to Hux but out of reach. His mind hurts, unbearable pressure within it threatening to destroy everything. He can focus only on it now, and the fact that Hux has never been this cold before to him, or the possibility that this will all end here regardless. 

It should. It’s a distraction like no other. And yet, he reaches for Hux, wondering for how long he’s been reaching for him, for his mind, for his fingers. 

“Does it matter what made it?” Hux asks. 

Kylo feels Hux’s confusion. Not by the question, but by Kylo’s behaviour and the things that slip through the bond. 

“I suppose not,” Kylo shrugs. He feels the bond slowly evening out into something familiar. “I think that it would have been unbearable... ignoring it more than we did. But I think we both know why we didn’t.”

“For better or for worse...indeed,” Hux replies.  _ But _ , he hears,  _ all things have expiration dates. _

A stretch of silence falls between them and Kylo turns to look at Hux. The man gazes back at him after a moment. 

“I should leave,” Kylo says. 

Standing up is a difficulty that he suffers through it like he’s always suffered. Everything aches. The woods that were calling to him before are now ominously quiet. 

Kylo feels Hux’s fingers wrap around his wrist and hold, and when he turns he sees the shock reflected back in Hux’s eyes. He’d not meant to do it, Kylo thinks. 

He sees the embarrassment blotch Hux’s cheeks red. He sees the hesitance in his face, the tic in his jaw that stops him from speaking. He doesn’t want Kylo to leave but doesn’t want him close either right now. 

“Who are you, really?” Kylo asks him then. He is not the Lieutenant he met all those years ago, and he is not the General he should know now. Hux has changed.

Hux seems confused by the question, it’s abruptness and lack of meaning. In that surprise he says, “I’m...Armitage.”

Flashes of memory obscure Kylo’s vision, and turn his eyes out to gaze at the past. Familiar fields, oak trees, an idyllic scene that quickly turns bloody. He has seen this. Before then, before the angry youth, where he feels a warm press around his shoulders, a nice scent of bread and spice and wildflowers, a ringing laugh, a beautiful woman’s face, kind deep-blue eyes, freckled face, sun-kissed hair, and a happy, “ _ Armitage _ ” on her lips.

Kylo turns his hand so he’s squeezing Hux’s, and he bends down and presses their foreheads together. He feels the bond vibrate. With what he isn’t certain, and he’s too tired to tell. It must bring Hux some comfort because when Kylo releases his hand, so does Hux his. 

It’s dangerous to linger, and so he doesn’t, but leaving Starkiller Base is as difficult as leaving Hux’s bed has always been.

\--

Hux returns from the Base in span of five standard days. Kylo can sense the moment he docks and his feet touch the durasteel. The sudden spark in the bond, the heat and the adrenaline that it causes remind Kylo of his unstable saber. It returns once again to its original form, though now strong with their closeness. 

Kylo knows Hux feels it too because once his mind wanders over to him, unable to stop himself, he finds Hux affected by it similarly to himself. 

_ Kylo?  _ Hux says inside his own mind, unaware of his presence.

Kylo brushes against his mind in a soft caress as if touching his face, and he says,  _ I’m here _ .

He doesn’t expect the surge of affection that rises within Hux’s mind, or the fact that he’s pleased by it. Hux’s thoughts are like kisses on cheeks, and his words that echo inside his mind are warmth embodied, despite everything.

Kylo can see the struggle within Hux to come to him first or to go on and finish his duties. Stupidly, that makes Kylo pleased as well, though the conflict is resolved quickly when he feels Hux’s emotions turn apologetic.

_ Go on, General, _ Kylo says.  _ I’ll be waiting. _

_ Kylo _ , Hux says, a combination of feelings following the word. It’s a recollection of his emotions from before, from Starkiller, from the way they had left everything up in the air and unresolved.

He recedes from Hux’s mind enough to not know what follows after that, but remaining there just enough to be able to sense him and his mood.

Kylo had spent the five days on the  _ Finalizer  _ parsing through the information on the datachip and attempting to read the hand written text. After having a good rest, looking at the confusing texts was easier than before, though a truly slow process. The book is a historic ledure, documenting events from before the rise of Emperor Palpatine. 

After Kylo learned the truth about his heritage as a child, he’d tried to find out as much about Darth Vader as possible. He’d been interested in him because his existence explained the presence within his mind and the cold touch of the ever growing darkness within him.

Now, he realises it was his Master’s involvement from the beginning. The knowledge comes to him easily and quietly, like water being poured into a chalice. It changes nothing. Kylo is still the only one who can finish what his grandfather had started. 

The text under his hand reveals everything Kylo had wanted to know years ago. Kylo had rather thought about his grandfather as a concept, as a shadow from his past born within him again, than as a person. Now he reads about a man with a different name, with a different past, who was as alive as the heart beating within Kylo’s chest. 

Despite who Kylo’s parents are, he never asked them about Vader. He knew even then that his mother always carried anger from the destruction of her home, destruction committed for purposes of torture and nothing much else. His mother never forgives, and doesn’t forget easily. If Vader ever had a chance connecting to her, he’d lost it before he even knew there was a chance. 

It was his uncle who had told him first about his grandfather. It was him who held a love for a man who had been a concept, a lie, and an ideal though in truth Luke had never known him. Now Kylo wonders if the love he’d seen in Luke had been a lie.

His grandmother was mentioned more often, but in a detached sort of way, like talking about a distant relative. Leia had called her mother when talking about her; she had parents to love and loose unlike Skywalker. Another reason perhaps, for Luke’s love.

Hux finds him still in his bed, back propped up against the metal wall with a pillow. His eyes catalogue everything from the boots that lay by the doors, the helmet and gloves laid on the table, the open refresher doors, to Kylo’s surrounded by paper and clad in breeches and an undershirt. Then, he steps inside and the doors behind him close. 

Kylo realises that Hux had never been to his quarters. Kylo had always come to him. His chamber is a simple small room, but Kylo hasn’t needed anything bigger. It doesn’t matter if he spends the few hours he can sleep in a cupboard or a throne room as long as he gets to do it. 

Hux’s mind is a tantalizing pull that he indulges and he feels himself relaxing once he’s there again. 

“What is this?” Hux asks, lifting one of the scrolls from its place by Kylo’s leg and replacing its presence with his own. 

“I’ve found them on my last mission,” Kylo replies, shutting the book in his lap closed. “They’re historical records.”

“Written on paper?” Hux says with distaste. 

“It is quite possible that a Jedi or a Force sensitive wrote them,” Kylo explains. “I’ve only encountered physical texts like this with them.”

He puts the book down, and notices the rigidness of Hux’s spine, the tension in his legs, the lack of any movement, as if he expects to start running any moment. He wonders why it is so, and he lays a hand on Hux’s thigh to try and reassure him. The moment they touch, it feels like some barrier between them disentagrades. Hux turns around to face him, his hand gripping Kylo’s. A look passes between them before Hux leans in and plants a kiss on his lips. 

Kylo feels Hux’s breath shake, uneven. A sudden urge overtakes him to wrap Hux up inside his arms, and lay him by his side. He craves his touch as much as he craves his company, and he hates it’s a weakness as much as it’s freedom to admit it. He has a feeling that Hux knows, regardless. 

Hux kisses him again before retreating, brushing a hand through Kylo’s hair and tracing a line from Kylo’s ear down to his chin, before his hand rests on his cheek. 

“I apologise. You should not have seen...that,” Hux says softly, alluding to the recollection of memories from the Base, at the utterance of his given name. One, Hux doesn’t seem to like using much but for entirely different reasons than Kylo loathes being called Ben.

“You wanted me to,” Kylo replies. “I wanted it, too.  _ Armitage _ .” He tastes the name in his mouth, watching Hux’s face shift with different emotion.

Hux’s hand is warm and trembling where it rests on Kylo’s face. The touch of leather is soft. Kylo closes his eyes, focusing on it. The river is there once more and soon enough he finds the field, but they’re standing much closer to each other now than before. 

It’s difficult to pry his eyes open but he’s rewarded with Hux’s visage, eyebrows gathered as if in worry but lips open, eyes soft. Kylo surges to kiss him, feeling too much to be able to contain it. Hux is pliant and perfect, and he kisses him back with the same kind of tenacity that has wound up Kylo himself. 

Once he pulls away Hux’s skin has warmed up with a pinkish hue, and Kylo can’t help kissing the side of his mouth in affection. Hux is almost lying on top of him, and so Kylo scoots back to allow him to sit properly. After a moment, Hux gathers himself to unbuckle his boots and take off his greatcoat before rejoining Kylo on the bed. 

“We should have taken this to my room,” he says even as he leans into Kylo. 

“Does it matter?” Kylo asks. 

Hux chooses to ignore his question in favor of taking the book from Kylo’s lap and flipping it open. 

He frowns, unsure. “I can’t read this. What does it say?” 

“It starts with Palpatine’s assumption of the Throne of the Galactic Empire,” Kylo says. “And it backtracks from there.”   
  


“Does it mention your grandfather?” Hux asks. It shocks Kylo, who’d always thought that Hux wasn’t interested in his side of proceedings. 

“I’m not,” Hux reaffirms. “But it’s something important to you. It’s why you’ve _ become  _ Ren isn’t it?”

“I’ve assumed the title of the leader of the Knights of Ren because I could learn to become more powerful under Master Snoke’s tutelage,” Kylo explains. “But yes in a sense. I want to finish what my grandfather started.”

Hux looks at him, quietness everywhere but in his mind. And then he asks, “Did you even know him? Who he was before he’d become Darth Vader?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Kylo asks.

“Just answer will you,” Hux says, swatting him over his thigh. Kylo isn’t sure if to take it as an insult rather than something to be fond over. 

“He was a Jedi, a padawan to Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Kylo explains. “Then the Emperor’s apprentice. I’ve gathered much information about him but it’s difficult to believe in one story when all the sources tell you opposite views. I know of his love affair with my grandmother, but that is from leaked information intended to hurt Organa in the senate.”

“How do you know then, what to finish?” Hux asks then, quietly. 

He looks at Kylo, and he tenses again as if expecting some sort of retribution for his words. Perhaps if it were anybody else, Kylo would feel the surge of righteous anger but with Hux he simply feel challenged.

“He speaks to me sometimes,” Kylo replies. “When I feel the pull to the Light. He shows me the way, tells me what he wants.”   
  


“He’s dead,” Hux insists. 

Kylo shrugs. “With the Force someone may die, but they’re never truly gone.”   
  


“Then I’m glad no one I encountered before had your Force,” Hux replies. Too many killed off, Kylo sees, too much blood on his hands though he’d not done it himself.

Kylo can see his mind working, but his thoughts move too quickly for him to recognize their contents.

“What is it? You can say it Hux,” Kylo says. 

Hux crosses his ankles, and glances at Kylo before saying, “I just find it absurd that you’re continuing someone’s legacy and you don’t even know the person. My father, for all of his failings, had a concrete plan of action, and wanted someone to succeed him. I was the one chosen, but for all the grief given to me I at least knew my father. Do you know what your grandfather would have wanted? Truly?”   
  


“His actions speak louder than words Hux. He’d started with killing off as many Jedi, and he’d died trying to kill as many as he could. I will finish what he started and kill Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi.”

“Is it something that you want or the voice in your head wants?” Hux asks, pushing. 

Kylo levels him with a look. “Careful, Hux.”

Hux rises his hands in defeat though obviously hating to do so. “The more you speak of yourself the less everything makes sense to me.”

“I find myself in a similar position,” Kylo replies.

Hux pushes the book into his hands. “Read your damn book, maybe it gives clarity to your ridiculous notions.”

He sits up, removing his warmth from Kylo’s space.

Kylo doesn’t want Hux to leave. Not because of this. He takes his hand, a loose shackle around his wrist that can be easily broken if Hux wishes for it. Hux looks at him, peeved and angry, and yet he must see something come across Kylo’s face because he softens, edges turning their blunt sides. 

“Come on, come to my room,” Hux says, already putting his feet back into his boots.

“What happened on the Base?” Kylo asks and he watches Hux freeze for a moment, before proceeding to zip his boots up and stand.

He can see in Hux’s mind denial beginning to form, though he quickly dismisses it. He turns to Kylo, holding out a hand for him to get up. 

“We have had this conversation,” Hux asks.

“You’ve been irritated since you came here.” Kylo takes his hand, leaving the book on his bed. He moved to put on his jacket and boots before turning to Hux. “And you need control, so you want us to go to your chambers. What happened?”

Hux’s shame is palpable in the air, and he cracks an ironic smile. “Careful, Ren. I might come to think you care.”

“Don’t I?” Kylo replies, before taking his helmet and putting it on. 

He extends a hand in a gesture that lets Hux know to move first and he follows behind him until they’re out of his room. In public, if the Finalizer corridors can be called that, they stay silent, walking side by side, until they reach the relative privacy of Hux’s room.

“There was an issue with the Starkiller, nothing of course that couldn’t have been fixed,” Hux reports immediately upon their entry, as he’s been stewing on the topic the whole walk over. 

Kylo can feel his fear over such a massive project falling apart. They’re so close to finish it, that anything can be a disastrous now. Hux had been on his toes the whole time, Kylo realises, and the other shoe has just dropped. 

“And it is fixed?” Kylo asks though it isn’t what he wanted to talk about. Hux knows it too.

Kylo watches as pictures filter through Hux’s mind, a startling clarity to the ones he’d encountered in the smuggler Captain’s mind.

“Yes,” Hux replies succinctly, which alleviates some tension within him. 

“Good,” Kylo replies easily, taking off his helmet. 

He watches Hux turn to him, a look of slight irritation and disbelief on his face. Then he shakes his head, and says, “I’m going to the refresher.”

Kylo watches him disappear behind the narrow metal doors before he sets down his helmet. He goes through well known motions of disrobing and getting comfortable in Hux’s room. There’s no tension within him anymore when he’s there; he knows that there isn’t a single thing he shouldn’t touch. 

He sits on Hux’s bed and waits for him to return. He’s never encountered Hux like this before. A short no nonsense attitude was common for him, probably bred into him before his Academy training which solidified it, but this is something else. No amount of washing up helps Hux’s irritable disposition. Kylo’s actually fairly certain that everything that he could previously ignore now ignited it. 

“If you’re going to lay on the bed, change into proper sleepwear,” Hux says from the entrance to the refresher. He throws at him a pair of the soft grey pants that Kylo usually has on when in Hux’s room after he's finished talking just to make a point. 

They land on Kylo’s belly and Kylo huffs before he unlaces his breeches and pushes them down his legs. He loathes to move, something which has never really been his characteristic. But Hux’s bed is comfortable and he’s grown lazy. He still sits up long enough to throw his legs over the edge of the bed so he can shuffle into the grey bottoms.

Once he turns he sees Hux observing him. His mind is filled with Kylo’s visage, but the undercurrent of anger is not connected with him. Instead, Kylo follows it behind the pictures, into the maze of Hux’s mind. 

At first it makes little sense. He sees images of older officers, sees their functions, their possible replacements. The more he follows the thread the more he sees the instinctual fear behind the information, and sees plans formulated for each of the men should things go awry. Precautions, he thinks. 

“Kylo,” Hux says loudly enough for it to ring in Kylo’s ears and in the room. 

Kylo pushes himself up from the bed, and he sees Hux take a step forward. They meet somewhere in the middle, and Kylo presses his forehead briefly to Hux’s, hands holding onto Hux’s elbows. The man’s irritation has receded some; he knows that Kylo has seen everything. 

“Is that the cause?” Kylo asks. 

“Insubordination is the worst thing a General can experience,” Hux says. “They’ve known my father or served under him. They don’t think I’m appropriate for the task.”

And he sees the words,  _ sly, trickster, manipulator _ .

“There’s nothing inherently wrong with young officers serving within the Order. I try to find as many of them as I can. But there’s a problem when they have a sufficient power status.” Hux is bitter about it, angry that he has to make time to build precautions.

“They hate that you’re using something that they taught you,” Kylo says, still in his mind. “The Academy had been a hellish escape, but it taught you how to survive in the military sistem. This...you are doing no different than those before you.”

Hux grunts and lifts a hand to Kylo’s chest. “It’s unnerving when you do that.”

Kylo blinks and the visions within Hux’s mind are gone. Only the man in front of him remains. “They won’t hurt you.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” Hux says. 

“Cowards only strike in a moment of weakness,” Kylo explains. “And you’re far from it, General.”

Hux huffs and drops his hand. “And here I thought you would offer to deal with them for me.”

A strong image of their first encounter plasters itself across Hux’s mind. 

“I’m not your attack dog,” Kylo says, though he knows, he would have probably done it had Hux truly asked.

Hux sees that as well, and his eyes widen a fraction before he’s pressing his lips to Kylo’s, hands going to Kylo’s bared chest to feel the offered flesh. 

Kylo’s hand is in Hux’s hair, scratching his scalp softly while the other clamps down on Hux’s hip. He leans back and Hux follows after his mouth, a tiny, desperate sound escaping his throat.

Guiding them back, eventually Kylo’s legs hit the bed. He sits and Hux follows after him, folding himself on his lap. He looks at Kylo for a long moment, fingers soft against Kylo’s brow, before he starts pressing kisses into his neck, collarbone, shoulder. 

“Armitage--” Kylo starts and feels Hux’s emotions stir, tumultuous in Kylo’s mind.

“Should I not call you that?” Kylo asks then, unsure where the line is. 

Hux looks at him again, but whatever stormy thoughts he’d been thinking clear once his decision is made. He presses a kiss to Kylo’s lips, soft and short and lovely. “Just...just don’t wear it out.”

Kylo understands. It’s a private matter of an even more private person. Kylo won’t be using it outside of bed. 

“All right,” Kylo humms. “How do you feel about getting on the bed for me?”

An eyebrow ticks up immediately. Hux says within his own mind,  _ What are you thinking? _

_ I want to lick you open, _ Kylo replies.  _ I want to spread you on my fingers. _

“Oh,” Hux chokes out, clearly interested. He gets off of Kylo’s lap to remove his sleeping pants and underwear before he lies down on the bed near the headboard. 

Kylo hums when he slots himself between Hux’s legs, unused to this arrangement and delighted that Hux is going along with it. There’s something erotic about having someone’s knees open for you, pressing against your sides. Kylo lowers himself until he can kiss Hux whose hands are quick to meet with his back and clutch. 

For a while they just kiss. It feels good, especially with these little movements that being friction between their cocks. He likes Hux’s hands around him. He likes it even more when Hux lets him caress and explore his body, his rough fingers gliding down Hux’s pale and soft skin, down the jut of Hux’s collarbone over warn metal of his dogtags to pinch a nipple between two fingers.

Hux’s cock twitches against his own. When Kylo pulls away, Hux looks dazed, red-faced, and ultimately pleased about what’s happening. Kylo kisses down the curve of his shoulder, presses teeth against his voice box, licks the sweat from the hollow of his neck. He slides his other hand lower so he can jerk Hux’s cock a couple of times just so Hux shudders.

“Turn around for me, sweetheart,” Kylo says, unsure where this confidence is coming from. Hux picks up on it, snorts, but turns onto his belly. Kylo kisses his shoulder in thanks. 

It isn’t much of a stretch to get to the nightstand and take out the lube. He sets it down next to Hux’s hip before he traces his hands down the beautiful curve of Hux’s back to his ass. He hears Hux take a sharp inhale when Kylo rubs his cheeks and pushes them apart. 

Hux’s mind is loud. Anticipation swells within him, and emabassement quickly follows when Kylo gently presses his thumb just below his hole. Hux doesn’t say anything but his mind is full of confessions. 

“You’ve been using your fingers?” Kylo asks, rubbing a bit harder against the rim. 

“Yes,” Hux admits, voice quiet. Kylo feels how strong Hux suppresses the urge to defend himself, as if there’s anything to be defending. Kylo rarely has the time but why shouldn’t Hux indulge his body’s wants?

To calm him, Kylo passes a hand down one of his thighs, pressing imaginary kisses into his mind. Hux’s nervousness mellows and only then does Kylo push his leg so he spreads his legs further on the bed, knees easily slipping over the comforter. 

If Hux were to do this, though Kylo highly doubts Hux would offer, Kylo supposes that there’s be some kind of foreplay. Perhaps some easy kisses, maybe a hand on Kylo’s cock. Kylo would really rather do what he wants, so without waiting for Hux to turn impatient, he digs his thumbs into the flesh of Hux’s ass and presses his tongue flat against his hole. 

“Oh,” he hears above him, and when he licks once and does it again, Hux hisses softly. 

Satisfied with the steady swelling of Hux’s desires and the evenness of his emotions, without anything to distract him Kylo applies himself to the task. At first it’s just long licks, teasing at the rim with his tongue. Hux is loose enough for his tongue to catch and he feels the jolts of pleasure in Hux each time it does. Hux’s cock fills quickly, turning a deep shade of red. Kylo softly touches his balls, just so he can hear the sharp inhale from Hux and feel his cock twitch.

Once he’s finished teasing him, Kylo uses his now free hand to push down on Hux’s lower back so he thrusts his ass in the air more. Once Hux does it, Kylo starts slowly fucking him on his tongue. 

Patience has never been a virtue of his, and he supposes that this has to do more with Hux than a newfound trait. Each time he pushes his tongue into him, Hux releases a soft whimper, like all air has been pushed out of his lungs. Kylo collects the sounds, emboldened and encouraged by them. He chases after them, trying to make Hux louder. In return of his efforts, Hux’s pleasure builds until he hears Hux start cursing. When he looks up, Hux has lifted himself onto his elbows, one hand pressing against his sweaty forehead, cheeks red, skin glowing. 

Fuck, Kylo thinks, he’s beautiful.

It only makes Kylo’s efforts re-double. Hux’s cock, where it’s hanging between his legs, is dripping precome onto the sheets. Kylo touches it gingerly, but the desire in Hux flares so much he has to stop lest he makes Hux come immediately.

Hux whines above him, actually  _ whines _ , when Kylo’s touch is gone. He starts pushing back against Kylo’s tongue, desperate. “I want to come, I have to come -- Kylo, please--”

Unable to deny him anything, Kylo replaces his hand on Hux’s cock. He jerks him quickly, roughly, enough for Hux to moan loudly, shake apart under his tongue, and release all over the sheets. Kylo helps him ride it out, milking his cock until Hux is completely spent. Once Kylo releases him, Hux slumps onto his side, breath harsh in the silence of Hux’s room.

Kylo presses kisses into the skin above his hip, his side, and shoulder but when he gets to his face Hux pushes him away with a disgusted sound from his throat that makes Kylo laugh. No kissing for him until the end of the night then.

Pushing a hand through his hair so it doesn’t fall into his eyes, Kylo sits back onto his haunches and takes the lube. Hux watches him out of the corner of his eye and groans when Kylo lifts him back to his knees. That’s the end of his protest. 

This is the quietest Hux’s mind has been since Kylo has met him. Yes it’s organised, less now than before, but to Kylo it has always been loud; not a disturbing sound, not even unwelcome, just present. For someone so focused on control, it speaks volumes that he’s letting himself be guided by Kylo.

Uncapping the bottle, Kylo smears a bit of lubricant between his hands to warm it up. He runs a hand over Hux’s sensitive cock, jerking him lightly just so he can see Hux shiver, then he returns his attention back to Hux’s ass. 

While Kylo knows Hux uses his fingers semi-regularly to bring himself pleasure, and that he’s loosened up after Kylo’s tongue, he still starts with pushing one finger into Hux. Kylo is in his mind, focused in searching out pain but Hux seems to barely even registers the intrusion, swimming softly in post-orgasm dullness, softness of comfort and the presence of Kylo’s mind within his own. His limbs are limp, relaxed, head resting now in the crook of his elbow but eyes distant. It almost looks like he’s about to fall asleep. 

A familiar warm feeling swells within Kylo’s chest. He really wishes he could kiss Hux now. Instead, he inserts another finger into Hux, softly pressing into him and working his walls loose. Hux opens beautifully for him. At first his goal is just to stretch Hux, but then Hux shivers awake with a soft moan when Kylo presses against his prostate. After that it’s more about coaxing more sounds out of Hux as he massages that spot over and over again, until Hux is hard again.

Usually it takes Hux much longer than Kylo to be ready for another round and it is that way by Hux’s own design. He likes to draw it out, use the pleasure as much as he can. Kylo wonders what his limit would be if he just continued getting him off like this, until he is sore.

“Kylo,” Hux says, sounding something between scandalized and pleading. 

_ You would like it, _ Kylo replies in his head, fucking his fingers into him a bit quicker. Hux’s breath hitches, his body breaks out in gooseflesh. 

Smirking, Kylo bends over Hux to kiss his shoulder and continues murmuring inside his mind. He shows Hux images of how he would look, how he would feel, how he would fuck back onto Kylo’s fingers despite being fucked sore. Even pain can turn into pleasure; Hux had fisted his just-spent cock enough times to make Kylo learn it. 

Hux’s green eyes open to look at him from over his shoulder where Kylo is nosing at the skin of his shoulder blade. 

Kylo slows down enough to add another finger, and fucks into Hux again. Whatever Hux had wanted to say is aborted then, a shaky: “Stars,” leaving his mouth.

_ Please don’t, _ Hux says in his mind instead.  _ I want to come on your cock. I don’t have your type of stamina. _

Kylo slows his fingers down, rubbing deep within Hux who groans against the sheets. It’s worse when it’s slow, Kylo knows. At first he’d thought the opposite, but really, this way he can feel every press and pass of fingers, especially after he’s come a couple of times. Hux seems to be learning this as his body twitches each time Kylo presses down hard onto his prostate, before softly rubbing over it. 

“Kylo,” Hux moans, probably trying to admonish him but it comes out as a whine. 

“I know,” Kylo is quick to soothe him. “You’re just so...beautiful like this. I want to keep this a bit longer.” Kylo laughs at himself, “I want to keep you.”

Hux’s emotions turn a strange mix of sadness and joy, stuck in his throat and restricting his breathing. Kylo feels it all because it’s the same with him. 

“Do you ever think before you speak?” Hux hisses out loud.

It’s the most coherent he’s been in a while. Kylo actually laughs at it. Leave it to Hux to completely circumvent a confession. Kylo would almost feel glad, were he not serious. 

“Most of the time,” Kylo replies in good humour. He extracts his fingers from Hux and sits back on his haunches once more.  _ I wasn’t lying, I want this, all of it. I want to keep it. _

_ I know _ , Hux replies, his mind warm and light and transparent. 

“Oh.” Kylo feels his heartbeat tick up, pounding quickly in his chest. He knows what that means. 

Hux, despite all of his emotional range of a jotunn fruit, manages to actually flush at his admission. It’s quite endearing. 

Kylo chuckles low in his throat, before he fucks his fingers back into Hux just to return them to the situation at hand. Mainly, Kylo’s desperately hard cock and Hux’s iching need to get fucked.

When he pulls them out again, he wipes his hand onto the bed covers before he pushes down the sleeping pants and grabs the lube. He doesn’t have the patience to warm it for himself, and he shivers when he coats his cock, trying to refrain from fucking into his hand. He’s so hard, he’d left wet patches on his pants.

Hux’s mind radiates with approval. It seems that, even without clear intention, their minds are now constantly connected. Kylo can’t say he hates it. 

He wipes his hand onto the sheets again and grabs Hux’s hips, lining himself up. He knows he will have to go slow lest he hurt Hux, so he takes a couple of deep breaths before he pushes his cock in. 

“Shit,” Hux curses above him, sinking lower into the sheets. 

He relaxes as much as he can, thighs beginning to tremble. Kylo starts sinking into him slowly, looking for any hint of pain in Hux’s mind. When he finds it he stops until Hux adjusts, lets out a breath, and then he’s at it again. Sweat drips from his brow when he’s finally completely inside Hux. It’s so tight, squeezing Kylo so well, he has to bite onto the inside of his cheek to stop from doing something stupid, like slamming into Hux’s body like he wants to do. Instead, he pulls out slowly and pushes halfway in, just enough to know he’s pressing Hux’s good spots. 

It goes on like that for a while. He can’t allow himself to hurt Hux, so they’re stuck waiting until Hux’s body has adjusted. Maybe they should have done this once or twice before. Alas, his own frustration builds upon Hux’s until Hux is pushing back into him.

_ Come on, Kylo, please _ , he’s saying within his mind.  _ I won’t break. _

Kylo wants to praise the heavens but he forgets somewhere between thrusting into Hux and Hux letting out a wonderful little moan for him. He does it again, trying to remember how Hux usually fucks him. Now he knows why too; Hux feels so good around him. 

He picks a slow tempo and builds upon it when he sees Hux has no complains. He rolls his hips into Hux, letting his weight carry him lower and sink deeper within Hux’s body. He pushes back, chest, belly, thighs working to pull out only to repeat the same thrust again. He groans, satisfied to feel Hux tighten around him. 

“That...that’s good Kylo,” Hux says between sighs and gasps. 

Kylo’s content to fuck Hux senseless like this. It wouldn’t take long. Already, Hux has relaxed again, soft and pliant, almost putty in Kylo’s hands. But he can also see what Hux wants. His thrusts become sharp, deep and quick, driving his cock as deep within Hux as he can. The sound of their breathing has filled the room, skin slapping against skin, Hux’s wonderful moans vibrating through it. The scent of sweat and release is around them, sheets underneath wet from it and spilled lubricant. 

Kylo presses himself over Hux’s back and says, “Come on, Armitage. Up on your knees.”

Confused and dazed, it takes Hux a moment to register what Kylo is saying. However, it doesn’t take long for him to see what Kylo wants, not with their minds connected like this. It’s difficult for him to move, that Kylo can see, and so he helps him most of the way. Kylo slips out of him and sits back, as Hux lifts himself up long enough to fall back into Kylo’s awaiting arm. He shuffles back a bit as he sits on Kylo’s lap, until Kylo’s thighs are connected with the underside of Hux’s. Kylo presses his cock back into Hux, their bodies aligning perfectly. Hux’s back is pressed to his chest completely, but Kylo hooks his chin over his shoulder so he can see the long line of his abdomen and his straining cock. 

Despite his fatigue, Hux starts fucking himself onto Kylo’s cock until Kylo starts to move himself. Kylo tugs his hand through Hux’s sweat damp hair, exposing his throat so he can kiss and bite it in tandem. His fingers slide lower, over Hux’s collarbone to pinch Hux’s nipple, while his other hand holds Hux’s cock as it twitches madly while Hux’s hole spasms around him. 

“I’m close,” Hux mumbles, breath quick.

Kylo holds him and fucks him, harsh thrusts pushing into Hux until the man’s head falls back onto his shoulder, exposing the long column of his neck. Kylo’s hand around his cock is quick, encouraging the wave of Hux’s pleasure. 

Kylo feels it first. It’s the way Hux’s mind breaks, going blank, pleasure shaking his whole body as it bathes over it. Hux comes in Kylo’s hand and keeps coming, as if the fire that has consumed him doesn’t wish to let go. His throat works but no sounds come out, just quick loud gasps, while his nails dig into the back of Kylo’s neck. 

Desensitized from pleasure, Kylo pushes Hux back down onto his belly and fucks back into him, quick, brutal, as Hux moans and clutches the pillows. When Kylo comes it’s with a long moan against Hux’s shoulder. He’s still shivering, still lost in his pleasure. Kylo huffs and pulls out of Hux, finally letting him slump.

Kylo’s legs tremble as he goes to the refreshes to use something to wipe Hux down. He climbs back onto the bed after a quick wash of his hands and mouth, feeling slightly ridiculous wearing the sleeping pants over his still hard cock. Hux is not aware enough to tease him about. Kylo turns him around onto his back slowly, passes a wet towel over his belly, hips, between his legs. 

Hux lets him, and waits for Kylo to liberate the towel before his hands, kitten weak, are circling around Kylo’s shoulders and dragging him down into an embrace. Kylo lets himself slump, face pressed against Hux’s ribcage. After a while, he feels Hux’s leg rubbing against his crotch, reawakening his waning desire. 

“Armitage,” he warns. But to his disbelief, Hux simply puts a hand over Kylo’s ear and cheek, while the other rubs the skin of his neck.

“How do you feel about riding my fingers?” Hux asks and Kylo is suddenly short of breath. 

Hux chuckles and kisses the top of his head.

-

Kylo finds himself nestled against Hux’s side, limbs heavy and still trembling from the aftershocks. He isn’t sure how at this point he doesn’t simply pass out; he’s tired beyond years and his mind is a careful veiled blankness that always comes with sex. Still, the sensation of Hux’s hand on his back, tracing patterns that make no sense, keeps him aware.

He sees an orange-metallic glint on the inside of Hux’s bicep and he reaches out, brushing the long stripes with his thumb, tracing the pattern of numbers to their end.

_ A brand?  _ Kylo asks, unaware. Curious how Kylo never noticed before. Granted, it is light enough against Hux’s skin that Kylo really needs to strain his eyes to see it. 

Thankfully, Hux answers aloud. 

“An identification code. In case I’m killed and unrecognizable,” Hux explains. “We also have these as secondary IDs, so scanners don’t have to be used.” He presses his fingers to the dogtags around his neck that Kylo had noticed before, the metal cold even to Kylo’s burning fingers.

It’s when Kylo realises that Hux’s fear from before doesn’t stem just from potential insubordination. The First Order is a machine with replaceable parts. Hux too could be replaced. They are bred for this, he remembers, thousands of soldiers and officers churned out by First Order academies. Someone else could take over Brendol Hux’s project, after all. Ambition is an Occam's razor. 

“Kylo?” Hux asks, taking his hand into his own. “I don’t suppose you have one of these.”

_ You can’t be replaced _ , he thinks loudly enough for Kylo to hear him.  _ But I can _ .

“There are finite numbers of me,” Kylo says slowly, sluggish thoughts formulating in his mind. He looks up at Hux and his clear blue eyes and says, “As are of you.”

Hux’s stricken expression imprints into Kylo’s mind. It’s a little bit broken, and there, in the line of his mouth and the wrinkles around his eye he sees the immeasurable sadness pouring out of him like water out of a cracked aquarium. 

He can’t scoop the water back up with his hands, no matter how much he presses them against Hux’s cheeks, and soon they’re lost between wet skin and dry lips. Kylo wraps his hands around him and lets Hux kiss him as much as he wants to. 

Behind them Starkiller revolves slowly, shining it’s bright white light upon them. 

-

It’s been a long time since Kylo dreamt. The vacuous space between the stars holds him afloat, but he is not afraid. There, in the distance, he sees the woman, smiling with her closed eyes, and in that moment he sees his mother’s face in it. His own boyish visage is there with Leia, when he could muster up a smile. Then, he feels a strange pull of a nearby planet and its gravity. 

Kylo’s not afraid. He lets it take him, and he’s falling. There is nothing unfamiliar about it. However when he opens his eyes instead of the endless sky he sees Hux bent over him. His head is nestled in Hux’s lap as they rest in the golden field of their bond. The long straws hide them, the wind pleasant against the heat of the sun that’s starting to set. Though he doesn't see it, the earth beneath him is dark, black, and rich, and he feels it pulsing as if he's part of it. The sky here is orange, something akin to Hux’s hair, and slowly fading to blue. 

He can't touch the sky but can tangle his fingers into Hux’s loose strands. That's how he knows it  _ is _ a dream. Hux would never be seen outside his chambers with unkempt unstyled hair. It feels like a continuation of a dream he had before, but can’t quite remember.

Hux leans down to kiss him. His lips are warm,soft, and happy. Within Kylo’s chest a terrible ache unfurls like a pod opening up into a seedling, and he feels a golden light from it travel from the center of his chest to Hux’s mouth. When he leans back Kylo can see it shine from within Hux, like liquid life.

With a sinking feeling, he notices the redness smeared onto Hux’s mouth and cheek. 

When he opens his mouth to speak he can't. Without any notice, his body has grown cold and he sees Hux’s face twist in a terrible version of itself, all fear and panic. 

He sees Hux’s red lips move, mouthing his name but it falls on deaf ears. Now he can only feel the coldness of the wind, the harsh grip Hux has on his hand, and his trembling fingers holding his head up.

The image twists onto its head. He sees Hux on the ground colored a terrible red. Above them a pitch black darkness that has never existed outside of dreams of fear unfurls and engulfs the suns and stars and galaxies above them. Blood pours out of Kylo’s mouth and mixes with the ground, seeping into it and the cotton collar of his once blue shirt. 

Kylo awakes in darkness of his mind. Within it, the golden river courses sluggishly, Hux there but turned away.

He opens his eyes with effort and first sees Hux’s face pale with Starkiller’s light. His eyelashes are translucent like this, hair almost blond. It could have been morning, were they on a planet.

Kylo notices freckles on the man’s shoulders and an incredibly pale pattern across the bridge of his nose.

Relaxed with sleep, Hux’s face shows no sign of weariness or the burdens he wears during his waking hours. The perpetual crease between his eyebrows is smoothed out. He appears like just another man unbothered by destiny.

In his sleep Kylo had moved away from Hux. The space between them now taunts him to come closer in a familiar mocking way. Kylo shouldn't. There's no haze of sex that gives him excuse to ask for that closeness. If he were in his right mind he would get up and get out.

Kylo lifts the covers and slides across the sheets closer to Hux’s warmth.

There's no way he doesn't wake Hux up; the man's sleep is soldier light. He's always ready to be roused out of emergency or necessity. Yet, he still puts a hand over Hux’s side and manages to scoot as close as possible without feeling Hux’s mind light up with cognition. 

He closes his eyes though sleep doesn't take him this time. Kylo levitates in a limbo between sleep and wakefulness, meditating numbness covering his senses. He feels Hux’s breathing under his hand and it gives pace to his own.

Next time he opens his eyes Hux’s head is under his chin and he's completely covered by the man all the way down to his toes, Hux acting like a particularly boney blanket.

Kylo wraps his hands around him and a hum from deep within his chest escapes like a curse from child's lips.

He can't sleep anymore and he feels Hux slowly come to his senses as well. However, he doesn't move away from Kylo. The tension that comes with awareness is gone the same instant Hux realises where he is and with whom.

Kylo can see his mind, unburdened yet and thus organised and clean. He can even sense how his skin feels again Hux’s cheek, like a phantom touch against his own.

He starts running patterns with his thumb across Hux’s skin, and feels that too. He senses the shiver when he passes over Hux’s spine, feels the deep breath Hux takes before shifting. 

Kylo pushes the affection he feels across the bond, kisses the top of Hux’s head and holds him tighter. 

He feels the warmth of Hux’s cheek grow hotter and for a moment a flash of shame covers Hux’s mind so completely Kylo wonders what he's done wrong. It recedes as quickly as it appeared and Hux presses his lips to Kylo’s skin.

Kylo could do this for hours. But he also knows Hux’s limbs threaten to fall asleep so he lets go of him.

Hux doesn't move away as much as he slides down Kylo’s body before he perches his head on one hand so he can look Kylo in the eyes. 

Before even a good morning is said, or more probably something witty and sardonic, Hux presses a kiss to his lips that lingers.

“You'll be my ruin,” he breathes in an unexpected moment of sincerity. 

“Only you can ruin yourself, Armitage,” Kylo replies, a shadow of a smile playing on his lips. 

“Gods are always easier to blame,” Hux replies with humor. Kylo sees he doesn't believe in any Gods at all, only in himself.

Kylo folds a loose strand of hair behind Hux’s ear. The skin of his cheek is satisfyingly soft under his callused fingers. “Then I said nothing wrong.”

That has Hux falling silent and pressing another kiss to his lips. This time Kylo chases after Hux though Hux’s hand on his chest stops him. He has a moment to look at him before he's being kissed, and Kylo relaxes into the sheets, feeling Hux’s warm hands cupping his cheeks.

For a wild moment he imagines red streaks on Hux’s lips when he moves away. His expression is the same after all. But it's just a flash of a false memory before it fades. Hux’s face remains the same combination of lovely, sharp, and handsome.

“What is it?” Hux whispers.

“I had a dream,” Kylo admits before he can think about it.

Hux’s eyebrow arches as if to say,  _ And that's important why? _

“We were in a golden field. There was a sunset. You kissed me something just like this,” Kylo says and kisses Hux again.

“Well,” Hux says when he can speak again. “That isn't so bad.”

He hums when he feels Kylo’s hand pass over his back again before it settles on the small of his back.

“Do you ever dream?” Kylo asks, wanting nothing more than to forget the image in his mind. As if to spite him, it refuses to move now that he's rejected it.

Hux’s smile is a sarcastic thing that bleeds into something truly genuine albeit feint. 

“I assume not like you,” he says dryly. “Fortunately prophetic dreams are reserved all for your lonesome.”

Kylo thinks about his dream and doubts that he would die in a sea of wheat like that. It's a far too pleasant thing with Hux there, far too gutting for it to be anything of reality. No, Kylo will die alone when the voices in his head finally fall silent. And Hux, a ranking officer, disposed by those who no longer need him.

Hux must sense something because his smile falls and the touch on Kylo’s cheek turns insistent.

Kylo takes his hand and kisses his fingers.

“The Force rarely allows prophetic dreams. I think I had them when I was younger but--” Kylo trails off, making a face. “I seem to have lost the ability. Or perhaps I never had it and I had dreamt it up.”

He’s been aware of everything he lacks since he had been under Skywalker. Even then the Force didn’t come easily to him and he had to find loopholes and anchors just to ground his abilities. It worked but not for long and it had frustrated both him and Luke. Then he'd heard his Grandfather and after him Snoke. It's why in the end, after Skywalker’s betrayal, he'd gone to his him.

Master Snoke had shown him his true potential when he'd reached his temple. He'd felt the Force like never before and, Kylo thinks bitterly, never after. To reach those heights even now feels impossible. It still takes effort to access the Force though most of the strain he'd tried to shave away with physical readiness. Only his connection with Hux has come effortlessly, their minds as if joined simply by existing.

When he feels Hux’s fingers next, they're cold against his ribs. 

“You're loud,” Hux says. Then he taps his temple in explanation.

Kylo hadn't realised he was projecting. How difficult it had been for them to do this just months before, and now Kylo was talking into Hux’s head without the readiness of all his faculties.

“I wonder what you would look like in sunlight. Would your skin burn or would it tan, and would it be covered in freckles like it is now?” Kylo says without thinking.

“You're terribly sappy after sleep,” Hux replies. “Your previous thoughts don't escape me.”

Kylo hums and runs circles into Hux’s back under the blankets. 

He isn't sure how to explain that in his struggle between the Light and the Dark, his abilities have tarnished. It's not a topic that would hold Hux’s interest and it feel somehow too heavy for lazy wakeful moments.

There are no mornings in deep space, only perpetual nights occasionally broken up by stars and planets. It makes Kylo far more pliable that he would like under the faux intimacy.

“It's like there's a door between me and my abilities. Before, I used a passcode to open them completely but now they barely go halfway and I have to crawl though the space allowed. With Master Snoke I had hoped to find a new passcode.”

“It's not working is it?”

“Not in the way I expected it to. I think not in the way he wants it to either.”

“Why not make a new passcode then? Take the inscriptions that work from both previous doors and combine them into something more functional. Override the system, as it were.”

“In the context, what you’re asking me to do is to combine both my teachings from the Light and the Dark side...to accept both,” Kylo says, reminded of their previous conversation about it.

“It’s a logical course of action,” Hux says.

“What you’re implying is...ridiculous. And impossible. As I think I’ve said before.”

“Well excuse me,” Hux rolls his eyes. 

“My grandfather belonged to the Dark side. His powers came from there, as mine should also.”

“Why should they? Aren’t you a person of your own?” Hux presses his fingers into Kylo’s skin, nails leaving red crescents.

He takes it in his own. “Some things just don’t work that way.”

“That is not an explanation nor an excuse,” Hux retorts, allowing his hand to linger in Kylo’s. Then he tugs and rolls to the side before climbing to his legs. Instead of dressing he winds a robe around himself.

“I don’t need to explain myself to you,” Kylo rebuffs. 

“No, apparently you don’t explain yourself to anyone. Not even yourself,” Hux replies. “If only you introduced yourself to logic, you would see your biggest problem is yourself.”

Kylo lifts himself up against the headboard. His mood is slowly declining under Hux’s uncensored words. 

Very slowly, he says, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He doesn’t mean to do it, but he puts enough malice in it that he can see Hux register within his mind, bristle at it, feel as if it’s a threat though it wasn’t supposed to be. But Kylo can’t make himself take it back quickly enough before Hux is taking a very deliberate step towards him so he can loom.

“It means that you let your emotions overpower your higher decision making, leaving you to be blind about your own situation and deaf to the warnings,” Hux says sharply. “It means you disregard protocol unless you stand to benefit somehow, it means taking my forces  _ without _ my consent  _ or _ approval for a mission I didn’t even know about. There are rules here, Kylo, and whether you’re military or not, I honestly don’t give a shit what you do while you follow them.”   
  


Kylo watches Hux’s face transition from a mask of indifference to fury, words cold and cutting. It seems like he’d been sitting of these things for such a long time that now it’s impossible to stop them until he’s through, finally saying everything he’d been biting his tongue on. 

But Kylo has no interest in being put down. Before, calm had gravitated to calm but now anger rises to anger until they’re both at bubbling points. The bond quivers between them but Kylo doesn’t heed its warnings this time. 

“I’m not First Order and if you thought I cared for it’s goals or useless rules than you’re far more stupid than I thought you were,” Kylo says, making a show of crossing his legs at the ankles and folding his hands on his belly. It’s a fake nonchalance to prove his indifference, though he knows Hux must feel his anger as much as he feels his. It works. 

A creature of strict protocol, Hux is not used to anyone talking back at him and only one person who gives him orders. Kylo can see him fist his hands by his sides. A thought of Hux hitting him flashes in his mind, but he knows how that fight would end. He could easily pull Hux down, pin him to the bed, make him submit, if not with his body then with the Force. Whatever control Hux has in the bed is the control Kylo gives him. It would be callous for the General to forget that. 

But Hux doesn’t hit him. Instead he says, “Yes, certainly! It’s stupid of me to have assumed that you harbored a little more brains inside the empty shell of your head. To expect you to realize you’re only an instrument to be later tossed away after the Supreme Leader is done with you.”

Kylo really wants to break something. He stares at Hux as the urge takes over him, vision slowly draining of color. One of his hands lifts to rest over Hux’s knee and though the touch is gentle, he feels the gooseflesh on Hux’s skin, recognizes the immediate urge for Hux to step back and then his rational mind telling him not to move an inch. In his hand the Force coils and it drags across Hux’s skin like hands, making the man grow completely still under the pressure. When he speak next, he feels the Force around him. 

“Let me make something perfectly clear,” Kylo says, digging his thumb into the hollow of Hux’s knee. He knows he can break it, and what’s more important, he knows Hux knows this. The same way that Hux knows that it’s Kylo who has put pressure on his back, who’s putting soft pressure against his neck in warning. “I don’t care for your opinion. I care that you have ships I can use and soldiers that will die if I need them to. Because you, and everybody else here, is just a tool I can use to get what I want. One that I am certainly entitled to, by the words of your dear Supreme Leader.”

Perhaps Kylo should have known that after Starkiller things wouldn’t be the same, but he’d not expected this. Hux’s anger had never been turned towards him, but now Kylo feels the blade sharp and stuck somewhere between his fourth and fifth rib before Hux even opens his mouth to reply which he does, despite Kylo’s warnings.

Kylo remembers, somewhat absently, that Hux has never been afraid of him.

Through the Force, he feels the concoction of Hux’s feelings swirling in his belly from shame, and self loathing, and hate. They rub against Kylo’s conscience thought he evades them, sensing manic, obsessive fear  _ of failure _ covered by anxiety. Everything is now evident to Kylo, a pomegranate split in two. 

He should have known that it would eventually come to this, he tells himself. They’d always avoided having these sort of discussions. And Hux, as usual, finds a way to twist the knife, to make it a dirty fight.

“You’re entitled? Yes you are. From your  _ birth _ you’ve been entitled to everything! You were born with your ability, born into literal royalty and been given  _ everything _ you might have imagined. Even with the Supreme Leader, without any effort of your own, you have been entitled to his presence,” he spits, looking him dead in the eye.  _ Believing it.  _

He motions to himself, pats his chest, hands trembling. “ _ I’ve _ had to work for  _ everything _ . I was thrust into the academy against my will to be shaped and wrought into something my father would approve of. Everything I’ve taken, I did through effort, work and sweat and blood. You cannot imagine what it took me to get to this position, to this authority you hold no value of, but share with me regardless. So I have no sympathy for your strife. You’ve been given everything, while I had to work for it. No one made me.  _ I  _ made me.“

Perhaps, Kylo thinks, it would have been easier had they been somewhere else. But in Hux’s quarters, partially dressed after a long night together, it makes everything worse. 

Bitter words come from his mouth in a calm tone, one Kylo recognizes only by the terrible utterances that have left him. 

“You made yourself, but you’re terrified of it being taken away. Terrified of always something going wrong, of being punished, or demoted, or hundreds of small unimportant things. You’re anxious in every moment that you’re awake, obsessing over every minute detail as if it would help you to stop anything from happening. And you follow a dead man’s vision, a man you killed, who’s twisted your mind so thoroughly you somehow think you’re sticking it to him for doing so.” 

Kylo stops to take a breath, to leave place for Hux’s mind to dip to. Kylo cocks his head, digs his thumb deeper into Hux’s knee until it flares up a pain receptor in Hux’s head. “Do you think that taking over the galaxy will help you make people like him disappear? Do you know so little of peoples nature that you think everyone can live under guidelines, that they will  _ allow _ themselves to be herded as chattel? Do you believe even for a second that you yourself would allow it to happen?”

Kylo shakes his head. This has been a big mistake. He lets go of Hux’s knee and sits on the edge of the bed, regardless of Hux’s proximity. This place too, it seems, has grown tainted.

“I have something to attend to more important than your squawking,” he says. He summons his clothes to himself and starts dressing. He barely has his pants on before Hux is forcing Kylo’s gaze on him again, a cold nails biting into his skin on his shoulder.

“Do not talk to me about following a dead man’s vision. You follow a voice in your head that tell you what to do and when to do it, hoping for some dumb luck that it’s actually your grandfather! Let me tell you something, it’s not! It’s not! It’s either you telling yourself that, or it’s Snoke! You’re a puppet for him just like I am, but you don’t even want to admit it! Instead you delude yourself that he will teach you anything if you’re just a  _ good boy _ for him. He’s not. I’ve known hundreds of men like him, men who will promise and promise all while you do as they ask, and they  _ never  _ give anything back. Ever. Wake up!”

Kylo feels a surge of the Force within him, curling in his hand and ready to choke Hux. It would be easy to do it, to snap his neck, and be done with this.

“You know nothing,” he manages through gritted teeth as he holds himself back. “I will show you. And then you will realize how inconsequential your existence is. No monument will ever be built in your name. You will just be another number, another statistic, lost somewhere in the void. No one to remember you.”

Dressed, he picks up his helmet and puts it on. Though it hasn't before, it now provides a comfortable barrier between the two of them. He leaves, for the last time, with a spreading pain in his chest. 

The bond is quiet in its death throes. 

Kylo is left with bitterness on his tongue. Regret threatens to pool in his mind as he rushes back to his own room, but he tries to rid himself of it before it can truly form. After all, things that are said cannot be unsaid. 

As he thinks it, the bitterness turns into pain, and pain into a familiar cold touch upon his mind that scrapes against the inside of it, clawing it open and letting it bleed. Struck by it, Kylo feels his heartbeat grow hurried, but his body freeze in fear.

His eyes gaze upon a wall but don’t see anything. He is blind and deaf to anything but the voice that starts with a soft tremble that spreads through him like electricity.

_ “My child, it is time,”  _ says Master Snoke.  _ “Your Knights have located the man you are looking for. Take the General’s army, bring me the map.” _

At the mere mention of Hux, Kylo grows cold all over. He tries to not let his thoughts stray, but it matters little what he tries or doesn’t when his mind is under a microscope, cradled in his Master’s hands. 

Snoke lets out a laugh as if Kylo is being amusing.  _ “Your poor attempts at concealment aren’t necessary, my knight. I have known since the beginning, since the idea permeated your mind.” _

Kylo feels the terrible touch of Snoke’s powers where his memories lie, but Snoke isn’t proving a point or punishing. It’s uninteresting to him that Kylo has been sleeping with Hux. The only interest he has is Kylo’s reaction to it. 

_ “Now, wipe your mind of these distractions,”  _ he says, presence alleviating some _. “Don’t fail me.” _

He leaves Kylo’s mind much as he’s entered it, sudden and violent. The silence rings in Kylo’s ears and he presses his hands over the helmet. His vision swims for a moment. Then, panic slowly mellows into something else in his chest, something acrid and filled with vitriol.

Kylo’s feet move before his mind can catch up. Led by a string, he follows his Master’s commands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As they say, things first have to get a little bad to get a lot more better.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look just...long breath. It will be okay.

Kylo had never known his grandmother. She’d died long before he’d been born. From sorrow others had told him, but his mother said it was by the hands of a madman. Kylo had always felt inclined to believe her over anyone else.

His mother never let go of the anger she felt concerning her parents’ death. Her greatest misfortune was that they were at war at the time, and everybody had lost someone. Everyone was too busy in their own grief to care for another’s. Though, when you watch all you know explode in front of you, what comfort can you find after that? Alderaan is still a collection of dust and space debris thirty years later. 

As Kylo exits his command shuttle, soft sand giving under his weight, he thinks he understands now why Leia never let go of it. When anger is removed all that remains is sorrow. Though it’s a fast-acting poison when it enters the bloodstream, anger is very slow to drain, like pus from an infected wound. Like she’d refused, Kylo too refuses to wash it out. 

He picks the wound apart instead, soaks the bandages in blood, and lets it fester. He’d chosen his poison this time, and anger has always been a quickly awakened and enduring malignancy.

It was a mistake to linger on the  _ Finalizer _ . He should have gone on his mission immediately. His judgment had been clouded, vision colored by childish affections that he now repudiates. If he had, perhaps Lor San Tekka would have lived to see another day. 

Kylo had known the man as a child. He’d always been quick to offer a calming word, his faith in the Force only overshadowed by Skywalker’s. 

Retrospect always offers a sense of clarity to events; Kylo should have known the map was with him. But Kylo doesn’t have time to deal in possibilities now. The man kneels in front of him, his pleading only an incentive for his anger that boils just underneath the surface of his skin. The man taunts him with the truth Kylo had dismissed and renounced a long time ago.

Red clouds his vision and he loses grip of himself. It’s like the Force itself guides his hand and through it, he feels animosity from the pilot they’d captured, pity from Tekka, and fear from Hux’s soldiers. 

In that haze he also feels something else, something new. An awakening. A weak light, a star just being born.

When he comes to, Tekka’s body is at his feet, crumpled and cooling. Kylo’s killed him before he could gather any valuable information, and the map wasn’t on him when he was searched by the soldiers that now wait for their next order. 

The pilot they’d captured trying to flee must know of the map. He will tell them. If nothing else, Hux’s personnel are good at extracting information. They will see to him. The search of the x-wing and the pat down have turned up nothing, and it’s why he commands the pilot to be taken, something oddly familiar in his face that he can’t place.

Kylo commands for a retreat. He’s done with Jakku. He looks once more at the stormtrooper who doesn’t even seem to be aware of the improbability of his situation. He notes his number, but leaves it be. Another time. When they’ve finished their mission. Once Kylo can breathe. When he’s done. After all, troopers aren’t his domain. They’re Hux’s. Let Hux deal with the consequences, whatever they might be.

Captain Phasma makes sure that they leave no witnesses. The village burns at Kylo’s behest, any witnesses gone before the Resistance can get to them. Mission over, he heads for the  _ Finalizer _ .

As always he can feel Hux on the star destroyer, but it’s a muted, sickly feeling, so faint it borders disappearing. Just like Goli Otok before he’d died. Where it was once calming, now its simple presence only serves to infuriates him further. Kylo is keen on ignoring it.

He orders the pilot be taken to an interrogation cell. He will observe the proceedings. Even the toughest crack. 

With the First Order resources, it doesn’t take long to pull up the pilot’s identification sheet. Kylo immediately sees why the pilot is so familiar. The Force is energy that circles around, unchanging but shifting. It alters itself. And sometimes when it is affected by force sensitive people like himself, it leaves indents that other force sensitives can read. Kylo doesn’t know Poe Dameron, but he sees in bright blue blinking words on the holopad that his parents associated with Skywalker and that Organa, for all her miserable failings, associates with him now. 

However, the Resistance she’s so desperately created after the world learned of her heritage can’t help Dameron now. Not in the hands of the First Order’s interrogators. He’s been forever marked by something worse than even fate: by affections of a cursed family.

He watches from a feed as Dameron’s strapped to the chair and a number of instruments are presented and applied. Kylo can feel his pain but he can also feel the strength of his mind. Dameron was born into war, just like Hux, and he is not afraid to die for his cause. He  _ believes  _ in it. There’s no chance he will willingly betray the Resistance.

After their efforts miraculously fail, Kylo dismisses the interrogators and goes to Dameron himself. He should have done it in the first place, he thinks. They’d only wasted time. 

Dameron’s been violently knocked out, no doubt work of Phasma’s favorites, but it takes only a wave of his hand to startle him to consciousness.

“I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board. Comfortable?” Kylo asks, feeling for the first time in a long time in control. 

Dameron is disoriated but it doesn’t stop him from saying, “Not really.”

“I'm impressed. No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map,” Kylo offers. He traces his hand over the equipment used to torture the man, and he sees Dameron’s attention linger there.

“Might wanna rethink your technique,” Dameron replies. 

Kylo lets his hand fall from the equipment. “I’m sure that drilling into your scalp in unnecessary. I have no interest in it. Do you?”

“Buddy, can you threaten me like a normal person? ‘Cause I’m not feeling this whole...thing,” Dameron snarks. Kylo, despite himself, is amused. 

“I understand you're against the First Order. Resistance had been created to combat it despite the New Republic’s disapproval. So why does a pilot want a map of a man that has little to do with the cause?” Kylo asks, stepping closer to Dameron.

“I don’t know, why does the First Order wants it?” Dameron replies. He’s tense all over, as if preparing himself for a blow.

“They don’t,” Kylo says. “But I do.”

Dameron looks shocked. However, that shock doesn’t loosen his tongue. He says nothing.

“You’re very loyal,” Kylo concludes. “Unfortunately it’s to a wrong cause. If Leia is looking for her brother she must be at her last leg.”

Kylo looks Dameron in the eye even though the man can’t return the look. “She’s pressed by the New Republic to disband. She’s denounced and cut from any resources she might have had. They mistrust her because of whose child she is. The people you protect do more damage to you now than the Order ever did.”

“So what? I should join you? You’re delusional,” Poe snaps.

“I wish. I was once like you. I would have given my life for her,” Kylo replies. He thinks he lies but it rings true much to his own displeasure. Sentiment, he tells himself. It’s nothing more.

Dameron frowns. His mind opens up like a flower, trying to figure out who Kylo is, trying to piece together the truth from the lies. 

Kylo says nothing as he’s observed. And like that he reaches into Dameron’s mind. He’s isolated in the immediate thoughts and the moment he dives further into his mind, Dameron flinches in the chair. 

“The map. Where have you hidden it?” Kylo asks. He raises his hand as to better focus the Force.

It’s unfortunate for Dameron to be so strong willed. The more he resists, and he does try, the more force Kylo uses to see into his mind. Unwilling and unaccustomed to Force probing, what could have been an easy transaction of information turns into burning pain as he searches through his mind. Agony paints Dameron’s handsome face and twists it into a caricature of itself. 

Dameron is silent but Kylo doesn’t need him to speak. All he needs is for his thought to stray. 

“Where is it?” Kylo insists. 

Dameron’s eyes water. “The Resistance will not be intimidated by you.”

Kylo sighs, allowing himself to grow careless. He burrows into Dameron’s mind completely, Force guiding him through sensations and feelings to memories.

He finds what he’s looking for just before Dameron begins to scream. 

Kylo lets his voice go raw and his mind extinguish from pain in a last ditch effort to save itself before he releases him of his hold. Afterwards, he knows, if they cannot take any more information from him, they will execute him. That’s all the good fate associating with Organa will bring him, and anyone serving in her Resistance. 

Once he exits the interrogation room he’s surprised when he finds he’d been waited upon.

It feels as if he hasn’t seen Hux’s face in weeks and at the same time as if only moments have passed since. Kylo refrains from entering his mind. The echoes of Dameron’s pain are still too near and he isn’t certain he wouldn’t implant them in Hux’s mind out of spite. To, at least, make the man feel something for once. 

“It's in a droid. A BB unit,” Kylo reports to the man, who’s been waiting in front of the interrogation room doors.

Hux nods. “If it's on Jakku, we'll soon have it.”

How patronizing, Kylo thinks. Hux knows it too. He’s not one if his soldiers to be praised, not one of his lieutenants to be reassured. Provoking him now seems like a death wish but Kylo doesn’t care enough to learn the reasons behind it.

Kylo says, “I leave that to you.”

He heads for the holo chamber, where he’s ready to report to his Master.

-

Kylo feels the presence of the stormtrooper in the Force the whole day. It’s an annoying pulsing thing that constantly pesters his awareness, like a stubborn fly asking for attention. Kylo can feel it because they’re physically near. Though, if Kylo can feel it then it also means that his Master can feel it as well. FN-2187’s life will soon be forever changed, if his Master’s attention lingers.

As if sensing his annoyance, the presence returns to obscurity leaving only a vague FN-2187 shaped indent in the Force.

He thinks it a good thing until he joins Hux on the command bridge and sees him focused on the screens and viewports in front of him. Displayed there, a solitary TIE fighter is trying to get away from the  _ Finalizer’s  _ ferocious and brutal firepower. 

“General Hux. Is it the Resistance pilot?” Kylo asks.

“Yes, and he had help. From one of our own,” Hux admits, vexxed. It takes him far too much to admit to such a mistake, the prideful snake that he is.

For a moment Kylo considers getting into his silencer and cutting them down. However, the  _ Finalizer  _ has long range weapons and he has no use for Dameron anymore. There’s no need for him to clean up Hux’s messes.

“We're checking the registers now to identify which stormtrooper it was,” Hux tells him. His gaze is still trained on the images in front if him despite Kylo’s presence.    
  
Kylo realises why he couldn’t feel the stormtrooper anymore. 

“The one from the village. FN-2187,” he tells Hux.

Hux’s eyes snap to him briefly, unnerved, but even Hux knows better than to question him directly. 

  
One of Hux’s lieutenants says, “Sir. Ventral cannons hot.”

Hux’s attention returns to the problem at hand and he says, “Fire.”

Kylo watches as massive warhead launchers spin and fire blasts towards the rogue TIE fighter. Dameron  _ is  _ good. He flies evasive maneuvers Kylo recognizes from his own time in x-wings. Most blasts hit the debris from previous destruction.

Kylo watches as the TIE fighter does a big turn, heading back to the only planet near them -- Jakku. Dameron is going after his droid. It wouldn’t be a terrible thing to let them live. They’d just need to follow him and the rogue trooper to the BB unit.

Behind him Kylo hears the large bridge doors open and Captain Phasma advance. Hux turns towards her, gifting her his full attention. 

They speak about the rogue trooper but Kylo has eyes only for the TIE fighter in front of him. 

There doesn’t seem to be a reason why the trooper would want to defect. At least, he should be bred well enough to not question his orders. Was it the awakening he’d felt within the man that pushed him into action?, he thinks. It must be.

Even as removed from Hux as he is now, he can feel his anger through the Force that surrounds him and clusters around Kylo.   
  


One of the blasts finally connects. The ship starts spiraling out of control, and as it’s in Jakku’s orbit, the gravity of the planet pulls the TIE fighter to plumet towards its surface.

Kylo sees Hux lift his chin up, a familiar motion that speaks of vindication.

“They were going back for the droid. Send a squad to the wreckage,” he orders. 

Phasma nods and exits the command bridge area in favor of leadingher soldiers. Her appearance on the bridge is always strange to Kylo. Among bare faces, far removed from the violence that the troopers do, a giant of a woman enshrouded in metal there as if to remind them all of the First Order’s power. Maybe that’s why Hux likes keeping her around.

Hux turns back to him. His face is surprised, that much Kylo can catch, as if he’d forgotten Kylo is there. Perhaps he even had. Usually at such a proximity Kylo would have been a voice in his head, a pressure, even a comfort. 

Kylo tries not to think too much about it, lest his determination grow weak. 

“If your weapon were ready, you would have been able to blow the whole planet up,” Kylo says slowly. “No search parties, no risk.”

Hux walks towards him and once they are side by side, they start walking alongside the bridge. 

Even this kind of closeness Kylo finds satisfying, and he hates his treacherous mind for such a thought. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke was explicit. Capture the droid if we can, but destroy it if we must,” Hux supplies helpfully, always here to remind him with his clinical tone of things Kylo already knows. 

Seems a strange time to start obeying Master Snoke. Though, Kylo thinks, Hux had always done everything as asked. Despite his doubts, his treasons, his lack of faith, he remains a dog who jumps when commanded to jump. The smallest dogs always have the loudest bark after all.

“How capable are your soldiers, General?” asks Kylo. He realises he’s taunting the man only once it’s out of his mouth.

Hux’s eyes flash. Through gritted teeth he says, “I won't have  _ you  _ question my methods.”

“They're obviously skilled at committing high treason. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army.”

Even for him it’s a low blow. But then, what is there that Hux cares more about than his military career? His soldiers are his pride. To suggest going back to something so completely flawed as a clone army is the ultimate offence.

Hux rounds up on him, stopping Kylo in his tracks. His glare would have curdled milk, were the  _ Finalizer  _ supplied with it. His forehead creases, lips curl, Hux only moments away from cursing Kylo out to the stars and back. But they both know that Hux won’t. Proprietary stops him to say anything out loud. But Kylo could wager his whole hand that he’s doing it in his head now. 

Almost shaking, Hux says, “My men are exceptionally trained, programmed from birth--” 

Kylo cuts into his rant with levity, “Then I’m  _ sure  _ they should have no problem retrieving the droid.“ 

Hux grows quiet. His lips purse. Intently quietly, he says, “Careful, Ren. That your  _ personal interests _ not interfere with orders from Leader Snoke.”

“I think we both known the irony in that statement, General,” Kylo scoffs. “I want that map. For your sake, I suggest you get it.”

Kylo hears a beep inside his helmet, suggesting one of the knights is trying to contact him. He heads from the ship’s bridge to attend to it, leaving a seething Hux behind. 

Let him be the angry one for once, Kylo thinks. Let him be left reeling. He’s done being the one ridiculed for his emotions when Hux himself can barely contain his own. 

He heads down the corridors until he reaches his private chambers. Only once he has his mask off does he open the communication link, allowing a small hologram of Merak to appear in front of him. 

“Master Ren, can you hear me?” Merak says. 

“Yes,” Kylo replies, sitting down on his bed. 

“I’m contacting you to report on the texts you have given me to inspect. I have ran them through several identification engines. They have recognized the text within which the scrolls were written,” Merak explains. 

A notification appears on screen, showing he’s received a file from her on his holopad. 

“It’s a language of a small population on the very edged of the Rim. The runes used for writing it down now are mostly used to point out years, left over from three or four hundred years ago when the language had been more in use.”

Kylo opens the file sent and sees the planet she’s talking about. Designated simply as MN473, it’s a fossil of a planet, drained of its resources a long time ago and left to the indigenous peoples after being overtaken by the oceans. Now only islands serve as reminders of the continents sunken below the surface, most either overrun with forests or lava from explosive eruptions, leaving the indigenous peoples only a few remaining places fit for living.

“Can you decipher the scrolls?” Kylo asks her. 

“Not by myself. I don’t know how to read the script or what meaning to give the runes. However, if I were to go to the planet, learn and mechanize the language, it could be done,” Merak says, but she doesn’t sound entirely satisfied. It seems as if she wants to say more, but is holding back for Kylo’s sake. 

“I sense a ‘but’,” Kylo says seriously. 

“It will be incredibly difficult to follow through with this. Master Snoke has ordered all of the Knights to go back to the  _ Supremacy _ ,” Merak admits. 

Kylo feels any enthusiasm he’s had for the mission drain from him. He cannot override Master Snoke’s orders and he will not endanger Merak. She knows this as well, and yet instead of telling him so, Merak waits for further orders.

He has a choice now, but he isn’t certain the goal is worth the risk. 

“Where are you?” Kylo asks.

“Half a day away from MN473,” Merak says.

Kylo sucks his teeth, hands fisted in his lap. He should order her to drop it, to follow their Master’s instructions. He himself should probably ignore the scrolls, they’re not really important. A distraction at best. 

He looks at Merak who waits patiently, hologram wavering every so often.

Finally, he says, “Be quick about it. Trajan’s locator tells me he’s near your coordinates, so take him with you. Just to be safe.”   
  


Merak nods. “Received. Going offline now.”

With Kylo’s approval, Merak disconnects, leaving the hologram to show a screen of her location. Kylo pings the locators of all of his Knights, and sees their flight patterns have changed to follow Master Snoke’s orders. 

Kede and Snaga are the closest, Barja Ktar’s ship slowly trailing behind them. Trajan is almost overlapped with Merak. Kylo realises, with a terrible sense of foreboding, that he can’t spot Mora.

He tries to activate and reactive her locator, nimble fingers flying over the holopad, but it does nothing. He tries to see the history of her tracker, and a grey dot appears on the holo map as the last recorded location. Kylo enhances the map. 

The map doesn’t show any stars or planets in the vicinity but he knows from experience flying that it’s a place populated with asteroid fields. Even if he could, he’s too far away to do anything from the  _ Finalizer _ . 

With a swipe of his finger, he establishes a direct connection to Barja Ktar’s ship communicator. Out of them all the ysanna is the most capable flier and, Kylo thinks darkly, the one most immune to Mora’s Force abilities. Once the comlink is established, he sees the knight. Barja Ktar seems surprised to see him but waits for Kylo to speak first.

“Barja. I need you to deviate from your course,” Kylo says. “There’s an asteroid field south of your current location. Mora has disappeared somewhere within it.”   
  


“Master Snoke has ordered all of us to return to the  _ Supremacy _ ,” Barja replies, a non-answer. 

“I’m aware,” Kylo says evenly. “I will send you the exact coordinates. Investigate, but retreat if there’s danger.”

Barja falls silent for a moment before asking, “What kind of danger?”

Kylo gives them a pointed look. “Whatever there might be.”

Barja nods and Kylo disconnects. 

He doesn’t like that this has happened now when they’re so close to victory. Mora has always had a certain wisdom to her actions Kylo lacked, but the last time he’d seen her she’d been upset. Perhaps upset enough to do something drastic. 

Kylo stops himself before venturing further in his musings. Such thoughts are dangerous, especially now that his mind is exposed to his Master so completely. Still, he feels that Mora’s disappearance doesn’t bode well for him. 

He reminds himself instead, that there are more important things. Hux’s soldiers should have captured the droid by now. Once he puts on his helmet, he goes to one of the control rooms where the same lieutenant from the bridge room finds him to deliver the news he’s been waiting for. 

And yet, not the news he wanted. 

“Sir, we were unable to acquire the droid on Jakku. It escaped capture aboard a stolen Corellian YT model freighter,” says the lieutenant. 

Kylo turns to look at him, unable to grasp what’s being said. 

“The droid... stole a freighter?” he asks, words all the more ridiculous once uttered. 

He sees the lieutenant shift, beads of sweat lining his glistening forehead. 

“Not exactly, sir. It had help,” the man replies. Once Kylo doesn’t say anything, he continues, “We have no confirmation, but we believe FN-2187 may have been helped in the escape-”

A wave of such hatred hits him that he feels compelled to crush the lieutenant’s lobe with the Force. Instead he grabs his saber and switches it on. It’s angry growl drones the man out. Kylo wants to hit something. He wants to  _ kill _ something. He feels the fire within his veins course and guide his hand over his head. 

He catches himself in the last moment, fighting the urge to destroy everything. He remembers a promise he made. He remembers the hangar full of people screaming, running as if a beast had been unleashed. 

Kylo drops his hand and turns off his saber. He takes a deep breath. Even after everything, Hux’s words bind him. 

“Anything else?” he asks the man behind him reeking of terror.

Worse, the man hesitates before saying, “The two were accompanied by a girl.”

Before he can question the lieutenant further, the sliding doors of the chamber open to reveal Hux’s indifferent face. The lieutenant turns, saluting at once.

“Master Ren,” he acknowledges Kylo. “Supreme Leader has instructed us to contact him from Starkiller Base.”

He looks at Kylo then, as if he knows that his attention is still focused on his lieutenant. Whether to protect  _ him _ or his own safety, Hux adds, “Both of us.”

Whatever Force might have been coiling in his grasp now dissipates, leaving only anger at being commanded. Yet, he follows Hux out of the control room into their shuttle and back to the Base. 

The moment he touches the frozen ground a siren call drowns out all other sound. It’s a terrible piercing screaming, high pitched like drills that are trying and failing to dig into sturdy rock. 

Hux doesn’t seem to notice it. Kylo follows him into the Base and through the hallways. The siren call continues, all the way until they reach the assembly room used specifically for conferences with Master Snoke. Once, it had been used for large congregations of officers, but it has no such use anymore. The First Order is not a democracy, it’s a monarchy. And their ruler demands all their attention. Any distractions are left at the doors.

A familiar angry, almost draining feeling overtakes him as always when he talks with his Master. He senses his presence just moments before his hologram appears, and it’s the same now. Towering over them, Master Snoke sits in his throne.

He speaks first to Hux and Kylo tries not to feel slighted. Focus escapes him, vision blurring and clearing, hearing going in and out, his strength slowly leaving him. He’d not realized he’s so tired. His Master’s presence brings that kind of clarity as well, otherwise he’d be deluding himself.

Hux takes care of informing their Master of their failure, though it comes at a high cost of Hux’s pride. Interestingly, their Master is not angry, as if he’d known all along.

“The droid will soon be delivered to the Resistance... leading them to the last Jedi. If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise,” he says and finally looks at Kylo.

Hux speaks, unaware that Master Snoke’s attention has shifted. “Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility for th-”

“General!” Snoke roars, chilling Kylo’s blood. “Our strategy must now change.”

Hux doesn’t even halt in his reply. He’s as reckless and fearless as ever, and Kylo is reminded of it as he sees Hux’s eyes flash hating, more than failure, to be interrupted.

“The weapon,” Hux says, voice unwavering. “It is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance, the Republic. Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.”

Kylo looks at Hux as their Master considers. There’s a manic edge to him that Kylo has not noticed before. Something that has made his face gaunt and pale, body more tense than ever before. Perhaps for someone else Hux would appear the same. But to Kylo, these signs are obvious. 

Kylo snaps his eyes back to his Master before he can start to care. 

“Go. Oversee preparations,” their Master orders. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux says, proud and cocksure. What a hypocrite, Kylo thinks.

Kylo waits until he exits the room before his attention returns to his Master who sits, observing him.

“There's been an awakening. Have you felt it?” Master Snoke asks, voice void of its previous harshness. It’s quiet now, almost serene. 

Kylo thinks of the stormtrooper who’d had blood on his helmet, who’d escaped with the Resistance pilot. Kylo still doesn’t understand why he would do such a thing.

“Yes,” he replies. He isn’t sure where this line of questioning leads.

“There's something more. The droid we seek is aboard the Millennium Falcon,” Snoke says. Kylo’s skin crawls, and his breath arrests within his lungs once his Master says, “In the hands of your father, Han Solo.”

Suddenly, he can think nothing but of Mora’s words on the mountain top as she had yelled at him, shook him as if to try and wake him. She had known. And now she’s gone.

“He means nothing to me,” Kylo says, hoping his silence had not gone on too long. 

“Even you, master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test,” Snoke says, sickly sweet. 

Kylo had been a fool to think there wouldn’t be an ultimate test of his ability, of his dedication, and loyalty. His Master has known of his attachment to his father the moment he’d looked at him all those years ago, his young mind yearning for him whilst hating him for his betrayal. 

Now he knows that the Light he always feels pulling at his soul comes from the man with certainty he’d not known before. 

He bows his head in front of his Master. “By the grace of your training, I will not be seduced.”

“We shall see. You know what you must do,” Snoke says, and dismisses him with a nod. 

As Kylo makes his way out of the assembly room he feels the siren call return, now drowned under the weight of his new burden. As he leaves the Starkiller Base for the  _ Finalizer _ , and Hux to his manic obsession, it fades into a high-pitched scream before it completely cuts out. He’s drowned in silence, which has always felt infinitely worse. He returns to his chambers, feeling as if he’s missed some great sign. 

-

Kylo used to love his father. There’s no use in denying that. As all children love their parents, in spite all of their failures, so too did Kylo see nothing and feel nothing but his father’s love for him and reciprote it as much as his tiny, selfish mind could allow. Those memories are now distant and far away, but in the  _ Finalizer’s  _ silence and the droning of the siren, an echo of the one on Starkiller found only within his mind, he discovers a thread of thought that leads him to them. Then, like an avalanche, first the insignificantly small memories come. They flash before his eyes like his mind is flipping through picture. 

There was a time when Kylo had been maybe ten or twelve, insistent on helping his father upgrade the _ Millenium Falcon _ . He remembers that he and Chewbacca had barely let Kylo touch it, afraid he would do more damage than good. Kylo also remembers the time when his mother and father and he, a rarity on its own, had gone to one of Chandrila’s many resorts. 

Kylo had been ecstatic. Most of the time Kylo spent either with teachers and droids. His mother, always busy with her senate work and his father, who in retrospect should have spent more time with Kylo, was busy training pilots. For most of his young life his only company was Elsie, a nanny droid, and even she was sometimes too busy for him. 

His father had many friends and even more enemies. Kylo had not known how to differentiate them at first. He still recalls the first time he’d looked at the stern face of the man, he’d later learned, was one of his father’s greatest friends. Lando had told him about flying cities cloaked in clouds which to him had sounded like something straight from a book. Afterwards he always looked forward to his newest uncle coming to visit.

Kylo remembers when he’d began feeling himself splitting in two, the Dark and Light pulling him in different directions. He’d at first thought there was something wrong with his body: an ailment, a sickness, or just migraines. His mother talked a lot about migraines. It used to grow into a paralysing pain, so strong that he’d lie in bed next to his father, sobbing pitifully. Han had never been able to help him. 

The next day his uncle had come, bright and calming and wise -- or so Kylo had thought as a child. He’d eased some of young Ben’s suffering. In retrospect, Kylo thinks that’s when the fights started between his parents. 

Both of them were young, fiery people with tempers to rival electromagnetic storms. Kylo had never before heard them like that. He would be in his room, reading or writing, and they’d start, first as hushed whispers that grew louder and louder until, inevitably, he’d hear doors slamming. Han would return the next morning with an easy smile, taking him for a walk. 

Soon after, he’d started feeling his Master’s presence. Not like he does now, no, his mind back then would not have been able to handle it. It was an impression of thoughts and feelings, a chilly caress that would linger but inevitably pass.

At first he’d not known what the fights were about. He never felt like he needed to listen to his parents arguing. One night, however, something had possessed him to get up from his bed and crack the doors of his room open. Perhaps it was childish curiosity, or perhaps irritation as he could not sleep. 

He’d heard his father saying, “What are we gonna do with him Leia? He’s getting worse every day!”

“Luke says that there’s something pulling him to the Dark side, causing his pain,” his mother said, always ready to trust her brother. “It may be that... _ he  _ is trying to affect him.”

“He’s six!” his father yelled. Then, softer, he repeated as if he on the verge of tears, “he’s  _ six _ .”

That night Han didn’t leave. Instead, Kylo woke in the morning squished between his parents, knowing that something was wrong with him. Only later would he learn the name of this mysterious man that seemed to be causing his parents to fight.

That’s how it went on for a while. The older he got the worse it would get and the more prominent his Master’s presence was in his mind. Then, like a herald of bad news, his uncle came again. 

He spent the day with Kylo, a rare treat. They traipsed the streets of Chandrila and its wide parks, visited monuments and museums. Kylo had thought of himself as his uncle’s local guide, never imagining that his uncle had been to his home before. They ended their day on the beach, letting warm ocean water lick their feet as they gazed up into the night sky full of stars. 

“We won this,” his uncle had said then but didn’t explain.

That night he’d heard him speak with Han and Leia, talking about darkness in Kylo’s mind. After he left, as per usual, his parents fought. Leia had wanted him to go with Luke, to heal him of the darkness. Han had wanted to him to stay. 

That was the first time Kylo had thought he was a monster. Surely, no other parent would have wanted to send their child away. Surely anything was better than being left like that. But his mother had won, and the next day they had cornered him in the living room, to  _ explain _ .

For a long time Kylo had wondered where the darkness within him came from. His uncle and his mother were creatures of light and good. Living with Luke was not so bad, or it would not have been bad, had Luke thought of him as his nephew rather than his student. But he was Kylo’s only family in a home away from home, so Kylo had not looked a gift horse in its mouth. 

The day the news broke of his heritage so did Kylo’s world. Of course, he’d thought, of course. How could a grandchild of Darth Vader not feel the Dark. The presence within his mind unfurled into what he knows it today, strong and overwhelming in the visage of his Master. 

He’d not wanted to believe it. He’d wanted for Luke to console him. He’d wanted to see his parents. But he couldn’t leave the temple. He wasn’t allowed to. Like a final nail in the coffin, one night he’d woken to Luke standing above him, his green lightsaber that had once meant strength and control now a terrible death sentence. 

_ Ah, I must be a monster _ , he’d thought then. And then he’d ran. 

Now, as he sits within his chambers, memories flooding back in droves, he feels the pull to the Light stronger than ever. It’s because he loves his father still, even though he despises him as well. But hate has never been counter to love. 

The pain only grows stronger. He’s afraid that he won’t be able to do what his Master commanded. He’s afraid that, even if he does, Hux would be right and it wouldn’t change anything. 

With noone to turn to, he grips his grandfather’s helmet between his hands, weak and weary, begging for guidance. But no comfort comes from an echo of a lost being. All he feels is the sooth on the warped metal, still warm as if plunged in a ghost fire from long ago.

-

Kylo doesn’t remember falling asleep. A beeping of his comms startles him awake, and he sits up in his bed. His grandfather’s helmet rolls to the edge of the bed and Kylo catches it before it can fall and break. He returns it to the pedestal where he’d kept it before. 

He doesn’t expect to see Mora’s grim and tired face as he opens the link. Her reception is terrible, the hologram constantly flickering in and out, but despite that he recognized the frown on her face and the set position of her shoulders. 

“Where are you?” he immediately asks.

“Far enough away from you,” she retorts. 

Any effects of his sleep clear as his mind sharpens, and he sits up straight. “What is that supposed to mean, knight?”

“It means,  _ Kylo _ , that I’m done with you and with Snoke. I can’t entertain your delusions anymore. I’m through,” she says. “Consider this call as an official resignation.”

“I think you forget yourself. Master Snoke won’t just let you leave,” Kylo says through bared teeth. 

“I couldn’t care less what he would and would not let me. I didn’t swear my loyalty to  _ him _ , I didn’t follow  _ him _ , I followed  _ you _ . But instead of leading us, all you’ve done is be an attack dog, blinded by pretty words. You’ve been kicked so many times, I think you’ve forgotten that it even hurts,” Mora says, angry. Unlike Kylo’s blinding rage, her anger has a cause and a reason, and it motivates her. 

“I’ve waited for so long for you to see the truth, to rise up and rebel, to stop yourself from being used. But instead you cowed before him,” she shakes her head. “And I can’t watch that anymore. I will not allow myself to.”

“Now, listen to me very carefully--” Kylo starts, threats ready on his tongue but Mora cuts him off. 

“No. I will not do that anymore either, as you refused to listen to me. Tell me was I right? Did he tell you to kill your father?” she demands.

Kylo’s silence is telling. He can’t lie quick enough and Mora reads it from his face immediately. 

“So I was. And? You know your father has nothing to do with the First Order, or with Skywalker. It’s your connection to the Light but when has that ever mattered? You’re strong now. Where will it stop? If you kill him then he would tell you to kill your mother, kill anyone else you have a connection to. To isolate you. To make you depend completely on him.”

Mora huffs to herself. “But you won’t believe me, like you didn’t before.”

The image goes wavy again and when it returns Mora is saying, “--try to find me. I’m going to go very far from your madness, or I’ll die trying to. Farewell, Ben.”

Then her hologram disappears. 

Shaken, Kylo tries to contact Barja Ktar but their signal goes awry as well. Either, Kylo thinks, they have died trying to reach Mora or have defected as well. He sincerely hopes that it’s the former rather than later. Master Snoke does not let anything from his grasp. If it should try so, it’s anihilated before it can become a threat. Kylo would know, he has been the acting hand, the executioner, the sword that falls at his Master’s behest.

-

When Lieutenant Mitaka comes to find him in his room, the holopad, projector, most bulbs and any other breakable objects have been destroyed. His temper doesn’t leave him, not for a second, and he seethes at the sight of the young man. Yet, he is Hux’s and so he collects himself enough so as to let him speak. 

Reading the situation, the Lieutenant is very brief in his message. He says, “Starkiller Base will be fired shortly. General Hux has requested your presence at the Base during the first activation of the weapon. I am to escort you there.”   
  


Kylo has to battle for words, tongue thick in his mouth. He takes large breaths of air to calm himself, before he’s ready to make his reply. 

“Go, Lieutenant,” Kylo finally says. “I will spectate from the command bridge.”

It takes a moment for the message to register with the Lieutenant. When it does the man nods quickly, and retreat from Kylo’s room with an even greater speed, leaving Kylo to his thoughts. 

For some reason, the Lieutenant’s message disturbes Kylo. He has known, of course, that the Starkiller Base was created for a reason even before it’s inception, from stolen glimpses into Hux’s mind. But even now he can’t understand the scope of its titanic power. 

Once, he’d light heartedly compared it to the Death Stars. However, Starkiller has an astronomically bigger range and power than they ever had. Kylo had never thought Hux would actually use it because the simple  _ thought  _ of it and its power would give pause to anyone. In that moment he’s reminded of his mother’s anger and bitterness, and thinks of the coordinates that Alderaan had once possessed.

Incentivised, Kylo dresses and with great speed goes to the  _ Finalizer’s  _ control bridge. For once, the attention of the room is not on him. Instead, all of the officers stand next to the windows, gazing upon the weapon, listening to the broadcast of Hux’s speech from the Base. Kylo walks over to the windows as well, anticipation swelling within him. 

He can feel the room, a mixture of dread and curiosity. Anticipation, just like his own, courses through Hux’s men and women through the whole star destroyer. And, despite everything, his senses stretch down to the Base where Hux’s mind is calm and rid of his chronic anxiety. There’s determination within him, mad belief, anger, all of the hatred and hateful emotions bubbling up within him now in moments of his revenge. He’d waited for this for so long, like a beaten dog waiting when he can bite his owner. 

For the first time, Kylo thinks he doesn’t know Hux. Yet, his thoughts, his mind is of the person he knows under that name. It’s undeniably him, from the emotions that still strum the bond to the kyber that he feels in Hux’s presence. His voice on the broadcast is his but changed, colored a different, dark hue. 

Just like Kylo knows this, Hux also knows the scope and power of his weapon, and what it is that he’s doing. Kylo senses fear within himself, a juxtaposition to the recklessness that has overtaken Hux. He admits to himself he  _ is _ afraid; not of the man or for him, but  _ because _ it’s him. 

Before Kylo can decode his own feelings, the weapon fires. He watches as the red light of the destruction beam, so similar to his lightsaber, follows a set line in space aligned with the Hosnian system, lighting up the perpetual darkness of space. In the distance it connects, one terrible moment, before everything unravels and worlds are destroyed. 

A terrible wave of anguish and agony crashes against his senses, refusing to let him breathe. His heart beats a quick drumming sound against his ribcage and within his ears, so punishing he feels faint. Never, not in all of his years, has he ever felt such a thing. Uncountable voices scream at him in torment in their last dying breaths, their fear rattling within Kylo’s being and chilling his bones. Worst of all, just as they started they stop with such abruptness that it leaves a terrible echo within Kylo’s mind.

He takes a deep rattled breath and continues to do so until he’s somewhat collected himself. If he’s felt it so strongly, there’s no question whether Organa or Skywalker, or even FN-2187 for that matter, have felt it. 

Kylo wonders if Hux understands what he’s done. 

By the time Kylo collects his thoughts, the other officers have already gone back to their stations. The broadcast is over. 

A chill burrows into his marrow and refuses to be dislodged. No heat and no fire will be able to remove it, that much Kylo knows wondering all the while if madness had overtaken Hux so completely that now, after his success, he will be lost to it. He reminds himself that it’s not his concern anymore. Hux and he are, after all, finished with their little experiment. 

One of the officers on the bridge approaches him just as he turns to leave.

“Sir,” she says in an accent, “one of our informants just sent us a message. A droid with the same description as the one we’re looking for, the rogue stormtrooper and a girl have been spotted on Takodana planet, in the lair of pirate Maz Kanata.”

Kylo allows himself a moment of silence, as his mind quickly shifts to accommodate new information. His mission might yet be salvaged. 

“How many hostiles?” he asks.

“There are at least sixty bodies there. Not all will return fire or engage. They are mostly smugglers and pirates,” she replies. 

Kylo nods. “Inform Captain Phasma, we’re storming that castle.”

-

Capable leader in her own right, Phasma is quick in her reply. Thought she’s still on the Base, when Kylo goes to the hangars he sees carriers prepared for takeoff filled with necessary troops. Kylo will let them front the attack and once the rabble is cleared, he’ll go in to look for the droid and the girl who has become its new keeper. 

No sooner than he’s climbed into his command shuttle, he’s already descending on Takodana. For someone not accustomed to warfare it would look like absolute chaos. Alas, Kylo has been part of First Order missions before, so he knows how to tactfully moves across the battlefield, avoid stormtroopers firing and fighting, pass by fleeting pirates and dead bodies in his way. 

Even so far from him, he can pinpoint where FN-2187 is. What’s strange however, is that he can sense another Force sensitive somewhere near. He sees that the droid is not with the rogue stormtrooper so he leaves him be. On instinct, he follows after the other Force point that’s slowly moving away from him, lost somewhere in the forest beyond the castle. 

He cuts through the trees, quick on his feet, following after the other impression in the force like a man possessed. Soon, he comes across the droid and then the girl whom he heard about from the officers. Vicious as a viper, she doesn’t hesitate to fire at him. But a blaster cannot match his lightsaber nor the Force which is at his command. 

Once he has her frozen, he takes a closer look. Small, thin, wiry, dirty and dressed in scraps. She poses no real threat to him. And yet, he can feel some kind of Force within her, not awoken like in the rogue stormtrooper, but slumbering just underneath the surface. 

“The girl I’ve heard so much about,” Kylo intuits, adrenaline from the chase coursing through his veins, alleviating his mood. 

There’s no droid with her but she must know where it is. His lightsaber growls in his hands and near the girl’s face, like a hound ready to snap it’s teeth if let off the leash. 

“The droid. Where is it?” he asks but the girl does not speak. She doesn’t even whimper. It seems that interrogation through this kind of fear will not work on her. 

He extinguishes his saber and raises his hand. He needs the information immediately and he has no time to prod through her mind. Since he must, he will force the memories to the surface just like he’d done with Dameron.

The path within her mind is open, and easy to navigate. The memories of the droid aren’t so far off, they’re just underneath the surface of her mind. As he goes through them, the girl’s face starts showing the pain she’s in. It twists as whimpers escape her but Kylo ignores her, and that’s when he sees what he’s been searching for.

Kylo may have allowed the droid to escape, but he sees within the girl’s mind what it had shown her. 

“The map. You’ve seen it,” he says, feeling as though he may laugh. 

Tears now stream down the girl’s face, surely from the agony which he has forced upon her. But Kylo disregards it as he goes through her memories. He sees the rogue stormtrooper who has found himself a name and sees her own. Rey. He can see the map but not clearly enough. It’s difficult to distinguish the new part of the map from the old that they possess. Before he can determine what it is, he senses stormtroopers approaching and turns towards them.

“Sir! Resistance fighters! We need more troops,” one of the stormtroopers says. 

Kylo turns to the girl. She has seen the map. That is all he needs. 

“Pull the division out. Forget the droid. We have what we need,” Kylo commands. 

Before the girl can do anything to harm him or herself he snuffs out her consciousness, forcing a deep sleep upon her. He picks her up and carries her back to his shuttle. She’s light as a feather to him, lighter even than Hux. 

He commands his shuttle captain to leave and within moments they’re in the air, heading back to Starkiller Base.

-

This time he learns from his mistake. Unlike with Dameron, he does not let anyone question the girl before him. He needs the information with no prolonged delays.

He has secured Rey in a restraining rig and now he observes her. Such a small thing with such a strong will. Kylo thinks his mother would have liked her. With a wave of his hand the Force hold on her mind diminishes, and slowly she stirs awake. 

Kylo can sense how disoriented she is, not just from the sleep but from the angle she’s held in. The expression on her face morphs from confusion to defiance once she sees him.

“Where am I?” she demands.

Kylo would rather she not know, so instead of telling her she’s on the Base, he simply says, “You're my guest.”

“Where are the others?” she asks again.

Kylo stands from his perch near the tool table, so he’s level with her. “You mean the murderers, traitors and thieves you call friends? You'll be relieved to hear that I have no idea.”

She watches him now, as a hawk watches for danger, trying and failing to measure him. He can sense her fear but also her curiosity. Beyond that, he can sense her intent. It’s good he has restrained her. 

“You still want to kill me,” he notes.

“That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask,” she snaps at him. 

She has seen too many troopers, too many people in masks to respond to Kylo. The sentiment that she shares about helmets is almost laughably similar to Hux’s, who’d always insistent that he removed his. 

He considers the girl -- Rey -- retrained and disobedient in front of him, defiance shining from her eyes. If it will help him, then he is not afraid of showing his face. 

He unlatches and removes his mask, only to see Rey stunned. She needs a moment to collect herself. 

“Tell me about the droid,” Kylo asks. Once she starts rambling about it’s specifications he cuts her off. “He's carrying a section of a navigational chart. We have the rest, recovered from archives of the Empire. We need the last piece. And somehow, you convinced the droid to show it to you. You. A scavenger--”

He stops once he feels fear within her mind. He can read her now as easily as he’d read Dameron, though she’s taking it marginally better than he did. He can read her thoughts: the way she wonders how Kylo knows about her being a scavenger, about the map and the droid, and if it’s all connected to the pain she’d felt in that forest.

He looks her in the eye and says, “You know I can take whatever I want.”

When she doesn’t reply he raises his hand to her face. Surface thought and emotions are easy. What he’s searching for has aged and hidden away in her mind, and to bring it forth so he can see it he need energy and time and control of the Force. But he doesn’t doubt he will find it. 

Strangely, once he returns to her mind, he feels a moment of recognition, as if his own Force self has gazed back at him, his own energy touched him back, like a shadow of his power. It disappears as Rey recoils from him. 

The moment passes as if it never was, and underneath the torment of his Force Rey strains in agony, trying to resist him as he probes within her mind. 

“You're so lonely... so afraid to leave...at night, desperate to sleep--” he says. Able to relate, he continues, “--you imagine an ocean. I see it. I see the island...”

She cries from pain and from the emotions she’s forced to revisit, of loneliness and hopelessness, but he has no mercy left to gift to her. Thought he’d never intended to use it, once he sees impressions of his father, now aged and fragile, the thought of mercy leaves him completely.

“And Han Solo,” he says, even to his own ears bitter. “You feel like he's the father you never had. He would've disappointed you.”

Protective of the man and those soft, kind memories, she yells, “Get out of my head!”

Weakness as that kind of reaction is, Kylo pushes further into her mind. “I know you've seen the map. It's in there... and now you'll give it to me,” he says. In a mocking show of consolation he says, “Don't be afraid. I feel it too. All of that suffering, and loneliness. Everything you feel, I feel. You can let go.”

“I'm not giving you anything,” she says, eyes flashing with anger.

“That’s what they all say,” Kylo replies. 

As he continues his assault upon her mind, he feels a change. He’s fairly certain that at his point Dameron had been screaming but Rey, despite the pain, gazes back at him with strength in her eyes that Kylo had not seen before. 

He can sense her barriers, thin as mirrors. He has broken through far better. He goes to do so with her mind, to finally get what he wants but, as he rushes at it with his Force it begins to thicken until, unable to pass through, Kylo slams against it. Where once he’d seen her memories now he only sees a wall of fog and an invisible glass-mirror that refuses to let him through. 

With each passing moment, as if sapping the very strength from him, the barrier grows stronger as he advances and she resists. Then, in a single moment where their two Forces have connected, instead of busting through her defenses, she slips within his own mind. At first Kylo doesn’t recognize her, vibrance of her Force so familiar to his own. The look in her eyes however tells him everything. 

“You. You're afraid...that you will never be as strong as... Darth Vader!” she struggles out through the pain and anger.

As if burnt, Kylo quickly pulls his mind, his powers and himself away from her. There should be no possible way that she could enter his his mind, to pinpoint his weakness so quickly. He doesn’t understand. He’d thought her powers were slumbering, just like his mother’s.

Though she slumps in the rig, Rey’s eyes never leave him. Somehow, Kylo knows that he will never be able to get anything out of her anymore. Not now, when he is open to her and she is closed off to him. 

But Master Snoke will know. If he can enter Kylo’s mind, then he can enter this scavenger's as well. 

Kylo exits the holding cell in haste, hurrying towards the Base’s assembly room. 

Kylo still doesn’t understand how she could read him so easily and so quickly. Were his insecurities so exposed in his mind so as to be available for anyone who wishes to see them. Worse, he is uncertain how far and how much she could see.

Then, Kylo asks himself the question: Was he scared of not being strong as his grandfather? 

Rey has seen his fear but in her inexperience had read it wrong. Rather than being scared of never succeeding as his grandfather did, he realises he’s scared that he was never led on the path of such strength in the first place. He’s afraid he’s been misled and used, is still being used, by the person whom he should trust the most. He’s afraid that Hux is right. 

It’s only his faith that calms his quick-beating heart and his thoughts as he enters the assembly room. It had taken far too much time to get there, and now it takes even longer to connect to Master Snoke. However, once his eyes are upon Kylo, he has to rein himself in, talk slowly and explain the situation. 

“This scavenger resisted you?” Master Snoke says with some surprise. 

Hasty to explain but unable to admit to defeat, he says, “She's strong with the Force. Untrained but stronger than she knows.”

Kylo realizes he echoes familiar words he’d heard long ago. Skywalker had been kind when he said them to his parents, a kindness that had separated him from them. A kindness that veiled a hunger for power, Kylo’s power, that Skywalker could never possess and because of it would turn against him. How else could he have killed Kylo than slay him in his sleep bed.

“And the droid?” Master Snoke asks.

Kylo hesitates to admit his oversight. He’d, after all, left without the damned thing. 

He hears the large doors of the assembly room opening and cold white neon light of the Base’s hallways spill in. Then, a familiar but cold voice says, “Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us.”

He watches Hux approach and realises his face is bared only once Hux’s eyes are on him and they lose some cruelty that was there before. They had been here so many times before, arguing and listening in tandem, being rewarded and being punished in tandem. But Kylo had never before been Kylo here. Only Ren. Kylo thinks it might have helped Hux keep things separate. 

Before his thoughts can wander further, Hux’s startled eyes move back to their Master. 

Hux continues, “That the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already.”

Kylo watches his Master’s expression shift and change to that of cold fury. His skin crawls, body suddenly going very still. His heart starts beating quickly once again, breath shortening. He has seen that expression too many times not to know what comes after. The punishments, the beatings, the voice that splits his mind into pieces he can barely fit together again later. Despite his fear, he knows he deserve all of it.

However, Master Snoke pays him no mind. Instead he says to Hux, ”Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker.”

“We have their location,” Hux offers. “We tracked their reconnaissance ship to the Ileenium system.” 

“Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon,” Snoke commands with finality.

Kylo can’t help but look at Hux from the corner of his eye. Surely,  _ surely _ , Hux would know that such a thing would be madness. Stunned, he can’t help but think of his mother, and of her bitter face whenever she would talk about Alderaan. He thinks of the voices lost in a scream, and the horror of feeling the whole Ileenium system go through the same thing. 

Hux’s expression shifts but nothing that would signal that he doesn’t agree before he nods, turns and leaves.

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo says. The only way he can intervene is to bring the topic back to where they started. “I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance.”

Master Snoke’s dismissal is cold. “If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.”

Once the holo projection disappears Kylo takes large strides out of the room, heading quickly for the interrogation room he’d left Rey in. Before he can get to her, he sees the familiar gleam of Hux’s red hair under the neon lights and stops. Hux seems to have waited for him, or so it looks to Kylo who approaches him now slowly, carefully, wary of his motives. 

“General,” he drawls.

“Ren,” Hux acknowledges, pushing his shoulders back. 

Kylo resists from reaching into his mind. It’s a difficult battle against an ingrained want within him, but at least he ought not to lose in that. Hux had made it incredibly clear what he thinks of him and Kylo, in return, had buried his own claws within the man, disregarding his own weaker feelings. He doesn’t wish to know what Hux thinks or feels for him now, after that.

Despite not using the bond, it resonates softly because of their physical closeness. It’s a muffled and easily ignored. 

“You cannot tell me that you think this decision is correct,” Hux says, brows frowned, jaw set. Like he’s ready for combat, or to be struck, Kylo thinks.

“It is not my position to question orders, General,” Kylo replies. Hux has gotten to know him too well.

“Cut the bullshit,” Hux growls. “You know just as I do that there’s no need to destroy the whole system. The Resistance can be taken care of with military power. What is this really about? Why obsess over an old, frightened man who hides?”

There’s an instinct within Kylo to slam Hux against the wall, to threaten him because of his disobedience. But they have passed that a long time ago. Ultimately, Hux doesn’t care for the Force, and is insane enough to not be afraid. He just sees what is in front of him and because of his Force-unobstructed view, he’d logically concluded that there’s no benefit to be had for the First Order, which is why he’s found it necessary to corner Kylo in a hallway. 

“Master Snoke thinks that if Skywalker were to be found by his sister, he would group the remaining Jedi and lead then against him,” Kylo says. 

He sees Hux think about it. Then he says, “So?”

“So?” Kylo echoes. Irritated he continues, “So that happens. So they attack. Do you know the scope and damage a single Jedi can do?”

“I know the scope and damage you do. But Supreme Leader is old and wise, and far more powerful. It should not worry him that a group of men would come for him. He has you, the Knights, his guard, himself,” Hux argues. He shakes his head then, thinking. “No,” he continues, “it must be something else.”

Desperately, Kylo says, “I know as much as you do.”

Green eyes meet his own, and something in Hux softens if for a moment. In the same moment of madness Kylo thinks Hux will touch him, comfort him, like he often knew to do, but the moment passes and Hux collects himself. He gathers the coldness he always carries around and surrounds himself with it, using it as a shield between them.   
  
“No you don’t. Because you refuse to know. When you realize I was right, don’t bother telling me,” Hux hisses. He leaves quickly, carrying with him any consolation Kylo might have had.

It takes Kylo a few moments to collect himself and to remember his mission. He continues down the hallway to the holding room where he’s keeping the scavenger girl. At first, he can’t believe his eyes. There’s no possible way that she has escaped. 

“No,” he whispers, “no.” 

But she is gone. 

Anger swells within him, despair, pain, everything brought to the surface not by his Master but by Hux and he can’t control it any more than he could enter the scavenger's mind. He screams in his own hands, unable to do anything else. Red colors his vision so he closes his eyes, crouches down, because he can’t breathe. 

Panic rakes through him until it exhausts his strength, its tight fist clenched around his lungs until it’s done, leaving behind a mess. Then Kylo picks himself up and calls for the guards. 

\--

Life with Luke was once simple. Before his betrayal, before Kylo learned the truth about his uncle, even before he’d felt the true brunt of the great division between the forces that now pull him apart, he’d once just been a pupil of his school of thought. 

The Jedi temple where he and the other padawans studied was on a small moon of a backwaters planet that was still billions of years away from creating its own life forms. Covered completely in oceans of hydrogen, it was a blue dot in the night sky. The moon itself, unlike the planet, held a much bigger history of life. The temples erected there by the Jedi across the millenia vouched for it. Why the moon rather than the planet, well if his uncle was to be believed, it was that the Force had instructed the ancient Jedi’s hands. 

The temples themselves had been in some disappear when Kylo had arrived on the moon. Tormented by weather and left to themselves, the largest roofs that stretched across the main part of the temple were brittle and showed deep signs of attrition. The other smaller temples, built to look more like mounds of earth bulging out of the ground, huts that were using for living and sleeping, and the deep underground libraries that the main temple hosted, were in much better condition. 

Besides them, carefully dispersed across all the smaller mound-temples were also telescopes used for stargazing, though the biggest device was in the main temple building. The large lense had been bigger than Kylo himself in circumference, the body elongated and left trained on the distant stars that the ancient people before them gazed at. So far away from his home and his family, Kylo had been able to look at Alderaan. Light years away from the Jedi moon, to Kylo’s young eyes it had still looked whole and intact. 

The education he received from his uncle had different much from what he’d learned on Chandrila. From the moment he could talk his mother had put him in language courses, mathematics, physics and astrophysics. She did all she could to educate him as well as she herself had been educated. Kylo had loved learning new things and she had indulged him. 

His father on the other hand, had been more for somewhat practical knowledge. The first ship he’d sat in what his father’s. He had a deep respect for his mother, but it was Han that he remembered playing with him, teaching him games and tricks, lulling him to sleep. It was Han that had praised his force abilities when he’d been able to levitate toys, hide from him in games of seek, beat him in games of tactics. 

Luke offered none of that. Instead of learning molecular science or engineering, nuclear physics or programming, Luke’s whole school thought only one thing: the Force. Long nights were spent gazing at the stars, not for any purpose but to imagine feeling them and their effects. They had all slept in separate huts and all ate together in the main temple building. They studied together on the ancient Jedi scripts, and in the noon they trained their bodies so as to be able to accomodate the Force. 

Such unity would not have been terrible if it were not for the fact that they were different ages, species and physical and mental capabilities. But Luke had not been able to turn anyone away, and Kylo had no room to protest.

As with everything else before, he’d been a good student in the Force as well. But, he felt the more he learned about the Light, the more the chasm within his chest opened that necessitated the birth of the Dark. The voice in his head had gone silent after he’d arrived on the Jedi moon, but the presence never truly vanished. He’d often wake with whispers in his ears, following after him from his dreams. 

The truth is, Kylo thinks now in reflection, that he’d been bored. Once he’d thought that to live, travel, and never settle like his uncle would be fun. But once he’d found out what the life of a Jedi really constituted he’d thought:  _ Is this it? _ To spend years pondering over one topic, to never truly learn anything new, to never know anything with certainty, to be alone felt like an empty life when compared to the one he had back on Chandrila. The Light didn’t make it easier to bear. Good intentions never saved anyone. He’d craved more knowledge, and in his hunger the beast within him awakened. 

He was perhaps fourteen when the pains started anew. He remembered them as a child but had forgotten their intensity. Kylo could do nothing for himself, nothing at all but recognize what was causing him such pain. 

Luke had talked at length about the Dark side. Kylo was smart enough to recognize it within himself, pulling his soul with the same intensity as the Light. Pain, a constant presence in his life as Kylo would later learn, had ultimately pushed his hand; it had only grown as he aged, and overcome by it, Kylo had wanted it gone. Luke had not been able to help him any more than the scripts talking about the Light but it had been Luke who had made the decision for him. 

There is no doubt within Kylo that if Luke were to be found by Rey, he would try to teach her as he’d tried to teach Kylo. He would feed her lies, and make her into his new weapon. Kylo can’t afford that to happen. Better he kill her here, on Starkiller Base and destroy the whole Illenium star system so the droid would not reach his mother, than to have Luke found. 

He gathers the guards to help him search for her through the Base’s endless hallways, knowing she could hide anywhere. While officers search, Kylo tries to feel Rey with the Force. He stretches his senses as much as he can, until they cover the Base and go further into the woods and tall peaks of the planet. Such an effort helps him less than he expects -- he cannot sense Rey at all.

He knows that certain parts of the base will become unavailable as Hux prepares to fire his hellish weapon again. Searching for Rey is a race against time, time Kylo doesn’t have. The Force has never failed him before or in such a way. He would feel betrayed, disappointed in his own ability were it not for the Force that has always done what it has wanted despite what Kylo, or even Master Snoke, wished.

One of Hux’s officers is reporting to him when Kylo feels a strum in the Force. It’s a small tug on one of his feelers, but like the web of a spider, the touch echoes across all other parts, sending a strong signal within Kylo’s mind. His senses immediately go to its source. The web of his Force engulfs it until he can sense minds that shape themselves inside Kylo’s and color. There are three minds, all three familiar. Kylo’s breath leaves him as his heart begins a quick rhythm, drowning out anything he could have heard otherwise. All he knows is that somehow, the rogue stormtrooper has returned to the planet and brought with him Kylo’s father and his uncle.

Kylo gathers with him some of Hux’s soldiers and leaves the rest of the guards on the search for the scavenger girl. She is not important to him anymore. He hurries out of the hallways and the Base into the endless winter that torments the surface of the planet, rushing to the cliff where he sees Millenium Falcon as it had been when he was a child. 

Thought he knows his mission, and knows that he must not fail, his first thought is,  _ This was not supposed to happen. _ It was as if his Master was testing him once more. Never has prey launched itself into the mouth of their hunter if not deceived first. But Solo could have surely surmised he would not leave alive the lair of his enemy. If not by Kylo’s, if spotted, he’s sure to be dead by a stormtrooper’s hand. 

What one must have been state of the art technology, now is a pile of aging durasteel. The true marvel of the Millenium Falcon is its endurance against the grain of time. He enters the hull with soldiers at his back. They won’t find Solo there he knows even before advancing. 

The sound of his bond with Hux fills his ears, swells his chest, almost as if he’s about to cry. He doesn’t know what he’d doing anymore. 

The only thing left in the Falcon, outside of the obvious signs that both Chewbacca and Solo were there, are the lucky dice his father kept on the ship. Kylo had always found them absurd; it wasn’t luck but skill that helped you complete your job. However, his father had always been a terrible smuggler, a terrible gambler, and a terrible believer when it came to the Force, so as if enjoying the irony it would cause helping him, a blatant disbeliever, the Force had always shielded him. 

Kylo returns to the Base. Hux has already began draining the star for its power, so it would be foolish to get caught outside during the blast; the Base might be shielded from the radiation but the surface of the planet certainly isn’t. Hux had thought of that as well. He’s a contingency plan of a contingency plan wrapped in a coat of anger and anxiety. 

Kylo feels Hux’s turbulent emotions with overwhelming clarity just as he feels tremors course through the Base. They swell, threatening to choke him, despite Kylo’s disregard. He heads for one of the nearest control room and sees familiar x-wings swooping in the air, dropping fire power across the length of the Starkiller crater.

They won’t do much, if any damage. The Base was made to withstand and control the power of a sun. Unless the Resistance has another one of its kind, Starkiller will hold until the attackers are destroyed. What has caused Hux’s anxiety, Kylo assumes, is the fact that they got through the shields. 

Despite himself and all the cruelty he’d wished upon the man when they’d been angry and shouting at each other, Kylo focuses on the bond, acknowledging its tentative, fragile existence. He tells himself he doesn’t want to be distracted by Hux. That flimsy lie hold his resolve as he soothes the man across the bond, until he feels the paralyzing effects of panic subside and the anxiety turn less intense. 

Hux is surprised, Kylo can feel him as if he’s standing right beside him. Like floodgates, his mind opens to Kylo, threatening to overwhelm him, but Kylo resists being swept away in that flow. Hux must sensing something because the torrent of thoughts slowly ebbs until they’re a faint trickle over the bond. Regardless of the swiftness with which Kylo had stopped him, Hux has needed only that moment to see within Kylo what Kylo has seen within Hux. 

The shields going down has to be the work of the rogue stormtrooper who’d returned with Kylo’s father and uncle. It means they must be hiding within the Base. Kylo calls for guards and organises them to search parts of the Base closest to the Falcon. 

Closing the doors to his connection with Hux allows his other abilities to intensify, and for him to once again sent out a sensory web across the Base. Solo has always felt particular in the Force. Now is no different. With the pulsing point of Force somewhere close to him, that can only be FN-2184, tracking them may not be as impossible as he’d once thought.

Kylo leaves the Falcon with haste. He takes the troopers with him as he follows the Force back to the Base and tracks the intruders to the oscillator room. At once he understands their strategy. If they damage the oscillator, other parts of the Base will be overwhelmed; unable to properly transform, hold or conduct the power that’s being sapped from the sun, the Base could explode. 

Kylo is glad he is not connected to Hux’s mind at the moment. This would surely send him is a downright panic attack.

“Find them,” he orders the troopers. They quickly flurry through the oscillator room, spreading like a wave over every part of the higher floors. 

Despite the distraction that the re-awakening and subsequent quietness of the bond provides, Kylo’s senses have sharpened now that he can feel the minds within the chamber. Stray stolen thoughts from the minds he hunts reverberate within his own. They’re echoes that signal the true location of their owners.

Kylo walks through the lower corridors. The heaviness of his own step is all he can hear. The quietness is unsettling. He senses Solo and the other two, but he cannot see them. Tension arises within him. Gooseflesh covers his skin, the hair on the backs of his neck rising. 

His senses scream as he rounds a corner, imploring him to follow the lead, to go further, to investigate. The Force doesn’t lie. It has never lied. He knows where his father is, he can sense Solo like he senses the trooper a floor above him. At once, his step freezes. He has orders he must follow. And yet. Kylo makes a decision to turn and continue his prowling in the opposite direction, climbing the short stairs that lead to the catwalk, instead of following the guidance of the Force to his true target.

The walkway underneath his feet is sturdy but perforated to minimize its weight. Through it, he can see the large, gaping maw of the oscillator beneath. A single mistake, a stumble, a slip and it could end his life.

Such thoughts linger when he hears his old name echo through the room. He turns sharply, familiar with the voice. On the stairs behind him, as old as he’d seen him in the scavenger's memories, stands Han Solo.

Shocked, Kylo’s feet adhere to the metal upon which they stand. He’d seen, felt, but not believed. The last time he’d beheld his father’s visage his hair had still held color, skin not as grey and pale, strong hands hugging him tightly, as if he could keep little Ben, if not in body, then in spirit beside him, even as Kylo had, at the time, been fracturing under the weight of his abilities.The same eyes that had let him go in the first place now gaze at him, piercing through armor and helmet to his very core.

Kylo loves his father and he despises him like no one else.

If he were stronger he would wrap the Force around his father’s neck and snap it, push him over the catwalk into the metal abyss of Hux’s monster weapon, and end all of his sufferings at once. If Kylo were stronger he would not feel his resolve soften and wish to embrace Solo, despite that he should be a changed man. 

In another life, Kylo wishes he would allows himself these indulgences. However, he is Snoke’s creature now, built upon the ruin of softness that Han Solo calls Ben.

“I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time,” Kylo says, voice controlled in a way that his emotions simply aren’t.

“Take off your mask, you don’t need it,” his father demands. 

Kylo stands still, looking upon Solo, as the man starts walking towards him with no caution for his own safety, each step cementing his and Kylo’s destiny. 

Kylo wishes he’d had a choice in this. Time to prepare himself for the inevitable, to hunt him down at his own pace. That way the man might have even lived. 

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” Kylo asks, curious. His father’s plan eludes Kylo. If they wanted to blow the oscillator then Solo should have ran away and blown Kylo along with it. There’s no point in confronting him like this.

Solo’s eyes flash with something when he says, “The face of my son.”

Everyone is scared of a faceless monster, Kylo thinks, recalling some of the scavenger’s thoughts that hsd mixed with his own. He hesitates only because he knows Solo is making that which must come only worse for both of them. It’s curiosity that moves his hand, interested in Solo’s reaction, cruelty, because he knows whatever the man sees will not be that which he wants and anger, at Solo for demanding he make himself vulnerable to his particular style of suggestion. Kylo thinks he will just kill the next person who demands it of him even as he lets the helmet fall into the abyss below.

“Your son is gone,” Kylo says in his own voice. The next words he’s heard a thousand times from his Master, a universal truth to Kylo’s existence. “He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him.”

Where once he’d felt the truth of it resonates within his being, now it feels like a lie on his tongue. No, Ben hasn’t died like he’d wanted him to. It’s why Kylo has all these memories, all these feelings for the man in front of him that threaten to sway his judgment. Or maybe Ben did die, and his bodach now haunts him in every waking moment and every dream, living through Kylo as an eidolon.

“That's what Snoke wants you to believe but it's not true. My son is alive,” Solo says with such certainty that Kylo feels himself fracturing all over again.

Though he’s killed Ben within his own mind, whose life had he been living but Ben’s? The struggle and the pain didn’t stop just because he changed his name, the shadows that haunt him are of Ben’s brothers and sisters he’d killed. He wears his mask so people don’t find out who he really is. It’s Ben who was first found by Hux and it’s Ben’s face that he’s come to like. Hux had even told him that he knows who Kylo used to be -- Ben Organa Solo, carrying three legacies upon his shoulders. 

He’d just been deluding himself,  _ hiding  _ from his own judgment. In the end, what good had come from being Ren?

“No. Supreme Leader is wise,” Kylo retorts. It’s as weak as his voice once Han is in front of him. It’s been  _ so long  _ since he’s see his father. He realises he’s missed him terribly. 

Even Han can see the words are there just for show. “Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true.”

  
He recalls Hux telling him the same thing what feels like a lifetime ago. He’d refused to believe it then but now, faced with his father who still loves him -- he can feel it -- despite what he’s done it can be nothing but the truth. And that’s far worse.

Realising Hux was right feels like taking a knee to the solar plexus, like suddenly being thrown into cold water and drowning in it, his heart beating inside his mouth. It also feels like smoothing creases in linen sheets, letting out a deep breath, and a heated ship engine groaning as it cools after a long flight. It’s as much of a shock as it, paradoxically, is a cold comfort of finally opening your eyes and facing reality. 

Everything he’s done was for nothing. It was but a ruse to turn him against his family and isolate him, turn him into a weapon. Kylo at once, feels both betrayed and angry so he does not question why his Master would need a defective weapon such as him, one foot in the Dark and one foot in the Light, nor does he wonder what true purposes his Master has for him, now that he knows everything else is a lie.

If Han and his friends were anywhere else, far enough from the First Order and his Master’s effect that he could afford to let them go, if he’d come  _ to  _ Han instead of the man to him, if they weren’t standing on a weapon ready to destroy billions of lives, Kylo might have had the strength to disobey. But here on Starkiller Base, under Master Snoke’s keen eye, there is nothing he can do but follow his orders.

  
“It's too late,” he whispers.   
  


Han shakes his head. He’d always hated losing. “No it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you.” Han is so close Kylo can see the deep worry lines in his forehead.

He can’t disobey, though he wishes he could. For a moment, Kylo considers what it would be like to go back with Han home to Chandrila, to see his mother again, to feel like he belongs. That all his crimes are forgiven and he’s welcomed into the fold. But even if he does, there will be nothing to return to. Minutes separate them from another annihilation, Hux’s weapon trained on Illenium system; soon everything Kylo has ever known as home will disappear in a single arc of red light.

Kylo hears the siren call once again, drowning all the other sounds within the room. The bond in his chest grows thick, and on the other side he feels Hux strong and determined but scared. He too doesn’t wish to do what he’s been ordered to do. 

His vision blurs as tears flood his eyes. 

  
“I'm being torn apart,” he says, an echo from when he’d been small and had laid in bed beside his father to be comforted and lulled to sleep. “I want to be free of this pain.”

He’s begging, he realises. Begging for this choice to be taken from his hands. To be saved, delivered. He knows his father and Hux are right but he doesn’t want them to be true. If he does this, if he kills his father he may be stronger than he has ever been. Even as a tool his Master would surely wish for him to grow stronger than he already is. However, the opposite is also possible.

“It will be alright son,” Han says, voice unwavering. “We will help you find your way.”

There’s barely any light left in the sky as the Starkiller drains the sun of its strength. It lingers, somewhere in his mind. A last hope. Either he grows stronger or he breaks. Either he’s sharpened or he snaps.

“I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?” he asks Han.    
  
“Yes. Anything,” Han promises. 

The struggle that he’s felt within him calms after his father’s words. He looks at the man and for the first time uses the Force to venture into his open and unassuming mind. 

At the same time Kylo unholsters his lightsaber and slowly extends it to Han within a foot of Han's chest. 

_ “Father,”  _ he says. Han’s eyes grow wide from shock. Then they narrow again and grow soft. He looks at Kylo with such fierce love it shakes Kylo’s foundations. 

_ “You do not know what you promise,”  _ Kylo says inside his mind, standing at the doors, afraid of venturing further.

_ “I promised to help you, Ben. Whatever that entails, I’m ready to do.” _

_ “Even if it means you must die?” _

Han doesn’t reply but Kylo can see the answer in his eyes.

_ “It will not hurt,”  _ Kylo reassures him. 

The moment seems to last forever as Kylo makes his decision. The last beam of sunlight streaming through the open hatch vanishes, sapped by Hux’s weapon. 

  
Kylo watches Han smile. Damned man. He reaches for the saber. 

Kylo feels himself fill with the darkness and the energy from the Dark side, strength pouring into him where he is weak, allowing him to ignite his lightsaber. The red blade of his saber comes alive and pierces Han through the chest and out of his back.   
  


Han releases a soft gasp, eyes never leaving Kylo’s. His hand is warm where it lays on Kylo’s cheek and Kylo holds him close, hoping against hope that Master Snoke was right.

Han’s knees buckle, strength and life leaving him. Kylo extinguishes the saber and watches as his father’s eyes lose light, go dim and finally become unseeing. Dread fills him, then horror. He feels pressure within his mind build up as he only grows weaker with each passing moment.

A scream claws at his throat, uncontrolled. Pain, such as he’s never felt before struggles to undo him as the Light and the Dark turn on each other within him, Dark bleeds the Light until it’s faltering, growing weak and anemic. It doesn’t disappear. Not even now, not even with Han’s death. 

Disoriented, another burst of pain blinds him. Struck, he releases his father’s body. It slides from his hands, though Kylo clutches it to him, and falls into the abyss below. He realises only then he’s been shot but how or by whom is unknown to him. 

The troopers start firing as he looks around, searching for his attacker. He recognizes the faces peering at him from the hatch, twisted and pinched as they are. Kylo can’t see Chewbacca anywhere. 

The explosions start from the left corner. They shake the catwalk he’s standing on and threaten to destroy the whole room as they merge into one another.

A voice in his head tells him, “ _ Kill them.” _

And so, despite his wound, the explosion, the Starkiller minutes away from firing, he goes after the fleeting scavenger girl and the rogue stormtrooper. The wind that had been so strong only hours before has now died down to nothing, leaving the planet’s surface deathly still.

Weakened, exhausted and in so much pain that he might cry, Kylo doesn’t need the Force to follow after his prey. He sees them in the distance, disappearing under the veil of the treeline. 

The ground underneath his feet groans. The oscillator room has blown with no possibility of repair. He knows that soon, the whole planet will follow its path. 

_ “Pain is anger,”  _ the voice inside his head says.  _ “And anger flows into strength.” _

Kylo passes the treeline into the forest. The siren call is unbearable, deafening in its screeching.

He senses them now, the familiar Force of the rogue stormtrooper and Rey’s chameleon like presence pulsating in his mind. He will be able to find them no matter where they run.

Black trees group overhead, surrounding him and debilitating his vision. The deeper he go the less he can see the oscillator room until it completely disappears. 

It seems that his prey has come to the same conclusion as he has and he sees them turn, waiting for him. He ignites his lightsaber. 

There’s no wish in him to prologue this inevitable fight. He needs to kill them or, if he can, secure the scavenger. If the rogue trooper dies with his hand it will be a kindness considering what Hux would do to him.

“We’re not done yet,” he says to two who look at him in disgust and rage.

“You’re a monster!” Rey shouts, tears staining her dirty face.

Doesn’t Kylo know it? He’s been reassured of the fact most of his life.

“It’s just us now. Han Solo can’t save you anymore,” Kylo replies. He can’t save any of them. 

Rey moves first. He senses her like a phantom limb and he raises his hand before she can shoot him with her blaster. He struggles to hold her, she’s so strong, still sapping his power. The wound in his side is flaring, agony threatening to overcome him.

Gathering his power he hits her with one burst, snapping the blaster out of her hand and sends her flying. She hits a tree, groans in pain, and loses consciousness. The soft undisturbed snow is there to welcome her upon her fall, and so is the rogue stormtrooper who rushes to her.

He should end them now, he should pierce them while they’re together. A small mercy. He twirls his lightsaber in his hand. It’s unfortunate that he needs Rey to learn where Skywalker is. 

“Come, traitor!” he taunts the rogue stormtrooper.

The man looks at him with eyes full of contempt. He’s scared and yet he stands. In his hands his weapon makes a dreadful and familiar sound, and suddenly the ice and snow, the forest and the night, are illuminated not only with the red of his lightsaber but with the blue of his grandfather's. 

Kylo was certain he’d left it behind in a burning temple, amongst corpses and dust. It seems that lightsabers have a way of coming back to him. First his own, by Mora, and now his grandfather's, my FN-2184. 

“That’s mine,” he says almost to himself but the rogue stormtrooper hears him.

He bares his teeth and says, “Come get it.”

Kylo grits his own and charges. Their blades connect once, twice, the trooper defensive and unused to handling such a weapon. Yet, despite his fear and lack of knowledge, he parries and even attacks. Kylo feels himself smiling. He hasn’t fought another with a saber in a long time. 

Blue grazes Kylo’s flesh and he pulls back, hating that he’d even allowed himself to indulge. His arm smarts where his grandfather's saber had touched it, his side pulls and bleeds, but he breathes through it, sublimating that pain into anger. He attacks the trooper and doesn’t stop, laying a rally of swift swings. The barrage of attacks doesn’t stop, not even as the trooper buckles underneath Kylo’s strength. Once his guards drops Kylo strikes, slashing him across the torso. The lightsaber extinguishes and flies somewhere into the soft snow.

It’s been such a long time since he’d last seen it, it’s difficult to believe it’s there before his eyes. He raises his hand, beckoning the lightsaber over with the Force. It shifts, slowly moving, vibrating. Kylo increases his hold on it until it launches itself off the ground. Kylo realises he has no control over it. In the last moment he moves as it bullets past his face and lands behind him, into Rey’s hand.

For a single moment they look at each other, shocked, before Rey ignites its blue blade, holding the saber with both hands. Kylo knows what it means. The saber has chosen the scavenger girl, responded to her Force rather than Kylo’s. 

Without waiting another moment, she charges him. He can only parry, stunned after such a rushing defeat. Rey seems almost stronger than him. Impossible, he thinks. She has never before held the saber if her awkward grip is any evidence, and is only just awakening to her power. 

He finds his bearings, remembering his training, and pushes back. He attacks and she moves back, running away under the onslaught of his blows until the black trees drop back to reveal a cliff. 

A thought crosses his mind just to push her off it. A quick end. 

Their sabers connect, red sparks spitting as the red blade roars, while his grandfather's resonates a familiar low tune. Combined, Kylo realises, they form the siren call he’d been hearing the whole time.

“You’re strong,” he tells Rey. “You need a teacher to show you the ways of the Force.”

She looks at him, stunned. She closes her eyes. Wind wisps her and Kylo’s hair as the planet beneath their feet growls and groans and releases its dying breaths. 

Kylo feels pulled apart to all sides. The Light and the Dark. The bond. Rey who still feeds off of his strength like a battery. And, Kylo realises, something else rooted in his Force that drains him of his strength.

Unlike his, once her eyes open, Rey’s mind is reinforced with belief in herself and in the Force. 

Despite her size she pushes him off, raining fierce blows against him, echoing his movements from moments ago and taking them as her own. Anger fills her, hate, as she pushes him back into the forest. 

As with all fights, it’s a moment of carelessness that gives your opponent the edge. Rey sees an opening and doesn’t hesitate to strike. The blue blade arcs and connects with his hand. His thigh is next, the pain making his knees buckle. The pain makes him drop his saber and once it’s extinguished, she arcs the blue blade of his grandfather’s lightsaber once more, slashing him from neck to cheek.

He tumbles down into the snow, the terrible stench of burnt flesh filling his nose. He’s dazed and weak. The trembles are now earthquakes. Upon him, death stands angry and clad in blue as once green had stood. Rey only needs one blow, one more blow to kill him. Kylo closes his eyes. 

His lungs burn, but he sucks in a breath and releases it all at once, fortifying at least his mind for what is to come. However, the death blow never comes. When he opens his eyes Rey is gone. 

Agony stretches into minutes as he bleeds into the snow and frozen ground underneath him. Finally succumbing to his injuries, body to years of misuses and mind to years of abuse, he can only lay unmoving. He doesn’t struggle. Instead, he gazes up at the sky, as snow dances in the air, falling softly on his face. 

His dreams finally make sense. The place that he’d been searching for in the forest and in his dreams, where Ben had stood is where he now lays. The lights he’d seen, blue and red, were their sabers.The siren doesn’t deafen him anymore. The quietness does, and his own slow breathing. His heart is quick in his chest, trying to replenish the blood, but it too soon begins to slow and falter. 

He hears explosions in the distance and sounds like a rockslide and glaciers cracking. His tongue is thick in his mouth, but for the first time since he has known for himself his mind is quiet.

One of the sounds becomes louder and louder, until he realises it’s not rocks but a shuttle that’s flying low above the trees. The noise are feet and branches hitting armor. No sooner than he thinks it, he watches Hux emerge through the trees, harried and disheveled. 

Their eyes meet and Hux sprints over, falling to his knees beside him.

“Kylo? Can you hear me?” he asks, his cold fingers pressing into Kylo’s neck, checking his pulse.

Hux’s eyes are electric blue and green at the same time, horrified at the ghastly wound that splits Kylo’s collarbone and cheek.

“You were right,” Kylo gasps out. He’d thought he’d had enough breath but now it’s difficult to replenish it. 

“That wasn’t the question,” Hux replies, but the relief is painted on his face. 

He turns to his soldiers that stand behind him. Kylo can’t hear what he’s saying and it probably doesn’t matter anymore. He lets his eyes linger on Hux’s red hair, his tense jaw and ear. When the man turns he can’t help but take in his face, from the worried lines that crease his forehead, the redness of his cheeks so exposed to low temperatures and his tin-pressed lips.

“Remember that...that dream I told you about?” Kylo mumbles. He feels unconsciousness threatening his vision but he fights it as best as he can. 

“Save your breath, fool,” Hux snaps. 

The bond strums quietly between them. Kylo has no strength left but he’s never needed strength to use it. Kylo looks upon Hux and through his eyes he feels himself enter his mind, diving into a deep cerulean blue that comforts him and wraps around him like a warm cocoon. If he should die like this, Kylo doesn’t think he would mind.

_ You’re  _ **_not_ ** _ dying,  _ Hux says over the bond.

_ Maybe I should,  _ Kylo replies. He’s scared of it, scared of disappearing, scared of never seeing Hux again, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve it. 

Feverish and weak he grips Hux’s hand. “You were right,” he says, poignant. 

_ I have done Snoke’s bidding and grown all the weaker for it,  _ he says.  _ He will wish to use me more if I live. I can’t fight him. Hux. Let me die. _

“I was laying in a field,” he says aloud. “You were above me just like this.”

He blinks away tears that cloud his vision. “But the image was inverted. Everything is.”

Shadows fall over them and Hux looks up. Kylo feels hands underneath him, lifting his broken body. 

“Bring the shuttle closer, prepare the medical droid!” Hux shouts. Kylo can’t see him anymore, but he can feel his anger.

“Hux,” he gasps. It echoes across their bond. 

Bright lights flash over him and Kylo closes his eyes against the assault. He’s jostled and moved, making his wounds flare up in pain, knocking what breath he’d had out of his lungs. Kylo thinks about Han’s accepting face. If his father could welcome his end, then so can Kylo.

For the first time Hux’s thoughts overwhelm him, the tide rising high, currents pulling him underwater until his consciousness extinguishes completely.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that AO3 has been removing my italicized text when I paste it from docs. A lot of the metal conversations between Hux and Kylo were italicized, so I apologize if there was any confusion on that part, and for making it difficult to read.

Thought it has become a common occurrence, interstellar and cross-galactic flight is not as simple as leaving a planet’s gravity. Taking off is really just the beginning.

For a long time, before he could even sit in his father’s ship, he’d been taught the long and arduous process of trial and error thanks to which the first spaceships were made.It wasn’t a gripping history topic, and its popularity could have only dropped since. However, his mother had dipped his education important, so after the history, fundamental laws of gravity and effects of all the gadgets and propellers ingrained into space ships followed next, ionic drives and nuclear following after.

All that knowledge receded to the back of his mind the first time Kylo had flown. It was one thing building the machines and studying their designs, and it was a completely other thing flying them. The kickback of the engines once the ship was hovering above the ground ready for take off, battling through layers of atmosphere and traction, escaping the pull of the gravity, hovering in space with no sound, no air, no drag, able to go anywhere; it had rocked Kylo’s whole perception of the world. He’d been filled with simple joy then, happy that the machine underneath his hands listened to him. After returning to Chandrila and his father’s workshop, he’d committed to learning more about flight properties of different ships.

The battle TIE fighters and x-wings were made for short, quick bursts of flight, fragile but ready to dish out a lot of fire power. The command shuttles, including Kylo’s own, were meant for travel within singular solar systems. The large star destroyers like the Finalizer, or massive anomalies like Supremacy, were mean for galactic flight.

The truth is, despite charted star maps, advanced technology, and _understanding_ the three dimensions of a ten dimensional world around them, space travel is difficult. A lot of times regular pathways will be blocked by space debris, radiation, space dust and other junk flying around. A star is born in one corner, and in another it has grown old enough to resist the gravity of its birth cluster. Hundreds of years ago, technology able to track every planet and star in the known galaxies had been developed, and it been maintained with intense dedication by its owners ever since.

However, just because the technology exists, it doesn’t mean that every person is privy to it, or indeed can afford it. Not everyone has up to date star charts. The disparity in noticable if flight patterns of wealthy are compared with flight pattern of those less fortunate, formulating an interesting observation, and, more importantly, good information for smugglers and pirates.

The universe is ever changing. Even stars die. It may not be obvious to them; some changes take billions of years to happen. Nothing is static, nothing stands still whatever their eyes tell them. Everything changes, from the tardigrades to superclusters.

Kylo has seen countless stars in all of their shapes and life stages. Their birth starts by collapsing the very interstellar gas clouds that litter the star charts and burning brightly while in the equilibrium of two forces: nuclear and gravitational. He has had the misfortune of witnessing a red giant eating it’s own planets, and has seen it shrink until it’s very electrons become so crowded they push back, stopping any further contraction, to form a white dwarf. He has flown through the radiation waves released from giant stars going supernova. And thought he’d been smart enough to stay away, standing some five thousand light years away, he’d seen a hypernova light up the night sky of a planet, larger than the view of its moon.

Flying through the temperamental nebulae is a far more dangerous task that simply sitting in a ship and navigating the maps. Nothing, not even the Force, can save you if you find yourself in the death grip of a black hole’s event horizon and it is an unfortunate fact that travelers had found themselves upon black holes far more than hypernovas. After all, there’s much more darkness in the universe than light, commanded by a dark energy they’re only now beginning to understand.

Light speed has helped them combat this treacherous travel some, but has not defeated the dangers of travelling. It has happened to those most unfortunate that their coordinates, which were once a safe travel point of nothingness, were occupied by a newborn star once they got there, so young its light would not reach their travel point A in another millenia.

As much as people have learned, they have not even cracked the doors of knowledge. Instead of applying themselves to it, perhaps even using the Force as another element, they have waged wars for the control of a galaxy which cannot really be controlled. It can’t even control itself. Control is an illusion they need to make days bearable.

Perhaps Kylo appreciates Hux’s mind because it has resisted commodity and embraced innovation. Yes, war is one of the great motivators for ingenuity, but there needs to be raw material first, intellect that will shape the ideas following the physical laws, using any means necessary to accomplish its goal. Kylo is certain that, if Hux were to succeed, he will find a way to feed, clothe and educate the people under his rule. If he can make a monstrosity such as the Starkiller Base, he can ration supplies, unless Hux’s mind is swayed by power and greed, and he forgets why he’d gone to battle in the first place.

Kylo floats through nebulae now, unprotected and shipless, not feeling the true brunt and consequences of free-falling through its void. As if there’s a weight on his chest, he slowly descents, passing by dust and the stars, blue, red, purple, grey and metallic, green and white, planets that shine brighter that their life givers. He is not scared. He has, after all, seen all this before. There’s no end to the universe. No matter how much he falls, he will always be up somewhere. The decent itself is almost pleasant, a perfect speed. Above him, like a ghost of himself, only a thin line remains, a rey of light.

The stars are laughing at him, but their own shine does not diminish this wraith that follows after him. In the distance he can sense his mother, her waning light flickering with grief. Nearer, he can feel the adolescent energy of the rogue stormtrooper, and newborn strength of the scavenger girl. No, not really new born. She had been there all along. It’s just that the Kylo’s own collapse had awakened her, invigorated her with the life energy he’d let out. They’re like twin stars, rotating around each other, but he is pulled by her gravity, destined to be forever tormented.

Though stronger than her, bigger in every way, he knows a light must cast a shadow, and a shadow always needs light to stay alive. Equilibrium. Balance.

Kylo continues to fall next to these images, and passes even the dim light of his uncle. An unknown star and namesake passes him as well, and then Kylo sees what must be its brother, a star he has known his whole life. Tears form in Kylo’s eyes but in space, there is no gravity, and they do not fall but float above him.

Even though it had vanished long ago its dying light has not reached Kylo yet. It’s as strong as it had once been, formed and reformed from its own gas. For the first time, Kylo feels as if he has truly seen his grandfather. But it’s not his strength that shocks Kylo, but the incredible gentleness it exudes, his _stability_ despite his colossal size.

Regretful as it may be, Kylo’s fall does not stop there. Beyond the ghost of his grandfather lies another one, one Kylo now recognizes from his dreams. They had not made sense once but now, as he feels himself dying away, he feels the gentle but strong light of his grandmother. An image forms as it had come to him before, as she’d laid in her deathbed. The hair now turns inky black, that of the universe, and the flowers in her hair are the stars he’s passed, and she is alive, alive like he’s never seen her before. She’s laughing and crying all at once.

So far away, Kylo can now see that all of them form a constellation. It’s why they can feel each other, it’s why they can affect each other. There’s something else, something Kylo feels he’s missing. His eyes are not made to gaze upon the sky, he’s not seeing the whole picture.

He can’t see Hux, and he can’t see his Master.

But when has a galaxy cared for the concerns of one? He continues to fall, pulled by an invisible hand. The constellation and his grandmother and grandfather disappear. He feel himself crash into something, pain exploding across his body.

Kylo wakes with a startled breath.

-

Living is a whole world of pain. Kylo had not expected to live, and as such is not prepared when all of his senses return all at once, rushing to inform his mind of everything that’s wrong with his body. He smells an acrid stench coming from somewhere and there’s a ringing in his ears like he’d been near an explosion. It’s cold, terribly cold, and he’s uncomfortable.

Pain holds his limbs shackled to the bed. It flares once he thinks of it, a burning sensation across his whole face and belly. The bright light above him is overwhelming, and he’s parched.

Under such duress his conscious state doesn’t last for long. He slips back into dreamless sleep. Once he rouses again, he’s somewhat prepared for what greets him.

For a while, Kylo just breathes. The ceiling of the room he’s in is a strange combination of grey and black. The light is a familiar, washed out white. He gets used to it, and he gets used to the cold and the pain. Slowly, he first tries moving his toes. Once he succeeds, he tries his fingers. A wound pulls, flaring pain and making him grind his teeth, but all of his fingers are there.

Only once he tries to turn his head does Kylo realise that he can’t see through one eye. Panic speeds up his heartbeat, a monitor’s soft beeping following along the tempo. He tries breathing again. Kylo closes his eyes.

His face hurts, and so does his side. He remembers the wounds now, from a blaster and from a saber. Knowing this, he feels himself calm. Lifting his hand proves not to be a challenge, and his legs work just as well. His spine is as well as it had been before.

There’s slight rocking. Kylo realises he’s on some type of a ship. Perhaps he’s still on the shuttle. The medical droid comes to check up on him, and provides him with something to drink. Tired, he falls asleep again.

Kylo’s third waking is his true one. Gone is the dizziness and nausea, the weightless feeling of flying through space and the worst of the panic. His nose recognizes the smell of the medicine used on his wounds, his ears recognize the deep thrum in the air, and it is his eyes that confirm that he’s in the _Supremacy’s_ medical bay. Kylo would have been happier never seeing it again.

Pain is present but dulled by, Kylo can only assume, is a nice concoction of painkillers. His mind is clear however, he even feels that some of his strength has returned to him. He’s not even cold anymore; the medbays are always heated to optimal temperature.

The sliding of metal doors, the sound of feet, or the soft press of wheels on the obsidian floor as a chair is rolled out don’t surprise him. What _does_ surprise him is to see Hux there next to him, sitting on his blind side.

He looks tired. Windswept. His uniform is clean but crumpled. His hair is combed into ultimate obedience. He appears to be furious.

Kylo turns towards him regardless of the man’s fury, and sees a range of expression cross Hux’s face, until they ultimately settle on a deep frown. Some things just don’t change.

“I should inform you that the Starkiller Base is no more. It has collapsed on itself before it could destroy its last intended target,” Hux begins slowly, measured. “You were beaten by the scavenger girl and left to die. We found you in the woods. You are now on the _Supremacy_. It has been two days.”

Kylo watches Hux and the way he sits, barely containing his need to pace. His hands are in his lap, fisted, nails biting into the soft leather of his gloves. Kylo wonders when Hux has last slept.

When he finishes informing Kylo of the current situation, Hux stops to gauge Kylo’s reaction. Seeing how Kylo doesn’t reply, he continues. “What do you remember last? There is no evidence of a concussion, but a short term amnesia after traumatic experiences is not uncommon.”

Kylo snorts, and looks up at the ceiling. He licks his dry lips. “I remember...you standing over me. I was telling you something, I think about some dream.”

“What else?” Hux asks sharply.

“The fight. Before then, killing my father. How did you find me?”

Unable to keep his eyes off of Hux for long, he return his gaze to the man. His lips thin as he says, “I had a locator chip installed into your belt when I found it under my couch.”

“Liar,” Kylo accuses. He doesn’t know why, but he can sense it. It had been the bond that had led Hux to him.

Hux grinds his teeth, a vein pulsing in his forehead as his expression becomes stormy. “Then, since you remember everything,” Hux hisses, “I might also remind you that you’d begged me to let you die.”

Kylo doesn’t remember that; a void has formed within his memory. He must have been delusional at the time. He remembers looking at Hux, certainly, but after that everything is blank until this very moment.

Hux’s mind, on the other hand, is as clear as transparisteel. Despite being angry, Hux lets Kylo within his mind and allows him to witness his own pale bleeding face, frenzied eyes, death-gripped despairing voice. A pit in Kylo’s stomach opens as Hux’s emotions flood over the bond, rising their equals within Kylo.

Hux is not angry because his weapon has ceased to exist, Kylo realises with guilt. He’s angry because Kylo had asked an impossible thing of him, and he’s even angrier that he had made Hux realise that limitation.

However, if Kylo’s on the _Supremacy_ he still might die. Hux had only prolonged his lifespan for a few days. He dares not say it, dares not think it within the presence of Hux’s mind, for fear of enraging Hux any further. Instead, he lets all of Hux’s feelings wash over him: the hurt and anger caused by the situation, the happiness that he’d felt when he’d seen Kylo wake, the pain at having to look at him so broken, and even the tender feelings that hide behind all that, now it seems, clearer than ever between them.

“You bloody fool,” Hux curses. Unable to contain himself any longer he pushes to his feet.

Regret fills Kylo immediately. He turns to the side, unable to meet Hux’s disappointed gaze.

“Look, Hux I know I fucked up--” he starts, but a hand on his shoulder startles him. Another meets his jaw and he sees a glimpse of orange before his mouth is covered by Hux’s.

Kylo rises his own hand to meet Hux’s on his cheek, and he turns onto his back, allowing Hux to kiss him properly.

Hux is _warm_. From his hands to his lips that press incessant kisses to his own. Kylo has missed him.

“Hux.” Kylo’s voice breaks. “You were right.”

Hux sighs, and sits next to him. He hand lingers on Kylo’s cheek, tracing patterns. “Yes,” Hux replies, looking him in the eye. “You have told me that as well.”

“I should have grown stronger, but I only feel weaker after what I have done.” The words are suddenly there, on the tip of his tongue, and he has to get them out. “There was no purpose to it, none other than to separate and isolate me. And yet, despite my weakened state, I have never been closer to the Dark.”

“As evidence stands, if you go further to the Dark you will only grow weaker,” Hux says, ever the logical man. “But the effect may be different, if you do the opposite.”

Kylo watches him and his green-blue hued eyes. After a moment, Kylo senses the kyber crystal somewhere on Hux.

Thinking Kylo’s silence a reproach, Hux continues. “If you think about in it terms of molecular physics it makes more sense. An atom with high energy is unstable, and it will persist through changes until it becomes an atom of lower energy levels. Uranium goes through a whole transmutation chain, until it becomes a stable atom of lead.”

Kylo pulls Hux towards him, and Hux huffs. “I’m trying to prove a point.”

“I know your point,” Kylo replies. Hux does not resist when Kylo pulls him in by the chin and kisses him once again.

Something has changed within Hux. Kylo can feel it, just as he can feel the change within himself. He’s not the unshakable, undeterred person he was before. His mind doesn’t feel so rigid, though it tries to appear so.

Hux doesn’t sit back once their kiss is over. They press forehead to forehead, their breaths mingling. This close he can smell the hairgel and the caf, the aftershave and the mouthwash. Hux’s closeness is more comforting than Kylo expected it to be; he feels as if his breathing is lighter, as if he’s getting stronger, the turbulence within his emotions, the raging storm of his anger, the vulnerability that feels like brittle ice underneath his feet, all calmed and smoothed. Forgotten. He just feels like himself, awake and alert. To think Hux has that kind of power over him is terrifying. He isn’t even aware of it by the looks of it, though Kylo had handed him the reins. Where his Master pushes him to anger, to hurt, to indignation, Hux alleviates his burdens.

His Master... _his Master._ How could he have forgotten?

“Hux,” Kylo says breathily. “Snoke knows. About us. About this.”

Hux pulls back in alarm. “What?”

“He told me, before I went to Jakku. He had known all along.”

Kylo places a hand on Hux’s arm in comfort, unsure how he’d managed to forget such a vital piece of information. “He doesn’t care. He had only called it a...distraction. Or entertainment. I don’t think he knows about the bond.”

Surprisingly, Hux does not shy away from his touch. His hand settled on an uninjured part of Kylo’s chest, as he mulls over his thoughts.

“I doubt he does. Somehow it has managed to escape his notice. Otherwise I doubt he would be so...disinterested.”

Hux frowns again, in thought. His touch lingers, fingers trailing over Kylo’s hands, up his shoulder, to his jaw and cheek, as if he can’t help himself. This too is new. Kylo had thought that after his barbed words, Hux would never speak civilly to him, let alone touch him, _kiss_ him. He isn’t quite sure what to make of it, or how to handle it. Isn’t even sure if it’s completely real.

“There’s no use thinking about it for now,” he says though Kylo suspects, he will be doing exactly that for the next hour or so. He says as much.

“What’s more important, is that you must make a decision regarding your abilities,” Hux insists, finishing his previous strand of thought. “Meanwhile, I have a job to do. Starkiller may have been blown to smithereens, but I still have rebels to kill.”

He extracts himself from Kylo’s bed slowly, as if afraid to put too much distance between them too fast. Something in his voice is strange, in his thoughts absent. Hux himself is on a precipice of some kind of knowledge, some kind of enlightenment. But Kylo cannot help him any more than he can help himself.

“Hux, about what I said--” Kylo tries, but Hux shakes his head, stopping him in his apology.

“We only said what we thought. The truth still stands. There is no use in backpedaling on it.”

“Just because it was true, doesn’t mean it had to me cruel,” Kylo says, grasping Hux’s wrist.

Hux gives him a look of soft amusement. His voice is bordering sadness when he says, “When have the two of us known anything but?”

“You were frustrated with my ignorance, and I was afraid of being weak. Hurt. It backfired.”

Hux takes Kylo’s hand in his own and returns it to the bed.

“Come to me once you have decided what to do,” he says, in lieu of goodbye. The squeak of his boots follows him out of the room. Then, it’s silent.

When you’re travelling such vast distances measured in light years, time tends to lose meaning. The unit of a day measured by the rotation of a planet around its own axis is a fossil left over from a time now forgotten. Though it may apply to single star systems, it loses meaning when that number increases. The twenty four hour day doesn’t make sense anymore, not on planets that have two suns where night is rare, and day can vary from being red to being blue. Some planets take longer to do a rotation, somewhere the light of the stars bakes the earth for months even years before it becomes what everyone would consider night.

Detached from any planet, travelling interstellar waters, time warps and changes just like your form when going almost the speed of light. What might have been considered a year somewhere is only a day. What in one star system are a dozen months, on the other end of the galaxy it would have been tens of thousands of years. You can’t measure that.

Perhaps because of its capricious nature, people have tried all the harder to hang onto such a measure of time. The galactic standard time is measured in cycles true, but the building blocks are still seconds and hours.

Kylo is aware that some time has passed since he’s arrived on the _Supremacy_ , but has no way of telling how much; there’s no clock to inform him, and the droids are only concerned with him well-being. He can’t even trust himself; he drifts easily to sleep and back into wakefulness. If he were to count those, he would have counted weeks on the Supremacy. While possible, it isn’t very probable.

His wounds heal at a rapid rate, courtesy of advanced medical machines. First go the bandages around his leg, where he was but grazed by the lightsaber, then those around his arms, the sweltering wounds now only a thin white scar. Unlike those, the blaster shot he’d received to his flank still pains him. The new skin there is sensitive, pink and angry. There is no need for mandages, however, and neither is there for pain medication. Finally, the bandages that had been around his head and over his right eye are removed. Kylo had been afraid that he’d lost it, but due to the angle of the swipe, the tip of the lightsaber had managed to slip from his cheek to his brow, missing his eye in bare millimeters.

The droids work tirelessly to first remove the scorched and useless flesh, let the wound air, then replace the missing pieces with biotech that promotes cell growth. Kylo knows that, once the cells have been motivated enough, the wound will be able to close with the black biotech strip into his cheek, that will function for another week or so before it begins to disintegrate, feeding into the cells of his cheek.

His sleep, eat and heal routine gets disrupted just after the biotech in his cheek is implanted. He’s strong enough to stand now, to get dressed and walk around the medbay. He has no true wish to venture outside and see the consequences of his failures, but that choice is taken from his hands when his piece is disrupted by a messenger. One of the First Order lieutenants assigned to _Supremacy_ comes to the medbay, carrying a message from his Master.

“Supreme Leader requests your presence.”

The lieutenant lingers but is far too nervous not to be one of Hux’s soldiers. Kylo dismisses him and stands, wondering if everyone had been able to escape before Starkiller imploded.

Though he’d insisted on wearing clothes, brought from his chambers on the _Supremacy_ to the medical bay, he’s not been allowed to use the refresher due to his wounds. Now he hasn’t much time to make himself presentable. His old robes will just have to do. Nothing of his survived from Starkiller Base, not the jacket he’d worn, nor the tunic that Hux had gifted him, too severely damaged to be saved, except his helmet that he puts on, despite the discomfort it causes.

It chafes that his Master had not come to him. His mind has been empty of his presence for days. He’d gone so far as to send a _soldier_.

Though he knows he should race to the throne room, Kylo keeps pace as he wades through the hallway manifold. Here the soldiers that pass him are used to the visage of the knights, and they don’t look at him with fear, instead they focus on their tasks, routine after routine ingrained within them. Such thoughts stave off Kylo’s panic until he sees the elevator that leads to the throne room.

Anxiety overwhelms him at once, shame and anger coiling together in a breath-restricting mass coagulated within his lungs. He has to make himself approach the doors. Even as he steps inside and rides the elevator up, his emotions refuse to settle. The closer he gets the more volatile they become, a writhing mass of snakes that want to escape his mind, burst through his chest, and make the chaos within his mind a reality.

He knows, intellectually, what happened after he killed his father, and he even knows what he said, thanks to Hux’s embittered thoughts. Yet, he does not really want to believe it. He wants to be proven wrong, like all the times before.

Kylo sends himself in a loop of bad feelings until the lift stops. The doors slide open with barely a sound, allowing Kylo the view of the bright red walls of the throne room and the praetorian guards that stand statue-esque around their potentate. The throne itself is smaller than the impression of it in Kylo’s memory, built out of the same mineral that the Citadel has been rock-cut into. Kylo has never liked it. Even without his Master’s presence, it felt like a battery that sucked all energy around it. On each side light amplifiers and conductors stand, stark black as if rising from the obsidian floor of the room. Large viewing scopes, a peculiar kind of telescopes, stand near the walls, prepped for gazing. Next to them stands Hux, turned towards Kylo’s approaching form.

Kylo had not expected to find his Master laughing. Whatever Hux has done against the Resistance pleased him. Kylo remembers a time that he would have been jealous of the other man. Now, such emotions seem distant. He’s wary and afraid.

“Tied on a string indeed, General Hux. Well done,” Master Snoke says amused. “The Resistance will soon be in our grasp.”

Hux turns back to their Master, uttering a cool, “Thank you, Supreme Leader.”

Dismissed, Hux walks towards Kylo, and in the moment just before they pass each other Kylo sees his busted lip and a promise of a bruise across his temple. His hair has become disheveled and there’s an almost imperceptible limp in his giant.

It doesn’t take much effort, in reality it doesn’t even take a moment, for Kylo to see within Hux’s mind the reason behind those injuries. Hate bursts across Kylo’s mind, spreading over him and the Force around him, sharp and vicious. He can’t act out on it, must not, and so there is nothing else left to do but go to his Master and kneel.

“You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power?” Master Snoke says, before Hux is even out of the room. “A cur's weakness, properly manipulated can be a sharp tool.”

Kylo closes his eyes and breathes. As always when in the presence of his Master, his vision shifts and changes, his emotions becoming clean and easily identifiable. Hate, envy, jealousy. That all he’s thought about so far. What his Master doesn’t seem to notice, is that those emotions aren’t directed at Hux.

A cur, Kylo thinks, bewildered. A dog does not bark for its master but for himself. To even conceptualize someone of Hux’s caliber as something less than even a human to Kylo is revealing of Master Snoke’s opinions not only of Hux but of all the people at his employ. Both Hux and he have been played beyond their wildest beliefs.

Master Snoke’s tone shifts, from an almost playful sound to one of quiet disappointment. “How's your wound?”

“It's nothing,” Kylo replies with haste. Perhaps, too much haste.

Master Snoke hums and pushes himself from his throne.

“The mighty Kylo Ren,” he says with poise. “When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see: raw, untamed power. And beyond that, something truly special.”

Each step he takes, Kylo can feel in his mind as his body locks and releases, instincts of fight and flight battling within him.

“The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader,” Snoke whispers, as Kylo’s heard in his dreams as a promise of his destiny.

The sweetness of such words and any enchantment they might have once had now fall between the two of them, disintegrating into nothingness before their poison can reach Kylo’s mind.

“Now I fear...I was mistaken,” Master Snoke says, disappointment heavy in the air. Kylo chokes on it.

Just because he knows the words to be lies meant to manipulate don’t make their harmful effect any less real. They wind around his throat despite the revulsion that churns in his guts at Snoke’s presence. Wildly, Kylo wishes it wasn’t true. He wishes he could lie to himself, deceive himself, but the fact is that all this time he’d been trying to satisfy an insatiable creature. No matter his success, it would have never been enough.

Brokenly, he says, “I've given everything I have to you. To the dark side.”

Take that ridiculous thing off,” his Master commands, danger dripping from his every word.

Kylo feels bitter tears swell in his eyes as he reaches for his helmet. It hisses a warning before it releases enough that he can pull it off. He can’t meet his Master’s gaze so he watches his hands, and behind them the throne and the red walls.

Yes, there it is,” Snoke hisses. “You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo.”

“I killed Han Solo,” Kylo says through his teeth. Even now, he feels he needs to prove himself, to justify his ultimate failure. And yet each word he utters sounds like an accusation. “When the moment came, I didn't hesitate.”

“And look at you,” Snoke roars. “The deed split your spirit to the bone.”

Kylo feels his anger rise to meet Snoke’s, all of his hatred building up with it quickly, explosively. Goaded, Kylo can’t and doesn’t wish to stop it.

Snoke bellows, “You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! You failed!”

In that moment, all of his ire seems to explode and Kylo stands, ready to put his lightsaber through this beast, this man that’s no man at all. He doesn’t even get to react. The moment he’s on his feet a petrifying burst of electricity hits him, all of his muscles contract at once, and he’s sent flying down to the floor.

Kylo doesn’t stay down for long. He rises up onto his elbow, quick to meet his Snoke’s eyes but now that aggression has been shown, the praetorian guards have unsheathed their weapons and stand at ready. They won’t allow him to come anywhere near Snoke. Kylo lays on the floor, defeated and hateful.

“Skywalker lives,” Snoke says, before he turns his back to Kylo, retreating to his throne. “The seed of the Jedi Order lives. And as long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy.”

He takes his seat, voice going calm and patronizing. “I thought you would be the one

to snuff it out. Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a child in a mask.”

There’s a hiss behind Kylo, the elevator doors opening for him in a clear dismissal. Kylo stands on trembling legs and takes his helmet before he limps to it. His Master’s eyes follow him to the metallic confines and only once Kylo is free of his gaze, does he slump against the walls.

The descent starts, feeling vaguely like sinking in sand. He has only ever been a tool, Kylo thinks as time around him shortens, years of his life summed into seconds of nauseating realization. Snoke had never thought of him as an apprentice. He was never a human. Never a person. Just a tool, a blade to be used to cut the lifeline of the Jedi, forged from their own cloth. Ingenious. Vile.

Kylo looks at his helmet in his hand. For a long time he’d thought that such kind of depersonalization would separate him from the others and give him the power of control he always so craved. In truth, it has only ever told him what he was: a faceless hand in the dark, interchangeable with others.

How much of his life had truly been altered by the ghoul that sits upon the throne? How long had he been made into the monster he is now? Since joining the Jedi temple? Before? Kylo remembers Snoke’s presence always there, around him, lingering and taking. How many unnecessary lives has he taken? How much unnecessary torments had he withstood? How much time and _life_ has he lost for nothing?

Grief swells within Kylo’s heart and within his eyes, clouding his vision. He cannot contain it, he’s exposed and alone. Unconsolable.

Snoke has proven himself to be no better than Skywalker. Both have taken from Kylo more than he could give, used him, abused him, given him scraps with which to be happy. Betrayed, again, Kylo feels angry tears wash down his cheeks, and anger swell in his hand. He bashes his helmet into the walls of the lift, over and over again, unable to stop. There’s no red haze now. No, it’s just his own wrath directed at himself. Pieces fall off the mask until the hateful thing crumbles under the intensity of the blows, breaking into pieces at his feet. His hand hurts from the impact and vibrations, but he can barely feel it.

Once the elevator grounds Kylo flies out of it, charging towards the ship’s command bridge where he knows he will find Hux. His appearance must have been announced in advance, as the General is already turned in his direction before he even has eyes on Kylo. Either that or Hux sensed him over the bond, his emotions so volatile and so obvious to make even the General aware of them.

Kylo steps into the room and feels all minds in it waver and shift from their original objects. The beeping computers and colorful monitores quickly reassert themselves in their attention, even as Kylo makes the long walk across the command bridge to stand next to Hux.

He’s close, far too close, but his cooling anger makes the distinction imperceptible to him. He realises their closeness only when he slips into Hux’s mind.

 _Why are you here?,_ Hux asks him over the bond.

Kylo doesn’t reply because he can’t. Instead, he watches Hux’s curious eyes watch him in return. The bruise on Hux’s temple has gone dark despite the medtech they have on hand, and though he’s cleaned it up, Hux’s lip is still split from where he’d bitten into it after getting slammed to the floor.

Darkness swells in Kylo as he reaches to touch just underneath the injury, much to Hux’s alarm. His hand shoots out quickly, lowering Kylo’s before anyone can see.

“I’ll kill him,” Kylo promises in a whisper.

Hux’s head shakes as he says, “Kylo, what--”

He doesn’t get to finish that sentence. Distant sounds of warping steal everyone’s attention as the _Supremacy_ arrives in view of three small Resistance cruisers. Aboard it, he senses his mother. Already, Hux’s mind is shifting into plans of attack, his own cold bloodlust intensifying Kylo’s own.

“I’ll kill all of them,” he says louder, and turns with a single line of action in his mind.

 _Wait, Kylo, wait!,_ Hux demands, unable to say it out loud but Kylo will not.

“Prepare my ship!” he yells to the room at large before he leaves it for the hangars.

The _Supremacy_ spans kilometers of ventilation rooms, thrusters, personal quarters, training rooms and other, but the most space is taken up by the weapons it lugs around as means to take and conquer. Each of the Knights have their own ships, and Kylo has his own light fighter.

The sleek, black TIE _Silencer_ waits for him prepared when he gets to his hangar. Kylo doesn’t stop his stride, climbing up the ramp to the pilot seat. Buckling himself across the lap, he hits the activation button that lowers the transparent roof, sealing Kylo within the the machine. The whole system comes alive a moment later. Measures are quickly taken as a soft, mechanical voice informs him of his oxygen levels, artillery, range.

Anger still holds Kylo but he cannot stop himself from marveling at the technology at his fingertips. He had always loved flying.

A soft, barely perceptible thrum starts coursing through the fighter as the engine warms up. In a couple of seconds he will be able to take off. The ship communicator beeps, informing him of an imminent holo projection, before Hux’s face appears in front of him.

“Ren,” he starts. “It would be expedient to take care of their hangars and weapons. Two TIE fighters will be joining you.”

“I know how to fly in battle,” Kylo says, pushing the engine to heat further even as it’s still grounded. It will ensure smooth takeoff.

On the holo Hux remains silent but the bond chimes softly.

Kylo puts on the communicator earphones, and says to the TIE one and two, “Takeoff in three.”

“Perhaps it would be fruitful to let a team captain lead this attack,” Hux says softly. “General Organa in on one of the cruisers.”

“I know, Hux,” Kylo growls and disconnects. 

He leans completely into his seat. The TIE _Silencer_ moves imperceptibly, an inch, two, the runway cleared for imminent flight. It rolls forward as if by strong wind, and then Kylo lifts the brakes. He’s thrust into space with such speed he would feel ill from the recoil had he not been used to it. He takes the controls, testing their sensitivity as he does a small arch, before he sets the course for the three cruisers.

“Follow my lead,” he tells to TIE one and TIE two, who reply in agreement.

Each ship type has a certain characteristic design that allows for maximum utility of its space. The fighters are small so they can attain more speed and agility during combat. The Resistance cruisers are bigger, having the capacity to carry about a dozen x-wings, but most of their bulk is from being equipped with escape pods. Even with such an old design, Kylo knows where to aim; his father had taught him well.

First, he shoots the imminent threat: the cannons and the hangars. The fire power Hux had installed within the TIE _Silencers_ is explosive, harsh, and latest technology, despite First Order’s liminal resources.

Then he heads for the ship bridge. He flies through the debris left from the explosion of the hangars and circles around. He has a clear line of fire upon the command bridge. His mind snags, able to feel Leia within the Force, stronger than ever before. This is the closest Kylo has ever been to her for years.

Anger that has hounded him into space now dissipates like space dust. Her mind is clear and inviting, and within it Kylo finds nothing but hope. Not for her current situation, but for the future. For the next generation, _Kylo’_ s generation, Kylo himself and all others that follow after him: Dameron, FN-2187 and Rey the scavenger girl.

 _Ben?_ Her voice echoes across their connection. _Is that you?_

Kylo cannot make himself reply. Regardless, she knows it’s him. Instead of trying to use their line to convince him, to turn him, she simply lingers, trying to familiarize herself with him. To _feel_ him, his mind and his powers, just like she would wrap him in her arms when he was a child to feel his heartbeat.

Kylo can’t shoot. Instead, he turns his course to another part of the ship, and the TIE fighters follow.

“Ren,” Hux’s holo projection says, once more connecting to his ship. “They have pulled out of the range of our cannons. We cannot cover you from there. Pull back.”

“Fuck,” Kylo curses with feeling.

Hux’s face flickers, as if in brief amusement before it returns stony cold once more.

Kylo lands in the hangar after retreating. Hux’s thoughts echo down to him, even as he heads for the bridge.

 _You should go to your chamber,_ Hux tells him, mind partially distracted. He can sense Kylo’s refusal before Kylo even replies so he continues, _You spent days in bed, had an emotional outburst, tried to blow something up and succeeded. You still have healing to do. Go to your chambers and rest. You will know if I need you._

Kylo huffs. Hux can be so insufferable sometimes. But then, even if Kylo went to the command bridge. what more could he do but scare the staff?

Seeing reason within Hux’s argument, rather than his room Kylo heads back down to the medbay. His abdominal scar still hurts, but it’s a phantom pain, found only in his mind. There’s nothing else the droids can do for it. Kylo takes off his jacket and sits in one of the med chairs to finish up the treatment of his face scar. Starting at the chest, the droid work up over his clavicle and neck, sticking his skin together on, what Hux had once told him, almost cellular level.

Once the droid moves to his face, Kylo takes a break from the consistent stinging and prodding to re-dress. It’s only as he sits there, in the medichair, does he realise how tired he really is. The adrenaline of the fight had taken his tole sure, but his body still twitches, charged with the Force lighting that had hit him square in the chest.

Feeling something terrible sink in his gut, Kylo also realsies that he’d been talking with Hux through the Force. Perhaps it could have been fine on the _Finalizer_ but not on the _Supremacy_ . Not with Snoke present. He could have heard everything, Kylo thinks almost dazed. Worst of all, Kylo doesn’t know what to do about it. Hux had told him to make a plan, to do _something_ but there’s nothing that Kylo himself can do. He knows what he _wants_ : to pay back everyone who had made him suffer. He needs to get out from under Snoke thumb, he needs to be himself, his own person again. If he knows how.

To do it himself would be suicide. The knights are still far away, Mora and who knows who else defecting, Merak away on a mission. Regardless, Kylo would be too distracted with them there.

As he ponders this, he senses some kind of interference in the Force. It’s unobtrusive, like a ripples in water, but noticeable in the otherwise calm pond. He stops the med droid, waving it away. He searches for the cause but his eyes don’t find an answer until, clear as the light within the _Finalizer_ , Kylo turns and spots Rey standing right there in front of him.

She sees him a moment later and, startled, rises her blaster and shoots with no hesitation.

There’s nothing to reach for to protect himself, his grasp on the Force loose. His body flexes, preparing for the brunt of the blaster shot but even as it goes through him and he grunts, ready for the pain, it never arrives. He touches his belly, but there is no wound, no pain. Nothing.

Quick to leap from his seat, watching as the scavenger girl hurries away, passing through walls of durasteel. Kylo follows her out into the hallway, where he can see her completely. For a moment he’d thought she’d invaded the _Supremacy_ , but now he knows it’s not possible. Most likely, she’s on a planet either with the Resistance or, Kylo intuits, with Skywalker.

Dubious, Kylo raises his hand and with it he grasps the Force, sending it to the scavenger girl. It stretches, falters and falls flat between the two of them without ever reaching the girl. Though he can see her, the Force tells him of a distance much bigger than what it appears to be.

He lowers his hand. If he can’t reach the girl then she can’t reach him either. And based on her reaction she’d not expected this to happen either.

“You’re not doing this, the effort alone would kill you,” Kylo concludes.

He observes Rey and her scowling face. She looks as real as him, but other than her form, Kylo can’t see anything else. He wonders if it’s designed so or if it’s another one of his failings.

He looks around but no officers come his way.

“Can you see my surroundings?” Kylo asks.

He doesn’t get an answer. “You’re going to pay for what you did,” Rey promises, hurting from Starkiller Base. As if, Kylo thinks, she’s the only one mourning.

“I can’t see yours, just you,” Kylo continues as if he wasn’t interrupted.

His mind races to fill the gaps where explanations should lie. The Force is connecting them. He can feel it now, imbued with twisted unfamiliar strength, as if passing through a conductor. It almost feels like his own, though he knows that’s impossible. He’s not strong enough to sustain this. Kylo doesn’t think any single person is.

It’s not the same Force connection nor the same bond, Kylo notes, as he has with Hux.

“No, this is something else,” he says, as he watches the scavenger girl seethe where she stands. Then she turns, focus grabbed by something behind her.

“Luke?” he asks, but she doesn’t answer. Her visage slowly evaporates, thinning out and turning translucent before disappearing completely.

Kylo is left in the hallway by himself, shaken. He turns on his heel and returns to the medbay where he allows the droids to finish their work.

It wasn’t Rey who made the connection and in certainly wasn’t Kylo. If the circumstances were different Kylo would suspect an accident, the will of the Force. But even the Force doesn’t allow for such things. Somehow, his mind goes first to Snoke. But for what purpose would he connect them like this?

Once the droids are done, Kylo goes to his chambers. Every knight has their own on the _Supremacy_ though they are rarely used. Kylo’s room is the same as he’d left it the last time he’d been there. It’s spacious, twice the size of Hux’s on the _Finalizer_. The sleeping quarters and the refresher are separated from the exercise equipment by giant slabs of charcoal stone, though he knows it’s actually light-weight metal. Another sliding wall separated the sleeping quarters from a sitting room where Kylo stores artifacts and where he takes his meals. The ceiling is tall, dotted by lights while the floors is matted grey metal.

Kylo strolls in, ordering the lights on, and heads for the sitting room. He can feel the scavenger girl’s Force surrounding him, connected to his own. It has always been connected to his own, since the moment he’d entered her mind though why he can feel that connection now is a mystery. He’d been her genesis but she’s taken his energy and formed it into her own, her Force a sister to his own. Kylo had felt something similar with his mother and even the rogue trooper. Now it’s all the more clear. Perhaps that’s why Rey and he are even able to converse over such long distances.

Beeping of his holocom disrupts his train of thought. It’s not a projection, but a simple message from Kede; she and Snaga are about to arrive on the _Supremacy_.

Kylo immediately heads for the hangar bays. He knows that the two knights will have to report to Snoke as soon as they land but he hopes to catch them before they go to the throne room. Snaga’s strong Force signature reverberates through miles of durasteel, signaling her and Kede’s arrival.

Kylo doesn’t get to the hangars, instead, the two knights intercept him two levels above. Both wearing their helmets, Kylo can feel them startle when they see Kylo bare-faced. He supposes he looks as dreadful as he feels with his new scar and matted greasy hair.

“I had hoped to converse with you,” he says to them.

Snaga nods immediately while Kede observes him, craning her head. They don’t lose time going back to Kylo’s room. There are plenty of empty chambers littering the _Supremacy_. They find one which overlooks construction and repairs, void of any personnel.

Kede is the first to remove her helmet and ask, almost indignant, “What happened?”

“I was defeated by the scavenger girl,” Kylo admits. It’s easier to speak of it to the knights that it had been hearing it hissed from Snoke’s mouth whilst being berated. He motions to his face. “She had my grandfather’s lightsaber. Thus this.”

Snaga removes her helmet as well, smoothing a hand down one of her large horns. She observes him quietly, yellow eyes uncertain.

Kede continues, unaware of the other’s scrutiny. “How is that even possible?”

Kylo lets out a breath and turns his eyes towards the transparent wall from which the light pours into the room. “I killed Han Solo. I was told that it was to strengthen me but...I only ever grow weaker after every moment since.”

He returns his gaze to the two knights. He senses them within the Force, even Kede now that she’s so close.

“It seems that I have triggered an awakening while I was in the girl’s head. And as I was in hers, she too could see my mind. Our abilities are similar now, though hers belongs entirely to the Light,” Kylo explains. “She must have gleaned how to use her new powers from my head. Same with how to fight. Thought I suppose, living on Jakku, she would have learned how to fight regardless.”

“Your Force signatures...are the same?” Kede asks in disbelief.

“Yes.”

Snaga looks at Kede for a moment, before she speaks. “All of us are hunting Skywalker. But what did Han Solo have to do with the Force?”

“He didn’t.” Kylo presses his lips together, forming a bitter line. “He only had to do with me. Snoke had given me the mission, to show my dedication. And to grow stronger. Solo used to connected me to the Light.”

Snaga nods in understanding. “Your separation from the Light has made you weaker.”

Kylo looks guiltily at her. They had gone through so much to get here. Killed, betrayed, abandoned, just because of Kylo’s misguided efforts to grow stronger. He’d thought that the Dark would help him, deliver him from pain, but now, dominant as it is in his mind, a black hole ready to suck his life force and overwhelm him completely, the pain is all the worse.

It was Snoke, he knows. That had been his plan all along. He’d never planned on making Kylo whole, never planned on teaching him how to stop the pain. Why would he? The moment Kylo was released from it he would have tried to leave, settle somewhere, maybe even have a life. It was never his intention to linger for so long in Snoke’s service. Somewhere along the line, years had merged and passed his by. The best way to use Kylo was to prolong his suffering so he was forced to stay for as long as Snoke deemed to use him.

Kylo remembers his father’s words and feels all the more foolish for them.

Snaga approaches him slowly, as if he’s a wounded animal. And he is. But he would be damned to defend himself from the only people he can now rely on.

Snaga’s gaze hardens as she rolls back her wide shoulders, standing proudly at her full height. “I can sense your doubt. I’ve been able to sense your wavering since the moment I saw you. Kylo, we’re your knights. Not Snoke’s, not the First Order’s. Yours.”

“Mora left us. She said she didn’t want to be part of my madness anymore. I sent Barja Ktar after her, but they didn’t reply to any attempts at communication anymore. I didn’t before, but I understand why now.”  


Always the one who senses blood, Kede closes in on him, putting one of her slender hands on his shoulder. “You’re different. If Merak were here, she would say the same thing. You have been different for a while. You know I have never been able to sense like her, but I know you’re hurting. You feel like Snoke has betrayed you.”

“I know...I should know by now that there must be a reason behind it.”

Snaga’s frowns but her expression smoothes out, sensing that Kylo does not believe in what he’s saying. She states, “He _has_ betrayed you.” To her, as always, it’s enough.

Kylo feels his heartbeat racking up in speed. Surely his knights know what they’re saying and the reprecautions for such words. Surely they must know how deep Kylo’s devotion to Snoke had ran. If they do, they have disregarded it. Why? It’s imprudent but tastes of relief, as if they’d been waiting for this.

“What are you saying?” Kylo asks, more confused than ever.

Snaga gives him a long knowing look. “To give voice to these thoughts is to make them real and here, on this ship, to make them real is to die.”

“Kylo,” Kede says, still holding onto his shoulder. Kylo can almost imagine her as a child, when she’d held his sleeve or his hand. “What is your plan?”

Understanding dawns on Kylo with such force he’s left speechless. It softens into a warm feeling that spreads through his chest. He realises now why they’d reaffirmed their loyalty to him. Whatever Kylo does, they will stand behind him.

Tears threaten to cloud his vision so he blinks a couple of times to clear it.

“I don’t have one yet. However, a peculiar thing has happened, not too long ago. The Force connected me and the scavenger girl. I could see her completely, but not her surroundings,” Kylo says. “She’s strong. She hates me, but she may hate _him_ more.”

“How did that kind of bond happen?” Snaga asks.

“I don’t know, but it’s not either of us. I suspect...it must be Snoke. No one else, not even Skywalker is powerful enough. I think he connected us so I can turn her, or try and find Luke.”

Kede nods, ever the tactician. “Perhaps with her and the two of us...but there’s still a problem. We’re currently at war.”

Kylo takes Kede’s hand from his shoulder and holds it, examining her hand as he thinks.

“If we are successful...it falls onto either me or Hux to succeed the position. If I take it, whatever I do, even if I order the war to stop, it won’t matter. The First Order is loyal to Hux not to the throne.” Kylo’s mouth quirks. Hux has managed to secure his position and make himself indispensable. However that way, he’s turned a hydra into a dragon. “Hux is convinced that he needs to bring order to the galaxy. Through that order he hopes to establish peace and equality between all rims. He thinks he’s destined for it.”

He looks at two of his sisters, his family if he can even have the privilege of calling them that.

“But he isn’t blind to what Snoke has done. He’d told me, even. Tried to convince me a long time ago that I was being used, but I had not trusted him or heeded his advice. I thought I knew better.”

Kylo lets out a long sigh. “He won’t stop us. Power hungry as he is, he will even thank us as long as he gets to sit on the throne.”

“You know him,” Snaga says with a strange inflection in her voice. Kylo meets her gaze and, uncharacteristically, feels his face warm.

“Oh,” Kede gasps softly. “Oh. You _know_ him.”

“I don’t know if you remember him, you were very small,” he tells Kede, lowering her hand, still clasped in his own. “But he was one of the officers who delivered us to the Citadel Forest. He was a lieutenant then.”

Kede doesn’t seem to recall but he sees some kind of recognition dawn on Snaga’s face.

“Ever since, I have been connected to him. That’s why the bond with the girl feels strange. Different. The one I have with Hux is like...it’s like a thread that connects both of us, and through it I can sense his moods and I can slip into his mind without so much as distracting him,” Kylo explains.

“That’s--” Snaga’s words falter, but only for a moment. “Then perhaps that’s why you have felt different to us within the Force. Like yourself, but like there was an addition to you, a new depth.”

Kede sighs. “I wish Merak were here.”

Kylo feels himself smiling. “I have sent her on a mission, and now I am thankful that she is as far away from the _Supremacy_ as she can be. Trajan is with her and hopefully they are both safe.”

Snaga, still considering everything that was said between them says, “How invaluable it is that you have found such a connection to such a rational person. Kylo, all of us who sense the Force can and know to get caught in our emotions. To have someone to talk to, to feel, to bring you back from the brinks and breaks. It’s astounding, it’s incomparable. It might even be pivotal to your plan.”

Kede glances at Snaga, a strange expression dancing across her face. She grips Kylo’s hand.

“But we succeed and Hux takes office, and then what? We let the Resistance and the First Order’s squabble continue?” Kede turns to Kylo. “How would you feel leaving the General here with the very possibility that he might die?”

“Regardless of what I feel, I cannot force a man if he doesn’t wish to go,” Kylo replies.

“How do you know when you haven’t asked?” Kede quipps.

Kylo is rendered mute. He hadn’t even thought to ask. There is no point to it but losing his breath. He knows that for Hux, above and beyond anything and anyone, is the First Order. He feels a pang within his chest, saddened with the thought. They’d not even talked about the fight they had, all the words said, all the anger that still lingers between them. Hux might even remember himself, feel inclined to not forgive Kylo. Stars know he would deserve it.

“There will always be conflict within the galaxy. But we shouldn’t be used as weapons,” Snaga says with belief. She turns her powerful gaze to Kylo, and says, “Whoever wins it will be the same, one side is just as bad as the other. But we can be safe.”

She holds out a device used to pinpoint locations for better comm connection and presses it into Kylo’s gloved hand. “We know Mora left, she told us. But Kede and I wanted to check up on you first. Use this to contact her.”

The sliding doors of the chamber open, startling all three of them. Kede is the first to turn to the lieutenant that stands in front of them.

“Supreme Leader has requested the presence of Knight Si Enn Ka and Knight Snaga Twoj, respectively,” he says in a high-pitched tone of voice. Kede bristles at the use of her full name but parts from Kylo, pushing the helmet onto her head.

“Kylo, rest,” Snaga says softly. “You look as if you’re about to topple over.”

“I might,” Kylo replies, only to see her troubled face disappear behind her helmet.

All three vacate the room quickly, leaving Kylo to himself and to his own thoughts. He turns to the window that overlooks reparations, unable to force himself to go to his own chamber. He won’t be able to sleep, not as keyed up as he is now, not with this new revelation hanging in the air and pressing into the palm of his hand.

Kylo looks at the locator in his hand and decides to use it. The chamber may be empty of any furnishings but, like every room on the _Supremacy_ , it has its own control pad. He pushes a round black button near the entrance of the chamber and the holopad pops out like a disk. He takes it and connects the locator to it.

The menu immediately goes to a star map, enhancing the location until it centers on a moon near the asteroid field where Mora disappeared. After a moment, a beam of light from the left corner of the holopad washes over the room before it forms into Mora’s visage.

He watches as Mora’s expression falters and turns to stone. “You’re not Snaga.”

“What an astute observation,” Kylo quips back.

Mora frowns. “What have you done to her?”

“She gave me this and told me that we should talk. She and Kede are being debriefed by Snoke now.”

Mora’s eyebrow jumps, sarcasm coloring her voice. “Not Supreme Leader or Master?”

“I trust Kede and Snaga when they say they’re loyal to me, and I trusted Merak when she’d said the same. And it is with that trust that I now speak to you and say that no man, especially one that loses my confidence, can be called my Master anymore.”

Mora’s eyebrows have climbed to hit her hairline, creasing the two black dots on her forehead, before she suddenly deflated, a smile spreading across her striped face. “Finally,” she says with such strength it echoes through the chamber.

“Finally,” she repeats, as if to herself. “I had thought you lost to delusion and manipulation. I thought that that creature had taken such a strong control of your mind, you had been lost.”

When she sees Kylo’s shock she continues, “Kylo, all of us have been waiting for you. To wake up, to open your eyes and see what’s happening. We couldn’t leave you, but we couldn’t say anything without risking our lives.”

“ _All_ of you?” Kylo says with disbelief.

“Yes! I thought that you had realized you were enthralled on that planet when we went searching for Skywalker. I thought that was why you wanted to find him. So you could break the dark spell that had bound you to Snoke.”

That’s why Mora had been so disappointed then.

“The others always told me that you felt different to them, changed and strange. But each time I saw you I only saw your unwavering faith. What is it that changed your mind?”

It’s difficult to breathe. Kylo feels himself leaning against the wall and slowly slipping down until he’s sitting on the floor. He feels as if he’s finally allowed to grieve. Now, with the face of his sister, his older sister, here in front of him.

“I killed my father,” Kylo says, his voice wavering with emotion. “Snoke had told me I would grow stronger but he lied. Han connected me to the Light, just like you said. And I killed him for that. But I didn’t find any strength that could help me combat the pain. I only slipped further into it.”

Mora’s eyes glaze in sympathy, face growing somber. “Oh, Kylo.”

“He never intended to teach me anything had he?” Kylo asks her, though he knows the answer.

“When we were in the Citadel.” She stops, sighs, but rallies after a brief pause . “You were immediately separated from us. We were all left together, trained our bodies together, but you were alone. For a long time I wondered why.”

Mora looks up, distracted for a moment. Barja Ktar comes into view, their dark skin making Mora’s look light in comparison. They sit next to Mora.

“It was Merak and I that started noticing little things. She is so in tune with the Force, and I with my body, that we realised that our fatigue during training wasn’t just from the exercise,” Barja Ktar explains, their voice slow and patient but perfectly clear. “But I wasn’t confident, so I didn’t bring it up. Only after you were reunited with us did I realise that Merak and I were correct.”  


“The Citadel is made out of rock and conducts energy, specifically Force energy. Somehow, Snoke has found the way to utilise it,” Mora cuts in.

“What for?” Kylo frowns. He considers Skywalker, Snoke’s perpetual goal, but it doesn’t make sense.

Barja Ktar is ominously serious when they say, “Merak noticed once both you and Snoke were in the Citadel’s throne room. The throne itself latches onto the Force, slowly draining it from its user. And Snoke absorbs it like a giant battery.”

Kylo makes a face. “But that’s...as Force sensitives we are exactly that. We don’t generate Force, we can only sense it and manipulate that which is within us. The stronger we can manipulate it the stronger we are.”

“That’s what I thought as well,” Barja nods. “But then I realised that we’re processors. Generally, the Force cannot be affected by anyone or anything that has no access to it. Our mind and our bodies, however, are able to process it and expel a certain type of energy so we can use it. That energy is the Force within us, born into us and usually sleeping. But the Force is connected and passes through every living being. Every cell and every organism, every plant and rock and dirt have the Force within them. That’s why we’re able to manipulate it in the first place. When we’re able to process the latent Force around us with the Force within us, is when we’re called Force sensitive.”

Mora jumps in again. “Merak realised that this energy from you is being sapped by Snoke. Of course you replenish it when you sleep or rest, but he’s always connected to you and always taking away from you. Like a parasyte.”

“It’s been happening since our initial training, and perhaps even earlier, while we were on the Jedi moon,” Barja offers.

The revelation stuns Kylo. He can’t quite wrap his head around what it really means. If this energy has been drained from him his whole life, that means he’s never really been able to fulfill his full potential.

Kylo doesn’t think Snoke had started it before the Citadel. He couldn’t. Kylo had always thought it was his own faulty retrospection that made him think he was stronger in the past, even as afraid as he’d been when battling his way though the Jedi temple, or on the shuttle when he’d killed all those officers except Hux.

He must have stayed quiet too long, because Barja asks, “Are you alright?”

Kylo looks at the holo projection and nods.

Mora folds her hands in her lap. “I started thinking about possible ways Snoke’s able to absorbing your strength considering you’re not completely turned to the Dark side but he is. Shouldn’t it hurt him? After all, the Light and the Dark side should be opposite of each other.”

Barja nods along and their voice turns from grave to hopeful. “What if all we’ve been taught is a lie? What if the separation of the two are just the facettes of the same thing? What if they’re next to each other rather than opposite to each other?”

Kylo stops them before they could get too far ahead. “If Snoke has been collecting my Force powers, and yours as well, all these years...it must mean that he wants to use it right? Otherwise what for?”

Mora looks at Barja and then at Kylo once more. “We don’t know. He’s an ancient being from an even older planet that’s been gone for a millenia at the very least. Maybe he can’t generate his own Force energy and needs another’s. He hates the Jedi, so maybe he’d been in combat with someone, or he’s been weakened by one so he had to resort to this.”

“Either way, it means he’s not as all powerful as we thought,” Barja concludes.

There’s a pregnant pause, in which Kylo allows himself to breathe and think.

When it flows in, Mora’s voice is guarded once again, but gentle. “Perhaps this gives you a resolution to some questions you had concerning your Force. I know that you have always been pained by the different pulls from the Light and Dark. But perhaps there might be a way to marry the two.”

“The scrolls,” Kylo realises. “I have given Merak and Trajan copies scrolls I have found. They were with a ledger near a computer that had historical data on it. I thought it all Resistance lies, but how could they be? The machine was ancient. I couldn’t read the scrolls however, though I felt there was an importance to them. Merak said that she could possibly decipher them the last time we talked.”

Mora pulls a face. “While that’s good, it means that whatever you do we won’t be able to help you. Only Snaga and Kede are with you, and I’m afraid that there are eight praetorians.”

“I may have an ally yet,” Kylo says hastily. “I suspect Snoke has connected me and the scavenger girl, who had left me this scar, through the Force. She’s strong, and my grandfather’s lightsaber has chosen her. If I play her right, she might even aid us.”  


“I _was_ about to ask you,” Mora jokes. She grows somber quickly. “If she is strong enough to have defeat even you, then you should try as hard as you can to get her on your side. If she has found Skywalker, which I suspect she has, then it means she’s only growing stronger.”  


Kylo scowls at the mention of the man. He climbs back to his feet, his back aching from the uncomfortable position and hard durasteel he’s been sitting on. With a clear mission within his mind, he doesn’t feel like he’s left out to the wind to blow away anymore.

“Mora, there’s a planet in the other rim of the galaxy. It’s called Gorostas. Somehow, it has struck a balance in the Force. I’ve never felt it anywhere as strongly before,” Kylo says, tapping his holopad and sending her the location. “If you should be amenable, contact Merak and Trajan, and meet them there once they have finished their mission. If I...when we’re done here, we’ll meet you there.”

Mora nods. “You must be careful. We shall see you in a bit.”

“Goodbye,” Kylo says simply, before he disconnects the communication.

He takes the locator off the holopad and stuffs it in a pocket, returning the holopad to its place in the wall. Walking slowly over to the glass wall, Kylo tries not to feel too much hope bubble within his chest. All of this can come crashing down within moments should he let his thoughts stray within the presence of his _master_.

He still can’t quite believe what he’s been told. Not only has he been kept as a tool and a weapon, but also as a living battery to be feasted on and devoured, kept dumb and compliant. Anger and indignation rise within Kylo, inconsolable. To think that he’s trusted so wildly in a creature that should use him so. It makes him ill. His parents, Skywalker, Snoke. He wonders where it will stop.

Kylo catches himself and takes a deep breath. He cannot group Han or Leia together with them anymore. Not after he’d seen within Han’s mind the truth: that he’d been loved in spite of all his failings. They’d only ever tried to keep Snoke away from him. Kylo had been all too glad to spite their efforts.

Briefly, Kylo considers his uncle, but stops himself short. He cannot forgive Skywalker, nor will he. His parents had good intentions, despite their shortcomings. Skywalker had tried to kill him.

A strange tremble within the Force dislodges him from his thoughts. He turns and sees Rey standing behind him.

He’d not thought that their connection should reawaken so quickly. He feels the urge to leap at the chance to talk, but he knows that if he begs her for her help now she will turn him down. He needs to start simple, establish a communication where she won’t shut him down at every turn.

“Why is the Force connecting the two of us?” he asks her. It’s easy common ground. She must have wondered the same thing.

“Murderous snake!” she spits, temper flaring. “You’re too late. You lost. I found Skywalker.”

He wants to say, ‘ _Good for you’_ but he knows that he shouldn’t. As if brought on by his previous thoughts, memories of the night when he’d escaped and burned down the temple flash before his eyes. It had been terrible; the green light bright in the darkness of the night.

He shrugs and shakes his head. Rey looks at him strangely, and then, as if even more irritated says, “What? Now you want me to believe you don’t care? How stupid do you believe me to be?”

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo starts and sighs. “Snoke, had ordered me to find him. If it were up to me I would have stayed as far away from him, Solo or any of my family, as I could. They have done enough.”

Kylo looks at Rey’s face but doesn’t see any kind of recognition color her face. She stands, unmoving, fierce, as if Kylo is going to attack her at any moment.

“What? Didn’t he tell you what happened?” he asks her genuinely surprised. “The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?”

Kylo supposes that he can’t avoid talking about it. The biggest rift between the two of them, between Kylo convincing Rey to help him, will be getting across to her. He tortured her, killed in front of her, killed someone _important_ to her. It won’t be easy, and she may not trust him. It may not even work. But he has to try.

She falters, surprised. Luke hasn’t said anything then. Kylo had expected some contorted self righteous story from his _favorite_ uncle, but it seems that he’d kept mum about his failure. Kylo doesn’t know if to be offended or not.

Remembering her ire, Rey hisses, “I know everything I need about you.”

She thinks she does, Kylo is sure. But she has only seen that which was imminent in his mind when her Force had awakened. He extends his mind through their bond, slowly creeping like a vine to her mind.

“You do?” he asks her. Though Rey doesn’t let him in her mind the images she lets him see are clear. He sees himself and his father, and the moment the blade of the lightsaber had pierces Han’s back. “Ah, you do.”

Kylo doesn’t pull away. He lets the image play over and over, the shock on Han’s face from his own memory, the pain Kylo had felt, and still feels. He sees Rey’s eyes fill with tears.

“You have that look from the forest, when you’d called me a monster,” he tells her.

“You _are_ a monster.”

He looks into her young, blue eyes so full of hate. The same eyes that had flashed at that pinnacle moment, just before she decided not to kill him though she could have. There’s no use lying here, no use denying it. She sees him for what he is.

“Yes,” Kylo confirms, standing in front of her as if to say, _look what they made me into_. “I am.”

Disgust colors her face, surprise curls her brow. That expression lingers in Kylo’s mind even as her image disappears, leaving only a sensation of water against Kylo’s face that he knows isn’t there.

In the end, Kylo heeds Snaga’s advice. With nothing else to do now but wait for another connection to the girl, feeling worse with each passing moment he spends conscious, Kylo returns to his room.

Discarding clothes on a chair in the sleeping quarters, Kylo heads for the refresher. There’s no water shower despite how luxurious the _Supremacy_ may appear. The sonics are good enough. Feeling clean for the first time since he’s been awake, Kylo trudges back into the room, avoiding the large mirror that hangs just next to the refresher doors. He has no wish to learn how uglier he’s become due to the scar. For now, he only wishes to sleep.

The bed meets him halfway to his descent, soft and cool against his heated skin.


	9. Chapter Nine

Kylo wakes with a terrible feeling that he’s forgotten something. The urgency reaches from his dreams, forcing him to rouse before his body has rested, making his muscles and joints ache. Once he check the time he sees that he has barely been asleep for two hours. Kylo groans, and rolls onto his back, string at the ceiling. 

Despite the exhaustion that has followed him into wakefulness once more, he’s grateful for the rest he’s managed to scrounge up. His mind has quieted, allowing everything that he has learned to fall into place. He can now look at the situation objectively which, exhausted and electrified, he simply could not do. 

That clarity helps Kylo remember the single part that doesn’t fit in Snoke’s great scheme: his connection to Hux. Called by his thoughts, the bond he feels in his chest tugs softly on his mind, reminding Kylo of its existence. With little effort, Kylo closes his eyes and slips within its comfortable golden stream. He finds, though it carries a similar feeling, the bond is not the same brilliant yellow as it had been before. It’s tarnished over time, the fields burned by the sun, but at least it’s still there. Through it he senses Hux’s mind which welcomes him inside. It has been a long time since Kylo has indulged like this. 

What he finds within Hux’s mind is a sense of urgency and a healthy dose of wariness. It isn’t as compartmentalized as it had been when they’d first met. It’s clean and easy to parse through, but Kylo sees the tracks recent events have left in it, groves that don’t appear deep, but Kylo knows are somehow important. Though Hux’s brilliant mind is strong, he senses some kind of wavering in Hux’s mind that he’d sensed before. He swims through Hux’s thoughts, unobtrusive, just another part that constitutes his mind, indistinguishable from the conscious stream.

Just as he’s preparing to slip through those groves, Hux’s mind rings with a curious,  _ Kylo? _

_ ‘It’s me, _ ’ Kylo confirms.  _ ‘It feels like a decade since I’ve been in your mind like this.’ _

He feels Hux’s thoughts warm, as if embarrassed. Everything around Kylo gets brighter, greener, turning the blue of Hux’s thoughts that familiar green-blue color of his eyes.

_ I wasn’t sure I would be allowed back, _ he adds. 

_ Things were left a mess,  _ Hux answers which for him is the most benign thing he could have said. Kylo was sure that he would have his nose rubbed into his mistake to face it over and over. Hux is not a very forgiving person. Yet, it seems, more than one thing has changed within him.

_ ‘Did you need something?’  _ Hux asks him, always business first. 

_‘You told me that I should tell you when I come up with a plan._ _Come to my room. We need to talk.’_

Hux’s mind cools quickly, returning to its rich, deep blue color. ‘ _ You do understand I am currently at war?’ _

_ ‘It’s a waiting game,’ Kylo says dryly _ . 

Hux curses. Then he says, ‘ _ I’ll be there.’ _

His thoughts quiet and Kylo allows the Force within his control to dissipate.

Pushing himself from the bed, Kylo goes to his dresser. There are rows of identical jackets, pants, belts and boots he prefers, though Kylo wishes he had something like the comfortable off-duty regulation clothes he usually wears when in Hux’s company. 

He slips into a new pair of pants and puts on one of his dark undershirts that he wears during training, opting to go barefoot. The clothes he shed hours earlier, he now puts in the refresher hamper to be cleaned. Weak to vanity, now that he knows Hux will come and see him, Kylo lingers in front of the mirror he’d previously avoided. 

There’s a slight redness to his eyes, but he suspects that the bags that are usually there have retracted due to some rest. The scar across his face is not inflamed anymore, and is instead just a solid line, one that no technology will be able to mask. 

For some reason, Kylo recalls the time he’d cut off his padawan braid, and as he pushes a hand though his own hair he finds that he misses it. He should probably cut his hair as well. Some of its volume has returned to it after Kylo had washed, and if one were to squint he would say that Kylo looks almost similar to who he was before Starkiller imploded. 

Kylo has never been delusional about his appearance and, resolved to his new ugliness, he heads back to the sitting room where he folds himself on the couch to await Hux’s arrival. In truth, he doesn’t know how to start talking with the other man about all of this. Though Kede had told him to try and ask Hux...but ask him what and why? The First Order, after the Hosnian system destruction, has the upper hand. The Resistance only has three measly cruisers, and allies that have forsaken them. What should he tell Hux? ‘Please end the war and proclaim defeat?’ Only a child would be so foolish as to even consider that, much less to think Hux would say yes.

The doors of his chamber beep and Kylo waves his hand to let Hux pass through. He watches as Hux looks around, unused to the layout, until he spots Kylo on the couch. 

Still dressed in his uniform, with the greatcoat hanging from his shoulders, what had once looked an impressive stature now to Kylo looks as if Hux is trying to hide under all those layers. His complexion has only gotten worse. He’d always been pale but now there are bruises around his eyes from the lack of sleep and rest, cheeks sunken and mouth downturned. The bruise on his temple sends another hot flash of anger to Kylo’s mind. 

“You look comfortable,” Hux says as he strides to where Kylo is sitting. He pushes the greatcoat off his shoulders and lays it carefully across a nearby chair before he sits down. 

Though he’s thought to speak, Kylo cannot help but reach first for Hux’s face, still troubled over the busted lip. This time, Hux allows it. He frowns, then sighs, put upon. “Obsessing over it won’t make it heal any quicker.”

“I know,” Kylo replies, looking Hux in the eye. “Still.”

A small smile tugs the corner of Hux’s lips up. It distracts Kylo from Hux’s hand that takes his own, and lowers it down to Hux’s lap. 

“You said you had a plan,” Hux reminds him.

Kylo huffs and retracts his hand, pushing it absently through his hair. 

“I talked with the knights. It seems that they’re all in agreement with me, but only Snaga and Kede will be able to help. They’re here on the  _ Supremacy _ , while the rest should be on the edges of the outer rim.”

As he talks his mind reaches for Hux’s, connecting it to his own. Each word causes an association within it, and Kylo shows Hux as his own eyes had seen both Mora and Barja Ktar, Kede and Snaga, Merak and Trajan. He fills in the gasp and shows Hux the long explanation Mora had given him. 

Kylo had only ever once been so intense using the Force upon Hux’s mind, and it hadn’t ended well. Hux couldn’t comprehend any of it. But now, he feels Hux’s recognition and understanding as he shows him parts of conversations Kylo has had prior to their meeting. 

“Kede and Snaga are very good, but I can’t risk them,” Kylo explains, fiercely protective. “Just before finding them, I had felt something in the Force and the scavenger girl had appeared before me. The Force was, and still is connecting us.”

He sees Hux’s mind slow down, parsing through the meaning of Kylo’s words. When he does realise that it’s a bond, just like Kylo and he share, a strange type of discomfort spreads through him with such speed it leaves Kylo befuddled. It’s like Hux’s stomach dropped and now tension clusters in his diaphragm, senses sharpening, while a horrible feeling of illness sweeps through him. Kylo doesn’t know what it is, but it alarms him. He touches Hux’s knee that the man had raised on the couch so they could face each other comfortably, and he sees Hux’s eyes flash. He doesn’t pull away but Hux’s whole body goes rigid. 

Kylo, unsure what to do, continues to talk. “I suspects it’s Snoke’s work. Though I can see her and talk with her, I cannot sense anything like I can with you. That’s what tipped me off that it might not be the work of the Force itself.”

When Hux doesn’t reply Kylo says, “She’s strong and resilient to manipulation through the Force. I cannot even touch her mind. But perhaps, she’s susceptible to another kind of persuasion.”

Hux frowns as the feeling within his belly only grows stronger, breath shortening to even huffs.

“Hux?” Kylo asks, frowning. “Are you unwell?”

Taking a couple of deep breaths, Hux lets them out through his teeth. His eyes close and his body relaxes. He looks tired and defeated. 

“I’m fine Kylo, continue,” Hux says voice hoarse. 

Kylo’s concern climbs until he cannot help but try and see beyond the veil that Hux had tried to pull over his mind. Hux feels him of course, and his hand flies to Kylo’s wrist. 

  
“Don’t,” he says. 

“Why?” Kylo replies.

The veil is thin and fragile; Kylo only needs to touch it to dissolve it. He feels that the unwell feeling in Hux stems from it. 

“Because,” Hux says. He licks his lips. “Because you won’t like what you see.”   
  


“Hux,” Kylo says, a soft reproach echoing in his voice. 

He knows that they’d not left things on even ground. If Hux hadn’t kissed him in the infirmary, Kylo would have been hard pressed to even come near him, and he is aware of the fact that Hux might not want whatever they shared to continue. But never, not once had something personally of Hux’s made him deslike him. 

Hux seems to understand him because he curses under his breath. 

“You’re a menace and a fool,” Hux tells him before he lifts one of Kylo’s hands to his temple. 

Kylo takes his head gingerly between his hands before pressing their foreheads together. To form the bond such an action is not necessary, nor is it to see inside Hux’s mind, but he likes the intimacy it offers. 

Kylo slips beyond the veil and sees the thoughts that had made Hux feel so dreadful. A mass of them barrel into Kylo with terrible speed. ‘ _ Why his chamber? Why is he telling me his? Is he going to replace me? Is there anything to be replaced? Is he already tired of me? _ ’

They knock the breath out of Kylo while the bond between them vibrates. Kylo feels a pang within his chest. He had not meant for Hux to misunderstand him like this. 

He’d thought that Kylo would replace him with Rey, and worse, thought there was nothing to be replaced. A rational person, Hux knows he should not feel possessive. But it doesn’t help him rationalize his feelings. 

It’s not discomfort, Kylo realises, nor illness, but jealousy. Jealousy for the girl that had flared, unprompted and uninvited within Hux, startling the man. Jealousy that, Kylo can now see, stems from a place of insecurity and deep affection that seem to be connected with his very being.

“Oh, Hux,” Kylo says, opening his eyes. 

Hux opens his own but cannot look at Kylo, as he tries push his hands away and escape Kylo’s presence. But Kylo cannot let him go. He pulls him forward, kissing his sweet mouth with such tenderness it threatens to split his heart in two. 

Hux stills, unsure, before he relaxes within Kylo’s hold once more. His hands go to Kylo’s sides and he kisses him back. Kylo pulls away, there are still things to talk about, but each time he sees Hux’s face he cannot but kiss him once more, over and over again, until they’re aching for breath. 

It’s only the strange position of their bodies that warns Kylo they should stop. He releases Hux who returns to his seat, red-faced, looking softer that he has in a long time. 

Kylo gathers his breath even as he feels his heart trying to escape his chest. “I could not ever replace you, not in a thousand years,” Kylo professes. The words feel clunky in his mouth unused for such delicacies. That doesn’t make them any less true.

“Even if you did I have no right to be jealous or angry. I don’t have any right to your emotions. And, after our fight, I had thought this over. The bond was there, but. It had gone quiet. Dead.”

“I had thought the same thing,” Kylo replies. “I hadn’t wanted you to be right, but you were. I thought you’d hate me. When I woke up you were so angry I had thought you were there to finish me off yourself.”

A funny expression spreads on Hux’s face: one of amusement and sadness all at once. “I was bloody  _ scared _ for you. I was angry with you but when the Base started crumbling I realized I was afraid. The bond was there again, it was as if you were asking for me the whole time.” 

Hux releases a shaky breath. “And then, you absolute twat, you were delirious enough to say all that bantha crap about dying. Talking about some damned dream while bleeding out into the snow.”   
  


“I’m sorry,” Kylo says. Hux stares at him, disbelieving. “I am, Hux. I’m sorry I needed to hurt you so I could pretend you weren’t right.”

“It was the truth but...you took it and iced it and shanked me with it,” Hux replies. 

Kylo winces. “I know. I was aiming below the belt.”

Hux shakes his head, leaning into the backrest of the couch. “Worse of all, I know we were both played to do something we did not want to do. Despite everything, you still loved your father. And despite everything, all the blood, tears and sweat I had put into it, I am glad that Starkiller never fired that second shot.”

“You are?” Kylo asks, surprised that Hux would admit to such a thing.

Hux levels him with a look. “It was unnecessary. First Order was supposed to be a military group that could remove the usurpers and level the playing field for all peoples of the galaxy. Not to wipe them out indiscriminately, just because a creature with an ego bigger than himself wanted it. There was supposed to be order...” Hux trails off. He looks somewhere off in the distance, then shrugs, and lifts his hand as if to say  _ ‘and now look at this mess’ _ .

Kylo watches him for a long moment. “Was it worth it? Everything you did to get where you are now?”

Hux shugs again. “It should. Shouldn’t it? We’re so close to complete control. But I just feel...empty.”

Kylo feels his heart begin to pound once more. He scoots closer to Hux, licks his lips. It’s now or never, he thinks. 

“I will try and get the scavenger girl on our side. The four of us will try and take Snoke down. If we don’t succeed, we die.”

Hux looks up in alarm at him. Kylo continues, “If we do succeed...Hux will you run away with us?”

Hux blinks. “What?”

“Will you go with us?” Kylo rephrases. But Kylo knows the truth, as he has always known it. Hux is a military man. He’s a soldier first, a general second, and a lover third. 

Kylo reads the refusal in Hux’s mind, without Hux having to say anything. Despite the fact that he’d anticipated it, the disappointment is still crushing. 

Hux must see it in his face, because he touches Kylo’s hand, places a palm on his face but though he tries, no words of comfort come from his mouth. His eyes are soft and remorseful. 

Kylo hugs him to himself, feeling the warmth of his body. 

“It’s alright,” Kylo says in a tone that’s almost a whisper. “I knew. But I had to ask.”

Hux nods, wraps his hand around Kylo. They cling like that to each other until the hurt is mellowed out by their closeness. Kylo finds himself almost drifting, comfortable tide of Hux’s feelings and thoughts distracting him from everything.

Hux is the first to pull away, but not far. He presses a hand to Kylo’s jaw, thumb soft over his healed wound. He kisses Kylo’s brow and his cheek, the corner of his mouth. Kylo looks at him, as much as he can, fearing he will disappear if he doesn’t. Kylo looks at him and wants him. 

Hux pulls back to meet his eye, his mind analyzing, shifting. He must have heard Kylo, or felt him, because Hux’s gaze turns heated. Kylo feels as if the air between them disappears, his heart lurching as Hux pushes him so his back meets the back of the couch. He climbs onto Kylo’s lap swiftly, and presses their mouths together. 

It’s quicker than before, more urgent with more feeling. He opens his mouth to accommodate Hux’s tongue, groaning softly from the onslaught. Hux shifts in his lap, grinding himself slowly, despite the fact that he’s still completely dressed. 

Kylo lets his hands stray from Hux’s thighs to his back, then to the front where he knows his belt is secured. He unclaches it, let’s it slip to the floor. He reaches up as he undoes the clasps that hold Hux’s jacket together until it’s completely open. His hand slips to Hux’s jodhpurs but he stops there. 

Hux groans content, fingers in Kylo’s hair tugging just enough for Kylo to feel it. The other hand is on his chest, pressing into the muscle. Kylo feels dazed once Hux removes his mouth, but it’s so his lips can latch onto the soft skin of his throat and jaw. 

Kylo remembers himself, and trails his hands up over Hux’s chest, pushing the jacket off his shoulder. Hux grumbles, but slips it off in record time. Gratified, Kylo rucks up his undershirt, hands finally touching his heated bare skin.

“You’re quick,” Hux notes as he takes the hem of the undershirt and pulls it off. 

“I should hope not,” Kylo quipps back. Hux snorts, amused.

Kylo touches his neck, chin, brings him closer with a soft hand, until their lips are barely touching. Hux grinds down on him again, shameless. 

Kylo lets out a shaky breath. They should take this to the bedroom. Kylo gets a good hold on Hux’s thighs and stands, lifting him up. Hux, surprised, starts laughing softly, which only makes Kylo want to kiss him more as he walks them towards the bed. 

“You’re so--” Hux starts but Kylo kisses him before he can finish the sentence. However, he hears the soft, heartfelt ‘shit’ as Hux oggles Kylo’s biceps while he puts him down on the bed. 

Hux repeats it with feeling as Kylo removes his own shirt. 

Kylo reaches for one of Hux’s legs, intent on taking off Hux’s boots while Hux plucks off his leather gloves daintily. Hux helps him, growing frustrated himself, especially as he shuffles out of his jodhpurs.

“There you are,” Kylo says as he kisses up Hux’s thigh. 

“Ridiculous man,” Hux sighs as he melts into the comforter underneath him.

Usually it’s not like this. Hux has always loved taking control, directing him with words and hands, and making him lust and need for everything he’s willing to give. But now, bared as he is, he simply lays on the bed allowing Kylo to touch and kiss wherever he wants. The only urgency is in the way he lifts his body to meet him halfway, wanting in turn to be touched. 

Kylo peppers kisses up his thigh, glides one hand over the parabola of his hip until it slips underneath the shirt to press into Hux’s soft belly. He rakes the fabric up until Hux takes it off, leaving expanses of skin and flesh for Kylo’s eyes to feast upon. Hux’s tags glint softly against the low light above Kylo’s bed, atop Hux’s fair skin.

Hux’s face has gotten a healthier shine to it now. While he is still as tired as Kylo probably is, there’s a flush that makes him look all the more present and material. With every touch, Kylo can sense Hux’s need grow and the flush expand. 

“Come on,” Hux says softly, so very unlike himself, lifting up his hips from the bed. 

Hux’s mind is warm, though Kylo can barely even sense it. Rather than two separate entities, he feels as if Hux’s thoughts are his own, his feelings and sensations all experienced through Kylo’s own system. He feels the need in Hux and sees himself through the man’s eyes with more clarity that he has ever before. 

Kylo hums, curling his fingers in the band of Hux’s underwear and pulls it down. Hux has already swollen to full hardness and he releases a soft breath when Kylo takes him in hand. He doesn’t do much at first, keen on kissing the soft skin of his lower navel.

If Hux were in his place, he’d tease Kylo until he was leaking, use his fingers to soften and spread Kylo, bring him off before sliding into him. But Kylo has no mind for such games now. He only wants to feel and to be felt. He moves up until Hux’s hands slide around his shoulders and kisses him. 

He can feel the man’s heartbeat against his own skin, quick just like Kylo’s. His knees press into Kylo’s sides, breath shuddering every time they part only for their lips to meet again. Slowly, Kylo wraps his hand around Hux and starts moving it. 

Unwilling to part, Hux simply hums against his lips, both hands now in Kylo’s hair, holding him close. Kylo is not unaffected, which is why he soon becomes very aware of his own pants that he’d not been collected enough to take off. They dig into his waist now, rubbing redness into Hux’s skin where they’re connected. 

Minds tangled, Hux knows what he’s thinking. For once he doesn’t make a show of it: he simply slides his hands down the expanse of Kylo’s back and around his hips. Nimble fingers quickly undo the holdings of his pants and one of Hux’s hands slides underneath the fabric, as if to push it off of his hip, while the other dips into them, beyond Kylo’s underwear. Kylo gasps when Hux’s grip closes around his cock and pulls him out. Pleasure hits him in waves, such as he’s only been reading from Hux’s mind. 

Hux kisses his cheek and the corner of his mouth as his hand starts working him as quickly as he can, Kylo’s precum slicking the way. Kylo remembers he needs lubricant. 

Perhaps it’s not the same stuff Hux always has on hand in his own chambers, but it will do the job. However, Kylo will need to get up and get it. He tries to lift himself off Hux, much to the man’s displeasure. 

“Can’t you use the force or something?” Hux says, voice gone an octave deeper than before. 

That voice does something to Kylo within his belly, a fluttering and an expectation. He’s heard it innumerable times getting fucked, getting praised, falling asleep. 

Kylo huffs out a soft laugh at himself and says, “Last time the Force was used, the whole room was maimed.”   
  


“You weren’t exactly as in control,” Hux argues. 

“I’m never in control when it comes to you,” Kylo replies, slipping off of the bed to get to the nightstand. 

Once he turns back to Hux with it in hand, he sees the man’s eyebrows slightly furrowed, a troubled look on his face. 

“You really can’t be saying things like that,” Hux tells him once he’s between Hux’s legs again. 

“I’m not lying.” Kylo rests one hand on Hux’s knee as he shuffles up until he can lean over Hux again. 

“I know you’re not,” Hux admits. Then, with a wry smile that doesn’t reach his eyes he says, “That’s the problem.”   
  


Reality dawns on Kylo as it has never dawned before. They’re here on borrowed time and this will probably be the last time they will see each other so close, let alone kiss and touch. Kylo realises that he will be able to feel Hux wherever he goes, as far as he goes, and knows Hux will be able to feel him as well, all of his fear and longing, his wants and his sadnesses. Hux will be able to feel his pain, always within Kylo’s mind, and his love. Hux will sit atop the Galactic Throne and Kylo will be somewhere, never in the same place, forever sentenced to be a nomad in search of a cure that might not even exist. Those are the fates they were given. 

He kisses Hux. What else can he do? He’s never been so smart with words as Hux is; his body is the only thing that has ever known the truth. His mind is filled with holes and gashes, abused and stressed. It’s no good. 

_ ‘Kylo,’ _ he hears through the bond. ‘ _ Kylo, Kylo, Kylo.’ _

“Armitage,” he says outloud and in need. Hux lifts one of his legs over Kylo’s hip, and Kylo opens the bottle of lubricant, spilling it messily into his hand. He wraps it around Hux’s cock, starting to jerk him off in a quick pace. Hux vibrates, the hand not on Kylo’s shoulder reaching down. Kylo intercepts it, pushes it into the comforter. 

Feeling himself fry around the edges, Kylo grows rough in need, teeth pressing into the skin on Hux’s neck, over familiar metal, shoulder, and chest, down wherever he can reach. He knows there will be bruises. He hopes for them. 

Hux lays underneath him looking up, as if he can’t quite comprehend the creature Kylo has become. The hand pressed into the comforter lifts to his own neck, feeling the indents of Kylo’s teeth over the chain of the ID tags. Hux rubs the bruise. He wants it there, Kylo can see it from his mind. He wants it there and he wants it to form and to last. Like a brand. Like Kylo’s signature. 

Hux’s face twist in pleasure and he turns away, closing his eyes. Soon he’s groaning into his own shoulder, flames of need licking his mind. 

Kylo slows down to hook a finger around his chin and bring him back up so he can kiss and bite his lips. 

“Kylo,” Hux ghasps. 

Kylo knows. He understands. “I’ll miss this,” he confesses between one breath and the other, sealing it with another kiss. 

Hux releases a sound deep in his throat. He slips a hand under the chain around his neck and pulls it over his head. The ID tags glint, ominous, but only for a moment, before Hux releases them and they fall over the edge of the bed to the floor with barely a sound. Kylo kisses Hux’s throat, now unobstructed, before he returns his attention to his hands.

Resting his forehead on Hux’s shoulder, Kylo looks down between them. Hux’s cockhead has filled with blood, sensitive and velvety, but Kylo ignores it to pass his other hand over his balls. Hux shudders, but it doesn’t discourage Kylo. He goes lower. His hand is good, but he wants to give Hux more pleasure. 

He presses his thumb over Hux’s rim, soft to the touch and opening up slightly for him. Finding the lube again, he pours it over Hux’s heated skin and his own fingers, before he returns the attention. As he breaches Hux with a finger he feels the walls shift and adjust for him under his constant rubbing. He adds another, though he knows that if he wants to use them properly he will have to detangle from Hux first. 

Kylo indulges himself instead, simply pressing the two fingers as deeply as they can go within Hux, making the man’s legs quiver and shake, his cock growing harder if possible, throbbing with need. 

“You damned--” Hux’s breath cuts off with a soft whimper as Kylo rubs inside him. He tries again after a moment. “Brat. You’re an absolute brat.”

“You love me,” Kylo says, amused. 

“I do,” Hux replies after a beat. 

Kylo lifts his head to kiss him softly. “I know,” he replies. He has known ever since Hux had allowed him within his mind. But still, it’s good to hear it. He needed to hear it. 

Hux’s face does this thing where it looks pained and happy all at once. It’s broken with another wave of pleasure that hits him, washing any unpleasantness away.

“If you don’t get in me now I swear,” Hux says, voice broken. 

“Not stretched you yet.”

Hux groans, frustrated, and pushes Kylo away so he can move. Kylo sits on his haunches allowing Hux to turn onto his belly. This way Kylo can see gooseflesh covering Hux’s skin that he smooths with a hand, as he pushes Hux’s cheeks apart. His hole is pink, wet from lube and Kylo returns his fingers to it. Hux’s cock jerks even as it hangs heavy just above the sheets. 

For a while, Kylo is absolutely content to listen to gasps and hisses Hux releases, the moans that come when he touches his prostate or when he adds more fingers. But soon it becomes all too much as his own need swells. He can feel it recoches off of Hux’s, whose head is turned on the side so he can glance over his shoulder. 

Kylo reminds himself to be patient. Big as he is, he doesn’t want to hurt Hux.

_ ‘You’re terrible,’ _ Hux tells him. His please fill the bond as it builds under his fingers. 

“Kylo,” Hux calls, frustrated. “I’m good. I am. Pelase. Get in me. Fuck me. Make me feel you.”

Kylo extracts his fingers and lubes himself up. He hisses, sensitive, before he lifts himself up on his knees. He can see Hux much better this way, the pleasing curve and dip of his spine on show as he grasps a pillow and hides his face in it.

Unable to help himself, Kylo rubs his cock on the cleft of Hux’s ass, passing over his rim, until he can feel Hux’s frustration in the air. He doesn’t wait for Hux to beg again though. With both hands holding Hux’s hips, he pushes his cock inside. It’s not as slow as it had been the first time he’s done it. Hux adjusts quicker this time and moans softly in the air as he takes Kylo in. 

Kylo stops only when his pelvis bone is pushing into the meat of Hux’s ass, their thighs pressing together. Hux’s skin has grown irritated from the fabric of Kylo’s pants, red like Kylo had used his hands to bring the color out. 

The first few snaps of his hips are experimental, deep, and he grinds his cock in until he feels Hux’s thighs quiver. Then he picks up the pace. He wants to be light, he wants to start of easy, but his pleasure coils with Hux’s and he can clearly see in Hux’s mind what he wants. 

He drapes himself over Hux, pushing his own hands over his, and holds him down as he begins to thrust. The sound of skin against skin fills the air with the strength of his thrusts, bottoming out each time as Hux’s hole twitches around him. Hux is tight and hot, wonderful around his cock. After a while Hux loses the iron grip he has on his sounds, and starts mewling into the pillow, soft and desperate sounds filling the air between them which only spur Kylo on. 

“Come on Armitage,” he says in his ear. He tugs it with his teeth, traces his lips down to his neck. 

He slows his thrusts to a grind, fucking Hux shallowly so as to strike his prostate. He punches a high pitched sound out of Hux when he thrusts deeply again. Hux grips his hands, though his fingers have almost gone white. 

“You feel so good,” Kylo says into his ear. “I love feeling your skin under mine, hearing your voice...I love how your legs quiver, how you’re grinding your hips into the sheets.”

Kylo releases one of Hux’s hands so he can pass it over Hux’s chest, his stomach that contracts under the touch, down to his cock that drools precome. 

“So hard for me,” Kylo whispers. “So wet for me.”

Kylo’s hand slides lower to his balls, fondling them as they twitch each time Kylo strikes his prostate, pressing his fingers lower to dig into his perineum. He returns his hand to his cock, wrapping it tightly around him. He feels Hux seize, muscles quivering. 

Moans fills the air as Kylo begins to jerk him off, desperate sounds he’s certain at this point Hux doesn’t even realise he’s letting out. 

“That’s it,” Kylo encourages. He bites Hux’s shoulder and the back of his neck where the flush from his cheeks has descended to. 

“I’m- I’m gonna come, Kylo, I’m--” Hux pants, repeats himself over and over until the words become indistinguishable from his moans. He starts squeezing around Kylo tightly, only making Kylo speed up, fucking him into the sheets until he’s a warbling mess. He feels Hux start to shake completely, until he’s spilling all over Kylo’s fingers and below him onto the bed. Kylo fucks him through it, until Hux’s cock is spent and his knees threaten to collapse. 

Hux whimpers, feeling Kylo’s girth within him, pulsing with need. Not willing to hurt him, Kylo slides out and allows Hux’s body to slump. He extracts the fingers that had been holding Hux’s and pushes his hair back, now wet from sweat and effort. 

Hux breathes, curls in on himself, then turn onto his hip so he can watch Kylo as if expecting something of him. However, Kylo simply kisses his hip bone, rubbing patterns into the warm flesh of Hux’s thigh with his clean hand.

“You’ve not finished,” Hux croaks after a while.

Kylo shrugs. ‘Y _ ou know the deal _ ,’ he replies. 

Hux huffs. He lifts one knee to his chest, opening his legs up, while the other straightens out on the bed. Hux lifts his asscheek, lube slowly trickling from his hole. 

“I want you in me,” Hux says. “Now. I want you to come inside. I want you to keep coming inside until you’re completely spent. I want to come on your cock again, and I want you to fuck me through it until I’m hard again.”

“Stars, Hux,” Kylo hisses. 

He lifts himself back up onto his knees. Sometimes, Hux really knows how to push his buttons. Kylo grabs one of Hux’s legs and pushes himself between them, grabs Hux’s hips and drags him over the sheets until he’s underneath Kylo. He bends to kiss Hux, and then he slides back in with a gasp of the man underneath him.

-

Kylo isn’t quite sure when they end up finishing only that he needs to lay down for a bit. Hux is pressed into the sheets, a hand slung over his eyes. His body shakes, trembles, hurts and Kylo knows he enjoys it immensely. They're both covered in sweat and come and bruises, the column of Hux’s neck promising to go purple soon, Kylo’s ribs, back and chest sporting a similar myriad of wounds. 

Kylo has curled by Hux’s side, kissing his shoulder. Hux groans now, needing time to recollect himself and so he turns to the side with some effort.

Kylo laugh softly and stands. If he can’t rest then its better to go to the refresher. In the end Kylo hadn’t the chance to kick off his pants which he now pulls up around his waist. Hux had not minded and it disappeared as a priority from his mind after. 

He’s glad for it once he feels a now familiar wavering in the Force and he turns to see Rey standing just between the refresher door and a wall.

“Rey,” he says, more for Hux’s sake than his own.

“I’d rather not do this now,” she says as if he can do anything about it. 

“Yeah,” Kylo sighs, sitting down on his bed. “Me neither.”

“Kylo?” he hears Hux behind him. “Is it the girl?”

Kylo turns and nods, before he returns his attention to Rey who grows more uncomfortable with each passing moment of his nudity.

Unaccustomed to it, or aware of the scratches and bites Kylo sports all over his chest, hands and back, she says with great difficulty, “Do you have something? A cowl or something you can put on?”

Kylo gives her a look. Though her mind is closed to him he can still search her feelings, and they speak of embarrassment and discomfort. Too bad, he thinks. He’s in his room and he’s going to be as undressed as much as he likes.

She must read something from him because her blush subsides. 

“Why did you hate your father?” she asks him. “All this time I’ve been meaning to ask you this. It’s one thing I can’t puzzle out. You had a father who loved you, who gave a damn about you.”

“I didn’t hate him,” Kylo replies, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Then why? Why did you...why did you kill him.”

Tears form in her eyes again, the wound on her heart still fresh. If Han had known that someone would be crying after him then maybe he wouldn’t have felt so suicidal.

“Because I loved him. Because I felt connected to him, and through him to the Light.”

Rey looks at him, shocked. 

“When I was...about the same age as when you were abandoned on Jakku, a voice appeared in my mind. I was scared of it at first. It was around the same time that I started feeling the pull to the Dark again,” Kylo says, feeling Hux shift behind him. The dip in the mattress tell him Hux is kneeling beside him, and it’s confirmed when he feel the man’s hand on his shoulder, long length of his torso covering Kylo’s side.

“Of course my noble uncle was supposed to help with that,” he says sarcastically, his attention returning to Rey. “Did he tell you what happened?”

“Yes,” Rey says.

“No,” Kylo shoots back. He doesn’t need to see in her mind to know that whatever Skywalker told her is a lie.

Kylo battles every one of his instincts and opens his mind to Rey, ever present at the gates of his mind, pulling her into his memory. They dive together inside, avoiding recent memories of Hux and he, the golden light of the bond, deeper into his mind until he feels as if he’s back in his hut on the Jedi moon.

“He sensed my power,” Kylo says both out loud and in his mind. 

He remembers hearing the voice in his dreams, whispering about protecting him, teaching him. Kylo had by then known of Snoke, had conversed with him though he had never had the notion of joining him. He was the voice, the boogeyman, the dark thoughts Kylo had avoided all of his life. Then Snoke had told him he was in danger and that he should wake. Once he opened his eyes, he saw the green light of Luke’s lightsaber shining brightly in the confines of his hut. 

What else could Kylo do but protect himself?

He shows Rey everything. The run, the slaughter, the destruction, everything burning, he shows her even the first time he’d seen Hux’s young face.

“...as he senses your power now. And he feared it,” Kylo concludes.

“Liar,” Rey is quick to reply.

Kylo places his own hand over Hux that’s on his shoulder and shrugs. Uncaring of the spectator, Kylo kisses Hux’s fingers looking at the man’s face.

“Is...is there someone with you?” Rey asks, scandalized. 

Kylo looks at her. “You weren’t daft like this before.”

“I’m not daft!” Rey shouts. Her face has gone another shade of red for which Kylo doesn’t have time for.

“Ask Luke. If he’s man enough, he will tell you the truth,” Kylo continues. “You ought to stop believing people who show a little kindness to you, and think for yourself.”

Rey scowls. “You have no right to say that. Do you know how absurd it sounds that you killed your own  _ father  _ because you loved him? And why? Because a voice in your head told you to?” 

Kylo does. At least now he does. Something must show because Hux’s other hand comes around him to his other shoulder, prompting Kylo to lean in his loose hold.

He wants to tell her that he does know, he wants to tell her that he has been disillusioned, wants to convey his plan to her. But she won’t believe him and he isn't sure if Snoke is listening or not. He looks at her instead, hoping to convey through his gaze what he cannot through his words.

“No matter what, it was your choice. You put more worth into your orders, whatever they might have been, than in your own father. You  _ chose  _ and you chose wrong,” she says.

“Yes,” Kylo accepts. “The price for my mistake I will pay in blood. And yet, there will only be more blood spilled, some that might even be important to you.”

“What are you going to do?” Rey asks grim, ready if she must, to debilitate him somehow even through the Force.

Kylo shakes his head. “Rey, you cannot see as you are now. Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.”

Rey glowers at him, but her visage starts fading away until there’s only empty space. Kylo slacks in Hux’s loose hold and finds himself laying half on top of his lap and half on the bed. 

He looks up at the man, content just to gaze at his face so as to commit it to memory.

Hux, able to sense his sentiment, twists his mouth into a wry smile. 

“Do you think you’ll convince her?” ‘ _ I didn’t know that your uncle tried that.’ _

“Failure is not an option,” Kylo replies. ‘ _ I wish I had more time to tell you everything.’  _

_ ‘Me too,’ _ Hux sighs.

“I didn’t know you were so sentimental in bed,” Kylo tells Hux, an echo of words said to him long ago.

Hux rolls his eyes but his face flushes spectacularly. In the low light, the bruises he bares of Snoke’s anger are almost invisible. Only Kylo’s prints remain in form of vague purple smudged that will be gone all too soon.

Overcome with feeling, Hux kisses Kylo softly, pressing their foreheads together. Kylo forgot that their minds are still so entwined. Everything he feels, Hux feels. Everything Hux feels, he feels.

“We’re a couple of fools,” Hux murmurs. “Fools that will die before their expiration date.”

“It’s the legacy I bear, unfortunately,” Kylo replies. “But is it better to die in spirit and become a sad old man, or die young, cloaked in belief?”

“Spare me of cruel old men,” Hux jokes. 

Kylo laughs, rubbing Hux’s hand in affection. Both of them know they won’t find out what they look like with grey streaks in their hair.

“Do you still think your father’s plan is worth pursuing? You know,” he says, “I saw the rogue trooper in Rey’s mind. He’s calling himself Finn now.”

Hux arches an eyebrow. “Why should I concern myself with that traitor?”

Kylo snorts. Hux knows why. He’s the exception, certainly not the first one in the long pattern of disobedience that proves Kylo’s point, but the only one who managed to escape before he’d been put down. Hux cannot deny this any more than he can deny the shade of his hair.

“Rey has deep feelings for him. Of happiness and family and gratitude. If she knew what love was I think she would be feeling it for him,” Kylo talks, watching as Hux’s face runs through emotions uninhabited.

“When we were on Jakku he refused to shoot. I felt him awaken within the Force. Despite orders, years of conditioning, peer pressure, he still made a decision. A moral decision,” Kylo says. “Now that I think about it, what did those villagers do? They were just...there.”

“Casualties in wartime are unavoidable-” Hux starts but a shake from Kylo’s head stops him. The words far flat in the air and their insidiousness unravels before it could affect either of them.

“No, they weren’t casualties. I had ordered them dead because...because they saw Lor San Tekka? Because it was easier? Stars I don’t even know,” Kylo says. “I didn’t think about it then. It was just what had to happen. Do you ever think that we were just...taught this indifference to the loss of life? A  _ stormtrooper  _ sees that such an act is not morally right and cannot force himself to do it. But we just. Take and take and take.”

“Kylo.” Hux voice is thin and tired. “We were taught the power to survive. If I were to think of all the lives I’ve taken I would think about them until my deathbed.”

“And yet, you were glad Illenium wasn’t destroyed,” Kylo says shrewdly.

Hux pulls a face. 

“We are just...soldiers, in the end,” Kylo concludes. 

Hux’s conviction falters and Kylo is reminded of those gashes in his mind that he’d not had the time to explore. 

Hux’s comm beeps alive, startling them out of their musings. Hux jumps to his feet, going to his greatcoat, and fishes the comm out, quickly checking what the message is. He curses. 

“I’m using the refresher,” he announces even as he disappears into the room. The sound of sonics fills the sleeping quarters where Kylo has been left to himself. 

Hux flies out the moment he’s clean and clad in his uniform. His hair is loose, falling into his eyes. Kylo doesn’t own any of Hux’s styling products but in his haste, the man doesn’t seem to mind.

Kylo stands and helps him slip on the greatcost. He follows Hux out of his chamber. 

“Kylo,” he starts but then halts. Kylo feels what Hux wants to say and knows it cannot be put into words. Everything they had to say has already been said.

Kylo is glad to have met him. Despite all the hurt he is glad they never stopped at maybe, at almost, at a possibly. He hopes that in the next life, if he’s granted it, he will meet Hux again.

For the first time since he’s met him, Kylo sees Hux’s eyes fill with tears. He watches the man look down, clear his throat, and, defiant of his emotions, look at Kylo again.

“I do not believe in the Force or any of the numberless religions in the Galaxy. But I hope, if the universe gave you to me once he will give you to me again. Somewhere,” Hux takes a breath. “Some better time.”

Then he kisses Kylo softly, like a promise. When he leaves he doesn’t look back.

-

Funeral rights on Chandrila differ wildly from the rights said after massive stormtrooper soldier burials. Similarly, they are different to the ones Luke had performed as a religious figure and the ones Kylo had glimpsed through his dreams of his grandmother. Kylo reccons his father will get a proper empty-casket burial if the Resistance survives another day.

Kylo wonders how people go about preparing for death. He can’t think of anything. There are no affairs to get in order, he doesn’t own anything personal. There are no letters to write, no calls to make, so instead Kylo first takes a long shower. He cleans his hair, gets dressed. He eats. He finds Hux’s ID tags beside his bed. Sentiment prompts him to put them on and hide them underneath his jacket. With the warm metal pressing against his skin, Kylo rests and waits.

He meditates. Preserving energy to him in this moment is as difficult with so many draining sources, especially with Snoke so close to him and with the Force connection to Rey, but he knows he must do it if a conflict is in his imminent future. The bond with Hux drains not his strength but softens his heart, such as it is. It gives back in multitude, reinforcing his belief in what he must do. 

“Kylo,” he hears, and for a moment that lasts as long as it takes his eyes to open, he believes it’s Hux. 

That hope disperses the moment his name is repeated, and he watches it fall from Rey’s mouth. The girl is sitting by a fire, her face illuminated by it’s orange flame, partially hidden by flickering shadows, making her appear ghost-like. She’s huddled under a blanket, probably in a hut, and she appears to be soaked to the bone.

“Caught in the rain?” he asks, and she cracks a smirk that disappears as quickly as sweat in a dessert. 

“Gone for a dive, actually.” She shuffles her bare feet closer to the unseen flame. 

Kylo’s Force reacts to her own as always, reaching out, sensing a weakness in her mind. The barriers are still there but weak, like window glass, and just as transparent. 

“How have you done it for so long? Used the Dark side,” she asks him, curious as always. “It feels like torture.”

_ ‘It is torture,’  _ he wants to say. In a way, she reminds Kylo both of Kede and Mora, the curiosity of the youngest child coupled with the seriousness of the oldest. Her strength is Snaga’s, her devotion of Barja Ktar’s. Maybe Kylo has gotten too sentimental with the recent events. 

Rather than reply to her question, he says, “Why do you ask me such a thing?”

Regret colors her features, and a hopelessness Kylo had not known the girl knew. He senses humiliation and defeat, but she does not linger on them. She feels them yes, she accepts them as part of her herself but they don’t drag her down into a pit of self-loathing and despair. Instead, he senses, she has just learned a lesson. 

“Luke has been teaching me about the Force, about the balance. This...place I’m at is balanced both between the Light and Dark, I sensed it. I know it. But I couldn’t find answers in the Light,” Rey says, her eye flicking from Kylo to the flame in front of her, then back to him. 

“The answer...of who your parents are,” Kylo adds, and she nods in lieu of words.

“There’s a place here, a dark hole going through the rock, with a cave underneath. I sensed a darkness within it, like it wasn’t just a hole but a maw of a beast ready to swallow me whole. Since I thought if not the Light, then the Dark could tell me what I wanted to know.”

A sense of foreboding fills Kylo. He has found no answers in either side, not the Light and not the Dark. The former had tried to strip him of his curiosity but obviously Rey refused. The latter could have only fed her ego, perhaps whispered about power. But what use does someone like her have of power, when she is already powerful enough to be the master of her own fate?

“Tell me,” Kylo coaxes easily enough.

“I fell into it, and into a basin underneath. When I swam out to the bank, there was...a wall like glass, cool like ice. Large, tall, like the side of an imperial ship. It felt like the barriers in your mind, fogged up to confuse. And then, it disappeared. And I saw myself, infinite selves, lagging a second or two behind each other. I should have felt trapped or frightened. But no. It didn’t go on forever, I knew it was leading somewhere. And that at the end, it would show me what I came to see.”

She pauses to gather her memories and her words. As she gazes at the flames before her, she says, “The visions subsided, and I watched a figure in that glass approach. But when it unfogged, I only saw my own reflection.”

Kylo releases a breath through his nose, sensing some of the disappointment that Rey feels. 

“Such is the nature of the Dark side,” Kylo says slowly. “It had shown you only what it could. For someone, it would have been enough. For a self-serving egoist, consumed by his own destiny.”

Kylo only releases he’s describing himself once the words leave his mouth. He sighs and continues, “It consumes. But a shadow cannot exist without light. The Light also, can be devastating by itself.”

“I thought I’d find answers here,” Rey says, eyes watery. “I was wrong. I never felt so alone.”

Through her mind, Kylo sees glimpses of the rogue stormtrooper that calls himself Finn, the Resistance, the endless meaningless waiting on Jakku. Here, already on her life path, she should not have been alone. And yet here she is connected to Kylo, the last person she wishes to see.

He is a cold comfort, but he has always hated seeing his knights, his sisters, in distress. He says, “You’re not alone.”

Despite his hate for the man, he pushes images of Luke as he had known him to her, of Chewbacca, of his mother. Rey could lead a happy life now, if she gets out of dodge. But her destiny has already been intertwined with his own and he cannot let her go. 

Kylo would feel bad, had he the capacity to care for beyond that which is his own. After all, despite all of this caring, he can’t protect the knights now any more than he will be able to protect Hux if he should succeed and return to Gorostas.

Sensing something within him, some longing that is obvious even to himself, she says, “Neither are you.” 

She focuses, dipping into his mind with no warning or finesse. Yet, her touch is lighter than his own ever was, not painful, not anything more than a simple presence Kylo can track as it tries to navigate the forests of his mind. The woods are silent, dark and deep, but she has seen them all before. They exist in her mind as well, remnants of her creation. A wisp of light, a falling star, she prowls through them, passing memories and thoughts, going deeper and deeper than ever before. 

Kylo allows it until she comes across the bond he shares with Hux. The golden river starts somewhere where tree-trunks are as wide as two people abreast, at first appearing like a swath of fireflies, then like tall grass, glinting in the moonlight. Unwilling to share it, discomforted by the simple fact Rey even saw it, he tries to change her course. Soon, he finds he cannot steer her away on another path but he can change the landscape; the woods cannot move but the ground underneath them can so he shifts it until the bond is but a speck, an illusion.

Despite his efforts, as they dive deeper into his consciousness, the woods around them close in, their darkness engulfing them, and the river is there again, shining a bright pulsing light. Kylo wades through it, always connected, feeling more naked than he’d ever been. Hux is there, open arms waiting for Kylo. Unable to resist, Kylo allows himself to be wrapped in Hux’s strong arms, despite his guest that stands just outside of it. 

Dawn breaks, eating up the darkness until his internal sun is high in the sky, wheat all around him, tall pines and oak, an idyllic scene from a childhood lost long ago and only to be visited in dreams. Hux holds him for a moment more before he smiles at him and turns, running down the hills, like a child in play. Kylo watches him go and the illusion disperses, returning Kylo and Rey back into the darkness of Kylo’s mind.

“What was that?” Rey asks him, quiet and soft.

“It was my beloved,” Kylo replied, honest. 

She snorts. “I didn’t think you would be able to feel something like love.”

“I didn’t either,” Kylo admits. “It hurts. But I don’t want to stop.”

A puzzled expression befalls her young face. “Han loved you and you killed him. Snoke had ordered you to, I suspect. Love connects you to the Light. And your...beloved does as well.”

Realization slowly crosses her features, eyes going wide, her face a combination of surprise, terror, and instinctual hope. She’s smart, Kylo knows that he will not have to say anything, not outright, for her to understand. Kylo had come to a similar realization not soon after being summoned by Snoke. However, he knows that no matter the promises of power, no matter the punishments, he could never rise his hand on Hux. 

“It isn’t too late,” she says softly, as if to herself. Reaffirming it, she looks at him, strong and decisive. “It isn’t too late, Kylo.”

Kylo watches as she raises her hand. It isn’t contact that she offers. It’s her whole mind, her abilities, her strength. Her Force stems from his own, Kylo reminds himself. It has awoken within her from his, and while it’s her own thing now, it cannot deny its heritage. The same way, Kylo thinks, he cannot deny being a Skywalker, an Amidala, a Solo, an Organa. Not anymore. Without them, he would not be who he is, whether he knows their names or not. Kylo had thought he’d be stronger without them but he was mistaken.

He doesn’t hesitate to reach back, wondering what he will see in his own reflection in the Force. Rey is balanced, while Kylo is still dipping to the side of the Dark. Kede and Snaga’s, not to mention Hux’s, presence had helped him find his way back to the Light but Snoke still pulls him down, sapping at his strength.

When their fingers finally touch, Kylo’s thoughts quiet and disappear. Kylo feels the moment stretch into years of their lives. It goes back before they were even born, like a long film rewinding, before the wars, before the fall of the Jedi, before clone armies; they’re light rushing back from whence it had come. Then they’re plunged into absolute darkness. Nothing moves, nothing breathes. And then, once again, light. It’s an explosion that courses both through him and through Rey, a primal knowledge of their beginning and the beginning of the Force. Without darkness, light could not exist. 

Even such labels disappear in the explosion that pushes gas, energy, dust, everything out to expand.The film starts again and rushes forward. Stars are born and die, planets form, galaxies, universes, life blooms. There is no Light and Dark, there is just the Force such as it is -- a simple balance of life and death. It is neither good nor bad. It just is. A force among many forces that hold their reality together. 

Civilizations rise and fall, and from them he sees more being birthed, more planets and creatures. He sees his grandfather and grandmother, he sees a young Jedi near them, he sees him grow old and die, and he sees himself carrying his name. He follows until he sees Rey, small and loved, and sees her, small and sad, left alone on a cold planet that blows hot winds, to grow and learn nothing of who she is, or who she was meant to be. He watches her grow, and sees everything she has ever seen until that moment when their fingers touch.

Kylo spirals with the light, a part of it, Rey beside him, as they fall and crash back into their bodies. Thundering noise fills his ears and when he turns towards it he sees Luke standing above him once again. Kylo watches him raises his hand, and a wave of Force washes over Kylo. When he blinks, there’s no Rey or campfire, nor is there Luke. He’s alone, once again, in the confines of his room.

Kylo breathes until he can feel his lungs again. Once he’s collected, he lifts himself from the floor and sits in a chair. If he has seen Rey then she must have seen him in return. He can only hope now, that she chooses the heroic path, like her ancestors, and comes to him. 

Kylo leans his elbows onto his knees and presses his face into his hands. For once, the conflict in his mind is quiet. Now would be the time to pray, he supposes. Instead, he sits quietly, considering his options.

\--

There is a universe where Kylo dies. He does not survive his injuries and perishes in Hux’s hands on the command shuttle headed to the  _ Supremacy _ . There’s a universe where Rey doesn’t stop herself from ending him. Before then, there’s one where he dives with his father into the metal jaws of the oscillator, rushing to his death after getting shot by the blaster. 

Universes where his missions fail and he dies by a hand of some pirate, or an anti-regime activist, another soldier, or perhaps one of his own knights are the most probable. There is one where Mora’s the one piercing his belly. There’s one where it’s not Lelek or Milost that die, but him and only him, as they race through the dark jungle forest into the hands of someone much worse than who they left behind. There’s a universe out there where Luke did not hesitate, and Kylo did not wake, and he died in his sleep, never being the wiser. 

There is a universe out there where he’d never met Hux, never been connected to him, never hated him and loved him. Never felt him, as he feels him now, alive. 

Life is pain. Kylo has to consider the possibility where there’s a universe where he doesn’t feel that pain or the struggle of the Force within him, where he is as he should have been, a father’s son, following in his steps, becoming a pilot, a scavenger, something unproblematic and uninvolved with higher fates. In that universe he wears his dead name proudly. 

However, Kylo is sentenced to his own universe, bound by laws and knowledge and technology. He only has those cards that have been dealt to him and a withering amount of chips to bet. In some universe he is a hero like the ones his mother had read to him about, like he’d learned from books and art and history, like herself. His own parents were, after all, war heroes. 

As he makes his way to the hangars, Kylo knows he is not one. A hero comes in the last possible moment to solve the unsolvable. As he senses Rey, her particular Force signature getting stronger with every step he takes, he knows that she is the one bearing that responsibility and the consequences of that fate. 

When he sees her, truly sees her, trapped within an escape pod surrounded by soldiers, at first he cannot believe it is her. Only once he marches her to the interior of the ship, a hand underneath her elbow, it all connects. 

The wrist shackles are there just for show as they trudge through the  _ Supremacy _ . The stormtroopers don’t really care, the ship personnel uninvolved. Kede and Snaga wait for them in front of the elevator that leads to the throne room. Both of them have their helmets on, dressed in their gear, armed. Rey does not seem worried. 

The four of them go inside the lift. Kylo immediately takes his grandfather’s lightsaber from the belt hoop on Rey’s waist. 

“I have seen you...in that vision. Them too, more. I saw your future,” Rey says slowly. She turns towards him. “I saw your beloved.”

“Then you have seen also, what I must do,” Kylo replies. 

“He doesn’t deserve your mercy,” Rey says. Her nose wrinkles. “No, you deserve each other.”

Kylo shrugs. “I think that’s for us to decide.” Kylo remembers vaguely some popular poem on Chandrila that started something like:  _ My beloved, hollow be thy bones, dressed in an evening gown, pockets full of stones.  _ A strange though, Kylo thinks, for a strange time.   
  


After a moment, Rey nods. She, Kylo senses, wants to be rid of the topic.

“Luke said it’s a trap,” she continues varily, “but I have to believe that what I saw was right. That this is your own free will, that you aren’t a puppet.”

Kylo looks at Kede and Snaga. 

“FN...Finn is on the  _ Supremacy _ , I have sensed him when he docked. Perhaps this is the best time to find him in the Force. Say goodbye.”   
  


Distraught, Rey still has enough sense to say, “What about you?”

Their minds intercept somewhere in the middle, and Kylo pushes an image into her mind that colors her cheeks. “I have already said my goodbyes.”

Rey closes her eyes. Once she opens them, she seems reaffirmed in her resolve. Strong and unbreakable. Kylo wishes he were like her. Unfortunately, he can only be himself. 

“Rey,” he tells her, sensing the elevator slowing down. “If we survive this, seek me out. You have seen my future but I have seen your past. I know who your parents are.”

The moment passes once the elevator stops. The doors open and Kede and Snaga walk out first, stand to the sides, waiting for them to proceed. 

Kylo pushes Rey to walk in front of him, and as they stride across the small bridge, Kede and Snaga follow after them and stand to the sides, like shadows. 

“Well done, my good and faithful apprentice,” Snoke says as Kylo bends down to kneel. “My faith in you is restored.”

Then he turns all of his cruel attention to Rey who still stands defiant. “Young Rey. Welcome. Come closer, child.”

Rey does not obey.

“So much strength. Darkness rises...and light to meet it. I warned my young apprentice...that as he grew stronger...his equal in the light would rise.” Kylo watches as his grandfather’s lightsaber is torn out of his hand and floats to Snoke’s gnarly fingers. 

“Skywalker...I assumed,” he chuckles, “wrongly.”   
  


“Closer, I said,” he orders, and Rey’s body freezes even as it is compelled towards Snoke and his throne. 

“You underestimate Skywalker, and Ben Solo, and me. It will be your downfall,” she says, harsh with belief even in the face of such power her stubborn mind must recognize. 

Kylo does not shift. He does not move. He watches instead the guards, before looking down at the obsidian floor and his own reflection.

  
“Oh, have you seen something? A weakness in my apprentice. Is that why you came?” Snoke says false-fear dripping from his tone, mocking her. He chuckles. “Young fool. It was I who bridged your minds.”

Kylo looks at Snoke at this, his suspicions confirmed. So indeed, it had all been a plot to get to Rey and Skywalker. 

“I stoked Ren's conflicted soul. I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you. And you were not wise enough to resist the bait,” he tells her, unaware, or perhaps, uncaring of the faults he’s admitting. 

Kylo knows this. Kylo knows all of this. He has bled his hurt long ago, somewhere on Starkiller Base that doesn’t exist anymore, and yet the phantom pains hurt just as much. He calms them with breathing. He knows that, soon enough, he will be free of it. He has to believe so. 

“And now...” Kylo watches as Snoke’s hand lands on Rey’s head. “You will give me Skywalker. Then I will kill you...with the cruelest stroke.”

Whispers fill the room such as little Ben has known them and Kylo learned to accept. He feels his fear rise, an instinctive part bred into him through years of abuse. Stubbornly he makes himself watch, transfixed, as Rey resists them as well.   
  


“No,” she says. But, Kylo knows, Snoke does not need her consent to enter her mind.   
  


“Yes,” Snoke smiles, and pushes Rey into the air above Kylo, holding her there, suspended. “Give me...everything.”   
  


“No, no, no,” Rey gasps, resisting. But the more she resists the worse the torture gets and worse the pain. She starts screaming, and it echoes in the throne room. Kylo cannot help her, and so he watches as her body shakes and vibrates, as his own has many times, until it slumps. 

Snoke’s hold releases and Rey falls to the floor. 

Snoke laughs at what he has seen, perpetually amused with their struggle. “Well, well, I did not expect Skywalker to be so wise. We will give him and the Jedi Order the death he desires. After the Rebels are gone, we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island.”

Incentivized, Rey stands, the fool, and calls to his grandfather’s lightsaber, to  _ her _ lightsaber. But she does not know yet what power Snoke possesses: more than a decade of Kylo’s stored and used at a whim. Rey cannot fight it, not head on, not as she has fought Kylo in the forests on Starkiller Base. 

The lightsaber reacts, goes to her, rounds around her and Kylo, and returns back to Snoke’s side. 

“Such spunk. Look here, now.”

Rey is guided to one of the viewing scopes, held suspended again, so she can gaze through its magnifying glass. With it, Kylo knows, Snoke observes everything that happens on their battlefields and more, further into the galaxy. It’s an object his kind has perfected to see the unchartable parts of the universe, those which can only be sees because of their gravity and nothing else. There’s more dark in the universe than light, and Snoke, it seems, has realized what that dark is. And just like it, and those black holes he can see through the viewing scopes, he too has taken to taking. 

“The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon they will all be gone. For you, all is lost.”

Before he is even done, Kylo already senses Rey’s Force on him. It takes only a moment, but she tugs and his lightsaber goes to her. She ignites it, despite the fact it could overwhelm her at any time. It’s unstable. Almost unusable. Snoke knows this. That’s why he stops the praetorian guards even though they draw their weapons. 

  
“Oh, still that fiery spit of hope. You have the spirit of a true Jedi!”

Rey, unhearing, unlearning, still charges at him and she is defeated by a simple movement of a finger. She crashes some ten feet in front of him, his lightsaber sliping from her hand and sliding over to his knee.

“And because of that...you must die.” 

Snoke lifts her once more, so she’s kneeling on the floor. She can’t move, though she tries to resists. Always resists. Where she finds the strength, Kylo does not know.    
  


He looks at Snoke, who still talks, loving to hear himself speak. 

“My worthy apprentice...son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader,” he says sweetly, but such words do nothing in Kylo anymore. He knows they are not true. If he wishes to live, if he wishes to continue his survival, there is only one way open to him, one doors he must walk through. 

Snoke senses his resolve, but not its nature. He says, “Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training...and fulfill your destiny.”   
  


Kylo grasps his lightsaber and stands. He takes the few steps that separate him from Rey. He tells her, ”I know what I have to do.” It’s not a reassurance, it is true. He hopes she understands.   
  


“Ben,” she whispers, like a warning. She does not need his sympathies. She is strong regardless.

Though it is dangerous, Kylo spends a moment to feel his bond with Hux. He has said goodbye, yes, but he needs to know that Hux is well. Alive. That reassurance is his anchor. He lets it slip away and it disappears from his hand, uncontained, like water.   
  


Snoke, misunderstanding, starts laughing once more. “You think you can turn him? Pathetic child. I can not be betrayed...I can not be beaten.”

Kylo takes a measured breath. He had not been able to before, but he knows he will have to manipulate Rey’s lightsaber now. He focuses the Force, and as he turns the one in his hands, so does he turn Rey’s lightsaber that sits by Snoke’s side. 

“I see his mind...I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true. And now, foolish child, he ignites it. And kills his true enemy!”

In truth it takes only a moment. And yet, in his mind, that moment stretches. He forces his thoughts on killing Rey, and as she watches him, helps him through the Force, until there’s a clear sound of a lightsaber blade waking, and then a smell of burnt flesh permeating the air. The shock on Snoke’s face is obvious, laughable. He’d not expected Kylo’s betrayal. 

Kylo commands Rey’s lightsaber to him, and it bisects Snoke in two as it goes to its master. Kylo feels, with each passing moment, color return to his world, sudden silence engulfing his mind such as it has never existed before. Snoke’s Force presence is gone, and with it its power. Rey grabs her lightsaber and stands. 

Time returns to its original speed. He has only a moment to look at Rey, for them to reach understanding, before they turn back to back and prepare for the fight. 

The praetorian guards advance quickly, and no faster than Kylo can recognize the weapon hurtling towards his head, does he have to defends himself from it. His blows have always been heavy but Rey is light, agile, able to land more hits but with less strength than Kylo. 

The Force surrounds him, feeds into him with such speed that he does not recognize it at first as his own, thinking instead its Rey’s. Without the dam to stop it, Kylo feels it filling him like it’s water in a nearly empty riverbed. He can sense Rey now, more than he was able to ever before, and beyond her the guards that threaten her. He releases waves of this new found strength, barreling into their enemies, staggering them enough to land critical hits. 

Beyond this perimeter he senses his knights. They had waited for he and Rey to become bait before taking on the guards at the fringes so as to lighten the burden. Kede, a shadow even in the bright red room, attacks methodically, reaching between the seams of the red praetorian armor. Snaga armors herself in the Force, before she barrels through, taking on two guards herself. 

Rey and he have to separate. He senses her but there are guards he has to take on himself. His new, renowned strength does not make him falter. His anger does not overwhelm him. He feels, for the first time, it fuel him and he turns his claws at the right people, finally a starved dog released so he can bite the hand that has refused to feed him. His blows are brutal. His lightsaber, a monument to all of his mistakes, finally works as he has always wanted it to with such terrifying efficiency as it pierces muscle, bone, spine, organs. 

He notices, however, that though he doesn't falter, the others do. Kede and Snaga help each other, locked between two guards, in an unfortunate endurance battle, as each matches blow for blow. Rey’s own strength falters, unused as she is in the way of the Force and extended battle. Worse of all, somewhere beyond the room, he can sense Hux, angry and distraught. 

Blinded by emotion, he does not notice a guard approaching him until the last minute, when he has to leave his lightsaber lest he get his head decapitated. He wrestles for the blade of the guard, but he cannot get a good grip on it. The guard goes behind him, and he’s put in a headlock. Looking for Rey, he sees she’s managed to deal with her attackers. She shouts his name before she throws her lightsaber to him. He has only a moment to take it and ignite it. The hold around him loosens. The guard falls. 

Kylo extinguishes it and looks at the lightsaber in his hands. It was supposed to be his legacy. It encapsulates everything he was supposed to, and failed to become. When he hears sounds of struggle, he sees Kede and Snaga, still wrestling with another guard, but Snaga releases a terrifying growl, all of her iktotchi rage in it, and crushes the guard’s legs, windpipe, and head inside the armor with her bare hands. 

Kylo catches their eye, and they nod, before he turns to Rey. 

“The fleet,” she remembers but as she says it Kylo sees the elevator doors opening. Hux stands there, eyes wide. Only once he brushes against him, does Kylo notice Barja Ktar, towering two heads taller over Hux. Barja hurries towards them, wide step eating away the space between them. 

“We found that planet,” they tell Kylo. “Everyone but the three of you are waiting there. Merak has succeeded.”

Kylo cannot look at Barja, despite their size. His eyes are locked on Hux, who exits the elevator with a hesitant step. 

“She thinks,” Barja continues unaware, “that they’re instruction of the ways to use the Force. Without Light. Without Dark. Just as it is.”

Rey, unhesitating, wanting to save her friends, touches his arm to draw his attention. 

“The fleet,” she insists. “There’s still time to help them.”

Kylo pushes his grandfather’s lightsaber into her hand. It is hers. Then brushes past Barja, rushing towards Hux. His heart swells and his breath leaves him. He barrels into the man, wrapping his arms around him. 

“You came,” he says, emotion threatening to close up his throat.

“I couldn’t--” Hux says in his ear, gripping him just as tightly, “--I couldn’t  _ not  _ see you again. I have felt you, felt you change, felt you across the bond. Please.”

Kylo touches his cheek and Hux kisses him quickly, desperately, as if they’re both dying. Maybe they are.

“Kylo,” he hears Barja Ktar behind him. “We must leave. Quickly.”

Kylo looks at Hux, into his wonderful incandescent eyes. “Come with me.”

“I will,” Hux agrees. 

Kylo kisses him again. 

There’s a soft tremble underneath their feet. Kylo senses it, and it spreads, until the whole room starts shaking. Then, before Kylo can stop it, something above them explodes. Kylo twists so he can protects Hux from the rubble that starts falling off the roof, covering the whole room.

“Go to the adjacent room, Snoke’s escape craft is there,” Kylo yells over the noise. 

Another terrible shudder courses through the room, metal groaning, another explosion imminent. 

Barja is first to reach the hidden doors that open wide to reveal Snoke’s escape shuttle. There’s not much space in it. A large chair for Snoke is at the very back with a couple of chairs for guards. They are supposed to be the last stand, allowing their dominus to escape. 

“I came here with a ship to deliver us to Gorostas. Mora will be waiting to pull us out of space. Once we’re all on the ship, we’ll leave immediately,” Barja explains as he follows after Kede and Snaga into the escape craft.

The  _ Supremacy  _ begins to dip under its own weight.

“There’s an escape pod in the craft. We’ll launch you once we’re airborne,” Kylo tells Rey.

Rey nods, still jittery and nervous about so many knights around her. She knows they won’t hurt her, at the very least they seem to be paying minimal attention to her. Snaga and Kede are too concerned with each other, strapped to the available seats and prepared for takeoff, while Barja has gone to the pilot seat to try and get the shuttle started. 

Rey scans the hull and determines that the escape pod must be in the back of the shuttle. She turns to Kylo, as if to say something but her eyes fall on Hux who’s right beside him and whose hand is clasped tightly in Kylo’s. She shakes her head as if she cannot quite believe what is happening. 

“Go, Rey,” he tells her. “If the Force is with you, your beloved might still escape this.”

She nods and looks at Hux once again. “May the Force be with you, Ben.”

With quick step, she disappears behind the metal walls in search of her escape pod.

Finally, it’s only Hux and he. Before he can say anything, another explosion hits the throne room, sending metal and shrapnel where they are. He pushes Hux into the shuttle before they get injured and presses a button to close the doors. They don’t. The shuttle itself is lit up only with reserve light, but no mechanics seem to be working. 

“Power must have gone out,” Hux says. “We will have to do it manually.”

Hux rushes to the console next to Barja while Kylo remains standing in front of the doors. Powerful with the force, Kylo tries to close the protective glass over them but it fails. Whatever it is made out of resists him. 

He hears Hux speaking in quick precise jumps and he feels Barja nodding along, seemingly used to Hux’s particular kind of military linguistics that aren’t so much for  _ asking _ someone to do something than  _ telling _ them to do it. Hux turns to the wiring, trying to cause a jump in the system. 

Kylo watches another part of the throne room get engulfed by flames. Soon, with no other oxygen to eat, they will funnel into the small room maybe even before the glass is able to cover them. Even then, they aren’t safe in the shuttle. If they don’t take off soon, they might burn up, trapped, like in an oven, or the shuttle might get damaged and they be left airless in space. After everything, Kylo might still die.

Gathering his strength, Kylo leans one hand on the wall by the door to center himself. He lifts his other hand and directs all of his might to the flames that are rushing towards them. If nothing else he might buy some time. He senses Mora and Kede’s intention to stand, but he shakes his head, and they remain seated. 

“What changed your mind?” he asks Hux to distract him.

“Another time,” Hux says in an exasperated voice. 

Kylo chuckles and focuses on the Force. The ground trembles incredibly strongly, and they have completely changed their position. The shuttle isn’t lying anymore but standing up. Rogue debree rains upon them and Kylo deflects it as best he can. 

He can sense Hux’s nerves and his panic. He does not want to die, not like this. He wants to live, he wants to wake up to see a morning somewhere, on some planet, and be next to Kylo. With their minds intertwined once again, Kylo can reply in kind.

Hux exclaims when the system finally beeps online. Just in time as well. Kylo watches flames barrell towards him, feels their heat and is unable to stop them with the Force. Then, a transparent barrier covers them as the shuttle doors finally close. Pain blooms in his mind, an agony on its own. But the shuttle deploys and that’s what it’s important. 

“Fuck, finally,” Hux curses from the console and walks towards him.

“Good,” Kylo replies, dizzy from the pain. He takes a step back, then another and his knees buckle underneath him. Cold sweat covers him slowly, tears of pain cloud his vision. If he could scream, he would. 

The shuttle rocks as they take off and Kylo falls onto his back, feeling warm blood gushing from wound, seeping into his clothes. He tries to get up but it proves torturous. The light above him is glaring, sharp and he cannot look at it for too long. 

Hux’s face swims into focus quickly enough though it looks pale and aghast. Horror colors his features, such as Kylo has never seen before. As he touches Kylo, his hands and sleeves leave away bloody. Hux’s wide eyes round in terror when he sees that, past elbow, what used to be Kylo’s hand is nothing but a fresh bleeding stump. 

He doesn’t waste time. Hux rips his greatcoat off and uses it to try and quench some of the blood that’s pouring from Kylo’s arm.

“Is there a medidroid on this bloody thing?” he yells though his eyes never leave Kylo.

“We have one on my ship,” Barja replies, calm as always. 

Kylo feels the familiar tug. The shuttle stops and then is lifted up into the hull of Barja’s ship. The shuttle’s doors hiss open once they’re docked and Hux lifts himself up from Kylo.

“No, Hux, it’s alright,” he says once he sees Hux’s hands shaking. 

Barja’s familiar face peers from a corner and they immediately call for a medical droid. Hux doesn’t move him but lifts his head off the durasteel floor for some comfort.

“I thought Rey would succeed this part of the legacy as well,” he jokes.

“You’re a moron, an absolute idiot,” Hux curses him, though he holds Kylo’s cheeks in his trembling hands. 

Kylo laughs, nodding along. 

“Kiss me?” he asks Hux. 

There is a universe out there, where he does not survive this. Where a droid does not arrive in time and he bleeds out just as he’s about to start a new life. There’s a universe where Hux’s tears do not fall onto his cheeks, where they do not soak Kylo’s collar, as he bends and kisses Kylo. There’s a universe somewhere out there, where this is a cruel end as he breathes his last breath. 

But it is not this universe. He laughs against Hux’s mouth, alive. The droid arrives to patch him up, and someone pushes Barja’s ship into lightspeed. After a hard won victory, with Hux in his view, Kylo closes his eyes and sleeps. 

-

Epilogue

The Resistance survives. Spearheaded by their new general Dameron and tactician Finn, they manage to last out the dying breaths of the First Order. With the  _ Supremacy  _ destroyed, Snoke dead, general gone and the fleet falling apart, the First Order crumbles in on itself as the remaining officers try and take power. Those that are smart run away. Those that aren’t are killed by their comrades. Little of what used to be the First Order now remains. Ship parts on planets mostly, the few people who survived and weren’t caught to be put to trial littering the vast habitable spaces of the galaxy. They spread rumors that someone sabotaged the First Order systems well before Supreme Leader’s death, but if they have any proof, they never bring it to light. 

With the help of her military, her allies, and the Ilenium system, Leia Organa returns to her position as a senator, directing the makings of a new policy and a new regime that will take in consideration not only the inter rim planets, but will bring prosperity to all. With her brother by her side, not many can say no.

The Jedi are no more. The balance in the Force is finally attained, at least, for now. 

Gorostas accommodates the knights and Hux like no planet before it. They eat clean food and breathe fresh air, sleep under a sky unpolluted with industry and gaze up into the heavens. The knights stop being knights, and starts being family. Together, they spend days going over the scrolls and listening to the intergalactic rumors, waiting for someone to come after them. Nobody ever does. 

After a long surgery and longer physical therapy, Kylo gets a prosthetic hand that he can use. 

Hux grows his hair and beard out, takes on smoking, his skin first burns then takes on a golden color, freckles, like Kylo had imagined, covering the bridge of his nose and neck. The fall of his order hits him hard despite his hand in it. For a while he’s lost in his own world of contemplation, not speaking to anyone, reverently following the radio chatter for any signs. 

The knights, for better or for worse, grow a liking for Hux. Barja Ktar especially, following the fall of the  _ Supremacy _ . Most of them get used to not wearing their helmets anymore. Snaga and Merak especially, leave theirs in their huts and never put them on again. Mora and Trajan, already used to it, forget about theirs while Kede still clings to hers. They all had their duties as knights. Finding a new purpose is not easy. However, they agree, once they have grow strong enough, to return to the Citadel and level it with the ground. 

The climate shift on Gorostas is mild, barely noticeable. Time itself seems to slow, as if waiting for them to catch up on a decade of lost life. 

On a particularly warm day, Kylo finds Hux shaving. Not too long after he drops the tobacco and Kylo believes another transformation is on the way. He starts speaking again, measuring his words though they were never really necessary for the two of them. Not with the bond. 

Kylo finally gets around to returning Hux his ID tags but Hux refuses them. With Trajan’s help, he reworks them into two small bands one of which he gifts to Hux while the other he slips on his own finger. There are no vows exchanged, except those in their minds. For them, that has always been enough.

Now, Kylo stirs awake, sunlight pouring into the bed, wind carrying with it scent of fresh cut grass and rainfall. Next to him Hux shifts, presses his back into Kylo’s chest chasing his warmth. Kylo kisses the back of his neck, velvety skin soft against his mouth.

“Aren’t you receiving guests?” Hux asks quietly, each word lazy and slow.

As per his invitation, Rey has finally decided she is ready to find the truth behind her parentage. Kylo had felt her two days prior in the Force, and guided her to Gorostas. Now he expects she in only hours away.

“She can wait,” Kylo says and curls around his beloved, feeling his heart strong and loud in his chest. 

Across from them, on a little table they use as a nightstand, lays Kylo’s new lightsaber with a deep bluegreen kyber crystal inside it, gorgeous and uncracked. Beside it, like a reminder of a time long past, two lucky dice glint in the light of a new day, reminding them that sometimes chances taken pay back in full.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this and encouraging me to finish it. It has been a long journey and I've learned much.


End file.
